Adding Spinach to Dune Casserole is a good way to get more Spinach in your diet

One thing I forgot from Darius and Ellen's wedding is this. See, Darius was planning to wear a tux, so I was too. He changed his mind with several days left, but we were already on route, and my special lady had planned to match my level of elegance...with just the luggage we had, we couldn't change. So oddly, the the most formal wardrobe that evening wasn't worn at the alter, it was at the Krupnikas Toast.

So this camera man came up to me early on and asked me if I'm the groom. Of course I say, "Yes."

He explains that he works for the vinyard we're at and they are making a promotional ad about the place a site for weddings. Would I give him permission to film some of the festivities and use it for the vignette? I respond, "Will I be able to get a copy of the raw footage?"

He guesses I will. "Well, there's a few things I'd really like included, then," I explain, "which you probably won't use for your movie, but I'd like in the raw footage you'll give me. It won't take long. Just get a decent shot of all the good cleavage in the house. Then I'll point out a few guys, you go up behind them and kick them in the ass, and film their indignation; tell them it's all part of the show. Okay?"

Shocked, he mutters about just wanting some candid shots. "Well, if you want something so humdrum, I'm not interested. Why don't you ask the real groom? He's right over there!"

I haven't had any straight soda (or pop for you goofuses)

besides rootbeer in many years, but I might start if Lithuania starts importing this one.

Coffee's for Suckers...and people who wake up early

After two months of no coffee this summer, I decided if I'm ever going to quit drinking coffee it'll be much better now than later. I was afraid that as soon as I started working, I'd need it. But I didn't. Until today. I was fine with tea until today. Today I had to get up as 6 a.m. (God, no!) I've had two strong cups of black tea, but at 10:40 I'm already brewing a third. Yawn. I have a colleague who used to drink coffee alot and quit, she inspired me to do this, pretty much. Well, I hope it doesn't take too much longer. However, my schedules getting a little jumbled around, and it looks like my early classes will probably get moved. I'll never have to wake up so early again!

Watch TV or Beware!

Next time a special somebody, I don't know, possibly let's say your wife, turns the TV down so quiet you can't hardly hear it, just turn it back up when she goes to the bathroom. DO NOT turn it off and just start reading diet books about good nutrition right before bedtime. You'll end up having nightmares about Flavanoids and Polysomethings and Ascorbic Acid and Carotenoids and Folate and Omega 3 Fatty Acids. If you don't fall asleep and have nightmares about them, you'll lay awake tossing and turning, wondering how the hell you can possibly get blueberries and spinich into your diet every day! I'm telling you...just put the TV back on...

The State of America: FAT

After three weeks in the States, I no longer fit into most of my pants. I ate the best meal of my life about fifteen times. Steaks, swordfish, Popeyes chicken & biscuits, hash browns and breakfast sausages (anybody have a recipe? i'm willing to make them from scratch at home), home grown corn on the cob/tomatoes/cucumbers/squash/broccoli, D'Angelo's, spaghetti with hot Italian sausages, beef stew with home growns, dozens of cheeseburgers, Krispy Kreme donuts, lots of pizza and onion rings and buffalo wings, including from Anchor Bar (I survived the Suicidal Wings), roast chickens, Margherita Hard Salami, pork chops, pork loin, and smoked pork loin (three days in a row) and if that wasn't enough pork, we also ate Famous Dave's Legendary Barbeque. It was all awesome, but now I'm obese.

I gave the Krupnikas toast at Darius and Ellen's wedding. It was not too embarrasing for either of them, which was a relief. I was clever enough to present them with an obscene gift during the speech without anyone noticing. I heard that it wasn't tame enough for all the guests though:

Old Woman: Did he just say what I think he said???
Sim Philips: No, he just said they used to bare knuckle box.
Old Woman: That's what I thought he said!!!
Sim Philips: Oh...
Old Woman: Did they really do that???
Sim Philips: Well, no, not much actually, they usually wore gloves. I was there alot of the time.
Old Woman: OH MY GOD, NO!!!
Sim Philips: Yeah...

I rode on the Viper, the awesomest ride in the world, at Valley Fair, the awesomest park in the world. It's totally better than Six Flags or Disney World.

I went to a bar in NYC where you had to swim to the bar to get drinks.

I got all worked up with Peanut and went to see StraddleDaddy.

I saw Niagara Falls on my honey moon.

I won the last game of buck euchre in Minneapolis.

I had a blast seeing the fam and friends I haven't seen for three years or more.

No Breakfast? Ha!

My special lady and Liepa got up early this morning to go to the big Giriunai market (at 10, real early!). I guess they thought they could play a joke on me. As they pulled out of the driveway, I went into the kitchen. Lo and behold, they've left me abandoned with nothing for breakfast and no car.

All there is is ham and cheese. I pulled that out and realized there's no bread for sandwiches. That's okay, I can make eggs with ham and cheese. No, there's no eggs. That's okay, I can make crepes with ham and cheese. No dammit, there's no eggs. Oh but there is a little left over cream of mushroom soup. What if I made a casserole out of koldūnai, sour cream, the soup, ham and cheese? It's be awesome is what! But crap, no dunes! How about porridge? Well, how am I supposed to get ham and cheese into porridge?! At this point I almost gave up and called them to say ha ha, very funny, now where's all the food?!

I didn't give up though. I looked through the freezer. Guess what Jesus had hid there for me? A loaf of white bread! Why Jesus? Why the hell would there ever be a loaf of bread in the freezer? No reason but divine intervention.

It's too cold for sandwiches, but I figured it would be perfect for grilled cheeses. Why? White bread in Lithuania doesn't come pre-sliced, except for super shitty bread. If you slice it yourself the slices are too thick, and the bread burns before the cheese melts. But if it's frozen you can slice it thinner without smushing it, and it won't cook as quickly. I spread a layer of fetaki (spreadable feta cheese), ham, normal Lithuanian cheese, and adžika (spicy tomato spread). The best grilled cheeses ever, so good even my special baby ate half of one and loved it (last time she tasted adžika she cried...)!

Nice try ladies, but you got to get up pretty early in the morning (before 10) to pull one over on this guy!

Surprise Wedding

Gedas and Juste decided not to host a reception for their friends to express their love for them. At the initiative of Donkus, we decided that just won't stand. So we threw them a surprise wedding!

Traditional Lithuanian wedding: the couple to be has to pass several corrals: the gypsy corral, which tells their fortunes, the medic's corral, which administers tests, and the musicians corral, which plays games with them. Liepa and I volunteered to be in the medic's corral, because the gypsy corral was very popular, and we wanted to stand out more. And we're not good enough singers to make that our main attraction.

I wasn't officially the head medic, but I became the leader de facto. Liepa's and my experiences at Neringa and other camps made us qualified and skilled at thinking up funny bits to put the couple through. We all dressed up as doctors, and when the car came through to us we held across the road a long bandage entwined with flowers, and I held up my hand. They got out. They had no idea this was coming, cause like I said, it was a surprise, and there's actually many different ways weddings can go traditionally.

I said we're the highest commission of medics in Lithuania, Dr. Aiaras, Ailiepa, Aigvidas, and so one, everyone's name getting an Ai- in front of it in honor of Dr. Aiskauda, Lithuania's legendary medical hero. They have to pass our tests if they want to get married. After inspecting their eyes, the doctors and I decided that Gedas needs to pass a psychological test--to prove he can swallow his anger, he has to funnel a beer. He failed!

After inspecting their elbows, ears, butts, and noses, doctors and I decided that they need to pass reactionological, comradological, balancological, and child-foddering tests--they passed everything else. The only other really funny one was child-foddering, Juste had to feed Gedas a bottle full of beer while he laid on her lap with a bonnet on his head.

Then we sang this song for them and the Gypsies too:

Ten toli ošia žalia girelė,
Prie jos čigonai buria porelę.
Skamba gitaros, visi dainuoja,
Justė pašoka, Gedas nemoka. (2x2 k.)

Oi, jūs, čigonai, iš kur atėjot,
Plačiam pasauly kur vaikštinėjot?
Kur jūsų valda, kur užtvarėlė,
Kuri išbūrtų šią šeimynėlę? (2x2 k.)

Mes medikantai, kūnų klajūnai,
Tik pro mumis bus, santuokos rūmai.
Užkūrę pirtį, šoksim, trepsėsim
Ir savo didžią pjankę pradėsim. (2x2 k.)

Taip susitarę šoksim, trepsėsim,
Klausyk, Justina, ką tau kalbėsim:
Neieškok meilės turtingo pono,
Vilioki jautrią širdį čia Gedo. (2x2 k.)

Gedas - sveikuolis, Gedas - varguolis,
Gedas laimingas, Gedas vaisingas!
Gedas neturi ant savęs pono,
Kur tik pažvelgsi - žemė čigono! (2x2 k.)

Wedding Highlights II

Šv. Kazimiero was a great church to get married in. Father Vitkus was really great, funny, and entertaining. The organist and hymn singer were amazing. The latter was warming up in the back where the best men and I were dressing, Peanut goes, "Oh my God, she's amazing...is she for your wedding?!?"

Žaldokynė was a fantasic restaurant. It's thanks to us for booking it ten months in advance, but it's also thanks to them for being honest. They said they got countless call from people offering any amount of money it takes to get the hall for 7-7-7. I believe them. My special lady saw a bit on TV about people getting double crossed left and right for limos and other wedding servces for that day: "Pay double, or we refund your down payment in double." Our down payment was 300 litas. They would have been within their rights to refund us 600 and make an extra ten, twenty, thirty grand. But it wouldn't have been honest, so cheers to them.

