Stink Bag

I ran out of deodorant a few days and haven't replenished my supply yet! Oh no! I'm at work thinking "Damn what's that fuckin stench, the French? No, it's me! Sacré bleu!!!"

braga larga equals interesting week-bend!

i came to vilnius and met my special lady and baby on friday, and we met up with my buddy aurimas immediately because he had a test the next morning, so he couldn't come to my place to party, which is what was on our agenda. we went to chili pica near the station, and the waitress comes, and i'm like "kalnapilis please!" and she's like, "big or small?" and i'm "big! the biggest!" and she's like "a liter?"

oh o. shit. i didn't think they had liters. i'd just had a couple liters on the bus, and i was in a bit of a hurry to get home, but what could i say now? "sorry, just kidding, i'm not a real man... sorry, i was just kidding about wanting a grand beer, bring me a meek one... i'm a little tea cup, short and stout..." so i ordered a liter.and then so did my special lady. and then so did aurimas. and shrtly we were joined by liepa's boyfriend karolis, who also ordered a liter. after the liter aurimas decided to come party after all :D

friday it was chill, chatting with everybody, and frequent comments from a certain somebody who was nervous about meeting my mother, who was coming home late after a wake in a place far, far away.

saturday she and i and lokys and liepa and karolis went for a walk, and lokys and i went sledding, can i show you the video of that via blogger? it's kinda funny.

the most noteworthy event that evening was that after finally after talking my special lady to hit the sauna with me, we got locked in! called liepa, and she was like "OH MY GOD WE'RE COMING RIGHT NOW!!!" she thought we we're in the actually sauna room, not able to get out the the sauna's anteroom, even though that's as far as any sane person would have brought his cell phone. lokys couldn't fix it from outside. he ran around (naked after the sauna through the snow) the house to give me a screwdriver, but the screw holding the handle in place was stripped, no go. so she and i had to climb out the window and run around through the snow and climb up the balcony, which i was carful to be careful going over, cause it's just above crotch height, but i still managed to slip and drop my 97kg on lefty...

I hope this is just because of how extrememly good looking I am

Lately more strangers have started addressing me in English, like waitresses or people at the gym. I thought, wtf, has my accent gotten worse? So I says to my special lady, I says, "wtf bizzatch, you were sposed ta have a good influence on my goddam language skills!" And my special lady then, she says "Shoot the fook up, ya bloody raising tart, I dinna fookin da yarball!" She's Lithuanian-Scottish, did I mention that?

So then yesterday evening I'm in line at Media (grocery store), and I get up to the register not having said a word, and the cashier's like "Hello," and I just chuckle, and then she's like "Ten seventy-one please," and I'm like, "Atsiprasau, ar galima paklausti kodel visi mano, kad as uzsienietis?!" And then she cracks up out of embarrasment and apologizes and says she can't exactly even put her finger on it.

So I assume it's my better than average looks, my trim beard (i think it might be metrosexual), my wardrobe being mostely foreign, and my plastic rimmed glasses. And then my accent, but that's only after I open my pie hole.

Sms inbox from 2.6.2006 onward…

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So Cold-Oh My GOD!

It's so friggen cold I can't believe it, here's an sms I wrote somebody this morning:

Oh my God I'm freezing my FUCKIN FACE OFF!! Yeah HABIBI: Fuck! As myliu Tave, davai paglostyk man snuki! Shit salta! I'm gonna kill myself! God as [blah blah blah]

One of those days?

