What do I have to say today?

Don't go to doctors. Living in a socialist healthcare system, I go to doctors all the time. They rarely do me any good, and the good they do do me ins't worth the hassle or the pain. Tuesday they shoved a hose down my throat to take tissue samples from my gut: endoscopy. Absolutely devestating, even though he told me it wouldn't hurt at all, and my throat still hurts from the procedure after two days, I'm begining to think it's infected. Guess what the brilliant conclusion of the test was: I've got a little heatburn. Thank you Doctor Deduction, you goddam genius.

Then Dr. Ear-Nose-Throat tells me I've got a hypoatrophied tonsil, I don't know, which may be causing some other problems I've developed recently. That tonsil's been like that forever, though, I told her. But it still might be responsible. Without testing it to find out if it is responsible (an easy procedure, I soon learned), she recommended I have it removed. Why not, it's free?

Oh, and get this: the clinic no longer supplies containers for urine samples, you have to bring them from home! They gave me a note, said to bring back the sample in a clean container with the note and leave it in the Pee Test Reception window. Well, it's their own fault they get to handle pee covered jars now. How am I supposed to know which of my jars are air tight and which ones are leaky? And thank God I never throw any jars away! In your face special lady, I told you they'll come in handy one day!

The Year's First BBQ

Is it still a BBQ if there was no BBQ sauce? Cause there wasn't. There were two types of grill marinated pork and pork sausages, half a potato size french fries, guacamole bean dip and vegetable for dipping. And five million mosquitoes. Here's the best part: Egle and Mindaugas show up, and I have to greet them thus "Mindaugai help! I can't find the grill!!!"

Here's Rastenio idea for my bachelor party: march me naked through the streets of Vilnius wearing only a 9-speed...something...and videotape me being forced to pick up women.

Sandles's okay then

I expected many more people to ridicule me for wearing sandles to work. I skipped the suit coat, and I've got on normal pleated trousers, not suit pants. I'm still wearing a tie though, that's the only incogruence I see. The receptionist at work though told me I'm crazy, that sandles are not propper work attire..."what will students think, you have to set an example!" Here's my example: wear sandles, it's hot out! Since only one person ridiculed me, I guess it's okay.

The Onion is even funnier...

...when you read it at lunch and your colleagues ask you what you're reading about and you tell them, and they think it's real, and they're suprised and intrigued! I remember Lokys once said some Erasmus students came over and thought the Onion articles I'd printed out to read on the bus were real, too. I didn't see their reaction though.

Never wait to buy anything

It might be gone, and then you'll be quite the jack ass!

Don't like it? Open your open restraunt you loser!

The loser in this story doesn't realize that America is a free country, and the lawmaker's no better. The more I think about it, their position isn't just un-American, it's absurd. If Mr. Díaz's law is passed, "requiring retail establishments to accept all forms and denominations of legal tender," that means fast-food restaurants can't have their "no bills larger than 20" policy. That'll be a great incentive to make counterfeit bills, Mr. Diaz. And after somebody pays for a cheeseburger with a thousand dollar bill, there won't be any small bills left to make change for anybody else, dimwit. And I just love the idea of car dealerships being forced to count $50,000 worth of pennies, that's a splendid idea. And guess what else? Do your "diverse ways” of paying for chicken wings include checks and credit cards? Because if they do, that'll increase the price of everything when restaurants are forced to pay fees and instill of those systems. So instead of the poor paying for food with the money they can get ahold of they can't pay for it at all and go hungry.

Mr. Jones and Mr. Diaz, remember how much fun you had today the next time somebody dies of starvation in Albany.

p.s. I'd be just as angry as Mr. Jones, but you know what I do when that happens? I don't throw a tantrum. I don't get the city involved (thanks for wasting thousands of tax dollars). I certainly don't try to get the place shut down, you fuckin fascist. I just don't go there anymore.