Halloween Prep

I'm going through my Octoberly custom of not shaving, just in case my Halloween costume calls for a beard. I think it may; I do have something in mind. But I'm not settled on it, as I have yet to come up with the garb. So I'm open to suggestions! If you make one I accept I'll buy you a drink.  If you suggest something I reject you have to buy me one. If you suggest what I'm already considering we'll each buy a round.

I was Borat last year, so if you suggest that again, you'll have to buy me a drink and take a penalty shot yourself!

Tip For You

In addition to these other time savers, here's another way to skim a few minutes off your morning routine: gel/wax up your hair in the car!

Article of the Day

I've always said I hope this election never ends. Now Voter Fraud Expected To Be Rampant, by John Fund, gives me hope!

I wish I had a remote control for my laptop

Catching

I'm wicked good at catching things, but with one condition: it has to be a surprise, and it has to be worth catching. Glasses or bottles fall of a table within my grasp? I got it baby. I got ahold of it before I even realize it fell, even if I knocked it off myself with the back of my own hand. Now how do you like this: moving a potato pancake with one hand from the pile on the table onto the plate in the other hand, pankcake slips off my fork, falling floor-bound fast, I save it in mid-air by stabbing through it with my fork! YES!

Are you twenty years old or just zero?

I wish I was posting this to my other blog, the family blog, cause this antic would be appropriate for a three year old. Alas, it was in my literature class that we were talking about the Renaissance...

Student: Henry VIII wrote a book opposed to leather.

I: What?

Student: He was such a strong Catholic (pronounced kuth-O-lik) that he wrote a book opposed to leather.

I: Really?

Student: Yes! (quotes from book)

I: "Leather" is clothing made from animal hides. 

Student: L..L..Luther?

I: Ah, yes, that's right, that's more like it! Who was Luther?

...silence soaks the classroom...

I: Nobody knows who Luther was? There are several churches in Lithuania called Lutheran Churches. 

Student: Martin Luther King?

I: –my jaw drops slightly–

Student: Martin Luther King, Junior?

I: –my hands clasp the top of my head–

Student: Doctor Martin Luther King, Junior?

What's that called again, I forget...scatter brain?

Well! A half hour after I got to work I looked down at my desk, slightly to the right, and saw a full mug of tea. I remembered filling and turning on the water boiler, but I thought that I'd forgotten to finish the process of brewing tea after coming back from the men's room, as usual. I touched the mug and was surprised to find it hot (sometimes I find a cup of tea around from yesterday if I had to rush out). I thought, "did someone make me tea while I was in the can? That would be nice, but who did that?" I thought about asking my colleague who'd just come in, but was afraid to look like a dunce. Instead I just thought really really hard, and finally remembered that I'd done it myself, after all, like five minutes ago. Oops!

Article of the Day

I enjoyed reading this Salon article a couple days ago, because I couldn't care less about the sorts of evils they dressed Sarah Palin in: I consider that to be politics as usual, so I just thought hey, great polititian! Plus I recognized it as so biased that bias must be the point. 

Then a day later I read A fisking of David Talbot's assembly of Alaska's defeated candidates and felons to whine about "mean girl" Sarah Palin, by Bill Dyer. It explains clearly and comprehensively the complete nonsense of every negative word in Salon't article. This one wasn't just enjoyable, it was sheer pleasure: turns out she's not just a great politician, she's a fantastic politician, and honorable, as they go.

Hot Lunch

I don't know where you eat your lunch, or with whom, or what you eat. But maybe you're me-like enough that this will prompt you to good fortune in the realm of luncheon.

We have a cafeteria at my College that is not bad. It is not high quality, but the price reflects that (I could barely eat so cheap if I ate from dumpsters). It's so cheap I consider it a fringe benefit. However, there is not much choice on the menu, so it does get rather monotonous. This is the reason for what I like to do.

I don't have lunch with anybody on purpose more than once or twice a week. Some of my colleagues do go to lunch together on purpose, but I think eating with the same person every day is as boring as eating the same food every day: put them together and the monotony squared would likely leave me in a coma. I just go and sit with whoever is around, or if nobody is around I read. This is the reason what I like to do is convenient, cause if I ate with company all the time it wouldn't make sense.

What I like to do is this: Sunday evening I like to make a big dinner, probably something in a casserole dish, e.g. lasagna, chili enchiladas, tuna noodle casserole, or macaroni and blue cheese with chicken. We'll only eat about half of it for dinner, so the leftovers get divided up on two or three days when I don't have a lunch date. Microwave: HAM! Oops, I meant BAM, it's hot! But ham also makes sense. Awesome lunch really brightens my day.

p.s. over the summer when the kitchen wasn't working I also figured out a great way have a better lunch: sandwich heater = perfect quesadillas!

Article of the Day

Finally! Over here outside of America your whole economic crisis has been rather elusive: what's the deal already, I been sayin’? The reason is that practically every article I've read about it, at least two dozen, focuses on what's to be done about it, especially the candidates positions on it, or just rants, e.g. Garrison Keillor's, which wasn't even entertaining. Now finally I've come across an article that clearly explains the nature of the crisis, Bailouts will lead to rough economic ride, by my favorite candidate for president this time around, Ron Paul.

Honor

I like doing things in honor of things. If not earlier, it may have begun with this dish, or I guess with this booze. This weekend, in honor of International Talk Like A Pirate Day, we watched Pirates of the Carribean. Whenever my special lady isn't around for dinner, my special baby and I always make something awsome to help ease and honor our longing, like pizza or buffalo wings. 

Gotta Love Chaos!

