Sleep Solution

Because my sleep problem seems to me to be a problem of laziness more that an actual sleep disorder, I decided to nip it in the butt. I decided to put a bucket of water next to my alarm clock, and instead of hitting the Snooze Button, to dunk my head into the water. Sabastian bet me I wouldn't do it, and I guaranteed him that I definately would, so then I had to. This morning at 5:55 my secondary alarm clock went off (not the head dunker) which goes off five minutes before my primary alarm clock. For the first time ever, ever, I did not go back to sleep for those five minutes: I laid there staring at the Water Bucket, dreading it. By 6:00 I was so awake with fear that I needed neither the Snooze Button nor the Water Bucket. I went directly to breakfast.

Sleep Problem

I realized today the amount of sleep I get doesn't have an impact on my day's first waking hour. Whether I sleep 6 hours or 10, I'll always be groggy and want more sleep for a while when I wake up. This morning I was like "Meusli? Fuck meusli. I'd rather keep sleeping." So I slept another half hour after I'd already slept nine and a half.

Yesterday I slept six hours, got up, made myself a sandwich (black bread, sliced sausage, and cheese and butter), put it in the oven and, intending to go back to my room and correct papers, went back to bed...after a half hour it was crunchy but perfectly cromulent.

The worst part is I've become to lazy to write in my dream log. Yesterday morning I was remembering this one about how I was the last guiy left at a party where we trashed the place boxing, and I went downstairs to leave and saw that the owners were back waiting for me to try to escape...might have been Mike Powers. This morning it was about a girl who murdered horses to send messeges to people in the afterlife using a weegie board, but she made it look like an acident by getting injured at the same time. This time the horse got hit by a car after jumping over a fense but then jumping back over it to avoid hitting the girl and fell on it's back.

Won't anybody please think of the children?

I will! Did you know they don't even have beirut over here?! Students just like, sit around drinking for no reason! This caused me to thing to myself, "WTF?" But what am I gonna do about it? Well, today I gave them this article to read from the NYT, it was sent to me by a friend and beirut partner, darius "das boot" razgiukas. Hopefully this will give them some ideas without me being directly resposible.

We read part of it in class, which was fun, and funny, because I was getting sort of emotional. I didn't tell them I used to play this game all the time, but they probably guessed after I explained what "World Series" means and then said "so now they're having a World Series of Beer Pong, and here I am all the way over in Lithuania." I didn't cry or anything, because men don't cry from pain or disappointment, but who could miss the vanquishment in my voice?

Racism

darius told me about this from the new yorker:

sarah silverman got in trouble with asian americans a couple years ago for telling a joke on conan o'brien about how she was trying to get out of jury duty. a friend suggested she write "I hate Chinks," but she was worried that that would be racist, so she wrote "I love Chinks." She got a lot of shit for that, and now in her new DVD she says the following:

"I got in trouble for saying the work "Chink" on a talk show, a network talk show. It was in the context of a joke. Obviously. That'd be weird. That's be a really bad career choice if it wasn't. But, nevertheless, the president of an Asian-American watchdog group out here in Los Angeles, his name is Guy Aoki, and he was up in arms about it and he put my name in the papers calling me a racist, and it hurt. As a Jew - as a member of the Jewish community - I was really concerned that we were losing control of the media. Right? What kind of a world do we live in where a totally cure white girl can't say "Chink" on network television? It's like the fifties. It's scary. There are only two Asian people that I know I have any problem with, at all. One is, uh, Guy Aoki. The other is my friend Steve, who actually went pee-pee in my Coke. He's all, 'Me Chinese, me play joke.' Uh, if you have to explain it, Steve, it's not funny."

How stupid can you be?

Man, this Beer Pong article reminds me of yesterday with my students. They had to debate certain things for which they had prepared, and expecting several to skip class and avoid the debate (and get zeros) I had to prepare for each position myself. I should have done that before I assigned topics, because it made me realize some of the topics were preposterous, like environmentalism is stupid, and i had to argue that we don't need trees, look, this building's made of concrete, see, wood's just a luxury...

