Departures and Arrivals

Sirvydas slept through his first flight, and had to buy another for the first leg (to london). It left the next day at the same time, so this time Gedas and I stayed up watching SNL and Robin Williams Live on Broadway until 3:30 a.m. to make sure Sirvydas woke up.

That same day Lokys and Liepa arrived. Very casual vacation time with them, cause they don't really know anybody, so we don't have to make any plans, we just stick together (unless I have a date).

Highlights were a Bites concert at Artistai, cocktails on the Old Defensive Wall, several games of Kings at Seth with the Peg and these Brits who sat down with us, me having to expend a regretable amount of energy keeping an eye on Liepa and some sum bag at Prospecto on Gedemino Prospect, and playing Frazzle last night wasn't bad either.

Toight is my going away party, which isn't planned or anything beyond: go out and party, then come home and party. I always have trouble with long guest lists, because I want to make sure I don't have to end up choosing one girl at the expense of another. And since I'm sure all girls want to jump my bones like it's their job...

You're gonna call me gay, but you'll be way off

Sirvydas and I went to dinner (a very spicy pizza "rodeo" at pizza jazz) and a movie for his last night in vilnius, cause he his flight is at 6 a.m., so no partying. The movie was supposed to be Star Wars episode 3, but it wasn't playing anymore. The only movies playing at the appropriate time were romantic comedies.

After bashing the shit out of such action movies as War of the Worlds and Sahara, I must admit that A Lot like Love, with Ashton Kutcher and Amanda Peet, was a perfectly cromulent movie. I enjoyed it. By the end I felt like Fred Savage in The Princess Bride: "They've gotta get married, they just have to! It wouldn't be fair if they didn't!!!"

For Christ's sake, was I ever so retarded?

Last night my youngest brother, Sirvydas, came back from Kaimas with this girl. They've got wine and stuff, looks like a romantic evening. They put on a cd, and they both start singing. I don't know if they were drunk already or something, but they only drank the one bottle of wine and they were both singing loud, especially the girl, and especially Sirvydas. This is the only person I know who sings worse than I do.

I'm tone deaf. I sing anyway for fun, and to make fun of my own terrible singing. I sometimes will even do it in a romantic setting, but just to get a laugh, 20 seconds are more than enough. They just kept singing and singing and singing. She was normal. He wasn't. I...I just couldn't believe it...I have to embrace the conclusion that he's very lucky they already knew each other, because if that wouldn't be first date suicide...I must be playing by the wrong rules...

I had to go upstairs before I was tired just cause I couldn't take it anymore, even though we were three rooms apart!

Buy Buy Buy!

Yesterday I bought my mother (me) a DVD player. 319 lits, plus 30 to have its region restrictions lifted (after a 10 lit "pedagogue discount" i managed). i had to drive back to the fuckin store cause the cords weren't included. WTF?

and today i bought me a new cell phone! YEAH! i'm happy, cause it's nokia. now lokys or liepa gets to use my crappy siemens piece of, i mean, perfectly cromulent phone. it's got a camera, which is neat, but it's low quality, the higher quality phone looked somehow childish, which made me afraid i would forget it's mine and leave it somewhere. the phone is actually the same one they gave my mother to use at work, which means i'm as prestigious as she is :D

The train to Vilnius

I was traveling alone and had a cold, so I didn't take any booze, just planned on sleeping. I sat with three young ladies and an even younger boy. One had quite a rack (one of the girls), but they were too young for me to talk to, 17 probably. Next stop two guys join us, and offer us cider, so the party's on. One of the girls drinks cider, and I do, and she talks a bit. It turns out the girls are incoming freshmen to Klaipeda University, so I'll see them around next year. It turns out the talkative girl is a singer and they don't like group sex (one of the cider boys asked). The girls got off the train and we burned one and went to sleep.