They're fixing the bridge I take to work, have been for nigh on two months, looks like several to go. Anyways, the side their workin on now doesn't have a guard rail on it, so you wonder how close the workmen come to falling over the edge into the river. This morning this one guy was evening out the bottom with a lawn moweresque machine. All of a sudden it got away from him! It's wheels pulled it right up to the edge and the guy dashed right after it...but he pulled it back just in the nick of time. It was exciting, but I wish it'd tumbled over the edge. That would have been awesome!

How do you say Kosher in Muslim?

Yesterday I took five guests to Neringa, first stop: Hill of Witches. We had been working together for a few days but no dinners, no chances to chill out together. So I had brough with me a bottle of Green 999s, which is a knock off of Jagermeister. There are several points along the trail though the forest when a drink is in order, and after the second shot they asked if it has chocolate in it, and if not, what makes it so sweet. "No, it's not chocolate, it has..." I was about to say blood. The blood of a ram, or steer, or elk, or something. It's just a myth but maybe if would make them not want to drink it, cause don't one or all of those animals have cloven hooves? Are those animals not kosher for Muslims just like Jews, or what's the deal with that? I didn't have time to figure that out, so I just said "sugar" (the truth anyway). 

Kindergarten English

Most of the kids in my special baby's kindergarten class know the word hi, cause I say it to any of them I see most mornings. When I'm cranky, though, the kids learn a different phrase in English: "What are you looking' at?!"

Article of the Day

Bad Will Hunting, by Andrew Breitbart

Censorship is an ugly business...

Simpsons Source

of knowledge. I watched an episode recently, Brother from the Same Planet, which I've always know must have at least a couple references that I didn't get because I hadn't seen some movie or another. Luckily I found this great source of knowlegde that game me the answers!

Article of the Day

Good Economics!

If You Like Michigan's Economy, You'll Love Obama's

by Phil Gramm and Mike Solon

Article of the Day

The Terrorists Are Losing, by Quin Hillyer 

The Joy of Driving

Normally I have to drive quietly, because I have a special lady or baby in the car. When I'm alone behind the wheel though, that's the best: I'm Begbie from Trainspotting! Yelling, screaming, swearing, fuming, commending or condomeing other drivers and pulsing with the joys of competition and achievement. 

Today's Article of the Day

The Fallacy of 'Green Jobs,' by John Stossel

Didn't this guy used to be on the evening news we used to watch as a family or something? His name sounds wicked familial.

Misplaced Article of the Day

Several days ago I accidentally posted this into my family blog. Clearly, this could never have anything to do with my family:

Gay War Hero Awarded Posthumous Dishonorable Discharge At White House Ceremony, by the Onion

Good Thing to Bring to Work

Extra Hot Pepper Sauce. You can put it on all the bland food in the cafateria to spice it up! Or if you bring food from home but forgot to spice it up, no problem! And, when people see it sitting on your table, they won't mess with you.

Article of the Day

Rachel sent me a link with a link to this entertaining and telling expose: Stupid Journalist Tricks, by: MichaelW

Double Best

Yesterday I thought it was the best when I woke up and didn't have to take a shower because, apparently, I'd slept calmy enough that I didn't mess up my hair! Well you know what? That was nothing, because this morning I still didn't have to do it, just a little water to spruce it up! Screw showers!

Dreams of Dreams

I had some cool dreams last night. Here's an intersting bit. One dream was clearly an X-Files dream. The next dream was a realistic one in which I was recalling the first dream to a friend, who said that sounds like an X-Files dream, and I agreed and explained that I'd been having those about one a month since I started watching the X-Files during dinner most days. Neato. You ever have a dream about another dream?

p.s. The first dream was that I got drunk and blacked out but couldn't remember how it had taken me two hours to walk a short distance in the nude. I blamed it on aliens.

Article of the Day

Say It Ain't So, O! By Andrew Breitbart

I have been completely bored for my whole life with anything and everything to do with the big fat talk show host, I can't even type her name (I prefered Jenny Jones in her young days). I haven't read anything about the O-Palin situation besides snippets that pop over all over the place, not only because I couldn't be less interested, but also because from what I've read it appears to be bullshit. I opened this article up because I thought the O meant Obama.

However, I found the writing to be clever. I guess if I were Darius or Dane Cook I might say the writing is snarky, but I'll stick with clever.

Honoring People by Eating Their Food

Yesterday was Zorobra, a New Mexican holiday celebrating when the Spanish conquered them. Sounds like a bit of a bizarre thing to celebrate. The day the Soviets conquered Lithuania is a day of mourning, not a holiday. Irregardless of the bizarrity, we celebrated along with them, though not in the traditional way (torching a fifty foot effigy; we do that during Marti Gras instead). We showed solidarity with the New Mexicans by eating new Mexican Sandwiches, which were quite tasty indeed. I must not eat enough beans, because every time I do eat them I enjoy them heartily.

Once again, there were no pinto beans at Iki, though they are available in Lithuania. What's up with the lack of variety in beans here?

Jim Gaffigan - Hot Pocket

Article of the Day

How Palin Beat Alaska's Establishment, By Kimberley A. Strassel

I've been focusing on her politics for several months.

Don't Rush Skype

Each morning I have a custom when I turn on my computer: While Skype turns on automatically, I open Outlook Express. While it's openeing I sign into skype and open up a conversation with my special lady. Then I open up four Internet Explorer windows. I have to do things in that order because I like to always know where to drag my mouse for things. I open the four browser windows in the same order too.

I mustn't rush, though. I had a close call today. Right when skype loaded I went to click on my special lady, but at the last second somebody else popped into the list and everybody moved down one slot. If I hadn't noticed, I would have sent a kiss to our college secretary! Sexual harassment? Or what if she sends one back, and then I have to write Oops, just kidding.