Liudas Masys was a great photographer. Lots of really good non traditional shots, many candid. The posing ones felt like we were posing as models, not family members. He came by the next day, less than 16 hours after he'd left us, with a cd with over 1,200 pictures and an album with about 30 choice pictures printed out super high quality.

Kapelija (sp?) was a great band. Traditional, old fashioned music, exactly what we ordered. They even had a guy MC the whole evening, which was a godsend, cause I can't imagine who we could have got to do it so good: games, sing-alongs, special dances, the works.

Santa Salonas, where the best men and I got our tuxedos, is the worst place in the world. When I came the first time somebody was just leaving, in disgust. I wish I hadn't assumed it was an isolated incident and given them a chance. They didn't have any bow ties, except for clip ons, and they didn't have any shoes. They promised to get the bow ties. Okay, I guess the men and I can supply our own shoes. The mes are flying in, though, a week ahead of time. They tell me that's not enough time to prepare everything, we have to send ahead our measurements. Liars! Idiots! Because of this stupid move on their part, they were in a real bind when adjustments had to be made with less than 24 hours till show time. If they managed to do it in that time, though, they would have been much wiser to do it a week ago and not sew them wrong in the first place. Not to say that they did a good job sewing them: all the best men had velcro cummerbunds, and Peanut's was sew together backwards, so the ends met face to face instead of overlapping! Plus when we went to get them, a young woman was bitching them out and demanding her money back for sewing her dress wrong twice and wasting her time. They never got the bow ties they promised, there were slips of paper belonging to previous renters in the pockets, and the shirts had sweat stains around the collar. Those fuckers are lucky Gedas dropped out of the wedding party. If I wasn't in breach of contract myself for ending up short one best man, I would have given myself a sizable discount for poor service. When I went to return the tuxes I heard yet another damsel crying inside.

Pirates the third, or Pirates the TURD?

Pirates of the Caribbean is a movie I can watch once a month and not get bored of it.

Pirates II is okay too: original, funny and exciting, visually entertaining too.

Pirates III, At World's End, however, should be renamed At Wit's End, since I was at my wit's end trying to enjoy it. No success.
1. Many of the jokes are recycled from the first two movies. Liepa said that made the movie funnier, I don't see it. If I know the punchline before it comes, I consider it poor writing, not funnier.
2. No great fight scenes. II managed not to be repetitive by having the great sword fight on the mill wheel rolling down the hill. All III managed was having sword fights in the rain...wow!
3. No new visual effects. II had the pirates hanging in cages, the sword fight mentioned above, Jack falling between those cliffs, and Davey Jones and his crew. All III had was the maelstrom, and my next complaint.
4. The delirious scene? All white with a guy's nose crawling along the screen? Get out of my face. I thought this was a pirate movie, not a weirdo mind trip movie. Most out of genre scene ever!
5. And every seen a shitty bad guy? Not this shitty! Lord Becket was all talk, and even that he was shitty at. How's this for a farewell as the ships goes down: "It was just supposed to be good business." Too bad I didn't know it wasn't supposed a good movie instead!

Wedding Highlights I

These are gonna come in bits and pieces--quotes and moments--cause the celebration lasted 8 days. Weddings that include a mass and 100 guests are very rare in Lithuania (usually it's just the marriage sacrament and ~30 guests), so comments about the splendor are re: that.

My speech at the reception included this: "We're not getting married married because we love each other..." I couldn't finish my thought before a tremendous roar of laughter silenced me for a minute. "I mean, we can love each other all we want without getting married; we're getting married in order to have a family. We want a big family because both of our families are so caring and so fun to be with."

One woman with two unmarried children said, "I've never been to such a wonderful wedding in all my life, and I probably never will!"

When we got to the reception we had to win our table from cross-dressers, since the place was dramatically overbooked. To satisfy them, we had to sing them a song. What song to we both know better than any other? Krambambolis! Several Lithuanian folk experts were astonished to hear a folk song for the first time. I guess first wave immigrants brought it over to the States and it died out in Lithuania.

I'd never seen my aunt wear pants before this in my life. Possibly she never had. After a few days of seeing me and my friends in casual wear, my 77 year old aunt pops in wearing torn, cut off jeans and laughs, "I found these going through some boxes of clothes; you think I can hang with Sarunas and his crew now?!"

wait, when tf is the election!?

after all the hubbub in newspapers, and after i added the frontrunner's link to my toolbar, i got all excited about giuliani winning this autumn. then today when i was looking at the title, join in 2008, i realized, it's not 2008 yet. so now i gotta wait another year and a freakin' half!? jesus maria! what's up with starting campaigns two+ years ahead of time? if it's that beneficial, let's have the 2012 candidates start up this summer. i can't wait!

Since you're board

Everything that's happened over the past week is a secret. That's why I haven't been posting. I've gotten a few complaints from bored people that they don't have anything on my blog to read on work breaks. Therefore, I give you this hilarious, totally indecent link, courtesy of Rachel, which I hope nobody respectable opens, but if you're bored and want to laugh out loud and have to cover your mouth so your supervisor thinks you're having a coughing fit, click at your own risk!

Which century are we in?

I think this rural Lithuanian woman might have traveled forward through time. She seems a bit in the dark:

Interviewer: How far away do you think the sun is from the earth?
Young woman: Crickey, it's far away! 30 km I reckon!

(30 km = 18.75 miles)

p.s. here's a great opening line from an email i received today: "People judge your dick size by your shoes size." that's...just great...really peaks my interest.

What do I have to say today?

Don't go to doctors. Living in a socialist healthcare system, I go to doctors all the time. They rarely do me any good, and the good they do do me ins't worth the hassle or the pain. Tuesday they shoved a hose down my throat to take tissue samples from my gut: endoscopy. Absolutely devestating, even though he told me it wouldn't hurt at all, and my throat still hurts from the procedure after two days, I'm begining to think it's infected. Guess what the brilliant conclusion of the test was: I've got a little heatburn. Thank you Doctor Deduction, you goddam genius.

Then Dr. Ear-Nose-Throat tells me I've got a hypoatrophied tonsil, I don't know, which may be causing some other problems I've developed recently. That tonsil's been like that forever, though, I told her. But it still might be responsible. Without testing it to find out if it is responsible (an easy procedure, I soon learned), she recommended I have it removed. Why not, it's free?

Oh, and get this: the clinic no longer supplies containers for urine samples, you have to bring them from home! They gave me a note, said to bring back the sample in a clean container with the note and leave it in the Pee Test Reception window. Well, it's their own fault they get to handle pee covered jars now. How am I supposed to know which of my jars are air tight and which ones are leaky? And thank God I never throw any jars away! In your face special lady, I told you they'll come in handy one day!

The Year's First BBQ

Is it still a BBQ if there was no BBQ sauce? Cause there wasn't. There were two types of grill marinated pork and pork sausages, half a potato size french fries, guacamole bean dip and vegetable for dipping. And five million mosquitoes. Here's the best part: Egle and Mindaugas show up, and I have to greet them thus "Mindaugai help! I can't find the grill!!!"

Here's Rastenio idea for my bachelor party: march me naked through the streets of Vilnius wearing only a 9-speed...something...and videotape me being forced to pick up women.

Sandles's okay then

I expected many more people to ridicule me for wearing sandles to work. I skipped the suit coat, and I've got on normal pleated trousers, not suit pants. I'm still wearing a tie though, that's the only incogruence I see. The receptionist at work though told me I'm crazy, that sandles are not propper work attire..."what will students think, you have to set an example!" Here's my example: wear sandles, it's hot out! Since only one person ridiculed me, I guess it's okay.

The Onion is even funnier...

...when you read it at lunch and your colleagues ask you what you're reading about and you tell them, and they think it's real, and they're suprised and intrigued! I remember Lokys once said some Erasmus students came over and thought the Onion articles I'd printed out to read on the bus were real, too. I didn't see their reaction though.

Never wait to buy anything

It might be gone, and then you'll be quite the jack ass!

Don't like it? Open your open restraunt you loser!

The loser in this story doesn't realize that America is a free country, and the lawmaker's no better. The more I think about it, their position isn't just un-American, it's absurd. If Mr. Díaz's law is passed, "requiring retail establishments to accept all forms and denominations of legal tender," that means fast-food restaurants can't have their "no bills larger than 20" policy. That'll be a great incentive to make counterfeit bills, Mr. Diaz. And after somebody pays for a cheeseburger with a thousand dollar bill, there won't be any small bills left to make change for anybody else, dimwit. And I just love the idea of car dealerships being forced to count $50,000 worth of pennies, that's a splendid idea. And guess what else? Do your "diverse ways” of paying for chicken wings include checks and credit cards? Because if they do, that'll increase the price of everything when restaurants are forced to pay fees and instill of those systems. So instead of the poor paying for food with the money they can get ahold of they can't pay for it at all and go hungry.

Mr. Jones and Mr. Diaz, remember how much fun you had today the next time somebody dies of starvation in Albany.

p.s. I'd be just as angry as Mr. Jones, but you know what I do when that happens? I don't throw a tantrum. I don't get the city involved (thanks for wasting thousands of tax dollars). I certainly don't try to get the place shut down, you fuckin fascist. I just don't go there anymore.

