Dos and don’ts of another Trip to Cyprus

• Do insist that your eye-catching, seductive, appealing , glamorous , stunning, glimmering, exotic, alluring, foxy, marvelous, lovely, enticing, dazzling wife come: you’ll be lonely without your beautiful, intelligent, becoming, kind, well-chosen and forever increasingly sexually attractive soul mate.
• Don't break your toothbrush as soon as you get there...brushing all week with a one inch brush is sucky.
• Do turn on the central air for your room at night: even if the temperature is right without it, the whirring noise will block out the maniacal screaming from next door.
• Don’t overpay at the convenience store—too greedy: when my deodorant rang up too high I though fuck it, arguing about price correctness is hard enough on your own turf, and I do need some deodorant, but then the prick rung up the juice too high also, so I pointed out his two mistakes and paid the right price for both.
• Do eat the "prawn cocktail" flavored chips.
• Don't eat anything that doesn't taste good.
• Do take a full bottle of wine every time you leave a room with wine on the table.
• Don't expect to be fed sooner than an hour after the 350 person buffet begins.
• Do complain that your minibar isn’t cold at all; it’s quite funny just how profusely the hotel staff is taught to apologize.
• Don't wait an hour after eating to go swimming, it might get cloudy.
• Do order yourself some poached eggs and waffles or pancakes or french toast to end the monotony of the buffet breakfast, it's free!
• Don't pose for too many pictures with beautiful ladies or another even more, much more beautiful and pregnant lady might think you should have called more often.
• Do brush off the waiter who slept on his wine pouring duty: "Excuse me sir, I should pour the wine." "Too late buddy, I'm doing it now!"
• Don't expect to gain less than five pounds if you enjoy yourself to excess.
• Do go ahead and stock up on cigars and pipes at the Alpha-Mega grocery store, they're cheaper than in Lithuania.
• Don't laugh too hysterically when your colleagues opens a beer and it sprays all over her.
• Do go on all the excursions you can, the sights of Cyprus are splendid.
• Don't forget to bring some palm trees back for your special lady.

Article of the Day

Don't start nothing, won't be nothing, by Gregory Kane, is an excellent article about the morality of war and torture. I'm surprised I haven't read anything by him before: he's brief, to the point, and very convincing.

I remember where I was too, of course, even though I wasn't stateside. I'd just begun my Erasmus year at Vilnius University and I was at home in Riese. My uncle Alfonasas ran over to the house and yelled to turn on the television, that America was at war. I ran upstairs to get Sarunas Krukonis, who was living with me at the time. For at least a half hour he didn't believe it: he was utterly convinced that I must be playing a practical joke on him, or else that it's all a hoax.

My mother was in a windowless room with blocked cell phone reception in Brussels, I believe: the doors on this conference were locked until the delegates could hammer out a new strategy on education. Imagine her worry when she walked back into the world and was flooded with ambiguous sympathetic text messages from Lithuania: she thought I was dead.

The thought that she had to endure that for even ten seconds before getting touch with me brings tears to my eyes. Where can I sign up to waterboard terrorists myself?

Cross-posted here on my mother's remembrance blog.

Arlen Specter: Fake, fraud and liar

I get a kick our of this guy.

Article of the Day

I haven't posted one of these for a while (busy). But here's one I started reading a month ago but never closed. It's quite an entertaining topic: National Disservice, President Obama’s feel-good draft, By James Bovard.

Article of the Day

A certain failure, by Richard W. Rahn

An interesting and informative article about the tax code.

Article of the Day

O's Foreign Follies: Ignoring Festering Threats, by Ralph Peters

As Nelson puts it best, Ha ha!

People Are Stupid in So Many Ways

1. I went to Vilnius for Easter with a dead camera battery by accident. I am stupid. But somebody else is stupid too: the guy who tried to sell me the wrong charger. It was 120 litai (authentic Sorny), which is way too much, but I didn't want to miss filming the Easter egg hunt to show my family stateside so I took it to the information booth next to the registers to make sure it worked (I suspected it wouldn't work because my battery model number was no where on the package). My suspicions were right on target; the salesman is stupid. Unless he was trying to trick me based on his experience of tricking others. Then he is shrewd but other people are stupid, so stupidity abounds either way. P.s. my clever suspicions cancels out my earlier stupidity & I ended up getting plenty of photos of the Easter egg hunt with a disposable camera.

2. I had a long day today because I had to get up early to get to the hospital to see my doctor; he works in a new place now and I guess isn't comfortable yet seeing me with no appointment without waiting in line, so I had to show up first. It's easy to be first as long as I show up before 8, because all the stupid people wait in line outside the hospital by a locked door not realizing the open side door twenty feet away goes to the same place. But there is a wait at that point already. When I left at 8:30 the line at the registration desk right inside the front door isn't ten dumbasses anymore, it about thirty. Instead of waking up a bit earlier to save I'm guessing an hour and a half, maybe two hours, these dickwads spend their entire morning waiting in line.

3. I had a really good other example of how people are stupid, but I can't remember anymore.

Easter Fupdate

I'll skip to Easter this week since that's the most interesting (before that we did have awesome sausages, incidentally). We were so busy cooking (I) and cleaning (special lady) that we didn't even start decorating eggs until embarrassingly late in the day. But that's okay because Easter is two days long in Lithuania, and most of our guests didn't arrive until the second day. Photos of the food and eggs will come later, when I develop the film.

Sunday:
Herb Roasted Pork
Red Skinned Potato Salad
Green Beans
Broccoli with Bread Crumbs
Fresh Tomatoes and Cucumber
Cheese Garlic Biscuits
Authentic Curd Cake

Monday:
Chicken North Hudson
Chicken Liver and Pistachio Nut Pate
Colleen's Potato Crescent Rolls
Cold cuts from the left over meat


Notes
If you've been following the Fupdates you noticed that I made Herb Roasted pork a month ago. However, this was different: for Easter I got the biggest one they had, four and a half pounds; also I ended up being out of sage so I substituted a mix of seasonings so it was indeed something new. Especially new was the glaze, which I made this time anticipating the early doneness of the meat, which I didn't last time. The glaze is really really good, I spooned some drippings on every piece of meat I took.

Lokys would like the Potato Salad quite a bit: it includes two cups of mayonnaise and a pound of bacon for just two pounds of potatoes. Everybody else like it too, I'd say it was the most popular dish. To make this, if you're using cold smoked bacon, you should get five pounds, in case you eat two on the way home from the market and two more while you're preparing the dish. An additional note is that you should taste your bacon before cooking it: if it's on the salty side you won't need to add any salt at all.

The reason I called the curd cake authentic is that I could not find a single recipe for curd cake in English that used actual curd. Here's what the dictionary throws out:

1.	Often, curds. a substance consisting mainly of casein and the like, obtained from milk by coagulation, and used as food or made into cheese.

2.	any substance resembling this.

I was looking for a recipe for curd, and all I could fine were recipes for things that "resemble" curd. What the fuck good is that??? And now a questions: it tasted alright to me, but my wife though it tasted a bit artificial due to all the pudding powder that went into it; does anybody know what I can use instead that will be more natural? Cause it was pretty easy, I'd keep it as a standby cake. The crust was especially tasty.

Green beans are disgusting. I added them because I felt guilty about having so few vegetables on the table, but I was unable to eat more than one bite. Maybe there is a tasty way to prep fresh green beans, but forget about canned ones. I solemnly pledge never to buy canned green beans as long as I live, even if that's a million years.

Both the biscuits and rolls got complements from my wife and guests. Personally I preferred the biscuits: they are much easier to make and for me, at least, tastier thanks to crunchiness and cheesiness.

It's hard to go wrong with Chicken North Hudson. It's my father's recipe, and the high fat content pretty much makes it sure fire. Just make sure you check your garlic ahead of time, mine was past its prime and I had to surgically remove bad parts from half of the cloves, as if I wasn't busy enough in the kitchen as it was. You cannot make it without at least a clove of garlic per pair of thighs.

The pate was the least popular dish, but I don't have enough pate experience to write a bad review. I thought it was too dry, so I added a half cup of whipping cream that happened to be sitting in the fridge. That improved the texture, and the taste was okay, but only about 5% of it got eaten. I think by the end of the week I'm going to be sick of pate for the rest of my million-year-long life.

Naglas

It's good to be Naglas. What is Naglumas? I say it means excessivly active selfishness that may or may not be harmful to others: harmful as in cutting in line; harmless as in what I do. However, it's slang, and in this country the dictionary is too stuck up to define slang words. I've emailed somebody at the language control board to get an official verdict on what the proper word to use is instead, but he hasn't written back yet.

Saturday morning I went to pick up my external hard drive from the computer shop; I'd have to leave it there after serious mechanical failure left it a corpse. They'd told me the warrently was still valid, so I could get a new (blank) one or they could fix it for money. Fix it I said, wtf, I've got tons of information on there! When I went to pick it up, they'd allegedly fixed it and salvaged twenty gigabytes of the data (maybe 20%, but I told them that was 10%). I had agreed to a 200 lit price when I gave it to them, but what the hell, that was for the data, not a small part of the data. They explained that to check 320 gb of hard drive takes the same amount of time regarless of how much can be restored. I don't know anything about it, so what could I do but agree? Then at the last moment I asked if he could at least give me a pedagogue discount--I do keep an expired ITIC card in my wallet. I was going to say a 10% pedagogue discount, but good thing I didn't: he dropped the price by 25%.