I go upstairs to work with better wireless than we gots on the first floor, and the girl whose office i'm in gets invited to something clandestine... "hey! come on! you gotta come, we're gonna...um..you know...get those books ready for you..." reply: "Uuh, yeah, I know what you mean, I'll be there..."

i don't know why i was kept out of the loop, but so i dip in there to give the girl her office key, and low and behold 20 women boozing and snacking, and i tried to just dip out and let em shoot whatever secret shit they're shooting, but you know this situation...there's no way they're letting their only male colleague go after he's made an appearance...

it was a birthday, and i could accept champagne and refuse brandy only so many times, wtf? so i got half drunk, and than this bitch from the bank calls me for like the tenth time to offer me a presentation about savings options, and finally i'm like alright, i can come to day at five thirty, and she's like how about earlier, and i'm like no way, i've got a job [slurp my brandy], i got work to do.

so then i leave and as soon as i get back to my own desk my reminder goes off on my cell phone, i got to go to university to get my equivalency degree requirements arranged! and i say to my colleague "shit, i'm half drunk and now i gotta go do this?!" and she's like "whatever, just tell them it was somebod's birthday, you're a human being..."

so i go do that, no problem, except i was sweating cause i just marched there, cause i'm a friggen soldier-kabob. but then i'm done in like 7 minutes, so then i actually could have been to the bank much earlier, but i didn't know how to get back in touch with the bitch from the bank, who actually sounds like a perfectly doable young woman (time to get my groove on and hit those low interest rates), so now i came to Kurpiai to kill a half hour on the interest, i mean, internet, before my meeting. wish me luck getting a mortgage or whatever they're gonna give me!

Someone would steal that cart if she could just get her balance!

 

This is the second one: us laughing hysterically!

We only took two photos?

This is us having some beer...

Family Dinner? Too Many Dishes!

Screw making myself family dinners. I was so hungry yesterday, though I'd been eating normally, I figured I'm probably lacking some vitamins or minerals or something, so instead of just making myself a giant sandwish or fried or deep fried meet and potatos, I thought I better go for a more wholesome sort of dinner: porkchops with mushroom/wine/cream sauce, egg noodles, and steamed broccoli. Sounds like a nice family dinner, right? Yeah, well, guess what! Afterwards you gotta clean TWO pans and TWO pots!!! WTF?! And since I always burn everything AND have no dish soap (or body soap, incidentally, or shampoo) that's really really hard! Last time I ever do that. Those dishes are gonna be sitting in my sink for days.

Gedo and Juste's Visit

Fiday, which is what we call Friday in Lithuania, I half jokingly said to Gedas, "Klaipeda part of your plans for the weekend?" And he was like, "that may in deed be a perfectly cromulent suggestion, dude!" And so I was all, "oh wow, that's cool, man, yeah man, hardy har har, this land is my land !" So he and Juste hitchhiked here, which was impressive, because they had a late start. Last time I tried to hitchhike to Klaipeda from Vilnius with such a late start I had to sleep in a dumpster with Rastenis...that idiot! :)

Anywho, they showed up and I shoved a mushroom-pepperoni pizza into the oven, and after we greedily gobbled it down and looked at my more interesting photos and videos I've taken so far over some vodka martinis we jetted to Troba (The Shack) for beers. Photos to come, whenever I figure out how to load them here.

They kicked us outta there at two, and we walked back. I knocked on the door for the company monkey to let us in, and I turned around and saw that Juste was still holding a beer in a glass we'd won by ordering enough beer. "She can't see you bringing that inside! DRINK IT!"

So Juste takes a tiny little sip, and I can already see the woman coming. "Gimme that I'll help you!" I chugged like half a beer in two seconds, but a significant amount spilled itself down my cheeks, and I was still wiping it off my face as the door was opened for us.

The next morning we had to get up at 7 to make the 9:10 bus to Village. That didn't happen, even though my special lady, upon my request, called to wake me up. "Yeah, okay, we're going," I said at 7:30. We were going to visit her and her family, whom I'd never met yet.

She called again at 9:30, "Are you on the bus already, I thought you'd sms me to say so by now."

"Um, well you see, um, what happened was, um uh ah ammmmmmmmmm.."

"ARE YOU STILL IN BED? WTF???"