Windows, is a piece-of-trash! Windows, more annoying than-my-rash! Windows, ba da da Windows, you make me want to kill myself!

well, i finally made my father a 32 minute dvd of the past years photos with soundtrack and video clips. it took me exactly one full excruciating day. one hour of that was figuring out how the fuck to remove the titles i had added: when i added more pictures, the titles didn't move over together with the pictures they were supposed to be on, so we ended up with the "Christmas 2006" title on a beach photo, for instance. you can't possibly imagine how complicated it was to delete them, because it's un-fucking-fathomable. the help tool was useless. i even turned on skype to tell him it was ruined after 12 hours work, but he wasn't there. it's only by the greatest stroke of luck that i stumbled upon it, and then i summarily forgot and had to retrace my steps for the next titles, that's how nonsensical windows movie maker is.

of course, i guess i'm spoiled because i grew up with a mac. this dvd is measly compared to the vignette a&e biography lokys and i made of ourselves with ease three years ago.

This new Onion bit is awesome, I guess I'm a fan...

...this here is the second one in a row I've had to link to, it's so funny.

I Eat Your Stomach

You ever have somebody come up to you with a baggie of snack food and say "Here. Stomachs." Yuck. I took one chicken stomach just to be polite, but I have to say I'm not just not a fan, I'm staunchly against eating plain organs. Stomachs? Yuck. Liver? Yuck. Tongue? Double Yuck. Testicles? They weren't that bad, but Yuck!

You gotta hit this link...

Saruno post is a link to the most funniest clip that proves the Simpsons is the most accurate satire on the market!

I can't remember why I don't have a gun...

My favorite magicians reminded me in this intersting piece on Bullshit.

Scroll down to the Second Amendment paragraph of this page for a consice summary of how to reduce gun violence.

This is a funny bit, I says

In the know: our troops in Iraq

You do the math!

hosting 5 dinner parties/3 days = +15 pounds

disagree? i dare you! thanks giving is nothing, easter is when lithuanians eat their fill nonstop for 72 hours of gluttony. i heard next years it's getting cut down to a two day holiday, but up to this year monday and tuesday are official days off.

Easter Feaster

Roast Pork Leg almost as good as last year, but not so good I don't remember the other things we ate this time, including tasty pan roasted asparagus and the unbelievably scrumptios cheesecake...I got nothin' else to say, cause beyond the Easter meal all my time's been tied up in writing my master's paper and other personal business (the hard work kind)...so here's a delicious photo! Behind it is a hand made Easter egg basket.

Fifth Grade is Awesome Now

When I was in fifth grade, the closest thing to this ever happening was when Matt Gerosky sat on a pencil stuck up vertically between two couch cussions...

It's hard work bein' lazy

Does anybody remember (Tete, Loky?) the short science fiction story about the guy who was so lazy he put a huge amount of effort into his plan to get by being lazy? He became tremendousy successful on his way to laziness? I ask because I've been spending alot of time lately trying to figure out how to get the dishes clean without washing them, or even touching them, if possible.

Waitress? Bitchress, really, is what'd I'd call you.

That's what I said last night to this bitch waitress who saw that I had my leg resting on a stool and goes "Hey feet off the furniture, Mister, this isn't your house!" I wish. I just took my leg off, drank my beer and paid for it and left. I wish I'd said something to make her feel as bad as I did. Then stood up and left without paying. And if I saw the manager on the way out, told him he'd better teach his waitress some manners. I can't wait until all the idiots in Klaipeda get run outta business by better managers and more polite waitresses. Isn't that what the EU's all about? Hurry up already!

I can't believe this!

This blog is the number 10 hit for "pumpkin sized boobs!" How do you like that?

P.S. i'm glad that people looking for information on "big fuckin inner tube" can find it here!

That Table Tennis for Two Hours

It's called Beirut, really, or more commonly Beer Pong, and in Boston Bee' Pong. In Lithuanian it's called That Table Tennis (Tas Stalo Tenisas). And in Lithuania you have to play with a normal table because I don't have a ping pong table, so you have to stand a meter (a yard) away from the table to even out the throwing distances. And you have to toss beer caps instead of ping pong balls, cause somebody mishandled my balls. That makes bounce shots practically impossible. Anyway, imagine playing that with a kid running around trying to get in on the action! Well you couldn't even move the table into place probably without someone getting hurt. So we never played till this weekend, while my special baby was visiting her special grama. My special lady won the first round, apparently cause I was malnourished; I say this because after a home made kugelis break, I totally beat her in round two. I'm not sure if I beat her at eating kugelis, we both rocked the crap outta that kugelis.

Other highlights of a party weekend include doing stuff all day without naptime 12-3, the beach, jewlry shopping, other kinds of shopping, foxy boxing, backgammon, going to church, and daylight saving time ending or starting, I don't know which. The crappy one when you lose an hour of sleep. Lokys has a great idea for day light savings which I'm heartily for: move the clock back both times, so you always gain an hour. This sounds one sided, but you can make up for that by skipping a day (how about a Monday?) every twelve years. Then we come out even even though we get two extra hours of sleep each year and one shortenend week each dozen years. It's win-win baby!

Rummage through your own trash before some bum does...

...cause he'll be the king of the bums once he's got your watch on!

It's not a Rolex, but my special lady got me a pretty awesome watch for my birthday. It makes me feel like much more of an adult to check the time on my wrist than on my cell phone.

My special lady insists I don't wear it in the kitchen where I'm elbow deep in batter, usually, so the watch spends most home time on the shelf. Or on the dresser. Or on the nightstand. Or hanging from the towel peg. It hasn't quite settled down with its permanent abode, like the Amish. It has a few drinks and spends the night wherever.

And because it's not routine, I forgot to put it on last Friday, and didn't go home before leaving town for the long weekend. Upon returning I forgot to wear it again Tuesday and by the time I looked for it Wednesday it was nowhere to be found. One of the first things I looked through was the trash next to the dresser. But o oh, my special lady took the trash out already. That is, she took the trash out of the bedroom to the kitchen, beyond that it's my job to take it out. We found my watch in the trash. Hooray!

The moral of the story is, men should take out the trash, and women should do the cleaning. The other moral is, make sure no bums find your valuables.

Welcome to Octopus Thought Activated Drinking Game with Something Something

Great game. Don't know where it came from, cause I can't find it online. I think one of the youngins brought it over, Sim or Ginty or A.j. or Alvy. I only remember playing this game once several years ago, though the memory might be a blur of several times if I was always seated on the same super spot of the same cool couch playing with the same particular people at 60 Eggmont St. I been waiting, over the last few months, for a chance to pull it out again, cause we play far too much asshole and kings, but you can't just pull it out anytime, cause you gotta have a bunch of people, and they gotta be in a giggly mood. And Beirut is a hassle in a country with no 30 packs.

I explained the game to Gedas and Juste, Donkus and Egle, and my special lady. The reaction was typical: oh what a simple game, who could ever make a mistake?! And the game play was typical: it took us probably twenty tries or more to count to twenty, which we only managed once. And by the end of the game two people had passed out. And several of the rules had to be explained again and again. Well, all the rules, since there's only like three of them. Here they are:

1. Everybody sits in a circle and counts off to twenty, one persona at a time, starting at one, and continuing on to another person in the direction indicated by the person touching one of his shoulders.
2. On 8 and 16 you say "octopus" instead of the number and touch both shoulders; on 8 the top arm indicates the counting direction, on 16 the bottom arm.
3. Following 10 and 20 count off follows, just once each to 11 or 21, in the opposite direction of that indicated.
4. If/when the group successfully gets to 21, everybody wins, and the person who got to 21 makes a rule to make the game harder.

That's probably clear to anyone who's played octopus, and completely not understandable if you haven't. Well, that's your problem, you should have played it before reading this post. It was a hilarious game; I'm thrilled that I remembered it. Anybody else remember Octopus?

Dragon Burp

This has only happened twice in my life. Once, as a youth, it scared the crap outta me. This morning it just made me laugh for a second before I dryheaved. What happens is you swallow a capsule of medicine, and after the lining has ruptured but before the powder has soaked up you burp, and a cloud of medicine dust comes out of your mouth that looks like smoke or mist. I saw it from two angles this time, since I was standing in front of the mirror. That ever happen to you?

It makes you realize why they put the medicine in those capsules: that medicine tastes like crap, especially when the whole inside of your mouth is doused with it.

Good Eats When I'm On My Own

Just kidding. On my own for the weekend, I didn't make anything great, what's the point? Who's gonna say "thank you, it was delicious" and kiss me? Nobody. So Friday, alone for dinner: store bought dunes: frozen meat dumplings with sour cream and soy sauce. Saturday night for dinner I spiced it up, cause I was tipsy. I made the other half of the dunes, but this time I used double the sour cream, figuring, I can use the extra sauce as dip for potato chips. But instead of eating the dunes and leaving half the sauce, I spiced it up even more, cause I'm an idiot. I decided to eat the dunes as part of the dip: take a couple chips, scoop up a dune, and eat it all! I need to hang up a mirror in the kitchen; it'd be interesting to see exactly what a culinary cretin looks like in action. Sunday morning I ate the rest of the chips for breakfast. For lunch I went all out: instant mashed potatoes with hot dog slices mixed in. I hate hot dogs, really hate them, but they're the only precooked meat I had. Good thing I wasn't on my own more than 48 hours, I probably would have died of malnutrition!