Satruday evening I went to meet a couple buddies for a few brewskies, and we ended up going to Memelis. They had karioke going on and I saw somebody of there getting beers. I wasn't exactly sure what the deal was, because the singing was so bad that I spent at least haldf the fime we were there outside smoking my pipe jto get away from it. When one buddy signed us up for Yellow Submarine I asked if we'd get free beer.

"Will we get free beers?"
"No."
"I demand free beers!"
"I can't get you free beers unless I buy them for you myself."
"Perfect, so you'll buy us some beers if we sing?"
"Well no!"
"Well there's no way I'm singing then."

We were already on the list though and my friend didn't like the idea of getting on stage and not singing until we got some free beer, so I agreed to sing. In the middle of the song when there's no singing for a moment I yelled into the mic "We want free beer!" And then when the song was over I yelled "We're still waiting for free beer!" Well, I, the guy who was yelling for what he wanted all the time, ended up getting a free beer; my friend who just wanted to sing got nothing. Then he signed us up to sing New York, New York.* Who sings such a slow song at a bar? We sucked. It was way better when the next guys did Knockin on Heavan's Door.

*There was so little audience participation during the song that at the end of it I yelled "Klaipeda!" Apparently, naming the city you're in on stage does not always get you any applause.

Fupdate

The theme this week is certainly Kugelis, which we ate four times for dinner as leftovers after last Sunday. Maybe next time I'll use less than seven pounds of potatoes. The other theme is chicken, since after the chili/kugelis adventures I hadn't had poultry in almost two weeks.

• Fried Kugelis slices with Fried Onions
• Chicken Fingers
• A Popeyesque Sunday Dinner: Fried Chicken and Red Beans and Rice
• Old Fashioned Potato Bread

Question: would anybody like to suggest things for my Easter menu? Traditionally we make a fresh ham, but there'll only be five of us this year, and Alfonsas and Silvija abarely eat anything, and we're returning to Klaipeda the very next day; a ham would be too much. I'm thinking some kind of pork loin, possible a sage and onion stuffed one (as pictured on the cover of my pork book).

Do you take credit card?

Yesterday I had to mail a letter and if I paid for it with cash I wouldn't have enough for the micro bus home. I mean, I could have gone to an ATM, but I didn't feel like it. I felt like smoking my pipe and buying my wife some flowers...which turned out to be impossible without cash.

"It'll be 1.35 litai." ($0.52)
"Is it possible to settle by card?"
"Yes."
"Okay then."

What's the smallest bill you've ever paid by credit card?

Fupdate

Week 5 of the food updates. The theme this week will be chili, because when I make chili I make a bunch, and it tends to be too spicy for anyone but me to eat.

• Granola Bars for a certain pregnant somebody to take to work for a snack
• Macaroni and Cheese and Broccoli Casserole
• Chili--with read beans, pinto beans, black beans my wife brought me back from Hungary, and a 13 Bean Mix Darius passed on to me from the States
• Chili Sandwiches
• Chili Cheese Dip for corn chips
• Egg Salad
• Egg Salad Sandwiches
• Chili mixed with Egg Salad and Cheese
  
• Cream of Broccoli Soup for my ladies same day as the chili, in case it was too spicy for them
• Kugelis
  

Note on the Chili: midway through cooking it (I simmered it for about six hours) a couple students walked by my kitchen and I heard one say "Awe, you smell how good that smells?! I wanna eat so bad now!"

Note on the Kugelis: there are a couple Kugelis recipes on allrecipes, and neither are perfect. I thought I would post mine, but my wife said, as great as mine was (is, and will be fore three more days at least) she's had better. Therefore, I'm instead going to try working out how to perfect it first. My first attemt will be to increase the fat content. One of the recipes I found said to add butter to the batter. But maybe lard would be even better? Or olive oil. Or all three!

Another more on the Kugelis: recipes for kugelis are a little out of the ordinary. When I asked my aunt Silvija for a kugelis recipe years ago she just laughed at me and told me I don't need a recipe, I just need to put in whatever I have. That is the authentic way, I guess.

Gymbo

I'm very pleased to say that I'm back on track with my weight loss program. Maybe last week's shortfall guilted me into eating less subconsiously. And certainly today's light breakfast contributed; the half liter of tea I usually drink would have added a half kilo. At this point I'm 3.9 kg lighter than I was four weeks ago, that's about eight and half pounds.

On the volume side of the progress chart, I'm pleased to say that I've lost a total of 4 cm of circumference between the four points I'm keeping track of (see diagram below).

The Obama Deception HQ Full length version

What do YOU think?

Fupdate

Week 3 in the food updates. Some trends are broccoli, for my pregnant wife, eggs, because I have to do the grocery shopping now, and making eggs is a way to skip the store for one more day. Finally, I'm baking my own breads and buns more often: I'm getting fed up with additives in our food, so I'm trying more and more to merely buy raw goods and make things instead of buying prepared food, like bread.

Crustless Broccoli Quiche
Roast Meatloaf with Mashed Potatoes
Mashed Potato Pancakes
Meatloaf Sandwiches on Onion Mustard Buns (I think Darius would like them. Hint: quadruple the onions.)
Scrambled Eggs with Broccoli
Baked Salmon
Country Seed Bread
And for my buddy Evaldo birthday I baked a perfect chocolate cake:

Article of the Year

Klaipėdą sukrėtė šiurpūs nusikaltimai, in Lietuvos Rytas.

About 700 meters from where I live "bandits" beat a man and poked his eyes out Friday afternoon. Saturday a retired couple was found down the street in their apartment brutally murdered, together with the bloody hatchet and knife.

Over MY Head?

Although I've watched eighteen episodes of Lost, I never realized it; it came to me in a dream during a little snooze I was just having: Charlie Pace is actually Meriadoc Brandybuck from The Lord of the Rings. What! How did I not realize that?

I'll buy a big-ass beer for the first person to guess which character from Lost I immediately recognized from which movie. Hint: it's one of my favorite movies.

Homer, did you shine your head in the Shino Ballo?

For the first time in several years, I shined my shoes today. One of the twins, if I had to guess I'd say Liepa (usually they buy people gifts as a team, so separating them was a new challenge this year), gave me a shoe shine kit for Christmas. I would have used it sooner, but I couldn't find my good brown boots: my other brown boots are the rugged type that don't need shining, and my black ones are like pleather or something, I don't know, but they never change. And then I had to remember to ask my wife if I'm supposed to impregnate them before or after shining them, and then when I remembered I had to go ahead and find the impregnater, and after she found it I had to negotiate her into doing it for me. After two and half month I finally shined my shoes. Here's a photo half was through the process.

Good times shining my shoes

Thanks Liepa and/or Lokys!

Stupid Scale at the Gime

I may have been getting ahead of myself last week when I said "In your face diets! All I need to do is sweat my balls off for an hour five times a week." After another week I am not thrilled to report that I've lost no significant weight.

My wife insists that my gut is decreasing and that I'm gaining muscle weight. Weight is not a good criterion, she tells me. This may be true: though I didn't think it'd have such a significant effect, I did double the amount of wight lifting that goes into my regiment this week. I should reduce it until I reach my pre-pregnancy weight. Either way, I'll have to start measuring my progress at the waist line instead of on the gime scale.

Fupdate

Week 3 in the food updates. No recurrent theme, thought I did make guacamole twice. I found avocados on sale twice, and I do love guacamole, but lately avocados have been too expensive...so I didn't pass up the chance...chances. The week included:

Nachos with Guacamole
Potato Pancakes with Home Made Applesauce
Eggs Benedict for breakfast on Independence Day
Cheesy Broccoli Pasta Alfredo
Tuna Salad Wrap with Pepperoni
Garlic-Lemon Double Stuffed Chicken
Guacamole
Cajan Fried Potatos

Note: Trust your instinct. I had a hunch the Hollandaise sauce would be really sour from too much lemon juice, so I checked another recipe. It said about the same thing, so I did it. Bad move. The wife ended up scraping most of it off. It was a fantastic breakfast anyway.

Another note: I read that if you don't grind your flax seeds, you don't get most of its nutrients: they're packed in there so tight your digestive system isn't corrosive enough to get all the way through.

Update: I forgot to mention two loaves of banana bread. I also froze three more loaves worth of banana mush because bananas were on sale for 80% off! I've never done that before, but I read you can do it. I'll let you know when I try out the frozen mush.