This fatty old bitch comes in and asks if she can sit down, and I move my legs so she can, and even after sitting down she's muttering about how this isn't a sleeping car, and as a, um, steward (word choice?) walks by she yells to him to make our friend sit up. What a bitch, huh? No wait: another steward asks me to help him with a big bag, and I do, and when we've put it up this other even bigger bitch starts complaining that we've done a terrible job and she would have done better herself. I thought of this a moment too late, dammit, but I should have hauled it back to the floor and said "let's see you do a better job then, Bitch, please."

Long Nida Weekend

Well, this was fun, but not really especially eventful, let's see:

Thursday Sirvydas, Gedas, Juste, and Dorota, from Poland, took the train to Klaipeda, went out for Kebabs and Clubs, and went to bed. Gedas came into mine and Sirvydo room after about five minutes, cause he still felt like talking about something or other, and the three of us chatted till about six in the morning. The only thing I remember is explaining of egoism/individuality is a good thing.

Friday Sirvydas rented a bike and he, Gedas, and I trekked out to Nida, 56km/35 miles. That was fun, even though the weather was overcast and drizzled a couple times for a little while. Then out to dinner (Turkey fingers for me, yum) and then off to the light house to drink and tell dirty jokes. Funnier than any of them was when Juste accidentally said "perlupsiu" instead of "pertauksiu." She meant to say "excuse me, i'm going to interupt you," but said instead "excuse me, i'm going to whip the shit out of you."

Saturday Sirvydas and I woke up early and went to the nude beach. We played Naked Frisbie and jumped into the water and came back, cause it was cold and windy. Breakfast and a nap, the best nap ever, incidentally, and then...dinner, I guess (the best Saltibarsciai and Potato Pancakes with Meat and Mushroom sauce ever), and then more of the same as last night, with Aurimas, Laura, and Egle, except with Sirvydas and me leading the conversation for a great chunk of time, because Laura is a camp counceller here, and she was curious about Neringa, and once we got started, forget about it.

Sunday off to the dunes and the home of Thomas Mann, where we remenisced for an hour about the Simpsons. Then off to dinner again (chicken salad) and then back home for some wine. There was a concert/party going on but we were beat. The highlight of that was when Juste asked Aurimas if his twin siblings are the same age.

Monday Sirvydas had a cold, so he gave his rented bike to Aurimas to bring back, so he and Gedas and I rode home, this time in amazing, perfect weather. In the end we went to seperate ports, Gedas and I both claim that the other caused the misunderstanding, the result being that Aurimas didn't have time to ride the bike to my place, so we both had to ride to the station. So they all leave on the train, and I'm stuck with two bikes. I tried riding one and holding the other, no go. So I left one with a cop at his post, which made me nervous, but I had little choice; there was no place around with cameras. So with my two trips home with the bikes I ended up riding about 70+ km yesterday/45 miles.

at work.....

...for no reason. they got this funny way of counting vacation days in lithuania: they include weekends. so by coming into work for a couple hours friday and monday i save four vacation days.

My First Date with a Mommy

Well, there's not really many highlights here, except for my suggestion we back to her place:

Mommy: And what about my child?!?!
Aras: So? I'll be Uncle Aras!

She wasn't very amused.

Mommy: I don't bring "Uncles" home in front of my daughter.

Well, I thought it was funny.

And then there was another incident in something that's becoming an epidemic. There's this odd habit Lithuanian girls have to never (usually not) go home the first night, and they always say the same thing, the exact same words: "next time." This happens about half the time, which is often enough that I suspect them of being part of a secret society that lays down rules for how to trick men into thinking they're virtuous or something. I probably get this especially often since I'm such a great guy, and they don't want me to think they're nonvirtuous, cause they want to marry me. What are they thinking? If they wait till the second date that's like the same as waiting till after marriage?

I'm in favor of this practice on priciple, since I'd never consider marriage with a, uh, floozy, but its practicle application is no fun.

Only in Vilnius...

Once again, an accidental meeting. Last night at Bix Sirvydas and I bumped into our nephew, Mindaugas Vebra, and our step cousin, Evaldas Bucka. We played Circle of Death and Asshole with some dark beers.

