I wish I had a remote control for my laptop

Catching

I'm wicked good at catching things, but with one condition: it has to be a surprise, and it has to be worth catching. Glasses or bottles fall of a table within my grasp? I got it baby. I got ahold of it before I even realize it fell, even if I knocked it off myself with the back of my own hand. Now how do you like this: moving a potato pancake with one hand from the pile on the table onto the plate in the other hand, pankcake slips off my fork, falling floor-bound fast, I save it in mid-air by stabbing through it with my fork! YES!

Are you twenty years old or just zero?

I wish I was posting this to my other blog, the family blog, cause this antic would be appropriate for a three year old. Alas, it was in my literature class that we were talking about the Renaissance...

Student: Henry VIII wrote a book opposed to leather.

I: What?

Student: He was such a strong Catholic (pronounced kuth-O-lik) that he wrote a book opposed to leather.

I: Really?

Student: Yes! (quotes from book)

I: "Leather" is clothing made from animal hides. 

Student: L..L..Luther?

I: Ah, yes, that's right, that's more like it! Who was Luther?

...silence soaks the classroom...

I: Nobody knows who Luther was? There are several churches in Lithuania called Lutheran Churches. 

Student: Martin Luther King?

I: –my jaw drops slightly–

Student: Martin Luther King, Junior?

I: –my hands clasp the top of my head–

Student: Doctor Martin Luther King, Junior?

What's that called again, I forget...scatter brain?

Well! A half hour after I got to work I looked down at my desk, slightly to the right, and saw a full mug of tea. I remembered filling and turning on the water boiler, but I thought that I'd forgotten to finish the process of brewing tea after coming back from the men's room, as usual. I touched the mug and was surprised to find it hot (sometimes I find a cup of tea around from yesterday if I had to rush out). I thought, "did someone make me tea while I was in the can? That would be nice, but who did that?" I thought about asking my colleague who'd just come in, but was afraid to look like a dunce. Instead I just thought really really hard, and finally remembered that I'd done it myself, after all, like five minutes ago. Oops!

Article of the Day

I enjoyed reading this Salon article a couple days ago, because I couldn't care less about the sorts of evils they dressed Sarah Palin in: I consider that to be politics as usual, so I just thought hey, great polititian! Plus I recognized it as so biased that bias must be the point. 

Then a day later I read A fisking of David Talbot's assembly of Alaska's defeated candidates and felons to whine about "mean girl" Sarah Palin, by Bill Dyer. It explains clearly and comprehensively the complete nonsense of every negative word in Salon't article. This one wasn't just enjoyable, it was sheer pleasure: turns out she's not just a great politician, she's a fantastic politician, and honorable, as they go.

Hot Lunch

I don't know where you eat your lunch, or with whom, or what you eat. But maybe you're me-like enough that this will prompt you to good fortune in the realm of luncheon.

We have a cafeteria at my College that is not bad. It is not high quality, but the price reflects that (I could barely eat so cheap if I ate from dumpsters). It's so cheap I consider it a fringe benefit. However, there is not much choice on the menu, so it does get rather monotonous. This is the reason for what I like to do.

I don't have lunch with anybody on purpose more than once or twice a week. Some of my colleagues do go to lunch together on purpose, but I think eating with the same person every day is as boring as eating the same food every day: put them together and the monotony squared would likely leave me in a coma. I just go and sit with whoever is around, or if nobody is around I read. This is the reason what I like to do is convenient, cause if I ate with company all the time it wouldn't make sense.

What I like to do is this: Sunday evening I like to make a big dinner, probably something in a casserole dish, e.g. lasagna, chili enchiladas, tuna noodle casserole, or macaroni and blue cheese with chicken. We'll only eat about half of it for dinner, so the leftovers get divided up on two or three days when I don't have a lunch date. Microwave: HAM! Oops, I meant BAM, it's hot! But ham also makes sense. Awesome lunch really brightens my day.

p.s. over the summer when the kitchen wasn't working I also figured out a great way have a better lunch: sandwich heater = perfect quesadillas!

Article of the Day

Finally! Over here outside of America your whole economic crisis has been rather elusive: what's the deal already, I been sayin’? The reason is that practically every article I've read about it, at least two dozen, focuses on what's to be done about it, especially the candidates positions on it, or just rants, e.g. Garrison Keillor's, which wasn't even entertaining. Now finally I've come across an article that clearly explains the nature of the crisis, Bailouts will lead to rough economic ride, by my favorite candidate for president this time around, Ron Paul.

