Nothin beats getting mentioned in the Onion!

Here's the top news story involving Lithuania!!!

How relaxed was my bike ride to work?

60 year old men were passing me left and right. It's a hot day, though, and I didn't wanna sweat up my clothes before nine.

Recent searches that braught people here:

From Brazil: tim robbins fan club

From the U.S.: pantsed caught on tape

From Lithuania: nude beach gay smiltyne

I didn't notice anything gay at the nude beach this weekend, I think that's a long way off for conservative Lithuanians. I was even surprised by the hetero action I noticed going on behind some scant bushes.

Two days and it's spoiled?

I made this potato salad saturday for a picnic Sunday and it was great. Then I took some to work on Monday and it was rancid. WTF? how can it spoil so fast? Can pickles make that happen? I wasn't too excited about putting the pickles in anyway, I just wanted to follow the recipe the first time making it. I made up for it by multiplying the bacon proportion by five.

The Biggest Idiot

So I got a flat tire on my bike yesterday, not that big a deal, just a three mile walk to Acropolis to get a new inner tube. But my buddy was like you idiot, why don't you get on a bus, like the 8 right there, it's empty there at its origin. So I go there and get on the 15 which will get me even closer, and it's got a big empty spot for baby carriages and the driver's only casually snide. Nice. For about 90 seconds before we turn the wrong way; apparently this bus goes out of town. Nice. So I get off and get on a 6 and the bus driver's an asshole, he's like "What, a bike on a bus?! You degenerate!" And some other passangers called me a gypsy. I get off at home and walk my bike in and take off the back wheel and carry it to the store, which is a half hour but I enjoy the walk in my black tank top and paint splattered work pants. I figured, my hands are gonna be filthy, why wear decent clothes? So I get there and get my new inner tube and notice that the nut fell off my wheel's bolt. I don't say anything though cause I feel like an idiot and don't want to admit it. I successfully switch the tube and blow it up in a couple minutes and go grocery shopping. I have to wait a good five minutes while a girl helps some Russian hag test out her water boiler before she can give me some batteries. "I need some AAA batteries."
"We don't have any AAA batteries, only AA."
"Yes you do, I can see them!"
"No we don't!!"
"I can see them, they're tight there."
"Where, here?!"
"Yes, exactly three inches above your hand."
"Oh. Well, I didn't know that."
"Yeah, see right here in the big letters where it says 'AAA?' Now, how about some non-rechargable ones?"
"Oh they're hanging over there on the wall."
"Well, fuck a duck."
So I get those and get the hell outta there, get my dry cleaning with my dirty dirty hands (it's bagged, so that's ok. I walk out passed the bike store, still not daring to admit my idiocy, hoping to find it on the way home. Yeah right. I walk home, no luck, it's not in the kitchen, time to turn around and go back.

I call my special lady to whine about my bad luck, and ask her how to say nut, that is, "What's the thing called that screws onto the end of a bolt?" She says, "in slang at least it's a 'kalpacokas.'" So I repeat it with her ten times so I don't sound stupid. I go in there and tell the guy that on my way here the first time I lost my kalpacokas, and show him the bolt. He looks at me like I'm a fuckin idiot, which I feel is more than I deserve for the nut falling off. They don't have them there, but he tels me where to try the next day.

On the way home I call my special lady again, and tell her I have to go to the specialty bike parts shop, and say I hope I don't have to buy the bolt too, maybe they only sell it as a set, and that could cost alot, like a hundred lits. She says, "there's no way a new inner tube costs that much!"
"What innertube?
"You said you lost the cap to your inner tube."
"What are you talking about? I said the part that screws onto the bolt."
"Oh, I thought you meant the cap to the inner tube."
"I said 'bolt' five times. Wait...does kalpacokas mean the cap on the inner tube?!"
"Yes."
"So I just went into the bike shop, held the bolt out to show the shopkeeper, and told him 'I lost the cap off my innertube?! That's why he looked at me like a fuckin moron!" I was so sad I could have cried.

Plus this morning I couldn't even find the bolt, so I can't get a new nut today.