Also, this song is very funny!

What could be more appropriate for his 18th birthday?

Last night Sirvydas and I went to town in Vilnius. We met Gedas and Juste, and after a beer at Seth we went up to Gedimino Pilis (Castle) with some cocktails. That was fun. Then we went to meet Aidas and Kristina and these two brits, Alex and Smoggy, at Aido place. After a few drinks we took off. The brits had been in Lithuania for a week without seeing any naked Lithuanians, so Kristina suggested we go to a nudy bar.

None of us had been to one (one currently open in Vilnius) but Aidas knew of one for some reason...and somehow it was only 20 lits to get in. The ones you get flyers about on the street are all 80.

We went in and got a table kinda far from stage. The dancers walked all around, though, doing lap dances. Kristina, clever as always, suggested we start yelling in English. Aidas starts yelling "We Love Lithuania!" and I joined in. This one comes over and gives me a lap dance, and I slipped her ten lits, but only after a good long time ;)

Then I was out of money, but Aidas reminded me that I had 1000 Byelorussian Rubels on me, about 30 cents US. Note: in the US people use dollars, but in Europe the smallest denominations are usually 10-notes (ten litas = about 3.50USD), so this grand I have in my pocket is almost worthless.

But I agreed to use it on one, which is funny enough that Aidas and Kristina start shouting for a dancer to come over (I think they might be my Guardian Angels, or maybe just Kristina is and Aidas is my Guardian Devil, but they've teamed up for some reason). I'm waving the bill around folded up and sure enough one comes over, and dances even longer than the first one, and I make sure to slip the bill in the back where she won't see it until she goes to the locker room or whatever.

Aidas: Let's get your brother a dance!
Me: He's got no money left, and neither do I now!
Aidas: it doesn't matter!
Me: Oh yeah, right!

There's no set cost here, getting a lap dance is like sittine next to the stage, you just give 'em money as long as you want to. So Aidas, Kristina and I start yelling for one to come over and pointing at Sirvydas and within a minute the boy, whose 18th birthday was last week, was getting his first lap dance. It was quite a sight: he was the most attentive I've ever seen him in my life, no blinking!

A Good One

Londone i ta pati bara vis megdavo uzeiti vienas lietuvis ir du estai po darbo alaus pasiurbti.

Taip ir murksodavo trijule vos ne kiekviena vakara su alaus kausu.

Po kurio laiko lietuvis isvyko gimtinen. Estai, like vieni, atejo i ta pati bara liudesio del draugo isvykimo aplaistyti.

Staiga vienas ju sako kitam:

-Klausyk, o ar tu zinojai, kad pas ta lietuvi shiknoje dvi skyles?

-Ne! Kaip taip, negali buti!? - pradejo stebetis antrasis.

-Taip taip, tikrai! Zinok, kiekviena karta, kai mes visi trys ateidavom i sita bara, barmenas mus vis pasveikindavo tardamas "And here comes the Lithuanian with two assholes!"

Complaining always works, and WOW sucked

Another complaint I made last week:

I went to one of my favorite clubs, Memelis, and there's tables on the dance floor (there's a real lack of competence in the management here). I went to the bar and asked G. (cute but a little mean looking) why it's so empty:

G.: It's early yet.
Me: You think so? Where are they going to dance?
G.: There's still room for dancing.
Me: Where?
G.: There!
(The room she's talking about is so small between tables it's really just a walkway)
Me: Nobody understand that area's for dancing, and nobody will, G.
G.: I know...I've already complained.
Me: Pass on my complaint too please, would you G.?
G.: (Smiles and nods)

Last night I went back to check and the tables are gone! Unfortunately, I think everybody else who went last week figured Memelis is beat for the summer, so it was still only half full last night, mostely tourists.

