the numerable things i drank yesterday

two cups of coffee before leaving home, another at the 10am break, another at the 11:30 break, two more at 2pm when i ducked into work for a while (master's classes). so that's six cups of coffee: i was wired.

the last class (3:30-6:30) was canceled cause the room they put us in wasn't big enough, so everybody goes for a drink. three beers for me. then another on my way back to town after changing clothes and eating a left over chicken breast with delicious kc masterpiece bbq sauce (thanks lisa!). a beer with sabastian at onyx. then three at his place while we played quarters and saw plikusas on tv. then one on the way to memelis, one at memelis, and one on the kalnapislis boat. so that makes...11 beers. that doesn't seem like it justifies how bad i feel, but rest assured: i feel quite bad!

p.s. i had a plan worked out in case anybody noticed me coming in to work 20 minutes late. i was gonna make up a story off the top of my head about how i was buying milk and this crazy woman in front of me took forever cause she got into an argument with her husband and then her cild joined in.....the point is the story goes on forever until my superiors tire of it and have more important things to do. i know it would work too, cause the only woman who might say anything to me is one who doesn't even have time to listen to me when i'm being serious.

Mr. Fancy Pants

Toga Party was perfectly cromulent, but nothing particularly special. It was pretty much totally average. Fun but nothing worth writing about.

The next day I was getting dressed for the journy back to KL, and I had to wear the suit I wore to a conference on the way to Vilnius, cause obviously I can't pack it, or it will be so wrinckled I'll have to kill myself, cause dry cleaning is expensive, plus my dry cleaner closed, and I never want to find another one. Liepa saw me and said "Hey...I didn't know your name was Mr. Fancy Pants!"

Good Conversation

After a couple beers I walked into a pay toilet without paying, and then I tried to walk out too, but the lady started yelling at me in some language.

Me: What? (In Lithuanian)
Her: Wait, you speak Lithuanian?
Me: Sure!
Her: I thought you didn't understand Lithuanian cause you walked in without paying, despite all the signs.
Me: No, I uderstood the signs.
Her: Or I thought maybe you were in a big rush, or something.
Me: No, no rush. I was just, like, "whatever."
Her: Oh, well, if it was just, like, "whatever," okay then.

After a couple more beers on the bus going to Vilnius a Russian man at the bus station offered to sell me a trinket. Here's the converstation we had in Russian:

Me: How muchc does it cost?
Russian: Fifty Lits.
Me: How about five lits.
Russian: No, I said fifty!
Me: I understand. Five.
Russian: What?!
Me: Five: you want it or not?
Russian: How about you want me to fucks you up???

Then I walked away.

You've gotta sign this!

This is the most important petition ever! You'd have to be completely inhuman or a masochist plus totally, totally sober not to sign it.

Have a heart, sign up to get a hot hottie back in the main stream.

I'm Famous! (In my dreams...)

Last Friday I was mentioned in a local newspaper (in real life). Last night I dreamt that I was filling out some forms and I entered my qualification as "fame."

The Diminutive

A colleague just asked me what the diminutive form of my name is. I told her, and told her I've been wondering why everybody uses diminutives around here. At exactly that moment another colleague came in a called her by her diminutive, we burst out laughing, and the new colleague explained why: when we come to ask you for something and see you're wicked busy, we try to make it seem like we love you a lot so that you'll do us the favor right away; we don't love you anymore as soon as we walk out the door, of course, but we really want this favor.

My Dream

Man, I had these weird dreams again...it sucks that i've become too lazy to write them in my dream log, cause i'd remember so much more details that way...anyway, i remember me and peanut go to chris archer's house, and peanut had a knife iwth the tip broken off like the one i read about in this sherlock holmes adventure before going to sleep, and he was planning on killing grant, chris' brother, for something grant had done to christ, and i was just like whatever, i don't care, and then we got there and grant was very apologetic and shit, and chris seemed like he didn't want peanut to kill him.

and what was the other part? damn it, i remembered it over breakfast, and now i don't even remeber that...it was about..oh yeah! mike notorangelo broke up with liz white, whom he's been dating for like seven years (in real life), they might even be married now, i don't know. anyway, i dated her before that(in real life), and now mike dumped her for kristen golub, whom i never dated, but on whom i've always had a crush(in real life). and i was giving her advise. apparently, mike had dumped liz for never standing up to him, for always pretending she was happy with whatever he did even if it really bothered her. i'd noticed kristen doing the same thing, and i secretely advised her to cut it out, cause i knew mike would never confront her about it till it was too late.