"Yeah but it's not my fault! You don't understand, we um, there was, ammmmmmmmmmmmmmmm"

So we tried to make it to the 10:55, which still wasn't easy, cause I'd forgotten to finish making the truffles, so I balled them up in the morning. We got in a taxi. "To the bus station. And that be great if you could get us there in 8 minutes." He says, "no problem." As soon as we pull out we're in a traffic jam. Gedas asks him why he listens to Russian music, and they start debating history, and I keep thinking, "God, how the fuck can they casually chat about the Lublin Agreement when we're about to miss this fucking bus?!" We pulled in and Gedas jokinly said "it's probably the bus that's pulling out," but the cabby thought he was serious so he jets around to where it's pulling out and blocks it! And it was ours! NICE!!

We played Yatzi on the bus, and I won!

Then there was a funny moment. We got off the bus seperately, and I met my special lady. She wanted to hurry up, but I was like, "Wait, I have to ask you something. Remember when you told me about how you get all nervous before meeting people, but it's actually irrational, and that as soon as you actually meet them it disappears? And then I said I better not tell you you're ever going to meet my family or friends, just make it a surprise every time to avoid the anxiety? And you thought that was probably a good idea? Well, let's go over and meet those two chaps over there, then." She said if I do that I again I'll end up with a gray haired special lady by the time she's 25.

We had fun there, especially Gedas and Juste playing with the special baby, and we walked around and had a snowball fight. On the was out her mother was absolutely insistant that we take something to drink on the bus, she just wouldn't take no for an answer. So then we had this conversation:

"So, should we crack open that bottle?"
"I don't know, I don't wanna get drunk."
"Yeah, me neither.
...pause...
"But her mother said we're young men, that we should have some fun."
"Yeah, and that because we're young men, this little bit won't even get us drunk."
...pause...
"That's right, she did say that. And she's a mother. Mother knows best, right?"
"Oh yeah. But hey, she's not even just a mother, she's a grandmother! She's gotta be a genious!"
"Oh, we difinately gotta drink it then!"
"Yeah, open that thing up on the double!"

Then we went to Onyx. They closed early cause nobody was there. These idiots boarded up the main door and didn't post a sign for the side door, so only regulars realized they were open. Then to Memelis, with three highlights:

1. G&J got to hear Saido infamous cursing, e.g. "Pyzdinsim kurva blet i pirma auksta na huj!" which is the needlessly dirtiest way imaginable to say "let's go to the first floor."
2. A girl so drunk she went up on stage to participate in a dance contest including banging of clogs and wearing of a big hat. The music came on, and she drops the clogs on the floor and just looks at them, then she takes off the hat and throws that on the floor too and just looks at it. Everybody laughing his ass off.
3. The last contest we watched, girls doing something like flip cup, but instead of cups they were coasters, and instead of landing right they had to be caught in midair. We're all in the front row, and we keep shouting our own count to the MC, cause many of the calls were controversial, and then we just started shouting "give us free beer! we want free beer!!"

Stopped at the boat, cover charge forget that, so back to my place, for a lengthy heated debate about me requiring American English of my students, which was utterly pointless, it just made everybody feel bad. But then we moved onto other, more fun things and topics. Juste hit the sack, and Gedas and I were about to leave her be, but on the way out I burst out laughing, fell to the floor, dropped everything I was holding, and rolled around on the ground laughing hysterically, uncontrolably for what felt like 20 minutes, but was actually probably just one. That's never happened to me before, it was awesome, I couldn't believe what was happening.

