Top of the list: Eggnog! Homemade is way better than store bought, especially since there isn't any in Lithuania. Compared to this, the other miracles are merely hocus pocus.
In fact, why don't I skip writing about the other things? I mean, the cod was awesome, but not compared to the eggnog. Nothing is awesome compared to my homemade eggnog, not even white russians or margharitas or Fry's dad's special eggnog. The eggnog was fantastic. I was afraid it would suck, like homemade whisky sours, which made it even more awesomer when it didn't.
Hint: 28 servings might be too much for 5 people or even 7. You'd think 5 people could kill a gallon easy, delicious as it is, but not after a long, long day and a long, long dinner of 12 dishes. You'll just want to go papa.
Tuesday, December 26, 2006
Friday, December 22, 2006
They gotta learn politeness
I have a second job at the moment teaching advanced English to a few groups of professionals. So in class this morning, I ask each student as I go through role call "What's new? Anything interesting happen this morning?" Each student talks a bit, it's like a warm up activity. One student went on for about 15 minutes about a chat he had with his CEO about why it's vital for them to have alternate energy sources. We got through all the students, and I asked if they had any question. The point is, I choose a question for role call that I'll have an answer for myself. They have to learn to be polite and ask the same question back, like: How you doing? Good, how you doing? Finally one does, and I say:
Something certainly did! I got in a cab to come to work, and the driver didn't know wher Soc. Mokslo Kolegija is, so I just to him to go down Minijos gatve. He was trying to figure out where it was, but I just told him I'd explain it along the way. Then I'm thinking, when we get there I'll point out the college next door, so he knows where it is for future reference. That'll be my good deed of the day, or whatever, and then I screamed at the top of my lungs "ATSARGIAI!!!" And then BAM (I punch my right hand into my left palm) we hit this lady in the middle of the street. She rolls up agains the windshield, then off the hood onto the street. We both just sit there silently for what seemed like about 30 seconds, then he got out to help her up. I could tell before he even got out that she wasn't dead, she was already moving around on the ground. What was I supposed to do at that point? Get out and help? Get out and run away? I didn't know. I was in a state of shock. When she stood up I could see something sticking out of the top of her purse, a large bottle of vodka. A cop stopped on the other side of the street and came over. They put her in the back of the cab. Finally I got over it and got out, told the cop the driver wasn't at fault, gave him my phone number, and just walked away.
Student goes, "That was your cab?! Traffic's backed up for miles!"
Another student goes, "So...you had an intersting morning?"
Something certainly did! I got in a cab to come to work, and the driver didn't know wher Soc. Mokslo Kolegija is, so I just to him to go down Minijos gatve. He was trying to figure out where it was, but I just told him I'd explain it along the way. Then I'm thinking, when we get there I'll point out the college next door, so he knows where it is for future reference. That'll be my good deed of the day, or whatever, and then I screamed at the top of my lungs "ATSARGIAI!!!" And then BAM (I punch my right hand into my left palm) we hit this lady in the middle of the street. She rolls up agains the windshield, then off the hood onto the street. We both just sit there silently for what seemed like about 30 seconds, then he got out to help her up. I could tell before he even got out that she wasn't dead, she was already moving around on the ground. What was I supposed to do at that point? Get out and help? Get out and run away? I didn't know. I was in a state of shock. When she stood up I could see something sticking out of the top of her purse, a large bottle of vodka. A cop stopped on the other side of the street and came over. They put her in the back of the cab. Finally I got over it and got out, told the cop the driver wasn't at fault, gave him my phone number, and just walked away.
Student goes, "That was your cab?! Traffic's backed up for miles!"
Another student goes, "So...you had an intersting morning?"
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
"Labas...WTF?!?! WTF!!!"
That's what my special lady said when I came home yesterday...
It was a normal day at the office, I intended to stay til 6:30. Two of the things I had to do stat were create two literature tests for my students to take today and tomorrow, and correct their last batch of esseys. After I explained what the test would be on (everything--ten time periods with an author from each, and even the best student in the group goes to her friend, "palauk, kas tas Whitman'as?"), they were very nervous. They don't understand the bell curve concept, which i use as a flexible guideline with my small groups here. They actually believe it's possible for everyone to fail, and no amount of explaining calms them down. So I made an offer to let them take the test after winter break instead, and they pounced on it.
Those two stat jobs put off, I was in a good mood...jolly, if you will. I started talking to a colleague about Christmas, and Christmas trees. She explained how easy and cheap it is to get a tree, and I was feeling so jolly I decided to do it, unbenounced to my family. Getting a tree hadn't been a priority, since we're not celebrating in Klaipeda. So it'll be a jolly surprise.
My buddy Egle's in Klaipeda for the week, so I asked her for a lift to a place near home where I'd ask my special lady's brother, whom I hadn't ever met before, to meet me to help with the tree... "Tell you brother to meet me at Maxima, I won't say why..." Luckily, I didn't have to go through with that bizarre request, cause Egle wasn't busy and offered to help with her car.