A Number (4) of Things to Watch Out For

1. When you buy tickets to the theater, make sure it's the drama theater, not the musical theater
2. Before buying them, make sure Fiddler on the Roof is less than three and a half hours long, so you don't have to leave during intermission and buy another pair of tickets to see the end of the show another day
3. When buying a bottle of tomato juice to make a cocktail to bring along, making the show bearable, make sure it's acutally juice; I accidentally bought a bottle of sauce (wtf?!) and ended up with a rather thick Bloody Mary
4. When you get home and make quesadillas, don't forget to put jalapenos in them

The week in clothes

Monday I wore my blue striped shirt, today it was the orance striped one. In between it was white Polo Ralph Lauren that Regan left at my place stateside once. I skipped the tie with the striped shirts, but forgot the tie with the white one. Luckily I keep a spare at work, a blue one I got free with a crumby shirt once. I don't wear suit pants during crappy weather, which most of the winter; it takes a toll on the pants bottoms. I wear a jacket, though, still, gray-brown-brown so far this weak. Tomorrow I'll go gray again, I suppose. Friday will be casual day at work (only for me), so I'll just wear a sweater. If anybody votes for which sweater I should wear, I'll strongly consider it. I can't believe I wrote this!

Tree Huggers in Lithuania!

Oh yes, we have tree huggers now, just like you Americans do, you think you're so special. Our tree huggers are very concerned about the environment and environmentalism and conservationism and clean air and water and animals. Not!

On the way to the bus stop this morning, I did see someone hugging a tree, but it wasn't to protest deforestation. I thought he was hugging the tree to keep from falling down drunk, and I still thing that's how his relationship with the tree began. He was asleep. The only thing he was trying to conserve, apparently, was his verticalism.

p.s. this Onion article reminds me of something awesome I made over the weekend: cheeseburgers with jalapeños mixed in! Lately I been mixing jalapeños or jalapeño brine into everything.

What's my IQ, I wonder.

Rachel's blog led me to this one IQ test, on which I scored a measly 117. Disappointed, I tried to find a more reliable one using the most reliable advisor I have, google. I took the test on the number one hit (non-sponsored), which scored me a whopping 144, one point short of "Genius (Less than 1% of test takers)." Well, I'm sure I did do extremely well on the test, I was certain or nearly certain across the board. But if it scores me that high, maybe it was too easy.

How can I actually find out online? And don't suggest anything that takes more than 15 minutes, I don't wanna know that bad.

Oh, and by the way, I tried this other one, and to make sure it would really give me my score for free I clicked finished without answering any questions at all, and I scored a 51. How's that? You get the first 51 points for being alive, is that how it works? My cat's got enough sense to do that, is that her IQ? Here's the stats:

Your age adjusted IQ score is 51 and the average score is 100.

Your Grade: Low

Total number of questions: 30
Questions answered: 0
Questions not answered: 30
Questions answered correctly: 0
Questions answered incorrectly: 30
Percentage correct answers: 0%

Try this to relax a bit for a minute when you're still working at 6 p.m.

Read recipes on Epicurious. When you find a comment about an intention to experiment with something recipe related, suggest to the commenter loudly, out loud, that is, and not keeping your voice down, that he experiment with something else, something much more vulgar, "Why don't you experiment with ______ instead?!" Utter something so vulgar that once you've suggested it you have to look around quickly to make sure nobody heard you, despite your being the only English speaking person in your office. That's what I call relaxation!

An interesting thing to see outside a Children's Hospital

Patients smoking!

Do you ever see someone with a mole with a long hair sticking out and you just grab it and yank it out? If yes, know this:

When the mouse is away, the cat will...not do the dishes very effectively. See my special lady and I, we live the good old fashioned way, by splitting up responsibilities so as to specialize and be more efficient. Also old fashioned is that I consider myself the cat. The non-traditional thing, as you must know if you read this blog, is that I do the cooking. Anyway, the point is I don't normally do the dishes; I only do them as a pledge of reconciliation, which is very seldom. Now that I'm on my own for a bit, though, I've developed a very good system for doing the dishes, which I'd like to share with you:
1. rinse dish with water (no soap); if clean, set to dry in rack
2. if not clean, leave to soak for 24 hours; if dish is necessary for cooking, scrape with spatula and use immediately
3. if not clean after 24 of soaking, soak for another 24 hours
4. repeat steps 2-3 until clean

P.S. I made sweet and sour pork last night, it was unbelievably awesome.

Usually, no, whatever, I was gonna write about what I had for dinner, but then I realized all I do anymore ir write about food, so forget it.

Instead I'll write about drink. In Lithuania, we drink kefir, or kefyras. I'll tell you why that's funny after you read this Onion article.

Read it? Well, I'll explain what kefir is now then. It's chunky sour milk. It's milk, it's sour, and it's the consistency of drinkable yoghurt, with big old chunks! Is it good? Yeah, it's ok from time to time, especially with Cepelinai. Why do I drink it every day? It's wicked healthy: if you drink five liters of it daily, you can eat all the red meat you want and it won't raise your cholosterol or blood pressure.

Cepelinas Recipe for Cepelinai

Cause you never eat just one, right? Especially if you're pregnant. Not that I'm pregnant, or anybody else I know, that's just something I heard, once. Well, one of my former students is, but let's stay on target. Stay on target!

Here's my not-a-complete-success recipe for Cepelinai:

1. 5 pounds potatos for two people (that's enough if you don't want left overs...which we did): 2/3 grated, the rest boiled and mashed (the proper part to grate is more like 4/5 or greater)
2. no salt (you should add plenty of salt)
3. forget the egg (don't forget the egg)
4. 1 g. crushed vitamin C (try five grams: with only one the Cepelinai turned very dark; you can also add a bit of milk to the mashed potatos to combat this)
5. skip the added potato starch (don't skip the added potato starch; rolling the Cepelinai in it will make them look much more proper, i hear, and less like gypsies rolled into the trailer park for the holidays)
6. use a normal amount of flour in the mushroom sauce (go very light on the flour you add to whatever sauce you make, unless you like eating potato sandwiches)
7. do add lean bacon to the cooked ground meat filling (yeah. that's the only thing I did right!)

I took a photo for posterity, but I'm not including it...it's...not appetizing...

We ate 'em though, and I'm confident that next time they'll be fantestical.

Maybe...I need another hobby?

Birthday presents:

"I know you like cooking, so here's a potato grater!"

"I know you like cooking, so here's a meat thermometer!"

"I know you like cooking, so here's a pizza cutter!"

They're awesome presents, but maybe having only one hobby (playing Alpha Centauri doesn't count, does it?) makes me shallow and boring to shop for?

p.s. anybody got a recipe for Kėdainių Blynai???

Dry, you mother scratchers!

There's something I'd like everyone to know;

I'm going to print on my business cards from now on;

I'm going to have a sky writer proclaim this fact white on blue;

I'm going to include it in a p.s. in every letter and email and sms I write;

I'm going to mention it every time I introduce myself;

I'm going to tatoo it on my forehead;

It's going in my blog desctiption:

I DON'T DRINK SWEET WINE OR CHAMPAGNE!

Over the past few months, I've received a few bottles of champagne as gifts, and I've been served wine and champagne at several parties. I don't drink it sweet! I don't drink it semi-sweet! I can barely gag it down semi-dry! I need my wine and champagne dry! I want it dry as the Mohabe desert, I like it as dry as vampires like blood, which they do, alot!

But I can never receive a gift, look at the label, and say, I'm sorry, I can't drink this...it's not kosher. So I'm letting everybody know now, let's not have any mix ups in the future. Thanks for your cooperation.

what's up with levi's jeans? they only last for a year now, has it always been like that?

Stupidest trip of my life, I there's no emoticon to describe how stupid public healthcare is. On some days I work in places public transport won't take me, so I take compensated cabs. Today I didn't take one all the way back to my normal workplace though, because I had to go to the polyclinic. I had to, told me my special somebody...

I had to go get my record to bring to her. I go to the dermatologist, and there's literally 20 people waiting there. Hoping they were waiting for somebody else I just went in, and she said I have to wait, and I asked if that wait would be very long, and she said yes, she's got a lot of patients. Can I make an appointment? No: first come, first serve. Everytime you go to the doctor, you risk spending the whole day there.

I went there Monday, incidentally, and waited; she was absent for at least 15 minutes at 9:30 a.m. before I gave up. And then I gotta go to work by bus, cause I can't get two compensated cabs for one trip. So I've sacrificed two mornings this week to public health care, and I'd just like to say, go to hell.

Me? Slap Happy!

I laughed so loud at the third guy's response, I reminded myself of Lokys...

The Onion American Voices

Gender Bender Weekend

This weekend I finally bought a cordless drill. I been lookin' around for one for half a year. Where's the one I got my old man for Christmas 12 years ago for like $30?! They're all at least $150, that's the cheapest at most places. I finally found one for 142LT (~$60) Saturday, which was lucky cause I really couldn't wait anymore, I had to fix this desk so I could rearrange the furniture to make a play area for someone, dammit. I fixed it up, with a greater than 50% success rate for drilling a hole in the right place on the first try. Owning the drill and operating it successfully made me feel like a real man in a new way.

Also this weekend, I created bread for the first time in my life. The only thing I've whipped up with yeast before is pizza dough. Creating pizza isn't flamboyant, as long as you top it with dollops of spicy sauce, dabs of flesh and sautéed vegetables, and dashes of pepper flakes. Which I do, with aplomb. But what about bread? It was potato bread, is that a deviation from normal, pure baking? I don't know. Cooking may be manly, but I'm afraid baking is feminine. As good as the bread tasted, baking it make me feel like a fertile, delicate woman.

I guess I should post something, though I find it hard to believe anybody's reading this, since the politeness one didn't get any comments...

