SMS from Rastenis

"I have just bought a new car... I will be getting busy with the mechanics this weekend."

I would do anything for love, but I won't do that...and I won't be on grenade duty

Last night me and Saidas went down to Global, cause everyplace else is closed or beat on Thursdays over the summertime. I barely had energy for this, but I went cause Saidas hadn't been there for over a year.

I'm ready to bounce after an hour, but Saidas is drunk, and he doesn't want to leave just the two of us. There's these two girls dancing near us, and he tells me "nueik is pabazarink, sakyk 'what's up' ir viskas joms pochui bus!" He wanted me to pretend I'm a tourist. I don't do that, though; that's like taking advantage, or something, and anyway, if I can't pick up a girl on my own merit, I don't deserve to, and even if I did, who wants some bitch that's only interested in rich tourists? And I didn't have the strength to go though it in lugan, like I said I was tired.

So Saidas starts talking to one, and they start dancing, and the other one comes back to the dance floor, so now it's the four of us, and Saidas is trying to talk to the Cute one, leaving me the Less Cute one. She not bad, but not my style, sort of Goth but not on purpose. What I was supposed to do was jump on grenade duty, but I didn't. I would like to think that I could someday for a better cause, but this wasn't it.

It's the summer of Love!

Tuesday I go to the bank. Lovely teller. I flirt profusely (remember the waitresses in Vilnius, Rachel?).

Wednesday I have to go back, and I know I'll deal with the same teller, because I arranged it thusly. I came with a grand master plan prepared to get her phone number (I actually did plan things out, involving props, and ran it by a cute colleague who approved very enthusiastically).

She wrote down her number, all smiles, asked why, and I told her because she's beautiful and smiles so much. And then:

Aras: So, when are you free?
R.: You know what? I'm already busy this weekend. Why don't I give you my friend's number?
Aras: Um...what?
R.: She works here too. She saw us talking yesterday and mentioned that she'd love to meet you!
Aras: WHAT?!
R.: Sure! You've got a gorgeous smile yourself, you know.
Aras: Looks like things are going my way...
R.: She'll be excited to hear from you...

So I walked out of the bank with two phone numbers (oh, and i'll hear about my credit card application soon, too). And then, as if my day couldn't get any better, I found bread at Maxima made of 14% bacon! It wasn't as good as I'd hoped; I hope the same doesn't go for the tellers!

The year's first real bike ride

Yesterday i went on a a bike ride to Juodkrantis (Black Coast), on Neringa (Curonian Spit). I didn't know exactly how far it would be. It turned out to be 40km from the ferry and back, plus about 8km from my place to the ferry and back: 48km (30 miles). I took almost five hours. At least two hours were spend waiting for the ferries and eating some tuna noodle salad i brought with me, and reading some esseys, leaving me at a pace of 16+ km/h (10+ mph). i know that's not very fast. i used to ride more faster in boston, but this was my first time this route, so i was enjoying the scenery and being observant for the sake of caution. i was hoping to do this run often this summer, then the thing with I. happened, busy, then the Sea Festival; hopefully now I'll get going a few times a week.

There's nothing great in Juodkrantis. What I really wanna do this summer is bike to Nida (58km one way) and camp for a couple days and come back. Sirvydai, Loky, Gedai, Homo, Robi, Saidai, Jurgi, Tadai, Marijonai, Karoli, Aidai, Merginos (abejoju!) or anybody else inetersted let me know! I got a fat tent, and I've only used it twice, both times indoors!

Klaipeda Sea Festival

Friday afternoon Aidas Peg and Kristina Stick showed up to party for the Festival. On the way to meet them and on the way back was a stop over at Malunininkai. It's a bar that has special prices for take out with are less than shop prices: 3.20/liter of Baltijos, which is usually about double that at bars and a little less than double that in shops. Unfortunately the barmaid didn't close one of my bottles properly and now i have to wash my backpack and everything that was in it :(

We walked around and saw plenty of boats and drunks, but I'm afraid the events aspect of this festival didn't make a great impression on me. There were tons all over, and we saw alot of them, but they were much less impressive than the Durham Fair.

What we actually did for fun is what we would have done everyweekend. Friday, after a concert featuring some kind of music, we went to Honolulu. I was already a bit too tired to dance much, so no biggie there.