They sell trees at the kebab place right near College, but I need to get a stand first. How can I buy a tree when I don't have a stand? So we go to Acropolis. They didn't have trees in the parking lot, which is where they're supposed to be. Turns out they only have them in Maxima, but they only have imported ones, which are expensive. Information told us that only the Old Market has cheap Lugan trees, and the Kebab place. Well, as least I'll get the stand here. There was one type of good stand, but there was no price tag. How much does it cost? Noone will tell you. Apparently, Christmas time is Bitch time in Klaipeda. Normally the employees there are at my beck and call, I've always been pleased with the service there. Not now. "Can you help me find out how much this costs?"
"No, we can't do that," or "No! Can't you see I'm busy?" or "You'll find out at the register."
I go ask at information, and the employee making copies goes, "What, should I put everything I'm doing aside just cause you need help!?"
"YES! Of course you should! Jesus, don't you know who I am? I'm the customer! I'm the client, I need help, who cares about copies when there's a customer in need?! Everyone's always been helpful before, what, Christmas time rolls around, and Maxima doesn't give a shit about its customers all of a sudden?"
He led me to a scanner for customer use that's conveniently located on the back of a pillar, facing away from the middle of the store. The only way you could happen upon it is if you're looking for discount yarmulkes in that little nook corner of the store. I bought the stand. On the way back to the car Egle goes, "don't you need ornaments too?" Oops.
We have to drive all the way back to the Kebab place, cause the Old Market seems to be closed. I get a good tree, with a pedagogue discount. For ornaments we went to another Maxima, on the other side of town a farther than where I live. As we drive in, Egle goes "Jop tvai mat... Jop tvai mat!!!" (Terrible Russian curse words) The parking lot's full of Christmas trees. Whatever, we loaded up on ornaments and skedaddled back home. We got the tree out slowly, since it was a big fudaker and it was jammed in there all the way up to the windshield. My special lady hears us coming and opens the door and says,
"Labas"--massive intake of breath--"WHAT THE FUCK!? WHAT THE FUCK!!!"
And my special baby's jaw drops, eyes wide, and she starts screaming "KAS ČIA!? KAS ČIA?! KAS ČIA!? KAS ČIA?! KAS ČIA!?" (What's this!?) Good thing I got the plastic ornaments, since her understanding of "Let's decorate the tree" is pretty similar to her understanding of "Let's bounce these orbs on the floor!"
It was a normal day at the office, I intended to stay til 6:30. Two of the things I had to do stat were create two literature tests for my students to take today and tomorrow, and correct their last batch of esseys. After I explained what the test would be on (everything--ten time periods with an author from each, and even the best student in the group goes to her friend, "palauk, kas tas Whitman'as?"), they were very nervous. They don't understand the bell curve concept, which i use as a flexible guideline with my small groups here. They actually believe it's possible for everyone to fail, and no amount of explaining calms them down. So I made an offer to let them take the test after winter break instead, and they pounced on it.
Those two stat jobs put off, I was in a good mood...jolly, if you will. I started talking to a colleague about Christmas, and Christmas trees. She explained how easy and cheap it is to get a tree, and I was feeling so jolly I decided to do it, unbenounced to my family. Getting a tree hadn't been a priority, since we're not celebrating in Klaipeda. So it'll be a jolly surprise.
My buddy Egle's in Klaipeda for the week, so I asked her for a lift to a place near home where I'd ask my special lady's brother, whom I hadn't ever met before, to meet me to help with the tree... "Tell you brother to meet me at Maxima, I won't say why..." Luckily, I didn't have to go through with that bizarre request, cause Egle wasn't busy and offered to help with her car.
They sell trees at the kebab place right near College, but I need to get a stand first. How can I buy a tree when I don't have a stand? So we go to Acropolis. They didn't have trees in the parking lot, which is where they're supposed to be. Turns out they only have them in Maxima, but they only have imported ones, which are expensive. Information told us that only the Old Market has cheap Lugan trees, and the Kebab place. Well, as least I'll get the stand here. There was one type of good stand, but there was no price tag. How much does it cost? Noone will tell you. Apparently, Christmas time is Bitch time in Klaipeda. Normally the employees there are at my beck and call, I've always been pleased with the service there. Not now. "Can you help me find out how much this costs?"
"No, we can't do that," or "No! Can't you see I'm busy?" or "You'll find out at the register."
I go ask at information, and the employee making copies goes, "What, should I put everything I'm doing aside just cause you need help!?"
"YES! Of course you should! Jesus, don't you know who I am? I'm the customer! I'm the client, I need help, who cares about copies when there's a customer in need?! Everyone's always been helpful before, what, Christmas time rolls around, and Maxima doesn't give a shit about its customers all of a sudden?"
He led me to a scanner for customer use that's conveniently located on the back of a pillar, facing away from the middle of the store. The only way you could happen upon it is if you're looking for discount yarmulkes in that little nook corner of the store. I bought the stand. On the way back to the car Egle goes, "don't you need ornaments too?" Oops.
