SMS Inbox

Gedas: You know what extreme? To fart immediately after the shower without underwear

Lokys: You can never be too drunk to dance. Go Now.

Kristina: Aciu uz kvietima. Nezinau dar, ar galesiu dalyvaut toj romenu orgijoj :-)

Sarunas: Good Times?! As myliu “good times”! Men jag kan inte åka till litauen…hard et så bra.

Gedas: Are you coming got a lust for life

Lokys: Im Lokys and I have a huge butt hole with lots of feces

Sarunas: “giant sausage sandwich with mayo” is more than one word, but anyways, ewwwwwwwwww!

Gedas: I m drinking brandy, I think I’ll drink a gallon and see what develops

Lokys: Maybe it’s the beer talking but you got a butt that wont quit. They got these big chewy pretzels here apjgtmtdjwamjgtamjtgdgegkhmpx8majgjagdjamgajdgmgjpm 5 dollars? Get outta here!

Gedas: I say lets party Monday—2006, like it’s 2031.

Gedas: As jau tuoj busiu vilniuje, ka veiki big party time whale?

Aras: I was sleeping in my big whale sea cave.

Gedas: I was asleep too, in my tiny seashell apartment…

Somebody: Fuck mokykla, dauk geriau sikna!

Gedas: Bezdek ir bek kol niekas nepajuto, tada tikrai viskas ciki bus

Liepa (after I wrote her that sirvydas missed his flight again, just kidding): I totally believed you! I read it out loud to jokyr and dave in riga with my mouth wide open! P.s. riga rocks

Gedas: I do good, like an animal

Gedas: lets make it easier, one point for every punch in your snukis, and 5 points for every broken bone, who gets the most points win. You can do anything to earn points

Gedas: these Russian got me fuckin drunk on this fuckin train, they celebrate Christmas today you know

Lokys: although I am not young Frodo I do know something about the banana in your pants. I let it there in hopes it would soften bu the time you get back here and we could make banana bread

Gedas: pub crawling! You like that?

Bronius: jei reikia savaitgalio, tai pradek gerti siandien, nes kai mokslas pradeda maisyti alkoholiui, reikia mesti moksla!

(If you can’t wait for the weekend, start drinking today, because when you don’t have time for both school and alcohol, you gotta quit school!)

Juste: Fucking with men and sucking dicks made you a gay bastard, Madonna is ok

Name withheld (for my safety): I have a huge zit on my ass!

Gedas: leave donelaitis alone, its between me and you!

Lokys: So this one time at the Durham fair I was walking around with a friend when a stranger came up to us and gave us this flask and then passed out next to up. Anyway, we frank it and somehow got it into our heads that we should go cow tipping, but we failed and then the cows all started chasing us. We ran to the midway to try to get away but the cows kept chasing us. Then we got on the gravitron but he cows came on after us. when it started spinning fast enough the cows started walking towards us along the side but then it slowed down and the cows all fell over. So we figure mission accomplished and hurry on home.

Torture

Ever been head over heels? I am head over heels. And it's only been a week.

Put two and two together? H.O.H. + O.B.1W. = spending every possible minute together, and each impossible minute writing each other sms.

Yesterday she took off back to Vilnius, and yesterday my phone went insane, turning on and off, shooting through the menus of its own accord--it's on the blitz. I wasn't able to use it for several hours.

Those hours were torture.

I saw an sms, ooo I hope it's from her! I was able to open my inbox and see that it was from her--huzzah! "Opening messege..." this always takes forever, but this time it ended not with the opening of the sms but the begining of the crazy cell phone insanity--oh my God!

Oh man, I wish I was reading that sms...dammit...I turn my phone off, take out the battery and sim card, brush them off, and turn it back on again. I did this over and over again, about 35 thousand times, until on the way to the cell phone store I was able to work the phone long enough to read the sms, I was finally able to read it, YEAH! Hoorah! What a sweet sms...let's write a good one back now...oh, no, God NO!

The phone went back on the blitz before I was able to write back, so now I'm considering what would be more torturous: knowing you got an sms you were waiting for but not being able to read it (my former situation), or not getting one you were waiting for at all (her situation).