Big Ass Task

The biggest task of my life begins! Irregardless of when I end up living in my family's home in Riešė, I have to begin its upkeep now, lest it face dilapidation. My wife and I are the only two contestants in the Olympics of spring cleaning this year; here are some of the events:

• Fixing Both Driveways
  Driving into the yard is impossible: one gate must stay closed because the concrete gate posts are cracked and in danger of collapse; the other gate is locked because someone did a terrible job of paving the driveway, and apparently you can no longer drive off of the pre-fence part onto the inner-yard part without damaging it.
• Taking Care of Septic
  There is an option for us to get connected to the local sewage system which has just been installed in our neighborhood. However, the cost is steep, and while I'm sure it's necessary, at this time there is some ambiguity as to whether we can get connected and still maintain our well, which we need; city water is too expensive, and of course shitty. Unfortunately, Silvija doesn't know much about it, and she's the only person there who doesn't give me a headache. Intriguingly, we had to emty the septic tank twice in two months with nobody living in the house: seems like somebody's sabatoged the tanks so that we'll be forced to sign on to the sewers.
  
• Reorganizing Basic Storage
  Too many books and movies! Wait, let me rephrase that: not enough space for the books and movies. And that's as it is. When I move in someday I'll triple the movie collection and increase the library by 30%. That makes it sound like I'm an illiterate, but I'm an above average reader: almost everyone's an illiterate compared to my voracious reader of a mother, though (Probably noone ever timed her, but I'm sure she read 100 pages an hour: if she had a few hours free she was done with your average novel). The question is what to do about it. The answer we've come up with is this: move all the books out of the office (office = tv room), since they're not in bookcases anyway, but simply in cabinets that used to be unnecessary. Now they are necessary for the movies. But we'll have to buy a few more bookcases--we would have had to buy another one or two anyway for the overflow from the current bookcases, plus we got a half dozen boxes worth of books from her office. And for anybody who know what a pregnant wife is like, if we're going to do this goddam it we're going to do it in an orderly fashion: we have to sort the books by topic and arrange them by height (I still say arrange them by author--my grandmother was a professor of librarianism). We emptied, dusted, and refilled one bookcase that way this weekend...it took two hours and we ended up with several piles of books on the floor that have no place in the bookcase: nonfiction, poetry, literature, children's books, and books on education. If you're wondering what did make it back into the bookcase, the answer is cookbooks (at least fifty), horticulture magazines, history books, and reference books, including a surprising number of books on mushrooms. One of the reasons it took so long is we came across so many books we wanted to read and had to take a look at immediately.When we move there we could read for an hour a day for ten years, I bet.
  
• Improving Liqueur Storage
  The liqueur cabinet: she needs reorganizing and a backup storage area. I went ahead and combined my liquor cabinet with my mother's, they were just two compartments of one chiffonier. I removed the wine to a little standing wine rack I got for Christmas, and removed duplicate bottles. I have one question to everyone who ever had a drink at our home: wtf were three open bottles of Metaxa doing there?! They each had about one centimeter of booze left, incidentally. My mother was wont neither to drink nor to waste space. Did these belong to my siblings, or their booze bag friends? Wine is now kept in an adjacent rack and duplicate bottles are kept...wait, I'm not telling you...who knows who the Riešė thieves are? They've been in the news lately. It might be one of you!
• Repairing Household Heating
  Several of the radiators are broken and the heating system is catastrophically wasteful. As it is, I couldn't possibly afford to live there paying for the utilities. This spring we'll hire a specialist to tell us how to heat the house more efficiently. There are several options, some more expensive than others, but all paying off in the end. One really interesting one my wife told me about is an furnace that runs on logs and the natural heat of the earth: it's buried deep enough to harness natural heat; as a supplement it has a log burning system that you add a few logs to no more than once every 48 hours, that's how long they burn for in the very low oxygen furnace. It costs about $12,000, but as it is now, the anual oil bill is about $2,000, so the furnace would pay for itself and be almost free afterwards in six years. We'll see what the pro says.
• Paying the Bills
  We got a notice that our telecommunications bill was overdue. The phone/internet bill was automatically paid from my mother's bank account, which has since been blocked. I went to their office in Klaipeda to rewrite the agreement we have with them. Guess what? That'll cost me fifty lits, plus they'll raise the internet rates because they don't have such low rates anymore. What! Well then, I'll just cancel the service and order it anew, how about that? That'll cost me 200 lits. What! Alright, then I'll just keep paying my mother's bill until I move there and want to increase the internet speed. Okay. Now, I heard anyone with land line internet can get public wireless access for 11 lits a month. No, they can't issue that access to a deceased person. I said, "wtf do you care, I'm paying for the internet service, and I'm willing to pay you more, and you don't want it? You won't let me pay you more?! It must be pretty hard for you guys to make a profit with all the hurdles you place before you customers!" Wanna know what her reply was? "Hey, you just be glad we allow you to keep paying the bills without rewriting the service agreement." This is the Lithuanian customer service mentality after a decade of every dumbass I know and his brother getting a bachelor's degree in business management: just pay us and be glad we don't fine you for doing it.
• Removing the Unnecessary
  To end on a less caustic note, my wife went through all my mother's clothing to separate what fits her from what doesn't. She looks very nice in a bunch of the outfits, though she looks older; I'm not sure if it's the style of the clothing or the memory of my mother wearing them. Most of the clothes don't fit, though. She thinks they'd be too small even for Liepa. We're not sure what to do with them. We have maybe one relative who can fit in them, Jūratė, but what do we do with the rest? Almost none of the shoes fit either my sister or my wife. I'm a pack rat, so the idea of discarding perfectly good clothes is anathema.
  

Oh, a Gime!

Last week I measured off at having lost 700 grams after my first week at the gym. After my second week I'm down another 850. However, I think last time I went and weighed myself after lunch, and this time it was before lunch; I'm gonna round down and say I just reached my goal of keeping my weight loss steady. Actually, I'm still ahead since it's only been 6 days, but I don't know if I'll go tomorrow since it's Independence Day. In your face diets! All I need to do is sweat my balls off for an hour five times a week.

Fupdate

Week 2 in the food updates: the recurrent theme is pork. The past week included:

• Roast Herb Pork Loin
• Pork Fried Rice
• Pepperoni &Wild Mushroom Pizza
• Pork Sausage & Bell Pepper Pizza
• Nachos with Guacamole
• Several different kinds of sandwiches on the Seed Bread that I made last Sunday, mostly peanut butter, but the tour de force sandwich was leftover Pork Roast, Cheese, and Fried Onions you see below:

One note: make sure you don't use too much pizza sauce. If you make too much sauce serve it in a bowl or save it for spaghetti. Extra sauce on the side for dipping is great, but extra sauce on the pie will make the crust soggy and you may end up having to use a fork and knife like uncivilized people.

Duh, is this building on fire, or something?

My gym is a three story building, plus a cellar with showers and a sauna. Two, really, since men and women are segregated in this barbaric country. The first floor is reception, locker rooms, and a bar. Third floor holds all the abdominal machines, a couple other ones, and the massage room. The second floor is separated into two halves by the load-bearing wall, with about twelve cardio and weight machines on each side. You can barely see any of one side from the other; there are several openings but they're narrow. Today I was going to town on the stair master, which is practically in one of the corners of the second floor. I was listening to my mp3 player; finally I found a use for it since Christmas. For two months I was thinking, why did I buy myself that? Anywho, I couldn't hear anything besides the music and my own heartbeat. At one point I looked around and there was nobody else there. Where there had been four other exercise enthusiasts and one trainer a moment ago, there was now just some tumble weed, which was eery in itself.

I sniffed a bit, no sign of smoke. I decided that if there were a fire, I could bust open the door to the balcony with a barbell and climb down, even though at that point everybody would be watching me. Although, in that case everybody would be watching me, and the metal railing would be really cold so it would reduce my bulge. Maybe I should make sure there is no fire. I unplugged one of my earphone and holy shit! Sirens! I couldn't believe it! For about three seconds, and then the siren blended back into the song of which it was a part. I'm telling you, music these days: you don't know what's the music and what's a sound bite and what's a fire alarm.

Gime? What's a Gime?

After a two month reprieve and a net gain of five kilos (11 pounds, since I knocked up my wife and both our hormones went berserk), I went back to the gym last Wednesday. Mind you, until the pregnancy I had not gained any weight for two years, so I was pretty concerned about it: returning to the gym was important. I've only missed one weekday so far. I'm very happy to say that after one week I've already lost 700 grams ( 1.54 pounds). If I can keep going at this rate, it'll only take me seven weeks to get back to my accepted left of fatness. I bet I could do it twice as fast if I cut out all the cake and beer. But then, what would the point of living be?

Fupdate

This is the first of a new series of posts listing things I've cooked lately. Maybe it'll be a weekly thing, so I'll try to remember everything I made this week. If it was from an online recipe I'll link to it. Note that I do read the comments on them and often take their advise; if you want to know exactly how I made something I can let you know. Unless it's a secret.

• Mozzarella Sticks with Marinara Sauce
• Pancakes for Fat Tuesday
• Spaghetti and Sausages
• Nachos with Guacamole
• Tuna Salad
• Mouse's Macaroni and Cheese with broccoli mixed in
• Cheeseburgers
• Chocolate Poundcake with Cream Cheese Frosting
• Country Seed Bread
• Homemade Peanut Butter
• Yogurt Shake with oranges and bananas

Big Lent

Man, lent is long. So the deal is you're not supposed to eat any meat...and that's even for breakfast and lunch, not just dinner? And does that count non-kosher meat?