The View out my office window, upon request...it's actually four times wider than this, but when I shoot the whole panorama I lose all the lighting...

even here the lighting doesn't do the scene justice!

Awesome Weather is Awesome

Been riding my bike to work/university/libraries five days running in the best weather ever--it's amazing!

Wrong Field?

As you may know, I'm studying for a master's degree in Educational Management. Today we had to present our informational projects and take a test for Educational Politics class. Mine was a pamphlet about my International Office (which I'll use for work too). I went last, because I was late (moving a file for printing: how can a two page document not fit on a floppy disk?!), but this didn't prepare me extra, really, because there was only one comment given by the professor to almost ever student: "don't read me what you wrote, tell me why you wrote it!" I couldn't believe my colleagues kept making the same mistake. Anyway, I made sure to do it right, plus explain which things I purposely left out, and the response was "Excellent, if this was Marketing I'd give you a ten without even taking the test! But it's Politics, so you gotta take it..."

Class on Sunday

Sometimes if you're a correspondence student (not sure if that's the proper term, actually) and you only have class for two or three two-or-three week periods per year, you have to have class all day Saturday and half a day Sunday. Luckily church doesn't start till six p.s. here.

The professor today is my master's paper advisor/sponsor/councelor, and during the break a couple other students and I had coffee with her and she mentions, "Yeah Aras has a great topic for his master's discertation, of which I have yet to see page one...you think that might happen any time soon, or what's the deal with that?"

"Ah...yeah...maybe this summer I'll get something done on that...I hope..."

The upside is you go to Chili Kaimas in the nice weather for free wireless, and the cute waitress remembers you obviously because you're so ridiculously good looking, and just starts greeting you with "Laba diena, Kalnapilio dideli? ;)"

Also, when you sit outside, you can smell, just for a moment once in a while before it passes, delicious Popeye's Fried Chicken...oh man, that's one thing I miss about the states is the quality (fast) food...in Klaipeda it's Kebabs and that's it, and the Kebabs fuckin suck except for one or arguably two places. I mean there's a McDonald's but no self respecting American expat could go there except totally wasted (I haven't even been there after almost two years here).

Phone and SMS PMS

first of all, i added a word to my phone's dictionary, so in between switching from "case" to "care" it scrolls through "BARF!"

Student: ok. it's bad for them than:)

Me, the Professor: it's bad for them "then" :)

Student: I'm LITHUANIAN!:)

Gedas: Piss baby piss!

Sarunas: Holy aras, im still drunk from last night i think. Whats the point, my friend? What is the point?! Aaaarrggghhh!

I dreamt about what I should post today, but then I forgot, so I'll just post a dream...

I'm a micro bus driver and my copilot is a robot. We're taking this micro bus full of people to someplace that's off limits (behind an Institution), across a plank bridge which is too small for the bus, I have to drive on the curb, and people have to jump off the side. I drive up the steps to the security guard, and he goes, "You deliverin' the biobenzadrine tanks?"

I says, "Yeah, that's it." So I turn the micro bus around to walk it down the other, steeper steps, and realize when I was coming up the steps after the bridge the back of the micro popped off its hindges! I lost my passangers, and they're cought in there, cause it's like a horse cargo car, actually. So my robot and I go back to find them, but it's really hard cause there's alot of horse cargo car-like cars stuck at the buttom of the steps, but they all seem to be empty.

Then we hear screams from the swamp that the bridge passed over, and realize that when the cargo car popped off its hindges it must have fallen into the swamp! I can't see where the screams are coming from, though, the sounds origin illudes me, the swamp is murkey like Yoda's swamp. With all their screaming the guard realizes something's amiss here, and sounds the alarm.

"Fuck those guys, we got any way outta here?!" I say to my mute robot copilot. He lifts up a dirty, rusty old Jet ski from behind the old horse cargo car-like cars. "Wow, does it work?!" He pulls the rip cord, and on the third try the motor revs up and he drops it in the water and jumps in the drivers seat, and I grab on to the waterskiing handles. He takes off and right before the slack is up a guard jumps out from behind a pillar and shoots my robot in the back-AMBUSH! I let go the waterskiing handles and dive under water to start a new life...under the sea.