Not only was I unable to get in touch, not only was I deperately unfulfulling in my wish to make her smile as broadly as I just had, but this was the most crucial moment to be in touch. This is the moment where a clever woman (she is a very clever woman) would say to herself "well, ok, let's see how attentive this bozo is when he can't see/touch me..."

My torture was mitigated by finally getting a call through to explain my perdicament...Thank GOD!

Idiocy

I spilled some bleach on myself today. I went to the bathroom to wash my hands right away because I was about to handle clean laundry, but didn't wash it out of my blue sweatshirt (not the hoodie, the one with the pocket in the back). I went to the gym and noticed a whiteness cascading down the side of my sweatshit and though "Jeez, what is that milk, I'm such a freakin slob." I always dress down for the gym, as is logical, since I'm not going there to pick up women, but being covered in milk is a little over the line. Then I realized what it was...

Ends and Beginnings

Sesija (a semester's worth of master's classes in three weeks) is over. I already have the results of two courses: an 8 and a 9 (out of ten). I'm happy with that, since I don't have the prerequisites for a master's in educational management (a bachelor's in education), and i'm studying everything in a new language and a new atmosphere and a new system, each of which bears heavily on my ability to achieve.

There are still a couple essays and exams over the coming weeks, but now that classes are over i'll have time to prepare for them more realistically. So far half of what I've achieved has been through sheer wit (luck). Especially in education philosophy...Lemme explain, no, there is too much, let me sum up:

Day One. Because I have to do all my regular work anyway, I sit in lecures half listening and half working on my lap top on unrelated work. Add to that, half the time spent writing sms to my special lady. Do that math--something's getting dropped. So after about forty five minutes of not listening I hear "Can we get an American perspective on this, please?" I look around the room for other Americans, but alas, I am alone. I rack my brain (and casually put away my cell phone), and I recall some typically hair brained notion she mentioned about altruism at some point in the distant past. "While I...am not so...experianced in philosophy...as it pertains to education...I can definately say that I'm against altruism." The room is silent. I thought that would be engough to provoke a debate that would distract everybody from the fact that I totally ignored the actual topic, whatever that was. They didn't bite. But, my colleague Asta threw me a lifeline: "Aras is just being shy, or isn't thinking with the same terms you are. He makes philosophical remarks about Lithuania and its education system all the time." I grab on: "Well, I guess maybe what you're talking about as philosophy is just what I consider 'life itself'." Grand slam: everybody loved that comment! Then Asta and I moved on to my explaination of why altruism is practically a sin, or at least stupid. It was odd, they seemed to not grasp some rather rudimentary things about philosophy, even the professor. Maybe it's because I'm an objectivist, but I was beginning to fear that the Lithuanian translations of these terms may not acutally grasp their meaning (which is the case more often than not). Later, though, when I explained the conversation to my special lady (who is very Lithuanian indeed), she was taken aback that I would explain something so simple, which was very reassuring..."Aišku aš žinau, kad motina maitinant vaiką nėra altuizmas!"

Day Two. I came to class late, after the first break (90 minutes late) like every day since Monday, when I wanted to kill myself sitting there for five hours. It appears that each course (besides ed. management there's a few other groups) had been preparing to talk about something. Now it was time for the groups to stand up and present their results. Our group was big, and not everybody wanted to stand up and explain, so I, completely in the dark, stood up first and walked to the front of the room, followed by a few colleagues. On top of this, I spoke first, "Good morning and welcome to my group's presentation (I still didn't know the topic). Arturai, take it away." A few colleagues spoke (the topic was "when does one become an adult?"), and there were some responses from the audience, which I deftly tore to shreds...I felt like my colleagues were the judges and laweyers and I was the executioner. Additionally, the professor was inrigued by my unique (at least in this class) knowledge about America, and how it differs from Lithaunia philosophically, which I based on what my colleagues and the rest of the class said. The best part is afterward, when Asta says "Jesus, Arai, how the hell did you read that whole chapter in five minutes?!"