Theoretical question: since "traditionally, people have fasted by eliminating luxury items from their diets, such as meats," but currently luxury items in my diet are fish, not meat, does that mean that I should skip fish instead of meat this lent? Fish costs twice or thrice as much as meat.

Since fish is no longer the poor man's food, doesn't that defeat the purpose of fasting altogether?

When you fast, do not look somber as the hypocrites do, for they disfigure their faces to show men they are fasting. I tell you the truth, they have received their reward in full. But when you fast, put oil on your head and wash your face, so that it will not be obvious to men that you are fasting, but only to your Father, who is unseen; and your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.
—Matthew 6:16-18, NIV

See, when I eat fish I consider it to be awesome, a treat, come on, salmon, swordfish, smoked bream--why would the unseen Father reward me for treating myself on Fridays, the day of the crucifixion? Besides the joy of eating it, I'm afraid I'd also be taking joy in being a good Christian, which is the sin of pride. So is it worth it? Man, I gotta start making it to church more often.

I guess until I figure this all out I'll compromise and do fish for lent but only on Fridays. Fish every day doesn't make it into my budget anyway.

How about some cooking advise, Liepa, or anybody else?

I'll start with the simple question: what the hell do I do with two pounds of over cooked spaghetti? My first thought is to make tetrazzini with it, but if it's gonna suck then I'd just be wasting a bunch more ingredients, might was well just toss the spaghetti at a homeless man with dry elbows.

Now the more serious question: anybody ever made a Sourdough Starter Culture? I happened across this recipe by accident and found it intriguing. For a little comparison, this here recipe has the highest rating from allrecipes. One is just wheat flour and water, the other is flour, milk, sugar, and yeast. I'm sure the yeast is unnecessary, thanks to a thorough comment that explains why it's not. Otherwise, I have no idea which one to try. I'm asking for advice because this is apparently an investment with years of payoff--the first recipe claims that the culture lasts for at least six years, possibly forever. So I might as well do it right. Suggestions?

I suppose one more question may be the most important of all: do I like sourdough bread? I can't remember...

Article of the Day

The Water Wizards of Oz, by by Chris Brown, is about water rationing in Australia. I read it yesterday during an exam I was giving (to just one student, so I didn't have to keep my eyes on all corners of the room). I should have stayed silent, but I couldn't help chuckling.

p.s. I've been to Australia, but I can't seem to remember...wtf is Vegemite?!

Gifts for My Family

We appreciate all the gifts we've ever gotten! Except for that time Lokys farted right at me.

We do not look a gift horse in the mouth (or a Lithuanian gift horse in the teeth). We would rather feel ungrateful by telling people what to buy/not buy for our kid(s--I've already received an email asking whent to start sending baby presents).

But there are two points I think I should make clear. I've decided it will be worth it to avoid uncomfortableness by making two requests here for everyone who might buy something for my kids. I'll add them to my blog header for people who miss this post.

1. Please avoid things made in China. I realize many things (e.g. Monopoly, Boggle, many other games) are only made there, and if that's the case so be it. However, please note that such things will either have to be cleaned or laundered by hand or in the washing machine before we let her play with them; any toys with small parts will have to wait in the closet until the kids are old enough not to swallow them.

2. Please avoid all things pink. All other colors are super, even peach and lavender are okay (sort of)!

Once again, thanks for every gift everybody's ever given us. Please do excuse me, but this is the least awekward way I could think of to pass on our wishes.

Rum Tasting

I've had the Stroh bottle sincemy trip to Austria, and I've been drinking the Captain Silver and Gold rum for quite a while. The Stroh, at 160 proof, is a very good rum, though it doesn't quite match the fifteen year aged caribean rum Aidas served me a few weeks ago. It's obviously better then the latter two, though they are totally a bargain and easily worth the price for mixed drinks. The Old Monk Rum is a new one. As long as I had four rums total, including a brand new one, I thought I might as well have a Rum tasting. I was assisted by noone.



The results of the tasting are in: Stroh remains #1, followed by Old Monk Rum, Captain Gold, and Captain Silver. However, the Old Monk isn't twice as good as Captain Gold, though it does cost twice as much. I probably won't buy it again, though I'll enjoy having a variety in the cabinet.

Virgin Airline's Food is Subsubpar

This is quite funny (the comment that said it sounds like hitchhiker's guide to the galixy is right habibi): The World's Best Airline Complaint Letter

I found the link to it on Excessive Mastication

Article of the Day

Stimulate First, Ask Questions Later: With the stimulus bill, Obama chose urgency over transparency, by John Dickerson, is a good article clearly showing Obama's total disregard for one of his biggest campaign promises. It was one of the few promises I would have liked him to keep.

Death Wish

Anybody know what a Čeburėkas is? It's a deep fried meat filled pastry--and it stinks something awful. They're made at a Čeburėkinė, which is a small restaurant, the entire thing, including he kitchen, is the size of my bedroom. As soon as you go in there the stench assaults you. I go there very rarely, nowadays, but for some reason I went there yesterday. I had an urge for a Čeburėkas.

When I go I pop in to order and then wait outside while they fry it up. I look inside the windows, bewildered by the patrons sitting inside and eating. Don't they know they're going to stink all day until they discard their clothes in the refuse bin and shaves their heads and eye brows? I especially feel bad for the people who work there. 1,000 Čeburėkai stink.

On the other hand, one Čeburėkas smells delicious. Because I didn't want to discard my clothes in the refuse bin nor shaves my head and eye brows, I left with exactly one Čeburėkas in three plastic bags (the one with handles they won't give you unless you specifically ask). Despite the bags you can smell it easily out on the side walk. Once you get yourself some beer and get on the micro bus, forget about it. You've just shared your lunch plans with everybody else who gets on that thing in no uncertain way, and those plans smell delicious. People's mouths start to water. Anybody who was already hungry before then begins to judge me: what will I do if attacked? How easy would it be to kill me and take my Čeburėkas? Would it be worth it? The answer, of course, is yes: it was totally delicious.

Article of the Day

Reaganomics vs. Obamanomics, by Peter Ferrara, is clear and precise (the topic is, well duh). I think everyone should read it and pass on the essence of it to everyone he talks too for the next week.

My BBQBEBYOBB Experience

Ever since my father sent me a link to the Bacon Explosion: The BBQ Sausage Recipe of all Recipes post from BBQ Addicts, I've been waiting patiently for my chance to make it. The time is nigh...that is to say, I just made it.

It's all put together, and it only has two problems. 1. My presliced Lithuaian bacon (actually it comes from Spain) is a bit on the thin and short side; i had to make a 2x1 slice rectangle instead of a square, and the weave isn't quite as tight as it could be. 2. I forgot the BBQ sauce on the inside, I just used rub, which I made myself from this recipe. I don't think that makes a big difference, though, and some folks don't like sauce on the inside of things anyway. Now she sits on the kitchen table as the oven preheats and our guest arrives. My mouth is watering...is yours?

Update! All in all it was very good, I was very happy with it. But the first bite I took, half a strip of bacon that had stuck to the pan and come off, drenched in bacon fat and bbq sauce and spices was indeed sublime. I started laughing hysterically just from the joy of tasting it.

Update! After my awesome BBQBEBYOBB Experience I just couldn't get over bacon. Today we were supposed to have dinner guests, and I was planning lasagna; all morning I was debating how to add bacon to it. My planning was cut short when Rastenis called to cancel, to say he's too hung over to make it, as usual--fuckin cock sucker. Literately. Bacon still rules.

The Onion Movie

I finally watched the Onion Movie last night. I was pretty excited about it since I love the onion so much, even though the movie was not shown in theaters due to it's suckiness. But as a loyal fan, I assumed it only sucks if you're stupid and that's 90% of people; pleasing 10% of the public isn't good enough for a feature movie. Assuming made an ass out of me and my daughter. First of all, let me clearly state that this is not a movie for children. If you don't believe me, you will when you kid says "Tete, why he's sayin 'fuck' all the time?" (In my defense, it was a PG movie up until one "negro" character used the F word ten times in as many seconds; after that her dolls needed some urgent attention, or so I said.)

Anyways, I'm sorry to say that after 40 minutes I started to say to myself "When the fock is this thing going to end?" Several of the bits are funny, some hilarious, especially towards the end (that is to say, they got funnier with each glass of wine), but the arc that holds them together is, to put it gently, the weakest piece of tripe that I've ever seen, and I've seen at least two dozen movies from the 99 cent bin at the car wash. I've very sorry to say that it's not even worth borrowing from a friend. If you've got nothing else to kill your time with, or if you're totally stoned maybe it will entertain you...but I was truly disappointed. Sorry Onion.

