Oopsies!

When there's two left turn lanes, how can oncoming traffic have a green light simultaneously?! That never happens! Except for today, when I honked at a guy who I thought was making a right-turn-on-red, but no; turned out he had the right of way in a very fucked up intersection.

I felt bad until I remembered that earlier today somebody honked at me inappropratly: there was a right-turn-on-red sign, and the idiot honked at me for stopping insteading of turning right away, even though there was someone in the cross walk and oncoming traffic. So it's okay I guess as long as there's a bigger idiot than me out there.

Incidentally, I don't like the word for "to honk" in lithuanian: pipsinti. A very wuss word. Very diminutive. Very childish. As if honking is the automotive equivalent of a sniffle instead of a roar.

In the end, any negative feeling disappeared when we got home and I pushed my copilot into the kiddy pool! :D

cockeyed

that's awesome when a certain special baby breaks your glasses, and after wearing them crooked for a few weeks you realize, looking at yourself in the mirror, your eyes are starting to be become lopsided on your face to adjust.

A serious talk...

My special lady and I had a talk tonight about what kind of children we want. She summed up the decisions with three main criteria:

1. Gražūs
2. Protingi
3. Nehomoseksualūs

p.s. she told me not to write any more p.s.s about how gay she is.

This is a soul mate.

In six months and one day I taught my special lady to play buck euchre, gin, crazy eights, backgammon, chess, and finally cribbage (some of the game's links have messed up rules that I never heard of, e.g. buck euchre, but I like putting links into my blog entries). This, I figure, is definately a great life companion, what?

p.s. she keeps winning at crazy eights, which means she's gay, plus she just realized i convinced her to deal for the third time, which was awesome, until she noticed, and now that's gay that i have to deal...

p.s. then i went to the men's room and she tried to fool me by dealing herself all the eights, but she's too gay to do it fast enough, so i caught her red handed!

Buy Lithuanian! (Just kidding)

We went to get a bike for my special lady with a seat for the special baby a few days ago, and we were glad to find bikes made in Lithuania. The main reason we bought it was because the price was right, but it was nice also because it felt patriotic. The alternatives we made by Sie Germans (Nazi occupiers of parts of Lithuanian from 1941-1944) or the Red Chinese.

I haven’t bought a bicycle for ten years, since my Trek Antelope (differenct color) is one diesel bike; the only money I’ve had to spend on it in ten years is a new seat and new tires, and the occasional new inner tube. So I was less than thorough in the pre-buy examination of the Panevėžys made Twin Stinger. The two problems I would have noticed aren’t big though: a front wheel without a quick release, and no bolts on the frame for attaching water bottles or other accessories. The one big problem is THE FUCKIN PEDDLE FALLS OFF! THE GODDAM PEDDLE FALLS OFF!!! No matter how tight you crank on the nut, it falls off the bolt and takes the peddle with it every couple kilometers.

i'm typing with one hand, but not for the reason you're thinking of, pervert

it's hot hot hot in this equatorial country i'm living in, oh no wait, i'm on the baltic coast, barely 500 miles from the arctic circle, and it's 36° (96.8° Fahrenheit). they say it drops at night, but i don't feel any difference. both my special lady and i have been unable to sleep for more than a couple hours a night for three nights now, even after i drank some night-time tea last night. so why am i typing with one hand? cause the other ones fanning me with a folded cell phone bill and anonymous questionaire. several people i know, including myself, have even caught colds from spending so much time in front of fans to combat the heat. and as you all know, since this heat only tends to be around for two weeks a year, nobody, especially national colleges, invests in air conditioners.

I thought I would lay off the search string results for a while, but this one I can't pass up...

I'm the number one hit for as noriu tave ispisti in english

Well Buddy, just so you know, it's "I want to know you gently in the biblical sense."

Nothin beats getting mentioned in the Onion!

Here's the top news story involving Lithuania!!!

How relaxed was my bike ride to work?

60 year old men were passing me left and right. It's a hot day, though, and I didn't wanna sweat up my clothes before nine.

Recent searches that braught people here:

From Brazil: tim robbins fan club

From the U.S.: pantsed caught on tape

From Lithuania: nude beach gay smiltyne

I didn't notice anything gay at the nude beach this weekend, I think that's a long way off for conservative Lithuanians. I was even surprised by the hetero action I noticed going on behind some scant bushes.

Two days and it's spoiled?

I made this potato salad saturday for a picnic Sunday and it was great. Then I took some to work on Monday and it was rancid. WTF? how can it spoil so fast? Can pickles make that happen? I wasn't too excited about putting the pickles in anyway, I just wanted to follow the recipe the first time making it. I made up for it by multiplying the bacon proportion by five.