Saturday walked around the docks, where we saw a ton of graffiti, including "Rastenis gives the best free BJs!" Back to my place for Spaghetti and Meatballs and to change clothes for clubbing. First off to drink a bunch of dark HBH Beer at a tent, which tired out Aidas and Kristina, so I suggested stopping at a shope to make Redbull Vodkas. And we're off!

At the shop after walking Egle to her car, Saidas takes off for Honolulu again by himself, so now it's just the three of us. We get the cocktails and blah blah blah...

We hit this new spanish club, La Clalplolca or something, which is neat. I try dancing, it is good music to dance to, but only if you've got someone to dance with or get picked up within a few songs. I didn't (yet)! So I went back to the bar. This bartender was Good, with a capital G. I ordered a vodka with ice and lemon, and in about point two seconds he convinced me to get a double.

I lost Aidas and Kristina, who turned out to be resting an a tied off dark room. So I tried Memelis, which has better music to dance to if you're a loner! They're closed, so I hit Prieplauka, a bit seedy, but okay as a last resort or a change of pace. Within five mintues a girl falls into my lap, literally. I'm stading next to the bar with my vodka on the rocks (they were out of lemons!) and she stumbles right into me, and I help her onto a bar stool.

Aras: "Labas!"

She takes my cigarette, takes a puff, puts it out in the ash tray, and say: "Let's dance?" So we're dancing, somewhat sloppily, and blah blah blah, and we go upstairs to sit down with her cousins. Two of these heafty guys start givin me lip about how they'll find me and make me pay if I hurt they're little cousin (who turned out to be three years older than I). I almost left because of that, but I'm not in charge, so...

Aidas and Kristina show up, see this girln on my lap, and start cheering me on. I go back downstairs to dance with her, and I know they're watching me, so I glance up: very reminicent of American Pie, they're right behind her waving thumbs up in the air to me with devilish looks on their faces.

Her friends were leaving, and I (and A. and K.) was like "oh crap," but then I saw Jovita's cousin writing down her address for Jovita, and I (and A. and K.) was like "oh baby!" However, what Jovita had in mind was simply more dancing. But Prieplauka was closing, so we had to go to the only place left open, Kalifornia...

I'd never been there because of it's terrible reputation, plus Saidas got his nose broken there, plus Tadas stepped out of a cab into a pool of blood there. But, I'm not in charge, so...

VERY SHADY, I'll never go there again. Kids walk around in packs dropping roofies and picking fights. While I'm dancing with Jovita two kids come up, one tries to get between us (but he's not used to people not being intimidated of him, so it didn't really work) while the other offers to buy her a drink (with a roofie; he didn't say that, but...)

So we get the fuck out of that place.

Sunday morning (3p.m.) Kristina makes scrambled eggs. Quite a catch, that girl--the only person I know who makes eggs better than I do, plus she doesn't put sugar in her coffee, and she's acing med school. Lucky Aidas! And then we go to Pas Juozapa (Hash B Hash) for Cepelinai and Beer and Dirty Sanchez type jokes. And then to the Final Concert and Fireworks, for which all three of us were so tired I'm really glad it ended at 11 instead of 12.

So all in all the weekend was a blast more because of the company than because of the Sea Fesival. You're all invited to come make it enjoyable again or for the first time next year!

An AWESOME Dream

last night in my dream it was the matrix. i could dodge bullets. it was a ridiculously amazing dream. just to show off, i let jon norton, who is a soldier, shoot bullets at me, and i dodged them. i saw them all coming in bullet time, super slow, and dodged them easily, but not so easily that it didn't feel dangerous and filled me with adrenalin. it was like sky diving.

norton was all pissed off, especially after it turned out mat soule could dodge bullets too.

cleaning out the sms outbox

here's a couple smses i wrote the week sarunas was here:

1. koon's on a nippon to get

2. write about the ass hold gedas

That's the best when The Onion directly corrosponds to my job, since I read it every day at work anyway...

I can't wait to give this to students. Next year the British and American Course isn't being held, but it will be in 06/07, and I'll probably be the one teaching it. One of the authors I cover is Herman Melville. This is going on the exam as extra credit: identification of all the symbol rip offs!