Discovering Nature Only Through Technology

I was 35 minutes early for a meeting today at University. A week ago I probably just would have gone in and read a book (this isn't a person who is likely to be free early than the agreed time). But now that I have a digital camera, I can enjoy myself outdoors again without the company of people and partying. So I took a walk down to the German Graveyard 1939-1945 and took a bunch of photos. You wanna see 'em? Dream on! After I find enough spare time to figure out how to make slideshows and video montages or whatever the monkey they're called for dvds, then I'll try to find the time to figure out how to post some here...:D

My Comedy Rip Offs

Whenever I recall a good joke in the middle of a lecture I try to work it in, but it's never worked as well as today. We were talking about the best literature I've ever read, Franny % Zooey by J. D. Salinger, in which a man pretends that a letter which is very dear to him is actually not memorable. This is odd, isn't it? That's how I always start off, if something's odd, that means we can interpret it. Don't people usually make a big deal about getting letters, not the opposite? And then I remembered a really great comedy bit by Kevin James (Sweat the Small Stuff), and I went on to totally rip it off, the bit about how men get cards but they don't read them, just pretend to be excited about them and then open them and try to decide how long it would take to read them, and when they should stick in a nod...and if you're a man make sure you don't leave a receipt in the car that says "greeting card"..."snickers bar"...she'll be pissed about that!

Sweden Part C

Then Friday was workshop day. We had a couple workshops, the notes of which should be published in the future (I still have to type mine up because they're indecipherable, everybody thought we were only going to present them orally). I'll add them to this post or another post too. It was very interesting, the first one anyway. The working group was half made up of people I'd already talked with quite a bit, including a Hungarian dude with whom I wrote a bi-lateral, a lovely Turk with whom I also wrote one, a passionate Austrian, a talkative Portuguese doctor and a thought Finnish Canadian. The topic was preparing teachers for global classrooms, and it was a fun discussion, I was disappointed we had to cut it off after an hour and a half. The next Workshop was less intersting.

That afternoon was the least interesting ever. The least important speakers always get bumped to Friday afternoon, when nobody feels like listening anymore, which reinforces the lack of enthusiasm. The last guy droned on about like who his wife was or something for like five minutes, at which point I decided to take a bathroom break for about an hour. I went back with five minutes left to make sure I didn't miss anything, and saw that about half the hall had opted likewise.

Sweden 2

Are my new colleagues finding my blog? Statcounter showed somebody from Spain reading...Paco? Erasmus coordinator from Spain? No. Just somebody types this into google: Lokys Stupid Idea.

Anyway the blunders started turning into successes. The next day was speeches at the conferene center, where the hotel was also. It was slightly less interesting than the first day, but during meals and coffee breaks I got more chances to arrange the future of my College. But then after three was big deal making time, each country got a table to set up materials from their institutions, and everybody walked around meeting people. That evening there was a band that played Swedish folk music before and after dinner, which was a herring appetizer (delicious) and a reindeer main course (delicious). The music was okay, I recorded a little of it. I’m not a huge fan of folk music beyond my own folk. I always understood that to be the point of it, not the music itself. That night I joked around with the bartender enough that he hooked us up with free drinks, and then we spiked them with bobeline.

Sweden: a series of successes...no wait, those are called blunders!

So my trip to Sweden began with alot of quality moments, letäs see if i can remember all of them. Hmm. No. Iäm surely forgetting some, cause this wonät make up a series, but letäs see anyway. Upon arrival I put down my stuff at an ATM to take out some swedish crowns. When I was done I noticed a wet spot around my duty free bag. I guess I put it down too hard. Sorry Sarunai, no starka for us. Ö(

Then, possibly because Iäd had to be up since four, or more likely because I couldnät stop day dreaming about my sepcial lady, I was about to get off the shuttle bus without my jacket. Luckily I was traveling with a couple women who helped me out. Then I was about to get off the subway without my suitcase. nice. i had to get up at four though, so thatäs my excuse, plus i couldnät stop daydreaming about my special lady.

Scrumdiddlyumtious

tried to copy teta lijoje's scrumdiddlyumtious recipe for pancakes with cottage cheese filling this morning, and i came really close. it was even more orgasmic than hot sandwiches, since i mixed my special lady's cherry preserves in with the cottage cheese...oh my GOD!

i was so lucky, i expect, because i used a really old fashion cook book from the 50s that my mommy purposefully sought out for me for christmas, or special ordered or something. it's hard to believe that we're all so trendy hash slingers today that all the great stuff from the past is forgotten in the states.