The Biggest Idiot

So I got a flat tire on my bike yesterday, not that big a deal, just a three mile walk to Acropolis to get a new inner tube. But my buddy was like you idiot, why don't you get on a bus, like the 8 right there, it's empty there at its origin. So I go there and get on the 15 which will get me even closer, and it's got a big empty spot for baby carriages and the driver's only casually snide. Nice. For about 90 seconds before we turn the wrong way; apparently this bus goes out of town. Nice. So I get off and get on a 6 and the bus driver's an asshole, he's like "What, a bike on a bus?! You degenerate!" And some other passangers called me a gypsy. I get off at home and walk my bike in and take off the back wheel and carry it to the store, which is a half hour but I enjoy the walk in my black tank top and paint splattered work pants. I figured, my hands are gonna be filthy, why wear decent clothes? So I get there and get my new inner tube and notice that the nut fell off my wheel's bolt. I don't say anything though cause I feel like an idiot and don't want to admit it. I successfully switch the tube and blow it up in a couple minutes and go grocery shopping. I have to wait a good five minutes while a girl helps some Russian hag test out her water boiler before she can give me some batteries. "I need some AAA batteries."
"We don't have any AAA batteries, only AA."
"Yes you do, I can see them!"
"No we don't!!"
"I can see them, they're tight there."
"Where, here?!"
"Yes, exactly three inches above your hand."
"Oh. Well, I didn't know that."
"Yeah, see right here in the big letters where it says 'AAA?' Now, how about some non-rechargable ones?"
"Oh they're hanging over there on the wall."
"Well, fuck a duck."
So I get those and get the hell outta there, get my dry cleaning with my dirty dirty hands (it's bagged, so that's ok. I walk out passed the bike store, still not daring to admit my idiocy, hoping to find it on the way home. Yeah right. I walk home, no luck, it's not in the kitchen, time to turn around and go back.

I call my special lady to whine about my bad luck, and ask her how to say nut, that is, "What's the thing called that screws onto the end of a bolt?" She says, "in slang at least it's a 'kalpacokas.'" So I repeat it with her ten times so I don't sound stupid. I go in there and tell the guy that on my way here the first time I lost my kalpacokas, and show him the bolt. He looks at me like I'm a fuckin idiot, which I feel is more than I deserve for the nut falling off. They don't have them there, but he tels me where to try the next day.

On the way home I call my special lady again, and tell her I have to go to the specialty bike parts shop, and say I hope I don't have to buy the bolt too, maybe they only sell it as a set, and that could cost alot, like a hundred lits. She says, "there's no way a new inner tube costs that much!"
"What innertube?
"You said you lost the cap to your inner tube."
"What are you talking about? I said the part that screws onto the bolt."
"Oh, I thought you meant the cap to the inner tube."
"I said 'bolt' five times. Wait...does kalpacokas mean the cap on the inner tube?!"
"Yes."
"So I just went into the bike shop, held the bolt out to show the shopkeeper, and told him 'I lost the cap off my innertube?! That's why he looked at me like a fuckin moron!" I was so sad I could have cried.

Plus this morning I couldn't even find the bolt, so I can't get a new nut today.

The View out my office window, upon request...it's actually four times wider than this, but when I shoot the whole panorama I lose all the lighting...

even here the lighting doesn't do the scene justice!

Awesome Weather is Awesome

Been riding my bike to work/university/libraries five days running in the best weather ever--it's amazing!

Wrong Field?

As you may know, I'm studying for a master's degree in Educational Management. Today we had to present our informational projects and take a test for Educational Politics class. Mine was a pamphlet about my International Office (which I'll use for work too). I went last, because I was late (moving a file for printing: how can a two page document not fit on a floppy disk?!), but this didn't prepare me extra, really, because there was only one comment given by the professor to almost ever student: "don't read me what you wrote, tell me why you wrote it!" I couldn't believe my colleagues kept making the same mistake. Anyway, I made sure to do it right, plus explain which things I purposely left out, and the response was "Excellent, if this was Marketing I'd give you a ten without even taking the test! But it's Politics, so you gotta take it..."

Class on Sunday

Sometimes if you're a correspondence student (not sure if that's the proper term, actually) and you only have class for two or three two-or-three week periods per year, you have to have class all day Saturday and half a day Sunday. Luckily church doesn't start till six p.s. here.

The professor today is my master's paper advisor/sponsor/councelor, and during the break a couple other students and I had coffee with her and she mentions, "Yeah Aras has a great topic for his master's discertation, of which I have yet to see page one...you think that might happen any time soon, or what's the deal with that?"

"Ah...yeah...maybe this summer I'll get something done on that...I hope..."

