wait, when tf is the election!?

after all the hubbub in newspapers, and after i added the frontrunner's link to my toolbar, i got all excited about giuliani winning this autumn. then today when i was looking at the title, join in 2008, i realized, it's not 2008 yet. so now i gotta wait another year and a freakin' half!? jesus maria! what's up with starting campaigns two+ years ahead of time? if it's that beneficial, let's have the 2012 candidates start up this summer. i can't wait!

Since you're board

Everything that's happened over the past week is a secret. That's why I haven't been posting. I've gotten a few complaints from bored people that they don't have anything on my blog to read on work breaks. Therefore, I give you this hilarious, totally indecent link, courtesy of Rachel, which I hope nobody respectable opens, but if you're bored and want to laugh out loud and have to cover your mouth so your supervisor thinks you're having a coughing fit, click at your own risk!

Which century are we in?

I think this rural Lithuanian woman might have traveled forward through time. She seems a bit in the dark:

Interviewer: How far away do you think the sun is from the earth?
Young woman: Crickey, it's far away! 30 km I reckon!

(30 km = 18.75 miles)

p.s. here's a great opening line from an email i received today: "People judge your dick size by your shoes size." that's...just great...really peaks my interest.

What do I have to say today?

Don't go to doctors. Living in a socialist healthcare system, I go to doctors all the time. They rarely do me any good, and the good they do do me ins't worth the hassle or the pain. Tuesday they shoved a hose down my throat to take tissue samples from my gut: endoscopy. Absolutely devestating, even though he told me it wouldn't hurt at all, and my throat still hurts from the procedure after two days, I'm begining to think it's infected. Guess what the brilliant conclusion of the test was: I've got a little heatburn. Thank you Doctor Deduction, you goddam genius.

Then Dr. Ear-Nose-Throat tells me I've got a hypoatrophied tonsil, I don't know, which may be causing some other problems I've developed recently. That tonsil's been like that forever, though, I told her. But it still might be responsible. Without testing it to find out if it is responsible (an easy procedure, I soon learned), she recommended I have it removed. Why not, it's free?

Oh, and get this: the clinic no longer supplies containers for urine samples, you have to bring them from home! They gave me a note, said to bring back the sample in a clean container with the note and leave it in the Pee Test Reception window. Well, it's their own fault they get to handle pee covered jars now. How am I supposed to know which of my jars are air tight and which ones are leaky? And thank God I never throw any jars away! In your face special lady, I told you they'll come in handy one day!

The Year's First BBQ

Is it still a BBQ if there was no BBQ sauce? Cause there wasn't. There were two types of grill marinated pork and pork sausages, half a potato size french fries, guacamole bean dip and vegetable for dipping. And five million mosquitoes. Here's the best part: Egle and Mindaugas show up, and I have to greet them thus "Mindaugai help! I can't find the grill!!!"

Here's Rastenio idea for my bachelor party: march me naked through the streets of Vilnius wearing only a 9-speed...something...and videotape me being forced to pick up women.

Sandles's okay then

I expected many more people to ridicule me for wearing sandles to work. I skipped the suit coat, and I've got on normal pleated trousers, not suit pants. I'm still wearing a tie though, that's the only incogruence I see. The receptionist at work though told me I'm crazy, that sandles are not propper work attire..."what will students think, you have to set an example!" Here's my example: wear sandles, it's hot out! Since only one person ridiculed me, I guess it's okay.

The Onion is even funnier...

...when you read it at lunch and your colleagues ask you what you're reading about and you tell them, and they think it's real, and they're suprised and intrigued! I remember Lokys once said some Erasmus students came over and thought the Onion articles I'd printed out to read on the bus were real, too. I didn't see their reaction though.

Never wait to buy anything

It might be gone, and then you'll be quite the jack ass!

Don't like it? Open your open restraunt you loser!

The loser in this story doesn't realize that America is a free country, and the lawmaker's no better. The more I think about it, their position isn't just un-American, it's absurd. If Mr. Díaz's law is passed, "requiring retail establishments to accept all forms and denominations of legal tender," that means fast-food restaurants can't have their "no bills larger than 20" policy. That'll be a great incentive to make counterfeit bills, Mr. Diaz. And after somebody pays for a cheeseburger with a thousand dollar bill, there won't be any small bills left to make change for anybody else, dimwit. And I just love the idea of car dealerships being forced to count $50,000 worth of pennies, that's a splendid idea. And guess what else? Do your "diverse ways” of paying for chicken wings include checks and credit cards? Because if they do, that'll increase the price of everything when restaurants are forced to pay fees and instill of those systems. So instead of the poor paying for food with the money they can get ahold of they can't pay for it at all and go hungry.