A Non-Eventful Week-End

This weekend was typical and not exciting with the following exceptions: I made pizza on saturday. It was with chicken and jalapenos, and to make it extra spicy, since I still have some blue cheese from lisa to temper the spiciness, I mixed choriso in with the sauce, which is like hot pepper paste, that comes in very small packages. I mixed in maybe a tablespoon, and this thing was suicidal. Oh, and I through in some hot pepper powder for good measure. I ate it (I'll finish it for dinner) but with plenty of water and/or beer.

Then I made Banana Bread. I make it whenever I have blackened bananas, blackened from sitting around for too long. It was okay but a little dry. So, today was Cake Day at KLK, cause I don't have a girlfriend, and what am I gonna do, eat it by myself? Saidas shocked me when he asked how soon I'd be in town saturday, how long I was going to eat cake for, and I was like "Eat cake?! WTF dude! I said I'm making cake, not eating cake!" Dry as it was, I impressed my colleagues heartily, because, as they said, "Dry? Who cares if it's dry! You're a man...and you cook food!"

Sunday I actually did something interesting, I went to this Lithuanian film festical thing, which was just playing at the regular theater. Here's how it works: wake up sunday feeling like craptacularity; go to the theater to see what's playing when (instead of checking a paper); buy a book (dr. jeckel and mr. hyde, by robert luis stevenson) to help bide your time (2 hours) with a beer (carlsburg); go to the movie (AXX).

It was 12 short movies, 9 or 10 of which were perfectly cromulent, and about three of which were fucking fantastic, two highlarious and one sad/touching. I highly recommend it.

Here's the worst part: only one out of my 34 students has seen it! WTF is their problem (besides being rather limited in their English skills)???

Students are such goofs

One papers about looting during Hurricane Katrina started off with:

"In days of yore..."

Let's get un-retarded

Why is Islam the only violent religion in the 21st century? I can understand crusades and other religious initiatives in a time as superstitious as the Dark Ages, but come now, haven't we progressed beyond that? Don't you think that if the Pope declared a holy war even the most devout Catholics would say "wtf old man? go suck a shaved one!"

I don't think it's because Christians are less religious or lesser zealots (Jews certainly aren't, and I think their response would be the same), it's just that they've become peaceful religions somehow. How?

It's because Muslims are the only ones threatened at this time? The holocaust wasn't that long ago, and I never read about any Hebrew suicide bombers.

The oven disaster

The other night when I was feverish i thought it would be wise to make meatloaf and fries and pickle soup. It was sort of wise, cause in my delerium I made some changes that turned out to be delicious, even in my non-delirious state (the left overs).

Anyway, the disasterous part is that I bought this new oil that was vegetable oil mixed with sunflower oil. When I put the potato slices in it quickly boiled over, and i took the pot off the stove. I took the metal dealie that holds the pots and pans over the fire off, and there's like a pool of oil all over the whole stove. What do I do? it's too much to wipe up with anything less than fifty square meters of wash cloths, so i decide to tip the oven over and pour it into a bowl. As i begin to do this, I very luckily remeber that the meatloaf is in the over, so I save that, no problem. As i tip it more the cover falls down on me and the oven door falls open, the oil goes half into the bowl and half on the floor, and the tops of the gas dispensers fall on the floor, and i happen to try to pick up with my fingers the one that had been under the boiling potato oil, so it was still very hot. ouch.

also, the oven door becamse dislocated, and that took a while to fix. anyway, why was this damn seseme sead oil so bubbly?

that’s awesome when babies smoke

i saw this baby light up on a bus the other day, and when his mommy took away the ciggy, and said "how many times do i have to tell you, no smoking on the bus!" he started bawling like a fucking baby, and then i remembered: he is a fucking baby!