The upside is you go to Chili Kaimas in the nice weather for free wireless, and the cute waitress remembers you obviously because you're so ridiculously good looking, and just starts greeting you with "Laba diena, Kalnapilio dideli? ;)"

Also, when you sit outside, you can smell, just for a moment once in a while before it passes, delicious Popeye's Fried Chicken...oh man, that's one thing I miss about the states is the quality (fast) food...in Klaipeda it's Kebabs and that's it, and the Kebabs fuckin suck except for one or arguably two places. I mean there's a McDonald's but no self respecting American expat could go there except totally wasted (I haven't even been there after almost two years here).

Phone and SMS PMS

first of all, i added a word to my phone's dictionary, so in between switching from "case" to "care" it scrolls through "BARF!"

Student: ok. it's bad for them than:)

Me, the Professor: it's bad for them "then" :)

Student: I'm LITHUANIAN!:)

Gedas: Piss baby piss!

Sarunas: Holy aras, im still drunk from last night i think. Whats the point, my friend? What is the point?! Aaaarrggghhh!

I dreamt about what I should post today, but then I forgot, so I'll just post a dream...

I'm a micro bus driver and my copilot is a robot. We're taking this micro bus full of people to someplace that's off limits (behind an Institution), across a plank bridge which is too small for the bus, I have to drive on the curb, and people have to jump off the side. I drive up the steps to the security guard, and he goes, "You deliverin' the biobenzadrine tanks?"

I says, "Yeah, that's it." So I turn the micro bus around to walk it down the other, steeper steps, and realize when I was coming up the steps after the bridge the back of the micro popped off its hindges! I lost my passangers, and they're cought in there, cause it's like a horse cargo car, actually. So my robot and I go back to find them, but it's really hard cause there's alot of horse cargo car-like cars stuck at the buttom of the steps, but they all seem to be empty.

Then we hear screams from the swamp that the bridge passed over, and realize that when the cargo car popped off its hindges it must have fallen into the swamp! I can't see where the screams are coming from, though, the sounds origin illudes me, the swamp is murkey like Yoda's swamp. With all their screaming the guard realizes something's amiss here, and sounds the alarm.

"Fuck those guys, we got any way outta here?!" I say to my mute robot copilot. He lifts up a dirty, rusty old Jet ski from behind the old horse cargo car-like cars. "Wow, does it work?!" He pulls the rip cord, and on the third try the motor revs up and he drops it in the water and jumps in the drivers seat, and I grab on to the waterskiing handles. He takes off and right before the slack is up a guard jumps out from behind a pillar and shoots my robot in the back-AMBUSH! I let go the waterskiing handles and dive under water to start a new life...under the sea.

Six Day Diet Recap

Here's the diet:
Day One: cheated by not starting the diet till dinner instead of at breakfast.
Day Two: no cheating except for adding corn to the plain rice, and I had to heat up the leftovers by deliciously frying them because I have no microwave, that's no my fault...
Day Three: chicken day isn't hard to beat; I did use mustard on the chicken which I think is okay because mustard doesn't contain any fat or sugar or anything else besides mustard seed; I did however bake the breasts instead of boiling them, cause I learned from How to be a Man that only weirdos boil meat. After a couple bottles of wine I decided I should eat my chicken with BBQ sauce...
Day Four: the chicken wasn't fully cooked, so that was sort of gross. I had to heat it up somehow for dinner (still don't have a microwave), so I fried it in soy sauce and viniger. If I'd added sugar it would have been Sticky Chicken from Moody's Diner, which is delicious, but it was okay without the sugar too.
Day Five: this is the end, my friends. I ate apples all day, and would have kept going, but I came to Vilnius, and I'm not gonna eat apples all weekend when I'm with my family.

Result: lost a little weight. Don't know how much cause I don't have a scale, but on Friday I was pissed at myself all day for forgetting to wear a belt on the day I'm going to Vilnius, only to discover upon lifting up my sweater that I was wearing a belt, but on the normal hole it is now too big! Another result is a stomach virus from the uncooked chicken, possibly. 40 hours after eating it I vomited violently for hours through the night. You ever seen bile? That's some messed up bodily fluid, let me tell you...

UPDATE!
Sms from Lokys: thanks a lot for the stomach virus you ass. Tonight the whole night through my date I felt nauseous and I wanted to shit my pants. This phone doesn't have shit? What the shit! Anyway back to the matter at hand thatnks alot. Next tuime you decide to eat raw chicken feel free to stay in jjahseea. P.S. I'm not actually mad at you so don't get the wrong idea, but shit man, what the shit!?

Paranoia

Yesterday I left work an hour early to make it home before the electrician came over, cause you gotta keep your eye on those guys, you know. Turns out he'll have to come back today while I'm not there, since he conveniently forgot a plug replacement. After he left I went to Akropolis, and when I got back the receptionist at my building gave me a finger nail clippers and said "The electrician left these, he said he took them from your room by accident." Yeah, sure buddy. Nice ploy. Tryin to gain my trust, so you can come back today and bamboozle me?! Well, jokes on you, cause I hid all my dirty magazines and took all my change with me to work!