And War of the Worlds, the film, sucked. Besides not making any sense (e.g. the martians came here to bury the tripods a million years ago, and are only coming to use them now? why didn't they take over the planet then?), the film also skipped the entire moral of the story, which was the reason Wells wrote the book, which you can get by reading the last chapter of War of the Worlds, by H. G. Wells

Complaints

I have food poisoning. My next and back hurt. I have a head ache and a stomach ache. I'm tired. I feel week. It hurts when I cough. My eyes are sore. There's no toilet paper. Everybody is slow. I don't know the numbers. I haven't had coffee in two weeks. I'm hungry but I can't eat. I'm tired of the same tea all the time. My bed is uncomfortable. The water in my toilet has been running for two weeks. The dishes are dirty. I don't have room for all my shoes/shirts/sweaters. I hate ironing. My Brita filter is expired. I'm sun burned. I'm out of eggs. I'm thirsty. The lights in my office are too bright. I'm out of staples. My scotch tape doesn't have a dispenser. My headphones are broken, they're all taped up.

Sahara--Great Movie!

I especially loved how realistic it was, like the scene where they're handcuffed to a truck bed and then all of a sudden they're not, and how they always figure everything out right away, like where in the building the bombs are, or where in the desert penelope cruz is.

So it was modesty, and then a weird, weird night

Went back to the nude beach with much finer weather. There were more people, including some young couples, many swimming. This one girl was cute, except I had to do a double take to decide weather she was naked or just topless...yuck.

However, they were still all stationed in the bushes. I was the only person out smack in the middle of the beach.

Then (clothed) I went for a few beers with Saidas, and I ate Lasagna at Onyx, which was good, except I think they used ketchup for tomato sauce...yuck. We watched Lithuania lose to Liverpool again.

I went to bed, and I had no water by my bedside, but, genius that I am, I though "fuck it," even though I was dehydrated from the beach and beer. While I was getting ready for bed I was thinking about traveling through Neringa with a woman, hurrying because there was a storm following us. So I dreamt that we, a bunch of people, were biking to Nida and there was a storm following us. We all got under the shelter of some restaurant without getting wet, except for Saidas who was drenched. He came up to me and said Dude, I need to take a piss. Then I woke up and realized I needed to take a piss, but I didn't want to get out of bed because it was freezing cold! I was shivering like an epileptic or something. It was so cold after I took a piss and filled up my water bottle I put on another blanket. Back to the dream: now we were all Cepelinai lying side by side in an oven, and then I woke up again and it was hot! I threw off the extra blanket. Back to the oven for an hour, and I woke up again and had to turn the fuckin fan on it was so hot. Back to sleep, and an new dream begins: some kind of bad guys catch me and my buddy and they think we know something we don't. They're grilling us, and I know they're probably going to kill us, so I'm being super suave and friendly and helpful to try to get on their good side. Then I woke up again, and it was back to the Cepelinai dream. And every time it was hard to fall back asleep because I'm a little sunburned everywhere.

Looking for some privacy? Go to the Nude beach!

Yesterday afternoon I finally dared to hike out to the nude beach. I say hike because it's a hike! Immediately when you get to Smiltyne, across the Curonian Lagoon, the women's beach is to the right, general beach to the left. The general beach goes on for a few miles. Then there's the men's beach. And only after that is the coed nude beach.

There was almost nobody there. And the few people that were there were hiding behind bushes. I'm not sure if it was because of modesty or the cold; the wind was blowing so hard and the sun was behind clouds, mostely, so much that even I planted myself behind some bushes, ate some salad and hunter's sausage, read some Solzhenitsyn, took a nap wearing my sweatshirt but no pants, and took off at 5:30. The weather looks better today, though, hopefully I can get a little color on my cheeks.

Thigs I am/am not afraid of

Things I AM afraid of:

Guys with brain surgery scars pounding vodka (grow some hair you fuckin hooligan)

Bees

Stairs/ladders (only coming down when it's steep)


Things I AM NOT afraid of:

Guys who swear too much and/or don't button up their shirts

Children

Gin

Being the only guy on the dancefloor