Honor

I like doing things in honor of things. If not earlier, it may have begun with this dish, or I guess with this booze. This weekend, in honor of International Talk Like A Pirate Day, we watched Pirates of the Carribean. Whenever my special lady isn't around for dinner, my special baby and I always make something awsome to help ease and honor our longing, like pizza or buffalo wings. 

Gotta Love Chaos!

They're fixing the bridge I take to work, have been for nigh on two months, looks like several to go. Anyways, the side their workin on now doesn't have a guard rail on it, so you wonder how close the workmen come to falling over the edge into the river. This morning this one guy was evening out the bottom with a lawn moweresque machine. All of a sudden it got away from him! It's wheels pulled it right up to the edge and the guy dashed right after it...but he pulled it back just in the nick of time. It was exciting, but I wish it'd tumbled over the edge. That would have been awesome!

How do you say Kosher in Muslim?

Yesterday I took five guests to Neringa, first stop: Hill of Witches. We had been working together for a few days but no dinners, no chances to chill out together. So I had brough with me a bottle of Green 999s, which is a knock off of Jagermeister. There are several points along the trail though the forest when a drink is in order, and after the second shot they asked if it has chocolate in it, and if not, what makes it so sweet. "No, it's not chocolate, it has..." I was about to say blood. The blood of a ram, or steer, or elk, or something. It's just a myth but maybe if would make them not want to drink it, cause don't one or all of those animals have cloven hooves? Are those animals not kosher for Muslims just like Jews, or what's the deal with that? I didn't have time to figure that out, so I just said "sugar" (the truth anyway). 

Kindergarten English

Most of the kids in my special baby's kindergarten class know the word hi, cause I say it to any of them I see most mornings. When I'm cranky, though, the kids learn a different phrase in English: "What are you looking' at?!"

Article of the Day

Bad Will Hunting, by Andrew Breitbart

Censorship is an ugly business...

Simpsons Source

of knowledge. I watched an episode recently, Brother from the Same Planet, which I've always know must have at least a couple references that I didn't get because I hadn't seen some movie or another. Luckily I found this great source of knowlegde that game me the answers!

Article of the Day

Good Economics!

If You Like Michigan's Economy, You'll Love Obama's

by Phil Gramm and Mike Solon

Article of the Day

The Terrorists Are Losing, by Quin Hillyer 

The Joy of Driving

Normally I have to drive quietly, because I have a special lady or baby in the car. When I'm alone behind the wheel though, that's the best: I'm Begbie from Trainspotting! Yelling, screaming, swearing, fuming, commending or condomeing other drivers and pulsing with the joys of competition and achievement. 

Today's Article of the Day

The Fallacy of 'Green Jobs,' by John Stossel

Didn't this guy used to be on the evening news we used to watch as a family or something? His name sounds wicked familial.

Misplaced Article of the Day

Several days ago I accidentally posted this into my family blog. Clearly, this could never have anything to do with my family:

Gay War Hero Awarded Posthumous Dishonorable Discharge At White House Ceremony, by the Onion

Good Thing to Bring to Work

Extra Hot Pepper Sauce. You can put it on all the bland food in the cafateria to spice it up! Or if you bring food from home but forgot to spice it up, no problem! And, when people see it sitting on your table, they won't mess with you.

Article of the Day

Rachel sent me a link with a link to this entertaining and telling expose: Stupid Journalist Tricks, by: MichaelW

Double Best

Yesterday I thought it was the best when I woke up and didn't have to take a shower because, apparently, I'd slept calmy enough that I didn't mess up my hair! Well you know what? That was nothing, because this morning I still didn't have to do it, just a little water to spruce it up! Screw showers!

Dreams of Dreams

I had some cool dreams last night. Here's an intersting bit. One dream was clearly an X-Files dream. The next dream was a realistic one in which I was recalling the first dream to a friend, who said that sounds like an X-Files dream, and I agreed and explained that I'd been having those about one a month since I started watching the X-Files during dinner most days. Neato. You ever have a dream about another dream?

p.s. The first dream was that I got drunk and blacked out but couldn't remember how it had taken me two hours to walk a short distance in the nude. I blamed it on aliens.

Article of the Day

Say It Ain't So, O! By Andrew Breitbart

I have been completely bored for my whole life with anything and everything to do with the big fat talk show host, I can't even type her name (I prefered Jenny Jones in her young days). I haven't read anything about the O-Palin situation besides snippets that pop over all over the place, not only because I couldn't be less interested, but also because from what I've read it appears to be bullshit. I opened this article up because I thought the O meant Obama.