The Battle of Wills has Begun

My special baby sleeps in the same room as my special lady and I. Sometimes she wakes up and starts screaming. Not crying, just screaming. Not upset, just determined to impact her environment (us). She's teething too, but I don't see how getting into bed with us makes the pain go away instantly.

So it's on now. When I was a baby my parents tried the thing where you just let the baby cry out the night, and the baby'll be so exhausted the following evening he'll sleep like a...um...baby. I totally defeated them, I bawled incessantly for three nights in a row until they caved in.

Can I be as stubborn a parent as I was a baby? Can I will myself to sleep with my special baby howling herself silly ten feet from my ears? I'm pretty confident. After a while last night my special lady caved in, though, right as doubts were possibly about to start creeping in my direction.

To make the battle easier, I figure I can make sweet frozen waffles (they're not for sake in Lithuania), to give her something to suck on and numb her teeth at the same time. Or, I can poke out my ear drums. Any advice?

Smores for Lunch

I totally just had eight smores for lunch. There was no marshmellow, though. Colleague's new office party. Anything to keep from eating the shit in the cafeteria.

Finishing All My Work Early

Do you ever come to work and finish everything by 11a.m.? That's awsome. I had to be here at 8a.m. (8:20) to make that happen, but it's cool anyway. Luckily I have to bring one of the things to a meeting at 3; I don't think I could stand a six hour lunch.

Here's the tricks:

1. The person whose phone number you gotta find and call in the morning tells you to call back tomorrow.
2. To fill out the financing request for money next year, just copy last years and change the numbers. I got the idea for that by noticing that the proposal form they sent me was copied from last year's with the year changed, but they skipped a couple spots which tipped me off.

So now I'll catch up on things that I was supposed to do a long time ago and haven't gotten to yet.

NOT ONE ESSAY???

Papers were due in two classes yesterday, and in one class 5/13 students were absent, and of the remaining eight not one had finished his essay. The conversation that follows may be proof of one of my disorders.

Professor: What's going on here, is this a joke?!
Students: No! We had to prepare for English Grammar class!
Professor: What do you like your Grammar teacher better than me?
Students: No.
Professor: Are her classes more fun than mine?
Students: No!
Professor: Does she scent her assignment sheets with perfume?
Students: [LOL] NO!
Professor: Didn't I bake you guys cookies last semester??? Does she bake you things more often?
Students: [LOL] NO!
Professor: Don't you know English Practice is more important than Grammar?
Students: Uh, no, why?
Professor: Didn't you [Student X] just take an ESL test to go work abroad this summer?
Student X: Yes.
Professor: Did it have a bunch of Grammar questions, or was it more like English Practice, you know, talking about cleaning chores and picking vegetables?
Student X: It was all Practice.
So my class is more useful, so there! And you know I take off two points per day (out of ten)! Does she take off more than that?!
Students: If we come unprepared twice we fail the class.
Ahh... So... I have to increase the penalty, right, for you to do the work on time? Alright, I'll see about that...
Students: Nooooooooooooooooooooooo!

Thanks Rachel

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid Disorder:	Moderate
Schizoid Disorder:	Low
Schizotypal Disorder:	Moderate
Antisocial Disorder:	High
Borderline Disorder:	Low
Histrionic Disorder:	High
Narcissistic Disorder:	Very High
Avoidant Disorder:	Low
Dependent Disorder:	Low
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder:	Moderate
-- Personality Disorder Test - Take It! -- -- Personality Disorders --

Class Material

Using The Onion and Mises Institute articles as class material is a good way to expose students to everyday language and cuts down on prep time. It's especially good, for instance, to use op/ed pieces.