We have to drive all the way back to the Kebab place, cause the Old Market seems to be closed. I get a good tree, with a pedagogue discount. For ornaments we went to another Maxima, on the other side of town a farther than where I live. As we drive in, Egle goes "Jop tvai mat... Jop tvai mat!!!" (Terrible Russian curse words) The parking lot's full of Christmas trees. Whatever, we loaded up on ornaments and skedaddled back home. We got the tree out slowly, since it was a big fudaker and it was jammed in there all the way up to the windshield. My special lady hears us coming and opens the door and says,
"Labas"--massive intake of breath--"WHAT THE FUCK!? WHAT THE FUCK!!!"
And my special baby's jaw drops, eyes wide, and she starts screaming "KAS ČIA!? KAS ČIA?! KAS ČIA!? KAS ČIA?! KAS ČIA!?" (What's this!?) Good thing I got the plastic ornaments, since her understanding of "Let's decorate the tree" is pretty similar to her understanding of "Let's bounce these orbs on the floor!"
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
Dos and Don'ts of a Trip to Portugal
Do help the old couple who don't speak English or German get to their terminal with you; it'll make you feel good, especially when you find out they're Lithuanian!
Don't expect many people to speak even basic English.
Do bring sandwich stuffs, since the closest pizzaria is on the other side of the mountain.
Don't buy the wifi service for 20 euros/day, you won't use enough of it to be worth it, especially since it doesn't work in the fucking rooms, you have to sit in the lobby or bar.
Don't order the sausage and cheese platter, unless you like things that smell and taste like vomit.
Do be honest with the waiter when he asks you if you like it; an assertive "no!" will win you a free seafood salad that they were probably going to throw away. It'll be very good, actually, what you (I) should have ordered in the first place.
Don't be a pussy, bitch about the flash being broken on the disposable camera you got at the hotel until you get all the way up to the manager; he'll give you your money back, let you keep the camera, and state that he's canceling the hotel's agreement with kodak!
Do respect the fact that you're in a great wine making country: buy dėž for your golf flask! (photo to come)
Don't hesitate to return the dėž after it gives you a pounding headache!
Do ask for pedagogue discounts; I got up to 20% off from street vendors.
Don't go looking for Zemarin (locally made clothing, always my gift of choice) on foot and after six; you won't find it and your legs will hurt for days.
Do have cocktails before the Oceanarium; it'll be much more intersting if you're going alone.
Don't have cocktails before the National Confectionary; you'll accidentally spend 30 euros on sweets for your colleagues.
Don't expect many people to speak even basic English.
Do bring sandwich stuffs, since the closest pizzaria is on the other side of the mountain.
Don't buy the wifi service for 20 euros/day, you won't use enough of it to be worth it, especially since it doesn't work in the fucking rooms, you have to sit in the lobby or bar.
Don't order the sausage and cheese platter, unless you like things that smell and taste like vomit.
Do be honest with the waiter when he asks you if you like it; an assertive "no!" will win you a free seafood salad that they were probably going to throw away. It'll be very good, actually, what you (I) should have ordered in the first place.
Don't be a pussy, bitch about the flash being broken on the disposable camera you got at the hotel until you get all the way up to the manager; he'll give you your money back, let you keep the camera, and state that he's canceling the hotel's agreement with kodak!
Do respect the fact that you're in a great wine making country: buy dėž for your golf flask! (photo to come)
Don't hesitate to return the dėž after it gives you a pounding headache!
Do ask for pedagogue discounts; I got up to 20% off from street vendors.
Don't go looking for Zemarin (locally made clothing, always my gift of choice) on foot and after six; you won't find it and your legs will hurt for days.
Do have cocktails before the Oceanarium; it'll be much more intersting if you're going alone.
Don't have cocktails before the National Confectionary; you'll accidentally spend 30 euros on sweets for your colleagues.
Friday, December 08, 2006
Another Coincidence?
Man, this is so interesting, I can't believe it!!! 73% of my yahoo folders start with non-unique starting letters:
- Family
- Funny
- Internet Orders
- ISC Courses
- Valdas
- Vault
- Wedding
- Work
Wednesday, December 06, 2006
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
Many bloggers or one mastermind?
When a normal person comes across dozens of very similar webpages through the course of his life, he'll probably think it's a coincidence. When a suspicious person comes across dozens of very similar webpages through the course of his life, he'll probably think people just get ideas from each other all the time. When a paranoid person person comes across dozens of very similar webpages through the course of his life, he'll probably think think people are ripping off one creative person's style. When I come across dozens of very similar webpages through the course of my life, I think there's one evil mastermind behind the internet, and he's making all the webpages. There's only about authors on the internet: my blog and the blogs of my personal aquaintances, the onion, and that's it. Everything else is designed by two guys: one evil idiot that makes all the stupid pages, and one evil genius who makes all the good pages.
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