Too much X-Files?

Last night I was deserted in my aunt's house in New Haven, which was currently on a desserted island. I knew I would be able to forage for food for a while until I was discovered, but first I would have to survive an attack by the worst student I ever had. I was looking frantically for a good weapon in the kitchen, but all the knives were too flimsy. I chose something like a scepter, but long, like a broomstick. Then I heard her coming. I ran out to the stairway, and saw her and her boyfriend coming up the stairs. I lunged at them in slow motion, still deciding how best to attack. He retreated a bid down the stairs, moving back under me, while she was frozen in place. I smashed the scepter into her face as I moved out of slow motion, and then smashed him and her again, and so forth in a croutching tiger fashion, until they were incapacitated and I made sure they were dead by smashing them further, conncurent with an episode of the X-Files I watched yesterday. And then I woke up.