Sometimes Good Deeds Pay Off In The Long Run, But Sometimes Right Away

I've been having problems with one of my tires ever since my special lady got a flat. We had it fixed at a garage for cheap, but every fill up I gotta top it off. It loses about 20% of it's air every 150 miles. I couldn't fill it last fill up cause they didn't have an air hose, so this time it was down to 130 out of 300(!). That's a lot; I was sad.

When I was done there was a car waiting behind me for the air hose. On my way to the drivers seat a lady stopped me to ask if I thought her tire needs air. Definitely I said. I could have said Obviously you brainless blond bimbo, cause that's how flat it was, but I'm too nice for that unless somebody doesn't know how to drive. Well, I guess she doesn't know how to drive, but at least she didn't get in my way.

Anyway, she asked me to please do it for her, because she doesn't know how. Okay. I move my car and she pulls up. It was so flat I couldn't even read the pressure prescription on the side of the tire. I got it off the other side, it was 350, well above my tires. When I applied the air hose and it read where the tire was at, it was only 40! That's way worse than mine! So I felt good not only for doing a good deed, but also be my tire problem is nothing compared to her tire problem.

Vegetarian Day II

Once again, this wan't on purpose, and it only counts if you don't count bacon bits. But here's what I ate yesterday:

Apple
Orange Oatmeal Cookie (My homemade)
Kugelis (with bacon bits)
Rugelis Black Bread
Green Olives
Black Bean and Vegetable Wraps

The liquids also contained no meat, including several types of tea, tomato juice, red wine, and 1.5 liters of water.

If I didn't have such a piss poor memory this would have given me déjà vu to my last day with no meat, and then if my memory was really good I would have realized it wasn't an illusion. Because, just like my previous veggie day, I had to substitute reb beans for black. It was still very very tastey, especially when I subtituted jalapeno peppers for squash. Does anybody know why this country is so lacking in beans?

Helping out Georgia

Because we're all Georgians, my special lady and I decided to do our part to support Georgia by buying their wine. I was hoping to review it now, but we accidentally bought two bottles of white. I only drink white with poultry or fish, not for the hell of it, so I can't do that. What I can tell you is I had a very good Chilean merlot, 2006, that was quite tasty. It's best quality was being free of the taste of vinigar, something I can't say about the previous few wines we uncorked over the past few weeks.

Article of the Day

Reality TV Can Drive You Nuts, by By Don Kaplan

This is funny because it's true. I've certianly felt that way rarely, but sometimes. Everything seems to be going just like on TV, one thing happens after another to make the situation so wacky, and I start to think, ok, where're the hidden cameras?!

You wanna be less late for work? Three top notch tips to save your morning.

1. Keep some food and a water boiler in your bedroom so you don't have to leave the room to breakfast, e.g. tea and an apple.

2. Just take your tie with you and tie it while driving to work.

3. Brush your teeth at work. (You should set yourself up a reminder for this one)

Article of the Day

Why Taxes Don't Matter Much Anymore, by Jeffrey A. Tucker

Article of the Day

Dem Platform is for Whiners, By Robert Robb

Big Day in the Kitchen

Today I made:

Egg and Cheese Sandwiches
Banana Bread
Mushroom Powder
Home Made Dunes with Wild Mushrooms
Home Made Dunes with Wild Meat
Cheeseburgers
Orange Raisin Oatmeal Cookies
Turkey Steaks with Mushroom Sauce

I was supposed to make jam, too, but the berries weren't good anymore.

“Why didn’t you tell me McCain chose a woman?”

”WHAT?!”

I didn’t know. My special lady found out first, extremely ironically. During the summer I don’t have that much work at college, so I can read the papers for a couple hours a day, which is why I started the Article a Day bit. She does not read American papers at all, but she found this piece of news out just trying to sign into Yahoo.

The reason it was such a big deal is because just last night I was explaining why McCain should choose a woman as vice prez, and lamented I hadn’t heard Governor Palin’s name on his supposed short dick list. I have been a fan of hers for a few months since I read an article about what a complement she would be to all his ideals, and a juxtaposition to his shortcomings. Plus she’s a top notch governor.

Hooray!

And if all that wasn’t enough to rejoice, let’s not forget her namesake: the son of Caramon and Tika Majere, a powerful mage during the Ages of Despair and Mortals.

Article of the Day

In Denver, the End of Capitalism, by David Harsanyi.

Lucky Day

A couple days ago I had a lucky day. I woke up feeling very well refreshed. Went out side and found 5 Lits on the ground. When my special lady asked me how long I'm going to be at work, I told her I'd stay later than usual since I'm feeling so efficient. That evening I made wild mushroom risotto, a dish I've never made before and which is probably easy to mess up, but it came out very well, yummy in fact. I opened up a bottle of wine and it was good that day, though the next day it was not at all. Somehow, my Wednesday was so lucky that even poor wine tasted great to me.

Throughout the day, I kept thinking I should invest some money today. I had no clue how to do that though. Anybody know?

Article of the Day

The End of Marriage in Scandinavia, by Stanley Kurtz

Article of the Day

I don't have any particular desire for this to become a political blog, so I've usually refrained from posting about articles on the subject. But I think it might be fun to try posting an article a day on any type of news, and see if anybody wants to talk about it.

Here's number one: The Democrats and the Abortion Wars

I read several articles on or mentioning Pelosi performance on meet the press, this one is not the most thorough, but the best.

Fun Weekend in Varena

Our buddy Mindaugo father lives outside Varena on a rural estate: electricity, but no hotwater, no gas, cooking only on a fire. Awesome! We thought we'd camp out, but when we got there he had a barf full of fresh hay, so we just slept on that. I mean, barn.