Friggin Soup Magnets

Seriously, if you look at your ties, I bet the ones that have to be taken to the cleaners from time to time are all silk, your best ties, while your non-silk, non-fancy, non-memorable ties hang in the closet for years without needing a cleaning.

Over the past year I've kept my eyes open for solid ties that won't clash with striped shirts. I don't know if that's fashionable, I haven't read GQ in weeks (years and years), but it seems pretty reasonable to me. I finally found a couple in Italy, actually made in Italy, at least that's what the tag says, but cheap because I found them at the outdoor market. One is gray, and it matches one of my sport coats perfectly; add that to black pants and a white shirt I'm a pretty hot shit. Unfortunately, on both the two important occasions I've worn the ensamble, I've managed to drip greasy cafeteria soup onto it before the meeting I'd dressed up for.That never happens! Maybe five times in my whole life. For some reason two of those times were within two weeks of each other on the same tie, even though I eat soup everyday like a good boy. Yesterday I had to drive home in the middle of work to change my tie. WTF? Silk ties are soup magnets.

Where have people's brains gone?

On Monday I got in a big argument with the receptionist at the Health Faculty of my College. Granted I only go there once a week, but even if she's never seen me, her greeting in the employee parking lot should not be "Get your car outta here!" When I told her I am a college professor she just repeated her order, apparently not realizing that by "college" I meant this college. After I finally explained it to her I asked her why she doesn't use her mouth for discovering such things instead of just insulting people.

Today I had another such incident, which I'll post about right here.

A Toast for the Host who can Boast the most Posts

I have not been posting much to my blog. This is for three reasons.

1. I have been posting to an additional blog for the past six weeks, My Mother's Remembrance Blog. There are not that many postings from me, but I take alot of time with the translations, the better writers in particular.

2. The process of collecting documents and working with the notary public in Lithuania is grueling. I have to drive to Vilnius for a couple days every other week to keep the process going.

3. I don't have plans to move to Vilnius, but I've been at my job for five years at the end of this school year. For that and other more important reasons, it's time to take a situation analysis of my life and decide whether or not I need a change. Therefore, during my trips to Vilnius, I'm not only taking care of my mother's affairs with the notary, her employer, and the city, and taking care of business for my College, I'm also talking to people I know about employment opportunities in Vilnius.

I wonder if I've ever eaten a turnip before? I feel like I ought to have, since the Lithuanian name for them rings a bell: Ropes!

Fucktarderama

I got a speeding ticket from the Kaunas police three months ago. I paid the ticket within two days. I got a registered letter this week from a bailiff in Klaipeda that says I didn't pay it and I gotta pay more than double the ticket for their service of tracking me down. So I had to A) go to the special post office, which has a back door entrance you can't find, B) go to the city tax office to get a receipt for the payment from October (all five of the employees in that office were sitting around chatting, incidentally), and C) go to the bailiff's office, which is also really hard to find and takes alot of walking around in the cold. Then after I wait around and finally prove my case to her, she's all disappointed because there's no chance in hell the police will pay her the tracking fee I would have had to, and I certainly don't have to, so she's screwed, and there's even less of a chance that the police will reimburse me for my lost time, gas, and stress. I wonder, why can I be obliged to pay for tacking me down, but nobody's obliged to pay me for tracking my documents down to prove that I've been falsely accused?

One more strike against Kaunas, not that it needed one.

Article of the Day

Here's a good one Rachel sent my way: War Nerd MC’s First Man O’ War O’wardz by Gary Brecher

Reminds me of a slogan my greatest BU professor, Igor Lukes, used to throw out when facing a bunch of peace hippies: "Give War a Chance!"

Off on the Right Foot

Today I fell on my ass. It was one of those slips on the ice when your whole body flies up into the air for so long that you have time to wonder if you'll break your ass bone or not. I didn't, but my spine hurts and I want to kill everybody who looks at me cockeyed.

Where in the World Can I Possibly Live?

My deputy mentioned today that she saw a parking ticket on a car parked on her street, even there are no signs posted there that you have to pay. I said the driver shouldn't pay it, since there is no legal fine if the sign hasn't been posted yet (did I really have to explain my position? unbelievably, yes I did). I said the driver should sue the police. She said that would take years and the the police would find out where he works and make his employer pay the fine while that's going on. The the driver should sue his employer, I said. He'd end up dying amid years and years of lawsuits.

Maybe I should move to Italy. Man it's great there. But then she told me there are a barrage of laws in Italy forbidding anybody without Italian citizanship from employment. WTF?

Maybe I should move back to America, then. I don't think so, though, not after reading this article: Common Sense is No More, By George Will

Dos and don’ts of Another Trip to Italy

Do guarantee great weather: positive thinking affects your environment; the terrible forecast will turn out to be right no more than half the time if you think positively enough.

Don’t forget that your wife hates museums.

Do buy the hat at the market for €5; it’s identical to the one at the Jewish department store for €35.

Don’t accidentally drop your new hat in the toilet and not notice, your wife will piss all over it.

Do bid 11 low when your wife has 31, because otherwise she’ll go out anyway; this way you can pick up four tricks in the blind and set her back to 20 and come back to win the game!

Don’t go to any indoor tourists sites at anytime past 9 a.m., the lines will be longer than [Man with the longest dick in the world] when he’s horny.

Do eat as many of the broccoli-sausage pastries as humanly possible, they are the most delicious thing on the whole freakin’ planet.

Don’t eat at the Chinese place: the Italians avoid it for good reason. (Since they’ve never seen a Chinese funeral, they’re suspicious of where the old Chinese folks end up!)

Do take the batteries out of the remote control when you get to the hotel unless you want someone to keep it on all the time.

Don’t check your email all week: it’s quite refreshing.

Do drink lots of wine.

Article

Who Is To Blame? By Barrett Sheridan

Here's a little excerpt:

With free markets now in disrepute, what's going to happen to the popularity of Ayn Rand's most famous book, "Atlas Shrugged"?
I think it's going to go up dramatically. I think it already has. [People] are saying, "We're heading toward socialism, we're heading toward more regulation." "Atlas Shrugged" is coming true.

The funny thing is, that is exactly what I said several days ago in a comment to this piece on Lokio blog: I'm still not sure how he caused the meltdown. There wasn't any nuclear material in the truck!

A Clip is Like an Artical You Can Read While You're Reading Something Else

Thanks to Dave Stira for sending me this clip first!

This here clip is not surprising, really, but there are several funny moments. It's depressing to know how stupid the electorate is, but it's satisfying to know that, even though my candidate of choice lost, his opponent won not on his merit, but thanks to media manipulation of morons who make up the majority of voters.

Good Day → Bad Day → Good Day → Bad Day → Great Day

When the wife's away, it's time to have lots of fun (in the form of Christmas shopping).

I bought a rather expensive gift today, probably the most expensive one I will buy this year. It's top notch, the best. I was very happy to get it, and especially happy when, after making the guy laugh by showing him my International Teacher Identification Card and asking him for a discount, he gave me 2% off anyway. Nice. So that made it a Good Day.

On the way home I stopped off for another gift, and there happened to be a store nearby that might have the same product I'd already purchased. I thought I better check the price. I was astonished to find the same product 25% cheaper. I was surprised because I noticed other things at this store were slightly more expensive than at the first one. And I was furious with myself for not checking around. This made it a Bad Day.

I rushed back to the first store, possibly making an illegal U turn along the way. I went right up to the cashier and told her I'd come to return it. I knew I was in for the run-around. She had to go get the salesman who'd sold it to me. I explained that no amount of further consultation would change my mind. She told they can't do returns for products that are in perfect working order, and I told her not only can they, but that they must according to the law. I had to wait. He came by, asked why I want to return it, I refused to tell him, saying merely that I'm done wasting my time, let's just move our days along shall we? He called somebody. He tried to sell me again. I told him what I'd told his colleague, that no further amount of persuasion would sell me, that I've made my decision. He told the cashier to refund my money. Then he dared to tell me that next time I want to buy something, I'd better make up my mind first. Why should I do that? Because it's bad to return things. Why's it bad?! Because you shouldn't buy things if you aren't sure you want them. Why not, I have the right to return things, it's not bad for me, so no big deal, right? Well, it's bad for the store. Why? We don't like to deal with it. Well I'm the customer and I'm always right, so should the store deal with it or should I have to deal with the store? Then he mumbled something through his notched eyebrow as I walked out. Standing up for myself made it a Good Day again.

Then back to the second store and to the product. As I looked for the box I became confused because I couldn't find it. No big deal, I can take the one on display. I called over salesgirl and asked for it, and she came up with it in a box slightly out of place. Is this the price tag for it, I asked, pointing to the price tag next to the display item? No. That's the price for a much crappier one. Crap. Everything else is more expensive here. And I could have avoided this ridiculous waste of time and nerves by checking the price before I rushed back to the first store. Now it is again quite a Bad Day.

We have to go to a computer in the corner of the store to get the price. I was very relieved to find out that the price is not higher, it's identical. All I've wasted is time and gas. When she tells me the price, which is identical to the first store, and asks me if it's okay, I say, Well no, I saw the same product at [the first store] for less. Then I whip out my ITIC card. She says well...I can give you 7% off. Yes. Bingo. Bullseye. Turns out my stupidity in conjunction with my miserliness ended up saving me an additional five percent. Totally worth the time and the gas. In your face first store. That's a Christmas present for me!