Anyway, for the sake of practice I argued the ridiculous points and they had to argue back, as if they took me seriously. How TF can these people quoted as saying stuff like "Why would alcohol companies promote games that involve drinking water? It's preposterous." make serious arguments against? Budweiser's position is obviously laughable, it's not even worth taking seriously!

Anyway, read this from the NYT, it was sent to me by a friend and drinking buddy, darius.

Aido Citizenship Party, and delicious food

Friday I was frazzeled. Up until ten minutes before I got on a bus I didn't know if I was getting on. There's this woman with whom I've become infatuated, and I wasn't sure if I'd get a chance to see her over the weekend, and I didn't want to call her at like 11 in the morning to find out...it turned out she was leaving town for the kaimas.

Aido party was very fun. There were lots of people there, some of whom knew me. There were plenty of hotties, but I was too lazy to really go for any. But chatting was fun anyway, especially because Lokys and Liepa were there too. After a few beers I could make Lokys bust out laughing hysterically at will just by communicating to him via facial expression, something nobody else noticed or understood.

When we got home we ate left over soup that was amazing, and made a Giant Sandwhich with half a loaf of bread, Spam style turkey, and cheese, and some kind of marinated mushrooms...

Saturday: porkroast, gravy, potatos, and some kind of chopped beans, and a few hours later, cinnimon raisin rolls. A few more hours later, we went out to an indian place, and ate indian food while listening to indian music. It was yummy, but I wouldn't actually go there of my own accord unless I was trying to impress someone with by how exotic I am willing to be.

Then Lokys and I and Gedas and Juste went up to Gedimino Pilis and made some vodka tonics/gin and tonics...how come you need the "and" for gin but not for vodka? is it cause of the syllible count?

Then a cocktail at Ibish, where Aidas and Co. were watching the Notre Dame vs. USC game on his lap top. Then one at Tamsta, which sucked...five of us went it for 15 lits each and left after 20 minutes. I thought I liked hip hop, but if that crap was hip hop, then I guess not. Kemo, who told us to come, said it became awesome after we left. Ten Lokys and I went to Pub for like 45 minutes without getting served, which was actually fine, cause we weren't really thirsty anymore.

Sunday Zuppa Tuscana, which was amazing! And my mommy helped me freeze some kale from the garden so I'll be able to make it myself. Maybe I'll get a chance this week to make if the that girl with whom I'm infatuated...

Can Emoticons Be Professional?

Sometimes I feel the need to be somewhat playful corosponding with female colleagues, especially when I'm handing in work that I fear may contain mistakes, despite my high confidence level. Can I use this ":)"?

How you can sleep till 8

I figured out this week that if I only have a bowl of gross meusli for breakfast (instead of fruit, juice, eggs, toast, and coffees) and only wash half my body in the shower (i usually shower in the evening after the gym too, anyway), and don't shave (i'm growing a beard for halloween anyway) i can sleep till 8 in the morning and still be at work by 9.

Tattoos

Tattoos are a way to express your beliefs when you are too lazy to express them by actions. We have/had a good buddy, American Lithuanian, who is "proud" of his heritage, but not enough to do anything besides party with Lithuanians sometimes (sometimes being rarely in the distant past) and get a tattoo. He's got a big gorgeous Vytis on his shoulder, proclaiming a very real devotion to something that's actually very superficial for him. I don't hold it against him, but it doesn't mean any more to him than does his tongue ring.

If you're proud to be Lithuanian, it shows: the three of us, though we don't have tattoos, have gone to the trouble of spending considerable time here and getting our citizenship.

If you're a Neo Nazi, it shows: you beat people up, you yell stuff about jews and black, and you shave your head: you don't need to tattoo a swastika on your chest.

If you love your wife, it shows: you talk about her, you take her out, you spend time learning about things that obviously only she (not you) is interested in: you don't need a tattoo on your ass proclaiming your love.