On the way, though, we stopped at the annual Lithuanian Aviation Fair. There were lots of planes there, and an air show including planes, helicopters, gliders, and skydivers. Bumped into some fam there, Algis and his family, so that was fun. There were no crashes, but we did see an ambulence on the way out. (I'd told Mindaugas about the air show in the simpsons when everybody sighs in disappointment when somebody almost crashes.)

We got there and drank lots of beer, but didn't pour beer all over ourselves because of the no shower/sleeping all in a big group situation. I guess we should have anyway.

Awesome šašlykai! Several heated debates, including Russia-Georgia and the ethics of at work corruption (what constitutes embezzelment, just stealing money or taking pencils home too?). Played some Beirut on the old hood of a car (I won twice, once against Rolandas, and once with my sepcial lady against Rolandas, Sveta, and Nikita).


The next morning we mourned Lithuania's loss of bronze.

Then we went mushroom picking, which I wrote about here. I've made two mushroom recipes already. Wild mushroom pizza was fantastic, wild mushrooms in sour cream sauce were way too liquidy, but I salvaged them by mixing them into potato mash instead of sour cream/butter.

Then sauna, including a some tequila for Mindaugas and me, and then more šašlykai, hooray!

Great weekend!

UPDATE: Wild Mushroom Risotto was also very good, a B+, though I just has bullion cubes for chicken broth and Gojos semi-hard cheese instead of Parmasan.

Wedding Week

On August 9, 2008, Aidas Peg married Kristina Stick-Peg (that's her married name, they weren't cousins-in-law or anything). The wedding included five events that I attended, and anybody who knows Amerikos Lietuviai knows why I was out of the loop that week.

Tuesday night: Planning party for the bachelors party (way to start the week with an all night party so we'd be ready for tomorrows all day party). Moacir and Augis and I started off the night at Užupio Kavinė. We decided to get t-shirts made, make Aidas do funny things, and do lots of full extentions, which was a first for me, but I decided this would be as good at time as any to learn a new way to drink beer. (Honestly, at first I wasn't even sure if they were serious when at the end of each sentence they added "and then we pour beer all over ourselves!")

More people joined our group, and then we moved on to Ed's place and Bruce Lee. After a round of shots of something there, I quietly took my leave for a walk to the new bridge to save a few lits on a cab ride, which is a stupid habit of mine. Why stupid? Well this time, for instance, I witnessed a gypsy roughing up a gipsy girl, and almost got my ass kicked yelling at him to stop (I'd had enough drinks to assume I would not be the victor of that fight, but I had not had too many drink to run away when he came after me). I called the police, but when they arrived the girl denied any mistreatment. I know I didn't imagine it, though, because a bunch of people were watching from their balconies.

Wednesday noon: bachelor party. I was late, maybe an hour, because I had to get the tshirts made on the way. This is the front of all of them. They all had blank backs except for Aido, which had lewd suggestions for what he's probably into on his last night premarriage. The idea was to get his shirt on him without him seeing it. Moacir was certain he could give the shirt to Aidas in a way he wouldn't see it, despite my doubts. Guess how many seconds it took him to see it...zero.

One guess as to whose profile that is!

The full extentions ranged from pilies gatve to the barbakanas, the Old Defensive Wall of Vilnius. We asked many passers-by to photograph us pouring beer all over ourselves, which was amazing!

I gave a speech, under duress, to Aidas at a bar I've never been to and don't remember where it was.

We ate hambergers at Hamburgeriu Pasaulis, on Vokiečių, which were very good, especially after you pour hotsauce all over your wife beater.

After that I took my leave, took a cab home and entertained my special lady and Eglė Lazdauskaitė with my lucid tales of manly antics.

Friday afternoon: I get a call from Aidas. He's in distress: "Dude, we're having trouble getting Rezginelė together; I was hoping, if it's possible, that you could come by at seven o'clock and help us work through it." Of course I can, no problem, and on top of that I'll bring a dvd movie of the dance and I'll even get the instructions written up! (Thanks to my sepcial lady for finding the dvd and my folks for scanning and emailing me the istructions)

We watched the dvd three times, then went out to dance. This was the moment I realized exactly what Aidas meant when he said help us work through it: "please dance it with us." That was the bad news. Then we walked through it three times and called it a night. We were not great, but the guy I was holding juostas with, in particular, was having a very tough time remembering which left is the right left...

Saturday morning: first day of the wedding; first we sped to Gariunai to try to get great wedding presents for the two youths. Unfortunately, we could not find what we were looking for, so after wasting an hour and being a few minutes late for the service, we ended up giving them cash anyway. Well, I think that's best anyway.

It was a nice ceremony with an enthusiastic priest, though we had a bit of trouble understanding the point of his homily. It started out with an interesting bit about how, really, it should be the young couple giving the homily, for various reasons that I found convincing enough; but then he didn't invite them to give the homily afterall. They read nice passages, and there was one tourist walking around in a Waldo shirt, so I got a point for that.

Then everybody went to get his stuff, and since we already had ours, we waited for the limos, which were for the dancers and wedding party (mostely overlap). This was exciting, because we'd never riden in limos. Unfortunately, the limo company screwed us: instead of two limos, each 12 seaters, they sent two limos with 12 seats total. So the dancers who weren't also wedding party got bumped to the bus. Dissappointing at first, but when the bus got going and we remembered how cramped people in the limos looked (still 18 people, I think, in 12 seats), we decided it was for the best! Good times drinking beer on the bus!

The bus/limos took us to an amazing estate, Taujenu Dvaras. It had a huge mansion, ponds and forest and fountains, and plenty of refreshments, and tons of food. The food and drink just kept coming all night, up till maybe 2:30 when my special lady and I went to sleep for good, or maybe till even later.