MAN WHO LOST LEG TO WHALE DECIDES TO LET IT GO

NEW BEDFORD, MA—Sources close to 58-year-old Samuel Rahal, a commercial fishing-boat captain who lost his right leg in a great-white-whale attack last March, announced Monday that he has put the incident behind him and is getting on with his life. "The first to guess the score of next Tuesday's Red Sox game gets this golden coin!" Rahal told his crew as he nailed a Sacagawea dollar to the cabin of his trawler. "Now, let's get this boat full of haddock so we can call it an early day." Rahal said he plans to replace his custom-made whalebone prosthesis with an OrthoPro with flex-foot and hydraulic knee.

Chocolate Truffles

Yesterday I made chocolate truffles, because in How To Be a Man, Burmingham and Flinthart said something like "the effect they have on a normal woman is unbelievable."

Yup!

One: face lights up like Christmas morning and she just got everything she wanted.

Two: she's licking cocoa off my lips.

Two and a half: passionate kissing.

Three: we put the plate aside.

This is more or less the recipe I used; I didn't use salt or vanilla beans, and to chill I just left it till it hit room temperature. Since that didn't quite thicken it enough, I added powdered sugar till I could get gobs of it. Serve cold. I'm gonna leave the leftovers in the freezer for up to a month. Well, hopefully another opportunity to serve them comes up before then.

One Hell of a Weekend

Friday night Saidas and I pregamed at my place, then Robis joined us and we pregamed in a park, finally making it to Honolulu by 2. I didn't even get a drink at Honolulu for two hours, just dancing.

This girl comes up to me and says "do you speak English?" I'm not gonna lie to her, so I say "sure, why not?"

Then she says, and this is the fifth girl in a month to say this, "are you Italian?" I've gotten so bored of this compliment (apparently Lithuanian women think Italians are the hottest men in the world) I decide to play along, "Yup, I'm Italian!"

Now she says of Saidas, "why isn't your buddy dancing?" I look over and he's wearing a pink sweater, so I say, "because he's gay, why do you think he's wearing a pink sweater?!" She doesn't believe me, so I add "go try to kiss him and see what happens: he won't let you." "I have a husband and child!" "So? He won't let you anyway!" She went over and asked him, without trying to kiss him, dammit, and he revealed that I don't only speak English.

Saidas took off because he had to work in the morning, so Robis and I are left dancing with V. (the married one) and I. (the one I believe isn't married). Luckily we move around so that I'm dancing with I. She's not only unmarried (I think...marriage is a don't ask don't tell thing, right?) but also more goodlooking. Then we go sit around upstairs, where I continue to dance on and off I., who's drinking tequila with V. 5am closing, maybe 6, it must have been 6, cause I didn't get home till like eight. The girls didn't wanna come back to my place, where I had champagne, but they didn't wanna go home either, so we sat around the park making out till V.'s husband called at 7 to say "Where-TF are you, Wife?!"

LOL!

things i'm a fan of

manakins with nipples but no arms

when kids riding bikes spit up and forward and the spit kids them square in the eyes they yell "blet, nachui!"

the jalapeno and blue cheese combo

non-vulgar jokes

vulgar jokes too, but they're all the jokes i know, so with a repectable crowd i'm stuck

a crowd gathered to watch an old woman sitting next to a pond with a monkey

lithuanian fold songs remixed into rock n roll

when you've been running through a down pour in a raincoat with a broken zipper and you take cover under in an entry way to a building, and a drunk guy comes in out of the rain and says "i didn't make it"

cocktail waitresses

regular waitresses

which science fiction character are you?

oh crap! i'm anakin skywalker! that's amazing!

"Struggling for self-assurance over hidden angst, you are highly adept and full of surprises."

http://www.tk421.net/character/

The past few days

One friend who shall remain nameless got so drunk he smashed a couple mugs on purpose, played with his penis standing next to a table at a bar, spun around while pissing in the middle of the street, got kicked out of Pub'as for sleeping, got into a fist fight with one of his best friends, and then lost his cell phone. I'm planning an intervention. Can you have a one man intervention? I'm the only person I know whom he trusts and listens to.

Then off to Broadway (again) for some dancing. Gedas and I left because it was already 4:30 a.m. We didn't wanna be home too late. But we spent so much time discussing initiative and civic responsibility I didn't get home till 6. Crapola.