Super Birthday

Maybe the best ever. Here's what happened:

• I got a birthday sms from my special lady.
• I got card and chocolate bar from Klaipeda Hotel, to the club of which, Honolulu, I have a discount card.
• I got a card, thoughtful wishes, and a bottle of some kind of novelty polish liquor, from my office mates
• I got a plant and map of "the american world," (e.g. south america is "coffee and cocain," canada is "mooseheads," et cetera) from other colleagues, i.e. the young single women
• I got a ocketzides, i mean, pocketsized notebook with pen from my master's classmates (presumably ideal for cheatsheets...this whole nation is jam packeted, i mean, packed with cheaters)
• I got a call from Lokys and Liepa, and took a shot with each of them. Theirs was plain vodka, mine was hot pepper vodka from russia, which was very hot indeed.
• I got a call from Juste, Aurimas, Gedas, and somebody else, possibly Bronius, which was nice.
• I went out to dinner with my special lady. I ate a peppersteak, medium rare, which is what I always eat and always at the same place when I go out to dinner in Klaipeda--The Black Cat's Tavern II. She ate almost half a portion of Kepta Duona (an appetizer); she said she was nervous cause she hadn't been able to find anything to wear, although she looked absolutely stunning, unbelievably so, I couldn't take my eyes off her.
• After this she suggested we walk home. This is an hour walk in ~ -25° C (-13° F) weather, not counting the wind chill factor, right next to the sea! How can I say no to a girl, though? So we start doing this thing, freezing my balls off, pretending I'm not cold at all, until half way home she suggests calling a cab if I want to, and I say we can if she wants to, and we'd both love to call a cab but we can't decide who caved in, so we don't. Finally I decided to just be a man and cave in. I freezed my damn hand off making the phone call (two thumbs up on the gloves, Tete).

My Organizer

It's awesome, a life saver. Last night it reminded me to put my grade book in my lap sack ("laptop case" sounds too hoity-toity for me). If my cell phone hadn't reminded me, I surely would have forgotten. That would have been crappy, because i would have had to admit to not one, but two professors today, that I'm just stupid enough that I'll have to come back another time to have them write my grade in my book.

There was an odd one though. Also today was a reminder for "gift." For the past week I've been thinking wtf does that mean? Gift? I'm supposed to buy a gift for someone? I'd been racking my brain all week, and this morning, when the reminder went off at 7:30 a.m. it struck me. The reason it worked is that it went off exactly thirty seconds after I left home, so I realized it must be something I had at home and couldn't leave home without today: the coffee/choloclate/brandy my class bought for the professor with whom we have an exam today!

Corrospondence School Sucks

It's not actually corrospondence. It's two or three classes of week per semester, all the work done independently, i.e. at the last minute with mediocre results. Maybe this semester will be different now that I'm used to it, but so far I've learned nothing except how to smile and kiss ass, which I already knew, but I guess there's always room for improvement. Everybody tells me hey, don't worry, the only thing that matters is getting the diploma! I'd like to think there's more to it than that...

Ass Landing

I fell on my ass for the first time this year. I was walking down the street. At the edge of each curb there's big patches of ice, and this one street I crossed was slippery enough that I totally slipped and landed square on my ass. It didn't really hurt though, but there was somebody directly behind me. I didn't hear him snicker, but if I were he, I would have :(

I'm so funny it's not even retarded...or is it?

To be honest, I haven't dated any Klaipedians for many months, some number of months approaching double digits I believe, but not quite there yet. And last night was not a date either, but it was a female colleague in my home. As non-romantic as it was, I still did not want to seem like a slob (that is, I wanted to hide what a slob I am).

So since I've only dated Vilnietes for so long I stated keeping a slightly different style of interior decorating. Here's an example: instead of cleaning up used toilet paper rolls, I just leave them hanging around, on the grounds that it's "funny" to have a dozen of them around the bathroom.

Realizing last night that I had 45 minutes to eat, change, and clean up everything, including the toiletpaper rolls, I realized that I'm a retard. Luckily she was late!