Sunday 5:30 a.m.: The cock outside started his wake up call for all. Now, that might have been possible to sleep through, if he hadn't woken up the rabid dog, who then barked nonstop for the rest of the morning. He barked so much, during the fitful sleep that followed I dreamt that I threw half a watermellow out the window onto his head, and he finally shut up. But then his master came over and started yelling up at me through the window, so he got the other half right on his noggin! Nice dreams.

At 9:30 began the second half of the wedding, with the band marching through the dorm blowing their horns and beating their drums, knocking on everyone's doors. Of course, nobody was sleeping anymore, at least on our side of the building, so the musicians merely interupted people giving their wives 10-second frenchers.

Breakfast was great, especially the delicious Kibinai! More music, and several ceremonial things, the musicians making people do things, with Lokio Godmother, Gita Kupčinskienė, translating everything into English, and doing some of the things herself in both languages. My favorite was the bit where Kristina gives up a wreath of rūta (rue), symbolizing her youth, and Gita put it in a little treasure box for Aidas, because now her youth is behind her and belongs to him.

The festivities went on hiatus for about a third of the wedding guests at 10:45, including the groom from time to time, with the beginning of the Lithuania-Argentina Opympic basketball game. For the rest of the day, after Lithuania won by four points including a 2.1 seconds to go 3 pointer, all the speaches included a mention of the victory as the second thing we're celebrating today.

Some of the best fun was singing a bunch of folk songs after that. Kristina's father came by several times during the singing, as he had been all day from the moment we walked over from the dorm, to fill shot a shot glass and not leave you until it's gone. Augis did a full extention...with wine!

I got stung by two hornets, on my right ring finger and on my neck. Nobody believed me, because there weren't any marks; the marks showed up the next day, and bothered mefor a week. Word to the wise: watch out for those damn hornets!

Two busses were waiting to take us back to Vilnius. We got on the wrong one if we wanted to go back early...but we got on the right one if we wanted more food and booze. I took over Mr. Stanevičiaus role by walking up and down the bus for 90 mintues pouring everybody drinks. More songs, good times!

Page Layout: Another New Site

Liepa was a bit worried about starting a new blog, worried about being too controversial; let's help her justify her fears by bringing into it as much controversy as...Prometheus?

Page Layout: New Site

I had to add Barack Obama's Facebook Site to my side bar, or whatever it's called: that's how good the site is: awesome!

Pseudo + Feminism = Fuckface

As a femenist, I don't open the door for all women all the time, and sometimes I open the door for a man: I decide whether or not to do that based on other, non-gender criteria. That's what real femenism is.

If you look it up in the dictionary, femenism is "the doctrine advocating social, political, and all other rights of women equal to those of men." Equal rights means equal opportunities and responsibilities for both genders, not free rides for either at professions where they don't excel.

The "reality-denying feminists" in Math Is Harder for Girls, by Heather Mac Donald, are what I have been calling pseudo femenists for years. What they are doing is the opposite of real feminism: they want the goverment to force employers to misemploy women, insead of deeming gender a non-criterion. It makes me sick.

Stinkerific

My colleagues are all on vacation, so I have my office to myself. I know what you're thinking: I can fart. Well, that's not entirely true, because other people come to my office to see me. You would have been on the right track towards stinkiness, though: when I come in each morning I have to open the wondows and leave the door open for five minutes to air the place out. Odd, or normal?

Twenty-one is too many

I don't remember the bike I had before my bike, but I wonder how many gears it had. My bike has 21, which I consider to be rather more than I need. I mean, I don't race and rarely go up hills and never mountains, since there are none in Lithuania. All I do is bike around for fun and exercise. Wouldn't six gears be enough? If not than nine, I think, for sure. I am however still very glad it's a mountain bike. I've seen guys with street bikes around Klaipeda, they have to stop and get off their bikes at every curb, since most curbs in this fuckin city are not angles for bikes, baby carriages, and handicapped people. So the street bikes, I guess, would dent their wheels if they plowed into the curbs, and sometimes you see handicapped people just wheeling down the street in traffic.

Klaipeda Sea Orgy Festival

Well! Dave Stira showed up on Friday for the Festical. Testicle. I mean, Festival. We had broccoli chicken alfredo, a shot of Portuguese schnapps, made some drink with gin and bitters and soda water that Stira suggested. Not particularly good, had to add sprite to it on on the way to town. Walked around the festival, and it was just like i said it was: durham fair with booze everywhere. A bit of chicken and french fries and dunes through the night. And then the left overs from dinner. Some beers too.

Saturday we went for a 25 mile bike ride to Juodkrane and back. Stira was on the coast for the first time and he's leaving soon, so I took him via the scenic route to the Hill of Witches. Redbull Vodka. Then back home for some beers and giant meatball sandwiches, which were so good I'd punch most people in the fast to get another one right now! Then rum and cokes and out to town for more festival, Stira desperately needed a light colored festival t-shirt for his old man's birthday present. We found one, but he didn't buy it, cause 30 lits seemed like too much (drunk move!). We argued politics into the night with more beer. We got pretty hungry but nobody would feed us at 2 a.m., so we went home and made giant cheeseburgers.

Banana bread for breakfast and then back to town Sunday to get the t-shirt, which is no longer available in while, only black, and only in XXL, and even that's only at the last t-shirt stand we can find. Chicken wraps. No beer for me, I'm driving this day. A walk through the sculpture park for more pictures.

Also, the whole time we played Waldo, spotting people dressed in red and white stripes, owing each other a beer for each score. Plenty of fun!

THIS is why

I say THIS is why I'm going to see batman: very interesting review. Bush.

And I hope the award goes to...

...whoever makes a documentary about what an ass Al Gore is. What an assface!