Two evenings later is Saruno going away party. I'll skip to the outrageous part. We're off to Broadway (yet again) with Marijonas and Dovidas and two young ladies. I'm dancing with the cuter one, Inga, with whom Marijonas was possibly involved, but I didn't really care, because he's a player. This other girl starts caressing my back, and I turn my head enough to see this drunk Turkish girl grinning at me. I thought, "um, that's a sure thing, but Inga's cuter, hmmm..." I decided not to switch horses midway across the river.

So I continue dancing with Inga, and this Turkish girl is absolutely all over me! She's sticking her hands up my shirt and down the back of my pants, for Christ's sake, around my waist. Inga notices, I think, and I roll my eyes to indicate that I think it's as weird as she does.

After the song ended we scurried off the dance floor.

Later that evening Sarunas ordered chicken soup at Amatininkai, but he had to leave before it came. I ate it for him, and it was one of the best soups of my life, second only to Zuppa Tuscana and my mommy's cream of asparugus (sp?).

Sarunas care about nothing!

After something like a dinner party at Zaneta's place, Sarunas and I decided to go to Brodvejus for old times sake. We went up to the ssecond floor in the quiter area and wrote smses to everyone we know using my phone, cause his was out of credit. here's the sms:

"YO we're at Broadway, it's cool I guess!"

The sms didn't manage to bring in any pals. So we started calling people. Most of them hung up quick or rejected the call, because it was already 1:30 in the morning.

Here's a call that wen't differently:

Sarunas: hey call tony pappa

Aras: okay it's ringing, here you go

S: no you talk to him!

A: i don't want to talk to him, you're the one who wanted to call him!

Tony: Hello? Hello? Hello?

S: (click)

S: hey let's get fucked up and go dancing!

This is fun, cause as you all know, if you know Sarunas, he doesn't dance much. So we go dancing (with our beers, those near Sarunas had to watche their step for his beer puddles). And we keep getting more beers.

I come back with a round and he's gone, so I go and find him in the bront area by the bar. He and a local are trying to talk to this black guy from NY. Sarunas is talking about baseball, the local is talking about how he likes "black boys." so they keep interupting each other and the local (Ass, from hereon) is getting pissed. later we're sitting in the same area with a couple russian girls and a local whom Sarunas met somehow. Ass comes up and starts talking shit to the girls for no apparent reason. His buddy comes up and rips Saruno necklace off (I snatched it from him). Sarunas tells Ass to fuck off, and Ass replies "Was someone talking to you, huh? Did you hear someone talking to you?"

I say, "Who do you think was talking to you?" He comes over and starts talking shit, and i put up my hands palms forward and start screaming "WE'RE NOT INTERESTED!" I screamed it about ten times, at which point security came over and grabbed him and threw him out. He kept his eyes on me on the way, and I could tell he was gonna wait for us, with his friends.

The guy we were sitting with had a knife, and I wanted to ask him to join us, but we'd just met the guy ten minutes ago. I probably should have anyway, but whatever.

We go to the front door at closing (20 minutes later) and there they are, so i call a cab to come right up to the door so we can jump in. so we have to wait five minutes, which is fine by the security guards. it's not fine for Sarunas, though. by some unknown motivation he goes out to face these guys. i realize what happened and am out a second later to get him back. he's already being pushed around like a rag doll, and i grab the back of his shirt and pull him back towards the door. Now Ass comes at me, and I don't have enough time to get back inside, so I put up my dukes, boxer's ready stance that I learned in boxing class at BU.

But no, he doesn't throw a 1 or a 2 or even a 4. He doesn't throw a punch at all. He...tried to kick me in the butt! WTF?! He dried to come around the side of me and actually kick me in the butt, which he did, but id didn't hurt, cause it was at the to of his range of motion, so it was just what is called potential energy (Thanks MR. Roberts). But he did manage to get all of his weight on one leg with the other up in the air, not a good idea when you're shitfaced: all I had to do was move out of his way and he fell flat on his face. "Nice performance!" I applauded, "Very nice indeed!" Lucky his friends didn't get involved

And then I went back inside, security let us out the back door. We rushed in the opposte direction and got into the first cab we found.

Sarunas has a scratch on his stomach and I've got one on my forehead (you wouldn't even notice it). Ass is worse off for sure, by his own efforts.

What's lacking in this culture that makes men love to pick fights with strangers so much? Ít's not just that Sarunas was interupting him; Ass came to town looking for a fight.