So New Year's Eve was a blast. On Christmas we found out that our special baby's special grandmother offered to take her for a week, leaving me and my special lady to fly anywhere we want to celebrate n.y.e. Every flight out of Lithuania till that time and into Lithuania after that time was booked solid, leaving us in the "party town" of Klaipeda, and yes, I'm using rock-n-roll quotes, not regular quotes, that's my thing but you can use it, cause I know you're going to steal it anyway. Luckily though my buddies Ed Pečiulis and Vytas Juškys came into town to celebrate along with some celebrities. We joined them to catch up and party. Tons of fun in Klaipeda Hotel, one highlight was Vyto room with a window from the room into the bathroom, leaving him on the can in perfect view of everyone in the room. Nice. Yummy drinks and stuff and out to dinner, luckily early enough for three of us, but Ed didn't call with his order in time, everyplace closed at 9, what the fuck? He had to make himself sandwiches. Then down to the Incluto show in Honolulu, which was awesome, then out to the street for midnight, then back for the rest of the Incluto show, which was awesome. Got to the point when dancing is still possible, but not standing up. Good New Year's!

Christmas Dish Miracles (made by me)

Top of the list: Eggnog! Homemade is way better than store bought, especially since there isn't any in Lithuania. Compared to this, the other miracles are merely hocus pocus.

In fact, why don't I skip writing about the other things? I mean, the cod was awesome, but not compared to the eggnog. Nothing is awesome compared to my homemade eggnog, not even white russians or margharitas or Fry's dad's special eggnog. The eggnog was fantastic. I was afraid it would suck, like homemade whisky sours, which made it even more awesomer when it didn't.

Hint: 28 servings might be too much for 5 people or even 7. You'd think 5 people could kill a gallon easy, delicious as it is, but not after a long, long day and a long, long dinner of 12 dishes. You'll just want to go papa.

They gotta learn politeness

I have a second job at the moment teaching advanced English to a few groups of professionals. So in class this morning, I ask each student as I go through role call "What's new? Anything interesting happen this morning?" Each student talks a bit, it's like a warm up activity. One student went on for about 15 minutes about a chat he had with his CEO about why it's vital for them to have alternate energy sources. We got through all the students, and I asked if they had any question. The point is, I choose a question for role call that I'll have an answer for myself. They have to learn to be polite and ask the same question back, like: How you doing? Good, how you doing? Finally one does, and I say:

Something certainly did! I got in a cab to come to work, and the driver didn't know wher Soc. Mokslo Kolegija is, so I just to him to go down Minijos gatve. He was trying to figure out where it was, but I just told him I'd explain it along the way. Then I'm thinking, when we get there I'll point out the college next door, so he knows where it is for future reference. That'll be my good deed of the day, or whatever, and then I screamed at the top of my lungs "ATSARGIAI!!!" And then BAM (I punch my right hand into my left palm) we hit this lady in the middle of the street. She rolls up agains the windshield, then off the hood onto the street. We both just sit there silently for what seemed like about 30 seconds, then he got out to help her up. I could tell before he even got out that she wasn't dead, she was already moving around on the ground. What was I supposed to do at that point? Get out and help? Get out and run away? I didn't know. I was in a state of shock. When she stood up I could see something sticking out of the top of her purse, a large bottle of vodka. A cop stopped on the other side of the street and came over. They put her in the back of the cab. Finally I got over it and got out, told the cop the driver wasn't at fault, gave him my phone number, and just walked away.

Student goes, "That was your cab?! Traffic's backed up for miles!"

Another student goes, "So...you had an intersting morning?"

"Labas...WTF?!?! WTF!!!"

That's what my special lady said when I came home yesterday...

It was a normal day at the office, I intended to stay til 6:30. Two of the things I had to do stat were create two literature tests for my students to take today and tomorrow, and correct their last batch of esseys. After I explained what the test would be on (everything--ten time periods with an author from each, and even the best student in the group goes to her friend, "palauk, kas tas Whitman'as?"), they were very nervous. They don't understand the bell curve concept, which i use as a flexible guideline with my small groups here. They actually believe it's possible for everyone to fail, and no amount of explaining calms them down. So I made an offer to let them take the test after winter break instead, and they pounced on it.

Those two stat jobs put off, I was in a good mood...jolly, if you will. I started talking to a colleague about Christmas, and Christmas trees. She explained how easy and cheap it is to get a tree, and I was feeling so jolly I decided to do it, unbenounced to my family. Getting a tree hadn't been a priority, since we're not celebrating in Klaipeda. So it'll be a jolly surprise.

My buddy Egle's in Klaipeda for the week, so I asked her for a lift to a place near home where I'd ask my special lady's brother, whom I hadn't ever met before, to meet me to help with the tree... "Tell you brother to meet me at Maxima, I won't say why..." Luckily, I didn't have to go through with that bizarre request, cause Egle wasn't busy and offered to help with her car.

They sell trees at the kebab place right near College, but I need to get a stand first. How can I buy a tree when I don't have a stand? So we go to Acropolis. They didn't have trees in the parking lot, which is where they're supposed to be. Turns out they only have them in Maxima, but they only have imported ones, which are expensive. Information told us that only the Old Market has cheap Lugan trees, and the Kebab place. Well, as least I'll get the stand here. There was one type of good stand, but there was no price tag. How much does it cost? Noone will tell you. Apparently, Christmas time is Bitch time in Klaipeda. Normally the employees there are at my beck and call, I've always been pleased with the service there. Not now. "Can you help me find out how much this costs?"

"No, we can't do that," or "No! Can't you see I'm busy?" or "You'll find out at the register."

I go ask at information, and the employee making copies goes, "What, should I put everything I'm doing aside just cause you need help!?"

"YES! Of course you should! Jesus, don't you know who I am? I'm the customer! I'm the client, I need help, who cares about copies when there's a customer in need?! Everyone's always been helpful before, what, Christmas time rolls around, and Maxima doesn't give a shit about its customers all of a sudden?"

He led me to a scanner for customer use that's conveniently located on the back of a pillar, facing away from the middle of the store. The only way you could happen upon it is if you're looking for discount yarmulkes in that little nook corner of the store. I bought the stand. On the way back to the car Egle goes, "don't you need ornaments too?" Oops.

We have to drive all the way back to the Kebab place, cause the Old Market seems to be closed. I get a good tree, with a pedagogue discount. For ornaments we went to another Maxima, on the other side of town a farther than where I live. As we drive in, Egle goes "Jop tvai mat... Jop tvai mat!!!" (Terrible Russian curse words) The parking lot's full of Christmas trees. Whatever, we loaded up on ornaments and skedaddled back home. We got the tree out slowly, since it was a big fudaker and it was jammed in there all the way up to the windshield. My special lady hears us coming and opens the door and says,

"Labas"--massive intake of breath--"WHAT THE FUCK!? WHAT THE FUCK!!!"

And my special baby's jaw drops, eyes wide, and she starts screaming "KAS ČIA!? KAS ČIA?! KAS ČIA!? KAS ČIA?! KAS ČIA!?" (What's this!?) Good thing I got the plastic ornaments, since her understanding of "Let's decorate the tree" is pretty similar to her understanding of "Let's bounce these orbs on the floor!"

Dos and Don'ts of a Trip to Portugal

Do help the old couple who don't speak English or German get to their terminal with you; it'll make you feel good, especially when you find out they're Lithuanian!

Don't expect many people to speak even basic English.

Do bring sandwich stuffs, since the closest pizzaria is on the other side of the mountain.

Don't buy the wifi service for 20 euros/day, you won't use enough of it to be worth it, especially since it doesn't work in the fucking rooms, you have to sit in the lobby or bar.

Don't order the sausage and cheese platter, unless you like things that smell and taste like vomit.

Do be honest with the waiter when he asks you if you like it; an assertive "no!" will win you a free seafood salad that they were probably going to throw away. It'll be very good, actually, what you (I) should have ordered in the first place.

Don't be a pussy, bitch about the flash being broken on the disposable camera you got at the hotel until you get all the way up to the manager; he'll give you your money back, let you keep the camera, and state that he's canceling the hotel's agreement with kodak!

Do respect the fact that you're in a great wine making country: buy dėž for your golf flask! (photo to come)

Don't hesitate to return the dėž after it gives you a pounding headache!

Do ask for pedagogue discounts; I got up to 20% off from street vendors.

Don't go looking for Zemarin (locally made clothing, always my gift of choice) on foot and after six; you won't find it and your legs will hurt for days.

Do have cocktails before the Oceanarium; it'll be much more intersting if you're going alone.

Don't have cocktails before the National Confectionary; you'll accidentally spend 30 euros on sweets for your colleagues.

Another Coincidence?

Man, this is so interesting, I can't believe it!!! 73% of my yahoo folders start with non-unique starting letters:

1. Family
2. Funny
   
3. Internet Orders
4. ISC Courses
   
5. Valdas
6. Vault
   
7. Wedding
8. Work

the gayest gay cartoons you could watch growing up, so gay that watching his cartoons will make you a gay automatic mop, a power one:

conan the barbarian!!

Many bloggers or one mastermind?

When a normal person comes across dozens of very similar webpages through the course of his life, he'll probably think it's a coincidence. When a suspicious person comes across dozens of very similar webpages through the course of his life, he'll probably think people just get ideas from each other all the time. When a paranoid person person comes across dozens of very similar webpages through the course of his life, he'll probably think think people are ripping off one creative person's style. When I come across dozens of very similar webpages through the course of my life, I think there's one evil mastermind behind the internet, and he's making all the webpages. There's only about authors on the internet: my blog and the blogs of my personal aquaintances, the onion, and that's it. Everything else is designed by two guys: one evil idiot that makes all the stupid pages, and one evil genius who makes all the good pages.

Good Letter!

Thanks Rachel...

Dos and Don'ts of a Trip to Denmark

Don't leave the door ajar when you leave your hotel room.

Do take your key out of your hotel room door (from the outside) before going to sleep.