If you love to smoke weed, it shows: you're stoned, you dress and groom youself as a hippie, you go to the grocery store in a bathrobe in the middle of a weekday; you don't need a tattoo of 420 or a marajuana leaf.

Or, perhaps you've got a tatoo simply for a decoration. A barbed wire fence around your arm. A tweetie bird. An asian pictogram. An "insert penis here" sign pointing to your vagina (or mouth, or ass, to each her own) or an "insert this into your vagina" sign pointing to your penis.

In the case of decorations, I don't think tattoos are wrong, I just think they're equally stupid to lip plates and neck extending rings.

Case in point: a friend of mine is soon to get a tattoo on his leg that says "Life's a bitch and then you die, so fuck it all and let's get high!" I asked him how he'll explain it to his children (in the future, if he has any), if he'll be proud to tell them that he's a proponent of narcotics. He gave me a very weak explaination that this tattoo doesn't necesarily have anything to do with drugs...you can get high on life, or "in" life, or whatever...wouldn't it be much more meaningful (read: it might actually mean something) and clear if people drew conclusions about you from your life's work rather than from something written your body? This blog's title is a conclusion I have come to about myself, but I'd like the rest of the world to draw its own; I won't get an "Undisclosed is the Best" tattoo.

The Phone Bill

I got my first phone bill since finally sibscribing to Tele2 after a year of just filling up from scratch off cards. The Result (drum roll): 58.62

That's double what I expected :( but I hadn't included PVM, which is bull shit. Luxury taxes on something everyone has? That doesn't make sense. Without the PVM (18%) it would only be 49.68.

That's still actually more than double my exact calculation, which was about 22 lits. Apparently, I write twice as many SMS as a thought (I feared as much): 282 in one month, about ten per day. Most of them are from being bored on a bus and writing thirty in three hours.

That makes up 28.88, leaving 11 calls to Tele2 (4.25), 12 calls outside Tele2 (11.85), and one call to Darius in NY (4.70).

So I've got to see if I can stop calling people. I have to call cabs and people that I've got to meet right away, but that's 25% of my calls. What I've determined to do is to never ever use my phone for business. I've never done that much, but I have done it more than I ought to.

I wonder if this is more expensive than filling up from scratch off cards...I did get a four hundred lit phone for 19 lits, so I guess I gotta keep that in mind.

Note on the phone: it has a build in calandar which is useful for reminding myself of meetings and phonecalls and birthdays...however, i may have been more comfotable not knowing/caring about birthdays...i don't care about my own, so hey, whatever! Tomorrow is my friend's birthday, of which I've been reminded weveral times by my phone, but this morning when I woke up and was groggy I thought it was yesterday, and I was lying in bed debating whether or not it was too late to call and say happy birthday!

Things I Like/Don't Like and Something Women Don't Like

I like hurrying to get naked and taking my time to dress when the cute cleaning lady is cleaning the gym locker room.

I don't like when I pour dripping wet dunes into a pot of boiling oil and the oil explodes from the pot onto my hand.

Women, at least the one from the bank, don't seem to like when you wait ten weeks to call them.

Also, I like that everytime I try to type the work six I accidentally type sex.

And lemme mention one about Blogger itself while I'm on topic: I don't like that I have to type in a word to post a comment on my own blog! I'm signed in as the author of this thing, so what do they think, I'm going to spam myself?

p.s. you're still cool though, Blogger

this bumbling idiot i know

this guy i know, he put a bucket of water by his bed the other night so he could rewet the rag on his radiator if he got up. the bucket had a hole in it and after cleaning up all the water his glass of water that he meant to take adrink from slipped from his slippery hand and spilled all over his cell phone and boom box.

then at maxama he bought olive oil. there were two equally cheap ones, but one was glass so he bought that one, you know, to feel cool or something. the bottom broke when he put his back pack down at home, but he didn't notice that the glass had shattered until the entire bag and its contents were covered in oil. after two mega washes in the washing machine, it's still a little oily.

and then this idiot apparently mixed up october 6th in klaipeda with october 6th in boston: he went out last night with no jacket and flip flops! everybody whom he talked to at the bar, and even randon stranger, were like, "aren't you freezing?!"

what an ass!