Delicious Chili

I made some Delicious Chili Sunday, and we've been eating it all week. A bowl for breakfast Monday so that it would fit in the crackpot, chili for dinner with shredded cheese and corn chips, which is the same thing we had Wednesday for dinner, but Tuesday we had quesadillas with chili cheese filling with guacamole (obviously home made). Tonight I'm having trouble deciding, because we had nachos recently enough that I don't want it to get repetitive, but probably we'll have nachos with chili cheese topping, and tomorrow it'll be chili in Armenian bread. That should be the end of it. It will have been a fabulously yummy week.

It's thanks to Darius, who reads all my blog complaints about the lack of beans in this country. He sent me a thoughtful gift of 13 bean mix for soup. Instead of three cans of elusive black beans that the recipe called for, I used one cup of the mix soaked and simmered plus one can of red beans. It was awesome, tastier and I suspect healthier with a variety of beans. Thanks brother!

I need a fuckin Canyonero

There's always a line to get on the bridge they're fixing, and I almost always wait my turn in the morning. There's always a couple assholes who skip the line. But this morning there were so many I couldn't count them! I didn't know what was going on, but I was having none of it: I pulled out to be half way in both lanes to block traffic. It didn't work though, they were still able to squeeze past me, and I didn't want to go over any more, cause then I might lose my spot. I need a fuckin Canyonero! If you don't remember what that is, here are the lyrics:

Can you name the truck with four wheel drive,
Smells like a steak, and seats thirty five?
Canyonero! Canyonero!
Well, it goes real slow with the hammer down
It's the country-fried truck endorsed by a clown
Canyonero! Canyonero!
Hey, hey!
Twelve yards long, two lanes wide,
Sixty five tons of American pride!
Canyonero! Canyonero!
Top of the line in utility sports,
Unexplained fires are a matter for the courts!
Canyonero! Canyonero!
She blinds everybody with her super high beams
She's a squirrel-squashin', deer-smackin' drivin' machine
Canyonero! Canyonero! Canyonero!
Whoa, Canyonero! Whoa!

If this happens again, I will pull into the other land, lose my spot, and just sit there moving at the same rate as the line so that everybody has to wait. Whatever car was behind me should notice and let me back in.

Article of the Day

No more free lunches

Yeah, just like everything else!

Whoa-Confusion

I saw this on RCP: Democrats Slap Sen. Lieberman on the Wrist - Karl and Wolf, ABC News

I thought the authors would be Karl Rove and Wolf Blitzer. I thought that's an interesting way to credit them, but I guess they're famous enough that people will recognize them anyway. Then I opened up the article and oops:

By JONATHAN KARL and Z. BYRON WOLF

Ben Stiller's Movies Are, I don't know, Either a Particular Type of Treasure, or Maybe Crap, That You Have to Watch Twice to Appreciate

I had this experience years ago, when I thought Zoolander was stupid. Then I happened to watch it again cause it was all that was on, and I caught a bunch of subtle jokes and the movie grew on me. I watched it a few more times after that, and now I miss it quite a bit.

I'm through all of my movies, except for a couple horror flicks I don't want to watch alone--not because I'm scared, but because I've never understood the appeal of watching a scary movie all by yourself--and my wife usually refuses to watch with me. So I've been going through my old movies lately when I want to relax and re-watching them. I have to be very choosy because I've got a kid around, so I had to skip right by Pan's Labyrinth, Patriot, Patriot Games, Psycho, Pulp Fiction, Pulp Fiction Special Features, Rambo First Blood Part II, and Resurrecting the Champ, all the way to the Royal Tenenbaums.

I had watched it once before and didn't think very highly of it. I believe that I wrote about the experience on the blog, but for the life of me I can't find it. I would if my life were actually on the line, but you know... Anyway, the point is I thought it was perfectly cromulent this time around, and I laughed out loud at several jokes I missed the first time. It's not as much of a Ben Stiller movie as Zoolander is, but it follows the model.

Article of the Day

The world has never seen such freezing heat, by Christopher Booker

I'm happy to be seeing more and more articles like this in the news. Maybe soon Al Gore will be stripped of his Nobel Prize, and then caned on public television.

Goofy Article of the Day

World leaders dine in style as they discuss financial crisis, by CNN

The point is that the White House invited the top 20 world leaders to talked about how bad the global financial crisis is and the menu includes, besides quail and other delicacies, $500 bottles of wine. Obviously they got a bulk discount and maybe bought it several years ago when it would be considerably cheaper, since it's only a 2003, plus I found it online for $170-270 but okay, good point. Here's my point: if you want to impress upon people the gravity of the crisis, instead of Shafer Cabernet they should serve Schaefer Beer!

Article of the Day

Don't Bail Out My State, by Mark Sanford

This guy sounds like quite a stand up governor. He's my new second favorite governor, bumping Schwarzenegger down to third.

Article of the Day

Trivial Pursuits: Game shows reach a deeper level of weirdness. By Troy Patterson

I'd like to know if anybody (Lokys, probably) has seen any of these shows. I don't doubt that I can't get them in Lithuania, if I can't even get the Office from NBC's website.

My Literature in Your Face

What was the last book you bought?
My primary means of obtaining books is not through purchase, it’s through borrowing from my parents who have hundreds if not thousands of of books, dozens of bookshelves and boxes in the attic worth, and a garage with wall to wall bookshelves, an architectural masterpiece designed by my grandfather. The last one I grabbed off my mother’s table is James Lee Burke's novel In the Electric Mist with Confederate Dead.

Name a book you have read more than once?
Almost all of Ayn Rand’s fiction, Tai-Pan and King Rat by James Clavell, The Road to Gandalfo and others by Robert Ludlum, Stranger in a Strange Land and others by Robert Heinlein, parts 3&4 of the Harry Potter series, I, Robot by Isaac Asimov, Franny & Zooey by J. D. Salinger I've read at several times, and Cat’s Cradle by Kurt Vonnegut. Probably some more. If you count short stories then include a bunch by Salinger, Hemingway, and Edgar Allen Poe.

Has a book ever fundamentally changed the way you see life?
Tai-Pan opened my eyes to Squeeze, most of Ludlum’s books make me keep my eyes open for sabotage, and several of Heinlein’s books keep my eyes open for orgies.

How do you choose a book? E.g. by cover design and summary, recommendations or reviews?
I only read books on recommendation, or ones that I find around my parents. I can’t even remember the last book I read randomly, but whatever it was, surely it was the summary that got me, not a review or cover design. What am I, six? Plus I prefer old fashioned cover designs: compare the old and new covers of Tai-Pan.

Do you prefer fiction or non-fiction?
They’re both great. Fiction tends to be more compelling, but non-fictions tends to be much more fun to talk to people about.

What’s more important in a novel - beautiful writing or a gripping plot?
Plot is clearly more important. What good is beautiful writing if the plot is trash? It’s about as useful as beautiful trash. I’d rather have ugly treasure than beautiful trash. Plus I just recently began to notice beautiful writing anyway, since I read Sin and Syntax. The first author whose writing I noticed as quite nice was Barbara Kingsolver.

Most loved/memorable character?
Tai-Pan. Ragnar Danneskjöld. Valentine Michael Smith. John Galt. Gandalf. Mycroft Holmes. Dagny Taggart. Aristotle Quance. Zooey Glass.

Which book or books can be found on your nightstand at the moment?
From top to bottom and left to right, arranged by height:
Complete Tales and Peoms, Edgar Allen Poe
Understanding Arguments, Fogelin
SuperFoods Rx, Dr. Pratt
The Chronicles of Narnia, C.S. Lewis
The Lord of the Rings, J.R.R.Tolkien
Papers, Papers, Papers, Carol Jago
Aristotle for Everybody, by Mortimer J. Adler
How to be a Man, by Dirk Flinthart, John Birmingham
The Art of War, Sun Tzu
How to read Literature Like as Professor, Foster
Colossus, Ferguson
The Best American Travel Writing, I forget which year so I can't name the editor
The Dilber Future, Scott Adams
The Dilber Principle, Scott Adams
Robinson Cruseo, Daniel Defoe
Refiner’s Fire, by Mark Helprin
The Captive Mind, Milosz
Conrad’s Heart of Darknes, Dean
Sin and Syntax, by Constance Hale
Animal Dreams, by Barbara Kingsolver
Doctor Sax, Kerouac
The Hobbit, J.R.R.Tolkien
The curious incident of the dog in the night, by Mark Haddon
The Bourne Ultimatum, Ludlum
Fahrenheit 451, by Ray Bradbury
Job: A Comedy of Justice, Ludlum
The moon is a Harsh Mistress, Robert Heinlein
The Road to Gandolfo, Ludlum
Expanded Universie, Robert Heinlein
Sid Meier’s Alpha Centauri
Noble House, Clavell
The Prometheus Deception, Ludlum
The Virtue of Selfishness, Ayn Rand
The Tomb and other Tales, by H.P. Lovecraft.
Old Man’s War, Scalzi
Literature as Exploration, Rosenblatt
The Caves of Sreel, Asimoov
King Rat, Clavell
The Matlock Paper, Ludlum
The Golden Aple of the Sun, Bradbury
Foundation Trilogy, Asimov
Metodiniai Nurodymai renantiesiems edukologiniijos pagrindiniu studio mokslinius darbus, Zulumskyte
Teaching and Learning—Towards the Learning Society, European Comission
OECD Recommendations for Education in Lithuania, Totoraitis, Briedis, Gudaityte
Pedagogų Rengimo Standarto Gairių Projekto Tyrimo Ataskaita, Sauleliene
Švietimo Studijos: Lietuvos Švietimo Kaita, Bruzgeleviciene
Pedagogų Rengimas Lietuvoje Ÿ Pertvarkos Pastangos
Prarastieji Lietuvos Talentai, Rudokas

To be fair on this point, my nightstand is the size of a desk. Actually, it is a desk.