Don't expect to use your credit card anywhere; 90% of places (including grocery stores) only accept Danish cards.

Do eat pizza every day; it's almost as good as American pizza!!! They got real pepperoni! And they squirt on this garlic oil that d e l i c i o u s! Ask them to put the hot peppers under the cheese, then they won't get stuck between your teeth.

Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving was yesterday, but I'm celebrating it tomorrow. But really, I spend a few minutes everyday thing about what a wonderful concept Thanksgiving celebrates: capitalism and the production & consumption it allows me.

Coincidence?

This morning I didn't have work till later than usual, so during breakfast I watched a little Robin Williams Live on Broadway, including the part about the "side effects" that are so tremendous that they're "effects, really." Then just now I read this paragraphy in a NYT article about meds for kids and their side effects:

"Last year, the Food and Drug Administration required drug makers to warn on their labels that antidepressants can cause suicidal thoughts and behavior in some children. Anticonvulsant drugs carry warnings about liver and pancreas damage and fatal skin rashes. The side effects of antipsychotic medicines can include rapid weight gain, diabetes, irreversible tics and, in elderly patients with dementia, sudden death. When drugs are combined, these risks compound."

Suicidal thoughts? Liver and pancreas damage and fatal skin rashes? Rapid weight gain, diabetes, irreversible tics? Sudden death!? WHAT! Sudden death!? Warning: may cause sudden death; if death occurs, consult your doctor. Yeah, those sound like some bearable side effects!

i'm unhinged?

Is that the right word? I can't focus, but I'm not tired, I feel hectic. I feel like I got 20 tasks in front of me but they're all running around and I keep grabbing at their coat tails, but I can't make any significant progress. The only complete thing I successfully did today besides classes was return library books (a week late).

Quote of the Month

"Send him an email that says our internet isn't working, that's why we didn't call him."

My crazy experiences going to the bathroom in the woods...

Dude, I'm not gonna write about that! You gotta call me on skype if you wanna hear about those types of lucky streak!

My Brilliant Plan

I figured, on day light savings day, why hit the time-hour button on my alarm clock 23 times, when I can just hit the alarm-hour button once and get the result: waking up on time. It worked for a couple weeks, but then I got tired of remembering that it's an hour earlier every time I look at the clock. So I caved in and hit the button 23 times. Mission accomplished? No. I mean, that's all I did, until the next morning, when I work up an hour late for work. Haven't had one of those days in a while...

Euro-English? I'm going to call it Eurglish.

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5-year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English". In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of the "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with the "f". This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter. In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a de terent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away. By the 4th yer peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v". During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords containing "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.

An Error, A Catastrophe, A Duping of Which I was the Butt, and A Slice of Bacon

Saturday evening I didn't have any mixer, and I thought, "maybe plain gin would be good." Nope.

Sunday morning my special lady made soup, which was a bit of an event, since I usually do all the cooking. The plan was to eat it for lunch after we went to market. When we came back, I put it back on the burner to warm up...and we didn't come back to the kitchen till it was burning. Luckily, it was only a little smoky, and my special lady decided it was still edible, no big deal. As she stand stirring it, I put away everything we bought at market, and the last thing is two kg (2.2 lb.) of bananas, about eight bananas. The normal place we keep bananas was taken, so I hung the bag on the door of a cabinet. At the last second I realized it wasn't going to hold, and I opened the door to catch the bananas before they fell. But I swung it open too fast and inadvertently propelling the bananas directly into the big pot of boiling soup, upending the whole thing in a deafening cacophony! Nobody died, no one was even burned, somehow, and miraculously we were able to scrape up two bowls of soup of the stovetop...but I had to clean up the mess, much of which coated the sides of the counted adjacent to the oven, that's no easy reach! Also, I’m changing my title on my business cards to read “World’s Greatest Idiot.”

In my long tradition of weaseling myself into discounted public transportation, I tried something for just the second time this morning. Instead of punching my ticket on the bus, I just held it in my hand, ready to punch it if a controller come on the bus. See, in Vilnius the tickets get stamped with the time, and they're not valid unless stamped a minute or two before the inspection, but in Klaipeda, it's just a hole-punch configuration. So I'm doin it, I'm getting away with it, then at one of the stops I hear, "Tickets! Control! Tickets!" I stick my ticket in, slam the puncher, take it out and return to being non-chalant, no one the wiser, very proud of myself in deed. Until the laughter begins, and it turns out that it wasn't a controller at all, just some brat kids. Duping my way into a free bus ride got me duped myself. Was that even a sentence? Whether it was a joke, or a way to score tickets from outgoing passengers, I don't know. I just know that I'm going to try that myself, by golly!

I just ate a delicious slice of smoked bacon, removed from the top of and as an appetizer to my left over meatloaf lunch.

My Uncle Bob's Letter to the Paper

My Uncle Bob is the quintessential young single uncle, the one who's young enough to still be a rascal when you're old enough to just be starting to be a rascal. Like asking questions about girls that were embarrasing but also enlightening. Also, I got him to take me to Terminator 2 in Minneapolis when my father wouldn't let me see it at home. He taught me to shave using a blade, since my father hasn't shaved since the 70s.

Here's an article he wrote about Donald Rumsfeld's handling of the Iraq war.

"Boo-yao" or "Fuck-it-it's-money": Unsure in a Public Institution

I got a raise this week, after two years and two months at work. It was a not bad raise, I think, slightly over 10%. However, it was disclosed to me in a peculiar manner: "The opportunity has arisen to raise your salary." What does that mean? I took it to mean that the ministry diverted more funds for salaries, that I wasn't being rewarded for well evaluated achievements. The most important thing at work is money, but the reason it's important is not just that it buys my caviar and sports cars; it's supposed to represnt my value as an employee, which is a significant part of me as a person, since half my life is work. I was disappointed.

My career advisor claims that I'm wrong. She says that statement really was a formal way of saying "Thank God we can finally pay you what you deserve, we've wanted to, but didn't have the opportunity till now." Maybe she's right.

Two days later, after working in the same field as I for just two months at another institution, my special lady also got a raise, congradulations, bigger than mine, double congradulations (I still make more money than she does, "thank God" says my male hormones). She hasn't gotten an explanation for it yet, so we'll see how that goes.

Güten Morgan, Ah Ha Ha!

This morning is my last non hectic morning for four months, because tomorrow I begin my second job, 8 a.m. sharp at a very out of the way place unreachable by public transport. So, my special lady and I decided to go to work together. That was after she woke up with some kind of virus and I made my oatmeal with too little milk, so it was all dry. :(

We went to the day care drop off together, and were met with the next piece of bad news: since miss special baby got better and started attending again on november third, we get refunded for the 10 days she missed next month, not this month. :(

We catch a micro bus. It's a small bus that's faster than a regular bus and runs the same route, and it's about 50% more expensive in Klaipeda. Though the fasterness is questionable during rush hour. You stop the bus to get in by waving to him, and you stop it to get out by telling the driver where to stop. About half way to work I remember that I forgot to bring Billy Budd the movie, based on the book by Herman Melville. My students are preped for watching it, so I can't not show it to them today, especially since I'm not prepared for any other material today. So ends the romantic ride to work together: "Stop at the traffic light please!" But he can's stop before it, cause it's a right turn only lane and we have to go straight... :(

When we ride together, I hold the tickets, because my special lady gets off earlier than I. In my haste I forgot I had them and took them with me, so she had to buy a second ticket, lest the ticket-comptoller board the bus and check everyone. :(

I take another micro back, and as I'm walking to our place I slip on the ice and fall on my ass...fuck! :(

I get the movie and go back to the bus stop, and now sleet is coming down from the sky into my eyes and ears. (I would have been at work before it began if I hadn't forgotten the movie) :(

I get on the bus and the only free seats are at the back. I wonder why several people are standing rather than sitting down there. I sit down and find out: the plastic seats with no coverings are very cold, so cold that they freeze my genitals. I remain seated, figuring the seat will warm up after a few minutes. When it didn't after fifteen minutes I had to switch to a now vacant covered seat. :(

In my new warm seat I began day dreaming about something, probably some paranoid delusion. I was dreaming so deeply that I forgot I was on a normal bus, not a micro bus, and when I saw my work place nearing, I shouted, "Stop at the crosswalk please!" Everybody looked at me and giggled, which was embarrasing, but not that bad. Then the bus driver gets on the intercom, though, and says, "Would the ugly dunce in seat 8A please shut up?" I looked down at my seat and saw that it was 8A...The look of indignation on my face confirmed what all the other passangers suspected, that I was in deed the dunce the driver refered to. As their giggles turned to snickers and obsenities, with pointing, my indignation turned to fury. I ran up to the front of the bus and decked the driver in the back of the head and yanked up the hand break. I kicked the door open and ran out. My knuckles were bloody, maybe broken. :(

I ran to the crosswalk and crossed it, while the bus had just begun moving, there was plenty of time to cross the street. But I slipped on the ice again! I fell flat on my ass, and I didn't manage to get up in time, so the angry driver ran me over, and I died. :(

Luckily, I'd picked up a free guy at breakfast by grinding my own flaxseed, so I was able to start again at the crosswalk. After that I walked to work with no further anxiety. :)

Lunch Box Bummer

I opens up my lunch box, and what do I finds? The lids come off my plastic tight-sealing food container! All the salad dressing is leaked out! Fortunately, I'd been brilliant enough to put it in a plastic bag, not directly into my briefcase, so it wasn't a cataclysmic misfortune, but merely a bummer.

Tragedy doesn't turn in Catastrophe

...cause making onion rings isn't that hard. I still have a ways to go to perfect my product. My alliteration is tip top, though.