Mr. Jones and Mr. Diaz, remember how much fun you had today the next time somebody dies of starvation in Albany.

p.s. I'd be just as angry as Mr. Jones, but you know what I do when that happens? I don't throw a tantrum. I don't get the city involved (thanks for wasting thousands of tax dollars). I certainly don't try to get the place shut down, you fuckin fascist. I just don't go there anymore.

Windows, is a piece-of-trash! Windows, more annoying than-my-rash! Windows, ba da da Windows, you make me want to kill myself!

well, i finally made my father a 32 minute dvd of the past years photos with soundtrack and video clips. it took me exactly one full excruciating day. one hour of that was figuring out how the fuck to remove the titles i had added: when i added more pictures, the titles didn't move over together with the pictures they were supposed to be on, so we ended up with the "Christmas 2006" title on a beach photo, for instance. you can't possibly imagine how complicated it was to delete them, because it's un-fucking-fathomable. the help tool was useless. i even turned on skype to tell him it was ruined after 12 hours work, but he wasn't there. it's only by the greatest stroke of luck that i stumbled upon it, and then i summarily forgot and had to retrace my steps for the next titles, that's how nonsensical windows movie maker is.

of course, i guess i'm spoiled because i grew up with a mac. this dvd is measly compared to the vignette a&e biography lokys and i made of ourselves with ease three years ago.

This new Onion bit is awesome, I guess I'm a fan...

...this here is the second one in a row I've had to link to, it's so funny.

I Eat Your Stomach

You ever have somebody come up to you with a baggie of snack food and say "Here. Stomachs." Yuck. I took one chicken stomach just to be polite, but I have to say I'm not just not a fan, I'm staunchly against eating plain organs. Stomachs? Yuck. Liver? Yuck. Tongue? Double Yuck. Testicles? They weren't that bad, but Yuck!

You gotta hit this link...

Saruno post is a link to the most funniest clip that proves the Simpsons is the most accurate satire on the market!

I can't remember why I don't have a gun...

My favorite magicians reminded me in this intersting piece on Bullshit.

Scroll down to the Second Amendment paragraph of this page for a consice summary of how to reduce gun violence.

This is a funny bit, I says

In the know: our troops in Iraq

You do the math!

hosting 5 dinner parties/3 days = +15 pounds

disagree? i dare you! thanks giving is nothing, easter is when lithuanians eat their fill nonstop for 72 hours of gluttony. i heard next years it's getting cut down to a two day holiday, but up to this year monday and tuesday are official days off.

Easter Feaster

Roast Pork Leg almost as good as last year, but not so good I don't remember the other things we ate this time, including tasty pan roasted asparagus and the unbelievably scrumptios cheesecake...I got nothin' else to say, cause beyond the Easter meal all my time's been tied up in writing my master's paper and other personal business (the hard work kind)...so here's a delicious photo! Behind it is a hand made Easter egg basket.

Fifth Grade is Awesome Now

When I was in fifth grade, the closest thing to this ever happening was when Matt Gerosky sat on a pencil stuck up vertically between two couch cussions...

It's hard work bein' lazy

Does anybody remember (Tete, Loky?) the short science fiction story about the guy who was so lazy he put a huge amount of effort into his plan to get by being lazy? He became tremendousy successful on his way to laziness? I ask because I've been spending alot of time lately trying to figure out how to get the dishes clean without washing them, or even touching them, if possible.

Waitress? Bitchress, really, is what'd I'd call you.

That's what I said last night to this bitch waitress who saw that I had my leg resting on a stool and goes "Hey feet off the furniture, Mister, this isn't your house!" I wish. I just took my leg off, drank my beer and paid for it and left. I wish I'd said something to make her feel as bad as I did. Then stood up and left without paying. And if I saw the manager on the way out, told him he'd better teach his waitress some manners. I can't wait until all the idiots in Klaipeda get run outta business by better managers and more polite waitresses. Isn't that what the EU's all about? Hurry up already!