Explosion of American Catch Phrases

Since my return. I've realized that apperently nobody took my place as Dress Code Czar of Klaipeda. There were offensive styles of dress before, but I kept them mostely in check. For instance, at fat girls who would wear belly shirts anyway, I would scream "Nice flab, porker!" And at the goth youth I would yell "Do something from the Matrix or change!" And at men with more than two buttons undone on their shirts I would holler "Hey Gigallo, where's your bitches?" Then he better show me some bitches, or else.

But now there's another eye sore all over the place. Let me list some of the expressions on shirts that I see constantly now, worn by men and women aged ~8-28, including some of my colleagues:

• Do Not Disturb
• Babes
• I'm Down With That
• You Heard Me
• Hot Stuff
• Cumin Through
• Sexy
• Don't Bug Me
• Superstar
• Kiss Me
• help me i'm blond
• Marijuana
• Big
• Raw
• Cowgirl
• Just
• Hopeless (on an 8 year old girl)

WTF? I don't see the appeal...

Mortgage Crisis? Thanks Democrats.

This article, Bankrupt "Exploiters", by Thomas Sowell, is quite good. It's really more or less what Lokys has been saying, but better written and more informed.

AND here's a link to Bankrupt "Exploiters": Part II, also very good. I hope there's a part three.

At least not everything is expensive

I went to the hardware store this morning to buy a nut, and it only cost me four cents Lithuanian. Nice. I only had a two hundred lit bill to pay for it, though, so the foxy cashier was like, "ha ha, you're probably joking!" I only call her foxy cause I heard somebody else say that. Nice.

Wives: the best butts of jokes!

Highlight from America #1

While walking through a park in Brooklyn, Darius and I were kicking a crushed pepsi bottle back and forth, until Ellen got frustrated with us and began walking ahead of us with my special baby. Then, instead of kicking it back and forth to each other directly, we kicked it back and forth to each other by bank shotting it off of Ellen's heels/legs. And I thought, if my wife were here, we'd be kicking this soda bottle at her heels, too. Hooray wives!

pre taped call in show

cha cha cha cha cha cha cha cha cha cha cha cha cha cha cha cha cha cha cha cha cha cha cha cha cha cha cha cha cha cha cha cha cha cha cha cha!!!!

America, Fuck Yeah!

I've just returned from a month in the States. I had an awesome time with my family and friends; in fact I'm still recovering from an excess of awesomeness. The thought of writing about it all at once makes me groan and see spots, so I'll just tell you about it bit by bit, or whatever.

Lauryn Hill Virus

I have a virus. I have an empty folder by the name of Lauryn Hill on my desktop. I delete it. When I restart my computer, there it is: right back on my desktop, forever! WTF do I do?

Onion...onion...onion...cabbage!

I knew that you can grow spring onions from old onions in a bit of water, but spring cabbage?! Awesome!

Nancy Grace

is a bitch.

Holy Shit!!!

What do you call a bicycle enchilada with automobile filling? (From CNN)

Father's Day

Spactacular! Yesterday was Father's Day in Lithuania. Splendid indeed. My gifts were a made-to-order t-shirt with a picture of my special baby that said “Geriausias Pasaulyje Tėtė,” (World’s Best Dad) and my choices for the day's eats, to be prepared by my special lady (who normally does not do the cooking): kababs for lunch and lasagna for dinner.

You may have noticed that I did not spell kababs in the traditional way. I did the same with my recipe search, so I ended up with this recipe. If you wanna know what we did with it, read my review. It was really good.

As you may have guessed, as usual when the weather is good, and we have guests and big lunch plans, we ended up eating them at about 5 p.m. So the dinner was postponed till today, which meant hauling all of its ingredients to Klaipeda. Luckily, though, we do have fennel seed in Klaipeda, which was not to be found in Vilnius on grocery shopping day. It’s quite good, and essential to this recipe. The recipe is not a particularly simple one, including tons of substitutions on the spices when you don’t have a tub of pizza seasonings, so I was impressed, proud, and extremely delighted when my special lady’s Father’s Day dinner was absolutely superb. Awesome!

The Trouble of Reading Too Much About Heros

After much anxiety and finally figuring out a way to get through my conference presentation without sounding like an idiot, I complained to my special lady that I wish I could be more of a conscientious academician than just a clever bastard.

"Last night you wished you could repair your own bicycle, now you want to write papers more aright!"

"I wish I could do both..."

"Some people are good at some things, some at others. You gotta choose what you want to focus on."

"I bet Howard Roark could do both, no problem..."

McCain Amazing

I have to copy this post from Darius, cause this article about being a POW and trying to communicate and survive is really heavy.

OH MY GOD I FOUND IT!

Oh my God I found it! I found it, I found it, I found it! Remember when I forgot this great site I found? Well, I found it again, Hallelujah!!!

Turns out I can make over a hundred cocktails without leaving the house. And get this, I'm only missing one ingredient for almost a thousand.

Labanaktis.

UPDATE! I'm the King of Poland! I give it an 8 for almost making me fall flat on my ass.

UPDATE! I'm heading east with Russian Funk! I give it a four for not being tasty, and for being big and so now I have to drink it anyway: waste not want not.

UPDATE! Now I'm taking a bried cultural break, cause I got up to the Body Shot and coulnd't fresist licking my special lady, so it's a twelve.

UPDATE! Now I'm tback to cultural! I drank the Mexican H'ors d'oeuvre, 9 for making me make a fighting-the-spiciness face! It's giving me a case of the hiccups, but I've learned to overcome that with easy.

UPDATE! The Nazi Taco reminds me of the October Fiesta Darius, Shaun and I threw at BU, using my sunglasses as a spoon for cake and then wearing them. :)

UPDATE! I wanted to finish up with a Bloody Russian, but then to my everlasting chagrin I happend to be all out of tomato juice. So instead I just made a White Russian for myself an a Screaming Orgasm II for my special lady.