What was the last book that you read?
The Fountainhead, by Ayn Rand, which I read for a third time. What happened was my wife was reading and we talked about what was going on in the book, and she refused to let me read over her should, so the day she finished I couldn't help picking it up, even though I have a dozen or so books on hand that I haven't read once.

That's the last book I finished. I am currently in the middle of, or nearing the end of, or just begining, The Foundation Trilogy, The Omnivore's Dilemma, The Elements of Style, Franny & Zooey, and In the Electric Mist with Confederate Dead. Actually I'm just about to begin Franny & Zooey, but I've already printed out a copy in five parts to bring with me to the gym so I don't get bored doing cardio. I used to print out some news to read, but it's just been too depressing for the past week.

Have you ever given up on a book halfway in?
Pride and Prejudice, by Jane Austen. Here’s what I think about her!

I plagiarized these here questions from Rachel.

Article of the Day

GOP gears up for 2012, by Jonathan Martin

I've been saying for months that I hope the election never ends, and I guess I've gotten the next best thing.

Possible/Impossible?

jesus i'm hungry. i had a delicious muffin and half an apple for breakfast, but it just didn't do it. is it too early to have lunch at 9:15? for lunch i have a leftover hamburger roll with home made mummus and spinich on it. i'd go get some hot meat and tomato slices from the cafateria, but i don't even know if they're serving lunch already.

UPDATE: i went and ate sour soup and grandma's salad. i dare anybody to take as many guesses as he wants on what's in the salad. nobody will be able to guess, not even mohammad ali, so i'll just tell you. the "salad" included fried black bread, cheese, and white beans. that's it, that's the salad.

Election 2008

I read the results on the Onion, and I'm avoiding all other news sources in hopes that this article's a joke. If it's not, I don't know I'd rather not be: America, or a NATO ally that's always been sought after by a Russia that's increasingly aggressive (again). Let the fears begin...

Article of the Day

Obama vs. Jobs, by Ralph R. Reiland, is a very interesting piece and the best one I've read for clarity on the consequences of electing a socialist president.

Article of the Day About Muppets

Speeding puppet in the front seat of a British car makes muppets of the German police, by Allan Hall

Thanks Rachel. This article is about somebody making a mockery of Sie Germans. Bravo. Nothing could be more justified in this world than egg on the face of supreme tight wads. Except I guess for shooting muggers in the kneecaps, or, if you're a robot, killing all humans.

Article of the Day

Why It’s Still a Race, by Howard Fineman

This is the most optimistic article I've read in a while. I have basically just been looking at the RCP averages, not having any idea which polls tend to be more accurate. The average has come down to 6 today from 8.5 a few days ago, which puts McCain's chances greater than Bush's four years ago, I think. Hearing that the most reliable of polls put him at trailing by just 2 points was pleasant surprise.

Also of note is the comment by Marcus Tullius after Obama's Living-Will Constitution, by George Neumayr. He's a Mormon, and apparently Mormons all take an oath to uphold the Constitution by any means necessary, the implication as I understood it being that anyone who fucks with the Constitution has an appointment with a Mormon assassin. Neato! How exciting. Never would have guessed that one.

Article of the Day About Pizza

The Great Pizza Orientation Test

Dave Stira thought this was something Lokys or I might do. I'd love to, but not with mushroom-pepperoni, that would have to be spread out all the way. I would do that with a different pizza though, getting a spicy half made for myself and a bland half for my ladies.

Article of the Day

Obama's First 100 Days
By Patrick Buchanan

Scary stuff.

Article of the Day

Obama's First 100 Days
By Patrick Buchanan

Scary stuff.

Dos and Don'ts of a Trip to Amsterdam

• Do get some cash at the ATM before getting in a cab to your hotel. 
• Don't worry if you forget to do that, you can have the hotel give you some cash on your room's bill to cover it. 
• Do explicitly forbid them at the front desk from charging you for your room ahead of time and with an exorbitant deposit that will leave you penniless. 
• Don't bother going out for dinner more than a couple times, the tapas is good and plenty. 
• Do get the lamb with rosemary sauce when you do go out to dinner at a pub style place, it so good that every bite will be the tastiest bite of anything in your life. 
• Don’t wait for your change if the atmosphere is growing oppressive: follow your instincts and get the hell out of any place that is about to collapse from the unbelievable amount of noise. 
• Do eat a giant breakfast including three fresh baked croissants and a heaping pile of bacon every day. 
• Don't walk thought the parks alone at night (that's what the receptionist told us).
• Do try everything, except the hookers!
• Don't be vague about trying the hookers, somebody might misunderstand (and think you had a bad experience with a hooker instead of no experience besides seeing them). 
• Do walk around the red light district at night.
• Don't be afraid to feel like a kid at Disney Land.
• Do take lots of pictures so nobody gets mad at you for not taking a lot of pictures again. 
• Don't skip the ice cream parlor, it’s so good while you’re eating you won’t be sure whether it’s a dream or not. 
• Do use the buddy system; it’s very reassuring to wander around with somebody else in a city with a billion identical canal crossings. 
  

Obama's Youtube Arrogance Just Became A Nightmare

The most moving and upsetting Youtube video I've ever seen.

Article of the Day

Lorne Gunter: Thirty years of warmer temperatures go poof

Thanks Loky.

Shudder

If the topic of penises doesn't suit you just stop reading right now. Loser. When I'm in the locker room at the gym I made a very good effort not to see any johnsons. As Seinfeld once said, more or less, I have a very strict limit on the number of penises I see each day besides my own: zero. Sometimes somebody just turns around too quickly for you to look at the ceiling; it happened today. Now I didn't seem much. In fact I couldn't see much, since there was hardly anything too see, literally. This guy's trouser snake was more like an inch worm, like a fuckin thimble. Oh God, it's painful to recall. Granted it was flacid (I hope, there's not much hang on a member that short!), but augh! Shudder!

Article of the Day

Beware an October surprise from bin Laden, by Joseph Nye

Interesting, not sure home much I buy it. But it leads to a very interesting question: how many innocent people would you sacrifice to get your candidate elected? As I read I started thinking, yeah, a terrorist attack right now would be so worth it. What?! I guess I've gone crazy, but as a matter of fact, many many lives depend on who gets elected. If McCain gets elected, maybe more soldiers will die at war. If the ass gets elected, hundreds of thousands of babies will die not only at abortion clinics but at hospitals as well. Given these probable fatalities (inevitable if the ass makes it), maybe it would be worth it?

I ask you, how many innocent lives would you give to get your man in the white house? And you can't specify the people's party. That would change the dynamics of the question too much.

Chrome Sucks, at the Moment

Not sure what makes browser quality change so radically, but I started using Chrome several weeks ago and it was awesome (comments). Gradually it began to slow down. Then video didn't work anymore, so I switched to Firefox for that and email, since Chrome never let me use most Yahoo keyboard shortcuts. Now it just crashes all the time. WTF? Firefox Forever!

Article of the Day

Obama's Abortion Extremism, by Robert George
Wow. Fuck him.

Who wants to join the PEN15 Club?

I guess Burn After Reading is an awesome movie. We showed up to see it yesterday an hour early to get tickets and have a beer and a bite before the show. My special lady went to get the tickets by herself, because she has a student ID and I don't. I went to order the beers and snacks. Turned out they were sold out for the 6:30 showing, and the 9:30 showing already! Man, that must be some awesome movie.

On the upside, I got to drink two beers. I would have actually preferred to do that anyplace but the movie theater, though, so big whoop.

FaceF

I appreciate Facebook for getting me back in touch with old friends and for making it easy to share photos, news, and stuff like that. But I don't really get the point of it replacing email. I mean, the way it works, for all you weirdos not on Facebook, is that I get an email that says somebody sent me a message, but to reply I have to go to Facebook and sign in and send the messege. Why don't people send me an email? Facebook is great for several things, but it's certainly not better at email than email.