The lesson is, do whatever you want, and don't worry about the consequences.

Requiem for a Gym

Last night on my beloved laptop I watched Requiem for a Dream for the first time. Man, that's one brutal movie. I had the lights off. Half way through I started feeling like maybe I'm dreaming, where am I, is this real?

Before I watched it I asked Liepa if she'd like to bring it to Vilnius next time I come, and now I understand her answer: "NO! After I saw it the first time I was depressed for days!" She's just dramatic, though; you should still see it. (shudder)

Oh, and here's a good idea for after the holidays: don't go to the gym. If you do, don't get on the scale! It's been about four five weeks since I've been to the gym and weighed myself, and in that time I've gained seven pounds! Holy shit! If I was five years younger I would find that amusing, but not anymore. And I've got the busiest few weeks of my life coming up, so gym time will be at a minimum for a while yet.

OH MAN MY LIFE IS COMPLETE!!!

Here is my new Laptop!

It's so awesome, I can't even believe it! And it was on sale for Christmas time, so I got it even cheaper than in the states, which is unusual, plus I can get "up to 33%" back from the government somehow...

I got absolutely nothing with it, not even a, what's it called, carrying case? Nor a mouse, nor speakers...Mrs. Claus was late getting me her contribution, and the goddam piece of shit Bank of America, in an effort to protect me, cause me to loose vast amounts of time and money. I couldn't access a big lump of my money that I was counting on. In the end, by dropping all the accesories and borring money from my buddy I was barely able to get the thing. I was withing 7 dollars of not getting it, half way through the payment process (I paid in parts from several cards).

But hey, I can already watch/rip/burn DVDs, and write esseys, and that all I really need, so: my life is complete!

Sandwich Heater

I do not know if that's the propper term from my most useful Christmas present so far. My brother, lokys, and my sister, liepa, got this dealie where you put in two sandwiches or a quesadilla and close it and a few minutes later, voila, hot food with little or no clean up. It's so easy I brought my breakfast to work today. It's convenient esecially because I've recently gotten all egged out: I ate eggs for breakfast almost every day for three years (my colesterol is only 140). Now I'll eat grilled cheeses instead, except I don't have to watch them or flip them, so I can dress or somethign while they cook.

The most entertaining gift was from the Tete, the first season of Deadwood, somewhat confusing to get into, but engaging by the end of the first episode.

The most mind-boggling gift was from Sirvydas, a My Little Pony, along with My Little Pony Story Book. He refused everybody's requests to explain this, claiming that we had to "think about it."

Something even more useful/entertaining/mind-boggling is yet to come, today according to plan, a collaborative effort between me and Mrs. Claus...

Das Holidas

Christmas Eve was a bigger orgy than Thanksgiving. I was destroyed after the thanksgiving meal, I felt like a piece of crap I over ate so much. But this time was so bad Liepa and I both felt like we were going to barf, we were sprawled out in the living room before dessert was even served. The highlights included Christamas Cod, Silvija's Marinatated Mushrooms, and Liepa's Birch Branch.

Christmas Day wasn't quite as orgiful--Orange Glazed Duck and potatos baked in the drippings. Just as delicious, but not as plentiful.

Christmas II was good too, lots of gims came, including some I hadn't seen for ten years or more, who knew me from Soviet times, and reminised about me jumping out of their apartment windows and rolling around on the dirty side walks of Vilnius in 1988.

Several Party Days followed, all the way to New Years Eve, which was totally cool. Party at Aido place first, which was fun as always, lots of fun faces, and a host not neglecting to pour everybody doubles and triples, whether they like it or not! Bravo. The only bummer there is we were late leaving because of a drunk asshole who came with a friend of Liepa's who refused to leave when we were trying to make it to the Katedra for the fireworks. We were therefore a little late, but it was still crowded when we got there, people drinking and singing. Then we went to a club, New Orleans, which was cool, except nobody was impressed with my pants. They're pink. I bought them in Austria ant prikolo. I thought they would attract some glances, draw some attention, but if they did I certainly didn't notice. Possibly in addition to being pink they also make me invisible.