Now labanaktis for reals.

p.s. throughout the whole evening, I listened to the same song on repeat forever, he stranglers by golden brown from snatch, at least 100 times. my special lady is so tired of it...

Matching Belt

I don't know much about fashion, but I do know my belt is supposed to match my shoes. On the days I ride my bike to work, I prefer to wear shoes that get my feet some air for the rest of the day. Where do you suppose I can find a belt that will match these babies?

Gay Marriage

I enjoyed this article quite a bit. Thanks to Darius for a link to realclearpolitics, which I've begun to read almost daily.

Dos and don’ts of another trip to Portugal

Do, when they give you a cup with your can of beer on the plane, do use it, rather than accidentally tear a hair out of your moustache with the can tab. Ouch.

Don’t skip the “bretzels” in the Frankfurt airport; they’re a delicious rip off of giant pretzels.

Do throw up when you see the obese woman shoving her way through the buffet line mowing (sp?) all the food on her plate in between each dish.

Don’t go to a city called Coimbra, where everyone’s a tense turd and nothing good can ever happen.

Do be very patient with the wine “expert” at the nice restaurant who insists there is no such thing as dry Portuguese wine.

Don’t give the unhelpful colleagues the bottle of 999 you brought them as a gift.

Do mix it with red bull and sprite instead, a delicious cocktail I invented.

Do, if you happen to go to that town despite my warning, eat at Eurotropica, a delicious pizzeria.

Don’t go to Eurotropica without a translator, and don’t sit in the retarded waiter’s section (I asked for a certain pizza to be made with pepperoni, and he said, “you mean instead of cheese?” and when the pizzas came he’d had them added to the wrong pizza)

Do, if the water is giving you a rash on you legs, just use the bidet and sponge down your armpits.

Don’t skip the sauna and Jacuzzi.

Do get all you work done as quickly as possible.

Don’t leave your key card in your room when you leave

Do bring crocs, you’ll be fine in them.

Don’t bring sandals, because it’ll be way too cold. –Aurelija

Do, when getting directions in Coimbra, go the opposite way they tell you. –Aurelija

Mother's Day

Today was Mother's Day in Lithuania!

New Cocktail Discovered

I call this The Random Lady. I invented it because of a tragedy. I forgot how to get to a wonderful site I found. You checked off on a long long list everything you have to make cocktails, including alcohol, mixers, spices, fruits and vegetables. Then it gives you a list of cocktails you can make with those things. It was super duper. Now, with little on hand far as mixers, I'm forced to make things up. Luckily I'm awesome at it. Here's what I call the Random Lady:

1 shot brandy
1 shot light rum
1 shot amaretto
1/2 shot
blue curacao
2 shots soda water
2 shots orange juice
dash of lemon juice

She loved it.

Can I just get a summary?

I'm really interested in this article about London politics. However, I'm not nearly interested in reading more than half a paragraph. Would somebody please read it and call me to tell me what it's about?

(This is the beginning of a five day weekend, so I need to save my energy for having fun)

Free Taxi? Seems like there's no end to my cleverness.

Monday evening my special lady was tired and didn't wanna go grocery shopping. I assumed she wouldn't want to wash dishes either, so I suggested pizza. Last time I brought pizza home it was not hot anymore, and the oven dries it out pretty quick, so after I ordered a large Hawaiian for the ladies and a spicy pizza for me (with added chicken, so I felt healthy) I asked them if they deliver:

So, do you guy, like deliver, to homes?
Yeah, for five lits on a one large order but two larges we deliver for free.
So, you could maybe deliver these pizzas, like to my house?
You want us to deliver these pizzas, like to your house?
Yeah, that'd be awesome.
Yeah, I guess we could do that.
Would they be delivered by car...?
Yeah...
Would it be possible for the delivery guy to give me a lift...?
Maybe, I'll ask the driver...

Then the driver came in and we had this conversation:

Hey you're the guy that wants a lift?
Yeah.
Well, it'll be five lits.
What?! The lady said you deliver two larges for free!
Yeah well we don't normally deliver people accompanying them. (normally a cab from there would cost 15 lits, so it still woulda been a good deal)
Well, I don't have five lits (I actually didn't cause of the ATM card problem I mentioned), so you take the pizzas, and I'll follow you by bus...
What?! Forget it, just come with me.

How cool is that??? Free ride and pizza still hot.

p.s. my special lady foolishly tasted my pizza before I tasted it to test the spiciness, which was impressive, and had to pound half a bambolis of my beer to cool down.

Fat Weekend

I had a very fun filled weekend; it's inspired me to have more fun. Usually I just have a little fun each weekend, but now that I've got a taste for it, I will try, through better planning, to have even more.

It came down to who was around. On Friday night I partied in town with Gedas and some of his coworkers, two of whom are quiet types, one normal one, one very talkative one who makes up for the normal one, and one crazy wild one who makes up for the two quiet types. It was one of their birthdays, so the good times were on.

After that three of us went to a casino, and I changed my only bank note into a 100 litas chip. Knowing that I didn't stand a chance of getting home if I lost it (my ATM card isn't working), I wondered around the tables pondering what to do until I just went back for my cash and got the hell out of there. I walked to the spot I always call a cab from; I get home for about 26 lits. I thought I should try to save a few lits because of my ATM card situation, so I told the cabby about some short cuts. I ended up paying him 32.

Saturday was BBQ day, awesome weather, but because Gedas and Juste couldn't make it, we met them for lunch instead, cause we had two birthday presents for him: a pitcher and another pitcher. Honestly, the man was living the life of a personal bartender (to himself) with no pitchers. I simply couldn't let it go on.

