The Biggest Idiot

So I got a flat tire on my bike yesterday, not that big a deal, just a three mile walk to Acropolis to get a new inner tube. But my buddy was like you idiot, why don't you get on a bus, like the 8 right there, it's empty there at its origin. So I go there and get on the 15 which will get me even closer, and it's got a big empty spot for baby carriages and the driver's only casually snide. Nice. For about 90 seconds before we turn the wrong way; apparently this bus goes out of town. Nice. So I get off and get on a 6 and the bus driver's an asshole, he's like "What, a bike on a bus?! You degenerate!" And some other passangers called me a gypsy. I get off at home and walk my bike in and take off the back wheel and carry it to the store, which is a half hour but I enjoy the walk in my black tank top and paint splattered work pants. I figured, my hands are gonna be filthy, why wear decent clothes? So I get there and get my new inner tube and notice that the nut fell off my wheel's bolt. I don't say anything though cause I feel like an idiot and don't want to admit it. I successfully switch the tube and blow it up in a couple minutes and go grocery shopping. I have to wait a good five minutes while a girl helps some Russian hag test out her water boiler before she can give me some batteries. "I need some AAA batteries."
"We don't have any AAA batteries, only AA."
"Yes you do, I can see them!"
"No we don't!!"
"I can see them, they're tight there."
"Where, here?!"
"Yes, exactly three inches above your hand."
"Oh. Well, I didn't know that."
"Yeah, see right here in the big letters where it says 'AAA?' Now, how about some non-rechargable ones?"
"Oh they're hanging over there on the wall."
"Well, fuck a duck."
So I get those and get the hell outta there, get my dry cleaning with my dirty dirty hands (it's bagged, so that's ok. I walk out passed the bike store, still not daring to admit my idiocy, hoping to find it on the way home. Yeah right. I walk home, no luck, it's not in the kitchen, time to turn around and go back.

I call my special lady to whine about my bad luck, and ask her how to say nut, that is, "What's the thing called that screws onto the end of a bolt?" She says, "in slang at least it's a 'kalpacokas.'" So I repeat it with her ten times so I don't sound stupid. I go in there and tell the guy that on my way here the first time I lost my kalpacokas, and show him the bolt. He looks at me like I'm a fuckin idiot, which I feel is more than I deserve for the nut falling off. They don't have them there, but he tels me where to try the next day.

On the way home I call my special lady again, and tell her I have to go to the specialty bike parts shop, and say I hope I don't have to buy the bolt too, maybe they only sell it as a set, and that could cost alot, like a hundred lits. She says, "there's no way a new inner tube costs that much!"
"What innertube?
"You said you lost the cap to your inner tube."
"What are you talking about? I said the part that screws onto the bolt."
"Oh, I thought you meant the cap to the inner tube."
"I said 'bolt' five times. Wait...does kalpacokas mean the cap on the inner tube?!"
"Yes."
"So I just went into the bike shop, held the bolt out to show the shopkeeper, and told him 'I lost the cap off my innertube?! That's why he looked at me like a fuckin moron!" I was so sad I could have cried.

Plus this morning I couldn't even find the bolt, so I can't get a new nut today.