Yesterday's Email to Liepa

i was considereing reading pride and prejudice, so i sent this email to my sister, liepa, cause i know she's a jane austen fan:

i heard jane austen's some weirdo bitch. i heard she was some kind of sexuality deviant. like she likes to swallow live grenades and have them explode in her stomach and it makes her have a gay orgasm. i also heard from another source that she used to always go to town wearing a red sweater with bummbles on it but no pants and she used to bend over in front of everybody and tell him to look up her butthole and see if they can see her friend who is stuck in there, his name is mortimer, and then if anybody dared to look close enough, she would sit down on him quickly and envelop him in her butthole and then he was doomed to join mortimer for eternity...is that true?

A Proud Gay Icon

For those of you living abroad, you're missing out on a very good show put on by a proud gay icon: Rastenis. Gay porn star, head of the gay mafia (the mauve hand), and gay rights activist, gay prostitute and pimp, Rastenis is heard on the radio, seen on TV and in the streets. This guy wears the most flamboyantest clothes you can imagine, if he's wearing anything at all. He performs gay stunts with gay stars from around the world. He sings and dances like it's his job, which it sort of is since it gets him alot of gay customers for his prostitution business...

Whatever your views on homosexuality, you gotta admit Rastenis is a hell of a showman.

Goofy Ties

This morning I put on a goofy tie. It's a blue tie with light blue and yellow letters scattered on it: the letters of the acronym for some institute for which I did some volunteer work last spring. When I got the tie I thought "Well, if I ever go to an event at this institute in Finland, then I can wear the tie." I thought today I might wear it for larfs, because I'm wearing black and dark grey, so I thought it might make my appearance more cheerful. However, it clashed with my face: my face is youthful and vibrant, even when I'm exhausted and still half asleep at 7:35 in the morning. This tie, as I suspect all goofy ties to be, revealed itself after I tied it around my neck to be indicitive of giving up on life and never wanting to get laid again. Goofy ties are for withered old men only. Despite my current problem I have not given up on life, and you'd better hope I never not want to get laid again (ever), because that just might make suicide bombing seem worth giving a shot, and if that's how I'm gonna go down, I'm going down nuclear.

So I took the tie off. I hung it back up with my other ties; I don't know why I did that instead of throwing it away. Maybe I'll get a dog someday and use it as a leash. On the "bright" side, the whiteness on my shirt makes an even better brightness effect conrasted to the darkness of the rest of my garb.

You'd better sit down for this one...

Seriously, cause Liepa fainted when I told her this, and it was lucky i was right next to her to catch her, because we were in the glass museum, and her head was about to collide with a ginormous amount of jagged glass.

I'm all sexed out. It's not that it's too much or too little, certainly moderation is not the problem, it's just that I've become increasingly bored with it over the past eight months, and it's gotten to the point where I don't even try anymore. Saturday night at Honolulu after less than an hour I just got bored and left. I thought "what's the point?"

I've tried a few things to spice things up, things which are far too obscene to mention here... well, we can try to play hangman with one if anyone wants to lay down a guess...only three guesses total though: _ _ _ _ _ - _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Also, anybody got any advise?

In other, non devestating news, before Honolulu, I was getting ready and I had this towel tied around me after the shower cause it was cold. The towel was a few inches too short so i actually had to tie the fringes' stings together loosely so it would hold. After shaving I'd forgotten about it being tied in that manner, and I tried to whip it off to dry off my face, which cause the knot to tighten, and I was like "Oh shit, it's stuck; I can't go out dressed like this!!!" And then I was like "Wait, maybe I can untie it!" I untied it.

Also, I danced with this girl, Daniele, who was not exceedingly attractive, so I did the "this land is my land" dance from jibjab.com...if you don't know what i'm talking about, go to the site and watch the movie, and picture me at a club doing that dance with a reasonable but not exceedingly attractive woman :D