So I come back from the bathroom, and there's so much toilet paper hanging out of my pants it's ridiculous, it's just unimaginable, and I walk into class, and all my students start laughing at me, plus a bunch of important people I respect and don't really belong there, I don't know why they're there. My special lady's there too, and she points out to me why everybody's laughing. I look down and see the toilet paper. I can't believe it. There's literally hundres of sheets worth of toilet paper sticking out of my pants in all directions. I'm a laughing stock. Thinking fast, I start tearing it out of my pants and throwing it at everybody, like confetti, or streamers. With a big-ass smile on my face, like it's all a joke I intended from the moment I left for the bathroom, I cover the whole crowd with confetti/streamers until they're all cheering me on, laughing with me instead of at me.

The moral of the story is, when life gives you toilet paper, throw it at people you love or respect.

Tragedy Strikes

The awesomest non-human, non-electronic thing in my life is no more. There was a restaurant, and I won't say a hero-restaurant, cause what's a hero? There was a restaurant, Chili Kaimas, that was the only provider in all of Lithuania for an excellent appetizer, Onion Rings. They were really really good, so much so that they completely earned their name, Vyrų Džiaugsmas (Men's Joy). They were so good, I used to go there just to order some Onion Rings, eat them with a beer, and leave...by myself! (I never eat in restaurants by myself.)

Saturday night we went there, a bunch of us, in Vilnius, and they had new menus, and after just a few seconds my special lady goes "Arai...[there's no more Onion Rings on the menu...]" But I was just like, "Well I'm ordering them anyway!" So I ordered them, and nothing else, cause my special lady and I were gonna share her delicious dish, Kedainiu Blynai with Mushroom Sauce. Sorry, I can't find a satisfacory link to describe Kedainiu Blynai. They're sort of like American-Lithuanian potato pancakes with South-Slavic kibinas filling. Anyway, the waiter's like OK but then he comes back and he's like Sorry, they are no more, so them I'm like, "Then instead, bring me a big knife so I might slit my throat!" I declined another appetizer in its place, explaining that I'm in a delicate state of mourning.

I wrote complaints on three different pages of the complaint book, in three different languages, and I've repeated this process at another location, and I requested that the waiter/ress each time convey my dismay to all who will listen...I can only pray that I get through to them.

Left Home Fries, Right Cheeseburgers

Your wish is my command: the photo! These cheeseburgers are well over a half pound each and barely fit on half a loaf of fresh bread. Cheese goes on them, of course, and on each is sliced one medium tomato, half a green pepper, half a medium onion, several lettuce leaves, and a few tablespoons each of Hellman's mayonaise and homemade bbq sauce.

My new favorite spice is...

Tarragon!

Life's a bitch but then you have dinner and you're like, oh man, this is awesome. And then you have desert and you're like, oh man, this is so awesome, I'm going to bed! And then you go to bed and when you wake up you're like, wow, I'm not even tired, I'm gonna sleep 8 hours every night, but then, at two p.m., you're like oh man, I'm so tired, I wish I could go home right now, how the hell did I make it to five p.m. with no problem all the time till yesterday, and how the hell am I gonna make it to 7:30 p.m. when I start my second job, and when the fuck am I gonna write my goddam master's paper, I wish I was dead.

But there is one thing I do know: a special request was made for cheeseburgers tonight, and I'm going to fulfill it, with homemade BBQ sauce. After that I bet everything will be awesome again.

My favorite spam title is this:

"Make your fat friends envy you!"

Where do countries get their names?

Did you know there's a country called Reunion? Look at number 44! HA!

I'm definately gonna limit my kids to 8 hours of TV per day...it'd be less, but it's hard to make them watch less than I do...just kidding...

TV Really Might Cause Autism
A Slate exclusive: findings from a new Cornell study.
By Gregg Easterbrook
Posted Monday, Oct. 16, 2006, at 6:52 AM ET

Last month, I speculated in Slate that the mounting incidence of childhood autism may be related to increased television viewing among the very young. The autism rise began around 1980, about the same time cable television and VCRs became common, allowing children to watch television aimed at them any time. Since the brain is organizing during the first years of life and since human beings evolved responding to three-dimensional stimuli, I wondered if exposing toddlers to lots of colorful two-dimensional stimulation could be harmful to brain development. This was sheer speculation, since I knew of no researchers pursuing the question.

Read the rest here...

All right, pie, I'm just going to do this:[chomps air].&if you get eaten,it's your own fault! [walks towards pie,chomping air&hits head on oven vent]!

Yesterday I had to stay home with a special baby while a special lady did a business day-trip. Besides sleeping one off, I watched a couple dozen simpsons episodes...good Sunday, right? Yeah, but you get cabin fever by the end. I was all cranky and crazy. Good Orange Braised Pork Chops, but by the end I was thinking to myself, I wish I was a bigger orange fan. That thought came to me again today with the first bite of my orange braised pork chop sandwiches I ate for lunch, and I expect it again tomorrow night, when I use the remaining left over's to make orange braised pork friend rice. I call it that cause it's so good that I consider it my friend, or maybe it was a typo, I can't remember, cause I have this condition, I can't make new memories.

A Fiasco Every Morning

Yesterday I didn't eat breakfast because I had a blood test in the morning. I wanted to buy somethingt o eat on the way to work after that, cause waiting for lunch sucks, especially since lunch sucks anyway. So I walked to this kebab trunk I never tried before, with a quick stop at the old ATM. Oops. It's not my ATM anymore, it's another banks. Well, Kebabs are already not cheap, so there's no way I'm tackin a 2 buck surcharge on there. I'll just go to my regular Kebab stand with and ATM nearby.

So I get in the micro, and I'm getting hungrier and hungrier, then I get out ar this mall, Mega Plaza, to use their ATM. They're closed! WTF?! How can a mall be closed till 10a.m.? Does nobody shop in the morning? So I go to the Kebob stand and ask if they take credit card, but alas, no. So I gotta walk about a mile there and back to the next closest ATM to get this damn Kebab. If I hadn't seen the meat on the skewer I wouldn't have come back, but oh baby, that was mouth watering, plus there was a sign for free hot peppers.

That was yesterday's fiasco, here's todays: The internet hasn't been working at work, so I keep having to go to resteraunts with free wireless to work. I usually do that at the end of work, but today internet was vital to me in the morning, so I stopped at Chili Kaimas before work. I get up to the door and see they're only open at ten. WTF! Doesn't anybody eat breakfast?! So I march down to Pipita, by the station...open at ten. Fuck! WTF!! I spent a good 45 minutes walking around on the way to work looking for internet, no luck. I also happen to know that the internet cafe doesn't open till ten or eleven so even that's out.

Then when I got to work it turns out yesterday afternoon when I was at Chili Kaimas working someone finally fixed the internet already.

Yeah Boots

I've been wearing the same boots for 9 years, how do you like that? The only work I've had done on them is new soles ($20) and just this month I had some of the leather patched up (15 LTL). How awesome is that!

The Greatest Show On Earth

Just kidding, the circus I went to as a lad was the greatest show on Earth. This pan-slavic show was ok at best, but I guess my special toddler doesn't know the difference. The clown was much more bedraggled than funny, bedraggled not in the funny way, and he appeared to be drunk. My special lady commented that "the lion has a tortured look about him," and the lion tamer seemed to enjoy poking the lion and tigers. I kept shouting to them, "Kill your master! Eat him!" But they didn't listen. I read someplace about how most people going to a circus secretly hope there'll be some kind of accident. Well, I kept nothing a secret: "Kill your master! Eat him!"

The neat things were the snake lady, who didn't have any snakes, but her snake poses were neat. The best thing was the girl on the clothes ropes, know what I mean? Like sliding up and down them and wrapping herself up in them. Nobody got shot out of a canon. There wasn't much juggling, but this guy did do this neat thing with two red and white canisters, he was on his back with his legs up in the air and he kept the canisters twirling in the air with his feet.

Make sure you ask for discounts, we got them at the ticket booth.

Brownies

Holy shit, I gotta give a shout out o Donata Ruskyte. She was part of my crew on the Finland trip, and I blabbed enough about food prep that I got my colleagues intrests up and invited them over for chicken fingers and freedom fries a couple weeks after we got back. They brought desert, including Donata's brownies. Let me tell you something: holy shit! After two years in Lithuania with no brownies, I suppose I'm already conditioned against them, so it may not be surprising that I was blown away by them, but let me explain something: holy shit!!! they were so amazing, I can't even believe it! I'm gonna quit going to work and just make brownies all day. And sell them? No! I'm just gonna eat them all day and all night!!! Goodbye life! Nothing matters anymore besides brownies...

Poor Man's Kugelis: Kugelis!

After six people canceled on dinner Saturday, we had some extra potatos. Luckily they weren't cooked yet, so we turned them (the left over ones) into kugelis instead of a million french fries. The BBQ Ribs were done, luckily though, I'd say, since who can complain about extra ribs??? We're still eating them!!!

p.s. Before someone emails me to say "dude lol you're stupid, that's a cake!" lemme just clear that up for you: I used a cake pan to cook it, which I highly recommend, but it's still kugelis.

p.p.s. Before someone's Tete emails him to point out that he's not wearing a shirt in this picture, lemme just clear that up for you: I noticed that already, but I decided not to crop myself out so that everyone could see my beard

Not a bedtime story?

You may think you can read babies anything before bed, that they don't understand anything more complicated than I Am A Bunny anyway, so what's the difference? Well, I don't know if the uneasy sleep last night was because of nightmares, but I think I'll refrain in the future from reading The Fall of the House of Usher as a bedtime story.