However, I found the writing to be clever. I guess if I were Darius or Dane Cook I might say the writing is snarky, but I'll stick with clever.

Honoring People by Eating Their Food

Yesterday was Zorobra, a New Mexican holiday celebrating when the Spanish conquered them. Sounds like a bit of a bizarre thing to celebrate. The day the Soviets conquered Lithuania is a day of mourning, not a holiday. Irregardless of the bizarrity, we celebrated along with them, though not in the traditional way (torching a fifty foot effigy; we do that during Marti Gras instead). We showed solidarity with the New Mexicans by eating new Mexican Sandwiches, which were quite tasty indeed. I must not eat enough beans, because every time I do eat them I enjoy them heartily.

Once again, there were no pinto beans at Iki, though they are available in Lithuania. What's up with the lack of variety in beans here?

Jim Gaffigan - Hot Pocket

Article of the Day

How Palin Beat Alaska's Establishment, By Kimberley A. Strassel

I've been focusing on her politics for several months.

Don't Rush Skype

Each morning I have a custom when I turn on my computer: While Skype turns on automatically, I open Outlook Express. While it's openeing I sign into skype and open up a conversation with my special lady. Then I open up four Internet Explorer windows. I have to do things in that order because I like to always know where to drag my mouse for things. I open the four browser windows in the same order too.

I mustn't rush, though. I had a close call today. Right when skype loaded I went to click on my special lady, but at the last second somebody else popped into the list and everybody moved down one slot. If I hadn't noticed, I would have sent a kiss to our college secretary! Sexual harassment? Or what if she sends one back, and then I have to write Oops, just kidding.

Sometimes Good Deeds Pay Off In The Long Run, But Sometimes Right Away

I've been having problems with one of my tires ever since my special lady got a flat. We had it fixed at a garage for cheap, but every fill up I gotta top it off. It loses about 20% of it's air every 150 miles. I couldn't fill it last fill up cause they didn't have an air hose, so this time it was down to 130 out of 300(!). That's a lot; I was sad.

When I was done there was a car waiting behind me for the air hose. On my way to the drivers seat a lady stopped me to ask if I thought her tire needs air. Definitely I said. I could have said Obviously you brainless blond bimbo, cause that's how flat it was, but I'm too nice for that unless somebody doesn't know how to drive. Well, I guess she doesn't know how to drive, but at least she didn't get in my way.

Anyway, she asked me to please do it for her, because she doesn't know how. Okay. I move my car and she pulls up. It was so flat I couldn't even read the pressure prescription on the side of the tire. I got it off the other side, it was 350, well above my tires. When I applied the air hose and it read where the tire was at, it was only 40! That's way worse than mine! So I felt good not only for doing a good deed, but also be my tire problem is nothing compared to her tire problem.

Vegetarian Day II

Once again, this wan't on purpose, and it only counts if you don't count bacon bits. But here's what I ate yesterday:

Apple
Orange Oatmeal Cookie (My homemade)
Kugelis (with bacon bits)
Rugelis Black Bread
Green Olives
Black Bean and Vegetable Wraps

The liquids also contained no meat, including several types of tea, tomato juice, red wine, and 1.5 liters of water.

If I didn't have such a piss poor memory this would have given me déjà vu to my last day with no meat, and then if my memory was really good I would have realized it wasn't an illusion. Because, just like my previous veggie day, I had to substitute reb beans for black. It was still very very tastey, especially when I subtituted jalapeno peppers for squash. Does anybody know why this country is so lacking in beans?

Helping out Georgia

Because we're all Georgians, my special lady and I decided to do our part to support Georgia by buying their wine. I was hoping to review it now, but we accidentally bought two bottles of white. I only drink white with poultry or fish, not for the hell of it, so I can't do that. What I can tell you is I had a very good Chilean merlot, 2006, that was quite tasty. It's best quality was being free of the taste of vinigar, something I can't say about the previous few wines we uncorked over the past few weeks.

Article of the Day

Reality TV Can Drive You Nuts, by By Don Kaplan

This is funny because it's true. I've certianly felt that way rarely, but sometimes. Everything seems to be going just like on TV, one thing happens after another to make the situation so wacky, and I start to think, ok, where're the hidden cameras?!

You wanna be less late for work? Three top notch tips to save your morning.

1. Keep some food and a water boiler in your bedroom so you don't have to leave the room to breakfast, e.g. tea and an apple.

2. Just take your tie with you and tie it while driving to work.

3. Brush your teeth at work. (You should set yourself up a reminder for this one)

Article of the Day

Why Taxes Don't Matter Much Anymore, by Jeffrey A. Tucker