It's like switching places, or something

So here's I, Cedric (last year's frenchman), and Sabastian (this year's frenchman) on some kind of scale:

Cedric used to eat more than I, now I eat more than Sabastian;
Cedric used to drink more than I, now I drink more than Sabastian;
Cedric used to go out more than I (just a little), now I go out more than Sabastian (quite a lot);
Cedric used to be thinner than I, now I am thinner than Sabastian;
Cedric used to have more CDs than I, now I eat more CDs than Sabastian;
Cedric used to be less dissappointed in the dorms than I, now I am less dissappointed than Sabastian;
Cedric used to less technologically advanced than I, now I am less technologically advanced than Sabastian;

Anyway, enough of this. I've got a bit of a fever, so this post is probably nonsensicle, so why don't I stop now?

New Frenchman

The new French intern arrived yesterday. Sabastian, like the crab from the Little Mermaid. We haven't really gotten to know each other yet, but he seems like a stand up fellow. I'll show him around the bars tonight.

I know, I'll go for a walk

Last night I ate a big ass cheese burger and freedom fries; it was alot of food. I felt too full, so I thought, I'll go for a walk. I walked to the new mall, BIG, and thought I might buy some tea and walk home. When I got almost there I saw Saido apartment building, so without thinking I called him up for a beer. After a couple beers with him at BIG, I didn't feel any better than after the burger. However, the beers did, as always, make laundry much more enjoyable.

First Pop Quiz

I know new first years heard about me from the second years, cause they knew I speak Lithuanian (which I staunchly denied). I guess they didn't take seriously the part about what a hard ass I am, because 93.4 of them failed the first pop quiz. The average was a 28.636. It was on the second day of class. They'd read the first chapter of English Grammar for Dummies for homework. They'd been given as much time as they wanted for questions and discussion in the following class. When they had no more questions I said "Nothing else? Really? You understand everything? No more questions? Well, okay then, take out a clean piece of paper."

The thing is I was much stricter with grades second semester last year, and I noticed students putting alot more effort into learning. So I figure I won't skip first semester this year, I won't even skip the first week. If anything, I'll skip going to the bathroom and just pee out the window; how's that for dedication?

Bullshit?

Me and a couple buddies went to Palanga for an afternoon over the weekend.

At the beach Andrius went swimming with this 18 year old girl he'd started talking to about a half hour ago. Apparently, they started having sex in the water, and went to finish up in a cafe toilet. If it's bullshit, it's very consistent, cause such stories make up 90% of what comes out of his mouth.

Half of it's gotta be true, cause he showed me the videos on his cellphone:)

Making a First Impression

One of my new students asked about behavior in class on the first day.

Me: What do you mean?
He: I mean, what do you allow us to do in class?
Me screaming: I ALLOWS NOTHING!!! (Slamming my fist on my desk)

And I busted out laughing, because of the big lebowski, which they didn't realize, but they all busted out laughing anyway, because i'm such an ass.

Shock after Shock

I came back to Klaipeda last night and went out to celebrate Saido birthday. I was shocked at how terrible the music was at one of my favortie places. Maybe it was just an off night. Or maybe I was spoiled by my last couple weeks in vilnius, where they're still playing the same music they were playing four years ago, so I got, like, nostalgic or something.

Then Buddy's lover (Buddy is my age) and I started talking, and I asked her where she's studying, and says "I'm in 12th grade." Ever the diplomat, I immediately dive into asking questions about highschool in Klaipeda, as if her answer didn't shock the pants off me. Until she went to the bathroom, and I slammed my hand down on the table and said to Buddy "WHAT?! SHE'S IN HIGHSCHOOL?! WHAT?!" On top of that, she's also engaged to be married to somebody else.

Also Saidas is "dating" someone who may or may not be ugly. His theory is, "I was really drunk and don't remember her face, but as long as I'm that drunk again next time I meet her, there's no problem!"

Not too shocking, but a funny line of my sister's the other night. I told her to leave behind everything she'd stashed in her purse at a bar, cause we were going to a club where they check purses. Vilma, a cutie I just got reaquainted with from four years ago, told her she can buy all that stuff at the store for chump change. Liepa said: "I don't want to buy it, I just want to have it!"