Dos and Don'ts of a Trip to Poland

• Don't be surprised when a bum buys you two rounds of shots
• Do tell the buffet breakfast host at the hotel you're reading The Lord of the Rings when she asks--later when you can't find your group she'll ask you if you're looking for Gollum
• Don't just bring one bottle of booze
• Do make sure you're bringing appropriate t-shirts if you're grabbing inside out ones while packing, otherwise you'll have to hand wash the one wearable one
• Don't ask the Russian professor--Aleksandre Popov--if you can get shot of shitty vodka
• Do bring something inconspicuous to read during the boring parts of the workshops
• Don't believe the promises of lunch; therefore,
• Do make your own lunch sandwiches at the breakfast buffet
• Don't take off your headphones whey you get bored, if you just turn off your receiver nobody can tell your not listening anymore

Don't you hate the Bus?

I am devastated by a change in my bus schedule. I will now have to get up 11 minutes earlier each day, unless I take drastic measures: buy a timer for the coffee maker and prep the water and coffee the evening before, as well as my bag lunches; no more showering or shaving on weekdays; go to sleep already wearing tomorrow's suit and tie; sleep in the car; connect alarm clock to ignition system so that car starts automatically and warms up during the alarm clock's ten minute snooze; use kitchen balcony as a drive through to get my coffee and bag lunch; talk wife into serving me my coffee and bag lunch through the kitchen balcony.