Rich Man's Kugelis

Saturday this damn stove top unflamed itself and the thing went off and i turned it back on but didn't know how long it was on and the rice burned so bad it ruined everthing, i couldn't eat even it it, it was disgusting.

Sunday I made rich man's kugelis: lasagna. Holy shit it was amazing. When she was like Wow this is good I was like WTF are you talking about, just good?! p.s. you can use lithuanian style cottage cheese instead of ricotta, it costs five times less.

First Article: "The Moral Hazard Myth"

In this here post entiteled The Other Side of the Idiot, Sarunas recommended a couple articles about why health care should be universal. Here's my responses to the first one:

1. Dental care isn’t free in Lithuania (thank God: I’d never go to a free dentist). My special lady and I went to the dentist this summer instead of on vacation, the cost being about 750 litai, including two check ups, two cavities, and post-partum periodontal disease. At that price, we went to the best dentist in Vilnius and feel much better now. Was it worth the price, worth scrapping our vacation plans? No doubt.

2. Two idiotic examples. Obviously, nobody who can be golfing wastes time at the hospital. I said people go because they’re bored, not that they go unnecessarily when they have better things to do. Also they go over and over again to various doctors trying to get an excused absence from work; then the government health insurance is supposed to pay them 80% if their wages for their sick leave after the first few days. And Steve? What a fuckin moron. That 750 litai I mentioned made me think twice, but anybody worth the air he breathes will do whatever it takes to pay for critical medical care.

3. “Do you think that people whose genes predispose them to depression or cancer, or whose poverty complicates asthma or diabetes, or who get hit by a drunk driver, or who have to keep their mouths closed because their teeth are rotting ought to bear a greater share of the costs of their health care than those of us who are lucky enough to escape such misfortunes?” Of course I do, because the alternative is slavery. Forcing healthy people to pay the bills of sick people is slavery. Penalizing people who avoid those problems by making them pay for people who didn’t is not only ludicrous, it’s perverse. As sad as it may be that your genes are crappy, forcing other to pay for it is not just sad, it's simply wrong.

Top Five Moments at the Urologist

1. Woman walks into the wrong waiting area full of 50-75 year old men (and me), sees the sign that says Urologist, and runs back out wide eyed and open mouthed.

2. Sitting there talking to the doctorbefore the exam, thinking, "I could just get up and leave. What's he gonna do?"

3. Hearing the guy before me through the door going "Oh! Oh! Oooooh!" (he had something acorn sized in a jar when he came out: if I find out it came out of his penis I'll kill myself)

4. Cracking up laughing while the doctor explained the digital exam, and again during the exam.

5. After he...was done...the doctor says, "My wife's a dentist. I always tell her her job's worse than mine, since she has such bad odors coming out of her patiest mouths..."

The only thing useful for you to know...

...about my business trip to Finland last week is this: you can have up to three mistakes on your plane ticket and it's still valid. Colleagues who didn't know me yet bought me my ticket, since their college financed the trip, and somehow I got a ticket for "Arnas." I thought I wasn't going anywhere, once I saw that, but it turned out to be no problem.

The bizarre thing is that this isn't the first time I've been mistaken for an Arnas. It's bizarre because I've met dozens of Arases and Arunases in my life, but never an Arnas. The first time somebody called me that, I was like, "wow, that's some speech impediment you got there," and she was like, "oh, oops, I thought that was your name, sorry; it's a real name, much more common." Well, I've yet to meet one.

UPDATE: Back to work for just an hour before somebody came in and called me Arnas...wft?!

The other side of the idiot coin.

Recently we had a chat about how health care professions in free health care systems are low quality. Now I'd like to present a summary of my morning which will shed some light on the other half of the problem.

I got to the polyclinic, registered to get my health history sheets, which I have to get every time to go get in line for the doctor. No appointments more specific than for a certain day, you just go into a hallway full of people waiting for the same doctor and ask who's last in line. There's only two people in front of me, thank God. Or so I thought. No, these two people literally took two hours. And they weren't doing anything impressive in there either, cause this is just a family practice doctor: all she's got is a stethoscope and tongue depressors. You can't even pee in a cup for her without going up to the 7th floor.

So you know what these two patients before me we doing? Evidence #1. Chatting. Somebody else in line got so pissed she yanked the door open to see what they were doing, and announced to everybody that they're both reclined in their chairs laughing about something.

Evidence #2. Each time I've been in line to get my sheets, there's somebody complaining about how he's been all over the place talking to lots of people and they keep telling him to go someplace else.

Evidence #3. The nurse came out at one point and called somebody's last name, and I asked, "Excuse me, I'm next, can't I come in yet?" She said, "What are you, sick or something?" "YES I'm sick, I'm cronically sick, that's why I'm here! My lungs are shot from coughing!" She says, "Well, why didn't you say something?!"

Why didn't I say something? I'll tell you why: I thought everybody in line is sick or something, that's why they're here, so why should I bitch? Then these three pieces of evidence clicked into place: these people are mostely idiots who don't need to be here. They're here cause it's free. They're here cause they're bored and they wanna chat, or they're stupid and are waiting in the wrong place (but they won't accept that fact without talking to the doctor for a while), or hypocondriacs that go to the doctor everyday. All three of these catagories of people would be eliminated from cluttering the system up if going to the doctor cost $100/hour. My ten minute visit would have been $15 and change, which I would have gladly paid to not have to wait through the two idiots in front of me, since they certainly wouldn't have paid such prices to shoot the shit.

When I left there were 9 people in line behind me. There's no way they all got through before lunch, meaning some even got to sit there for an hour waiting for the doctor to eat. The doctor doesn't make time for anybody, though, because in her line of work, time does not equal money.

p.s. I had to pee in a cup before registering to see a urologist next week. First, the toilet doesn't even have a flusher, and the water's turned off, so you can't wash your hands in the sink that's missing a handle, and forget about soap. Second, I can't register for next week yet, since they don't start making the week's schedule until the week begins. This counts as a good polyclinic in free health care system.

I wonder if this happens to everybody...

I take off my bookself Heart of Darkness, by Joseph Conrad. I go sit down to read it. I don't know that much about it except that it's well known and sounds interesting. Also it's one of the books my folks shipped to me from the states, so I figure it's probably a good one. I open it up to find that in fact it's not the novel at all: it's Joseph Conrad's Heart of Darkness: A Casebook. "This casebook contains materials relevant to a deeper understanding of the origins and reception of this controversial text," which I haven't even read yet!

Are you searching for information about royal kings, or Kings, the drinking game, aka Circle of Death?

Either way, this blog isn't probably the best resource for this search...

Lithuanian are Gentlemen II

Eina žmogelis gatve.
Priėjo bomželis ir prašo 20 ct. Tas žmogelis ir sako:
-Žinai, aš tau duosiu 10 eurų... Bet tu nueisi ir nusipirksi alaus...
-Ką jūs, pone, jau seniai negėriau alaus.
-Tai nusipirksi moterį.
-Ką jūs, jau seniai nesimylėjau...
-Tai nusipirk bilietą į krepšinį/futbolą.
-Ne...jau nebežinau kaip jis žaidžiamas...
-Žinai ką, einam pas mane. Mano žmona paruoš vakarienę: lašiša,
baltas vynas ir t.t.
-Oi ne, pone, aš toks nešvarus...
-Ne, ne, aš noriu žmonai parodyti, kaip atrodo vyras, kuris negeria
alaus, neperka moterų ir neina į sporto varžybas…

You Get What You Pay For

Saturday night my eye swelled up so much I thought it was gonna fall out. It wasn't better in the morning, so we went to the medic. There's a little building next to my polyclinic that's open nights and weekends when the polyclinic is closed. These nurses looked at my eye and recommended something, and laughed at my special lady for not knowing that "it's an antibiotic, it's been around for a while now!" We went to the pharmacy across the street with the prescription and they told us "you're not going to able to find this anywhere, it's been off the market for a while now. You might be able to get it made in the pharmacy lab upstairs." No thanks. So we asked for an alternative, and we got one. Also, the nurses had told me to squirt camomile tea into the eye through a turkey baster. The pharmacist told me not to do that, that would irritate the eye, just use a cold compress. Turns out that's what everybody I talked to afterwards does. The drops the pharmacist gave us worked great, it was almost all better in 12 hours, but I stopped using it anyway after my special lady read me the side effect, including glaucoma and nerve damage.

The moral of the story is, you get what you pay for directly. Does your universal health care suck? Mine does. I supposedly pay for it through my taxes. That is, I pay for it if I need it, and if I don't, I pay for somebody elses. But when you go to doctors who don't have any financial incentive to stay up to date even with what drugs are on the market, don't be disappointed with shitty results, cause that's what you'll get half the time. The other half if good, but is half your medical care being good enough? Every person I've talked to has complained about the system here, and many have had to complain formally.

How about letting me keep my taxes and choose my doctor with money instead of being assigned one by my address? Maybe then the fucking morons would be out of a job soon enough and not writing people expired perscriptions. The one redeeming quality of the system here is that the unemployed aren't eligible for free healthcare; at least I'm not paying for total freeloaders.

Let's Do Lunch

A rushed lunch today in the caf before class, just soup. Chatted with my colleague about nothing in particular. Then in a rush to finish my soup, I poured some of her bottled water into it so I could guzzle it down. Little did I know the water was carbonated and lemon flavored, that mixed real well with my creamed cabbage soup, forcing me to vomit violently. All over the place. Just kidding, but it was gross.

WWWW, Cause Now it's Wider

Sean: "I started a blog in honor of my new commitment to not have any idea who is trying to be in contact with me."