Article of the Day

"Socialist" Charges from Bailout Republicans, by Eugene Robinson. I wonder if something like this could ever cause all the good Republicans left to defect to the Libertarian Party?

Thanks for Nothing You Texan Idiot, and You're No Better You Stupid New Yorker, and You from Little Rock, Just Shut the Hell Up

This isn't uncommon, but I've come across it more frequently than usual today. I'm lookin at a recipe online for Cream of Chicken Soup. Here are some of the comments on the recipe I'm considering for dinner:

What I did differently was used half a cup of 1% milk (instead of whipping cream)... used less tarragon and rosemary...omitted the potatoes, used an onion in place of leeks, and also added a touch of lemon juice.

Oh really? So you're reviewing another recipe? Thanks, that's useful...NOT! I'm still looking for a review of this recipe, so let's read on:

I was looking for the cream chicken recipe that my mother made....I don't think this is it. I think it is missing [a dozen ingredients].

So your comment is that you posted the recipe you think you were looking for, because this recipe tricked you into trying it? Thanks, that's useful...NOT! Let's see if we can ever get to the bottom of this with another review:

I thought this was just o.k...used onion instead of leeks and just felt it was lacking something.

Hmmm, I wonder what that could be...maybe LEEKS?!

Better to Teach Adults

I read a bunch of sonnets written by my students today. I'm glad they're adults, not kids; otherwise I would have to tell somebody that one sonnet, the best one, ended in patricide! If it was a kid I would have to assume it's not just fiction, to be on the safe side.

She got an extra point on the sonnet for brutality.

Article of the Day

Obama's Magic by Kimberley Strassel is quite a bingo! I love articles that are so good they make me smile a big fatty one.

Article of the Day

What Is a Right and How Do We Know? by Bill Whittle is a good one. I thought the last word was gonna be parasite, but it's even better his way. I wish more people would talk about topic.

Article of the Day about Drunkenness

Rachel turned me onto this crazy article:Google 'Mail Goggles' prevent drunken emails

I went ahead and enabled the math quiz. Two problems: 1., I finished the problems with 26 seconds left, even after double checking, on the hardest setting (level five, what the hell would level one have been, 6+7?); 2., after one quiz it let me write more emails unfettered. WTF? Just because I'm sober enough to write one email doesn't mean I'm going to stay that way!

Simpsons

Anybody else ever watch Lemon of Troy and end up saying to yourself, great episode, but I was expecting Troy McClure!

Halloween Prep

I'm going through my Octoberly custom of not shaving, just in case my Halloween costume calls for a beard. I think it may; I do have something in mind. But I'm not settled on it, as I have yet to come up with the garb. So I'm open to suggestions! If you make one I accept I'll buy you a drink.  If you suggest something I reject you have to buy me one. If you suggest what I'm already considering we'll each buy a round.

I was Borat last year, so if you suggest that again, you'll have to buy me a drink and take a penalty shot yourself!

Tip For You

In addition to these other time savers, here's another way to skim a few minutes off your morning routine: gel/wax up your hair in the car!

Article of the Day

I've always said I hope this election never ends. Now Voter Fraud Expected To Be Rampant, by John Fund, gives me hope!

I wish I had a remote control for my laptop

Catching

I'm wicked good at catching things, but with one condition: it has to be a surprise, and it has to be worth catching. Glasses or bottles fall of a table within my grasp? I got it baby. I got ahold of it before I even realize it fell, even if I knocked it off myself with the back of my own hand. Now how do you like this: moving a potato pancake with one hand from the pile on the table onto the plate in the other hand, pankcake slips off my fork, falling floor-bound fast, I save it in mid-air by stabbing through it with my fork! YES!

Are you twenty years old or just zero?

I wish I was posting this to my other blog, the family blog, cause this antic would be appropriate for a three year old. Alas, it was in my literature class that we were talking about the Renaissance...

Student: Henry VIII wrote a book opposed to leather.

I: What?

Student: He was such a strong Catholic (pronounced kuth-O-lik) that he wrote a book opposed to leather.

I: Really?

Student: Yes! (quotes from book)

I: "Leather" is clothing made from animal hides. 

Student: L..L..Luther?

I: Ah, yes, that's right, that's more like it! Who was Luther?

...silence soaks the classroom...

I: Nobody knows who Luther was? There are several churches in Lithuania called Lutheran Churches. 

Student: Martin Luther King?

I: –my jaw drops slightly–

Student: Martin Luther King, Junior?

I: –my hands clasp the top of my head–

Student: Doctor Martin Luther King, Junior?

What's that called again, I forget...scatter brain?

Well! A half hour after I got to work I looked down at my desk, slightly to the right, and saw a full mug of tea. I remembered filling and turning on the water boiler, but I thought that I'd forgotten to finish the process of brewing tea after coming back from the men's room, as usual. I touched the mug and was surprised to find it hot (sometimes I find a cup of tea around from yesterday if I had to rush out). I thought, "did someone make me tea while I was in the can? That would be nice, but who did that?" I thought about asking my colleague who'd just come in, but was afraid to look like a dunce. Instead I just thought really really hard, and finally remembered that I'd done it myself, after all, like five minutes ago. Oops!

Article of the Day

I enjoyed reading this Salon article a couple days ago, because I couldn't care less about the sorts of evils they dressed Sarah Palin in: I consider that to be politics as usual, so I just thought hey, great polititian! Plus I recognized it as so biased that bias must be the point. 

Then a day later I read A fisking of David Talbot's assembly of Alaska's defeated candidates and felons to whine about "mean girl" Sarah Palin, by Bill Dyer. It explains clearly and comprehensively the complete nonsense of every negative word in Salon't article. This one wasn't just enjoyable, it was sheer pleasure: turns out she's not just a great politician, she's a fantastic politician, and honorable, as they go.

Hot Lunch

I don't know where you eat your lunch, or with whom, or what you eat. But maybe you're me-like enough that this will prompt you to good fortune in the realm of luncheon.

We have a cafeteria at my College that is not bad. It is not high quality, but the price reflects that (I could barely eat so cheap if I ate from dumpsters). It's so cheap I consider it a fringe benefit. However, there is not much choice on the menu, so it does get rather monotonous. This is the reason for what I like to do.

I don't have lunch with anybody on purpose more than once or twice a week. Some of my colleagues do go to lunch together on purpose, but I think eating with the same person every day is as boring as eating the same food every day: put them together and the monotony squared would likely leave me in a coma. I just go and sit with whoever is around, or if nobody is around I read. This is the reason what I like to do is convenient, cause if I ate with company all the time it wouldn't make sense.

What I like to do is this: Sunday evening I like to make a big dinner, probably something in a casserole dish, e.g. lasagna, chili enchiladas, tuna noodle casserole, or macaroni and blue cheese with chicken. We'll only eat about half of it for dinner, so the leftovers get divided up on two or three days when I don't have a lunch date. Microwave: HAM! Oops, I meant BAM, it's hot! But ham also makes sense. Awesome lunch really brightens my day.

p.s. over the summer when the kitchen wasn't working I also figured out a great way have a better lunch: sandwich heater = perfect quesadillas!

Article of the Day

Finally! Over here outside of America your whole economic crisis has been rather elusive: what's the deal already, I been sayin’? The reason is that practically every article I've read about it, at least two dozen, focuses on what's to be done about it, especially the candidates positions on it, or just rants, e.g. Garrison Keillor's, which wasn't even entertaining. Now finally I've come across an article that clearly explains the nature of the crisis, Bailouts will lead to rough economic ride, by my favorite candidate for president this time around, Ron Paul.

Honor

I like doing things in honor of things. If not earlier, it may have begun with this dish, or I guess with this booze. This weekend, in honor of International Talk Like A Pirate Day, we watched Pirates of the Carribean. Whenever my special lady isn't around for dinner, my special baby and I always make something awsome to help ease and honor our longing, like pizza or buffalo wings. 

Gotta Love Chaos!

They're fixing the bridge I take to work, have been for nigh on two months, looks like several to go. Anyways, the side their workin on now doesn't have a guard rail on it, so you wonder how close the workmen come to falling over the edge into the river. This morning this one guy was evening out the bottom with a lawn moweresque machine. All of a sudden it got away from him! It's wheels pulled it right up to the edge and the guy dashed right after it...but he pulled it back just in the nick of time. It was exciting, but I wish it'd tumbled over the edge. That would have been awesome!

How do you say Kosher in Muslim?

Yesterday I took five guests to Neringa, first stop: Hill of Witches. We had been working together for a few days but no dinners, no chances to chill out together. So I had brough with me a bottle of Green 999s, which is a knock off of Jagermeister. There are several points along the trail though the forest when a drink is in order, and after the second shot they asked if it has chocolate in it, and if not, what makes it so sweet. "No, it's not chocolate, it has..." I was about to say blood. The blood of a ram, or steer, or elk, or something. It's just a myth but maybe if would make them not want to drink it, cause don't one or all of those animals have cloven hooves? Are those animals not kosher for Muslims just like Jews, or what's the deal with that? I didn't have time to figure that out, so I just said "sugar" (the truth anyway).