That evening Mindaugas and Egle swung by for BBQ, plus Siga came, who always insists on heating up the sauna, so it turned into hot shish-kebobs followed but an even hotter sauna. Egle and I played beirut on a coffee table with one coffee mug of beer each (I won 6-3, but that was pretty goof for her first game ever). Also, a certain couple of people broke a bed.

On Sunday, the day we usually just go home to Klaipeda, we did something awesome before that: BBQ again! Mindaugas had the brilliant foresight to bring ground beef and buns for burgers when we all woke up from the Saturday BBQ. Awesome. I mixed jalapeno peppers into the men's burgers. Awesome.

Doesn't anybody remember what happens in Atlas Shrugged?

"The plan would temporarily remove the tax drivers pay on gas for the summer, and shift that burden to oil companies that earn “enormous” profits. An average profit would be calculated for the oil companies, and anything over 10 percent higher than that average would be taxed 50 percent." (article here)

That's Clinton's idea, which anyone with a brain realizes discourages oil companies from being productive, i.e. from being able to keep the cost of gas from going up. What a fucking moron.

Let's get to the bottom of this

What are they called?

You know what you can use

instead of a flash light when you forget where you put it? You laptop screen!

Buffalo Wings Last Night Were Delicious!

More too much X-Files?

Yesterday I came down with a cold, so I left work an hour early and watched four episodes of the X-Files and went to sleep. I was sweating and tossing and turning, all night I was dreaming about evidence I had of aliens and trying to figure out how to interpret it and use it to prove it to everyone. All Night Long.

Two views I don't understand

This morning on the bus this lady was talking to the bus driver about how life is hard because prices are going up all over the place. She said, "Well, there's nothing I can do about it." Hopelessness infuriates me to the point of losing my appetite. I don't know her life story, maybe she's really doing all she can, but I actually don't know anybody in Lithuania besides myself and my wife who works two jobs (I'm not at the moment, but I do regulary find extra work, in small chunks or big ones). Are prices restricting your consumption? If you produce more, then you can consume more.

This brings me to a quotation from an article I read yesterday: "One thing is certain, the world has consumed more than it has produced" over the last three years, [U.N. Chief Ban] said.

That's a very interesting claim. Let's figure it out. One man cannot consume more than produced except by four ways: (1) credit from the bank or (2) charity, including government handouts, alms, help from friend and family, or (3) gambling, in which I include cashing in on insurance policies (gambling on your health), or (4) thievery. Besides these things, a man who earns $N can consume $N worth of goods, no more. A man of course has much access to those things, the proportions ranging throughout areas of the world: more credit in America, more government handouts in Europe, and more thievery elsewhere. So many people do consume more than they produce, a system I consider to be unnatural.

But how can the world consume more than it produced? The world is not getting any handouts, unless you consider solar power to be a handout, but we're not taking advantage of it anyway. We're not cashing in on insurance for sure, nor do we have the capability to gamble with or steal from (or tax) other planets or moons (yet). So what's the deal then? The only thing I can think of is that we consumed more by consuming everything we produced plus some of our saving from before three years ago. That's plausable, but entities with high savings are only goverments and only let's say 1% of people with significant savings; that's a liberal guestimate, since "currently, there are over 9 million residents around the globe classified as millionaires," which is just over 0.15% of the population. And if it's governments it only counts as "savings" if it was aquired more than three years ago: if it's from the past three years of tax revenues, then it's the producation of citizens which equals the consumtion of government handouts.

Am I missing something? Maybe I am, I haven't had a cup of coffee in ten months. If the world's been getting so much charity from governments and millionairs that we've been able to consume more than we produce for three years, we ought to be very grateful! I haven't noticed any movements, though, to celebrate and praise the rich and governments.

Family Guy

Anybody interested in everyday objects that remind people of Family Guy, click here!

I didn't even have to use my winter lining when I pulled out my trench coat for the rainy season

My DVD remote is broken, so I can't watch anything that requires navigating the menu: this includes all movies I've purchased in Lithuania, and most tv show dvds (if you want to watch more than the first episode). I watched X-Men 2, which I like, a few days ago. I thought maybe I'd been too hard on X-Men 3, so I decided to give it another try. Big mistake. Everything I wrote then was true, plus I notices many glaring inconsistencies. S t u p i d . . .

Vegetarian Day

Yesterday I ate no meat or fish all day, which is a first. This happened because my breakfast during the warm periods of the year is yoghurt, and lately I've been bringing my lunch from home, usually salad and black bread, I buy a liter of kefir every day at work. I had three tortillas left over from making quesadillas with Liepa that I had to use up for dinner. I didn't want to make beef ones again, and my special lady, who is not a bean fan, was not around. I decided to make them with beans, as most recipes suggest, even though I didn't have black beans; I used red. Very tasty.

Today I will eat the meat of two different kinds of animals to make up for yesterday's lapse.

Number One Guest At My Next Tea Party

Liepa was staying over for a couple days while participating in a conference in Klaipeda. Yesterday I went to make breakfast and she said she would make the tea. After we ate she tasted her brew and said, "Duh, I don't think you're gonna like it...tastes like soap. It was sposedta be orchid vanilla." So I took a look at the package she took it out of. The name of the product was written thusly:

O r c h i d V a n i l l a
Garment Fragrance Soap

Pop Quiz

Their homework for the past six days was to learn where the 50 states are (to fill state names and capitols into a U.S. map). I didn't expect anybody to get more than 10 or 20 correct, but I was surprised by one quiz. Just five states were filled in:

Washington was filled in as "Washington"
New Mexico was filled in as "CA"
California was filled in as "Mexico"
Arizona was filled in as "Cuba"
Texas was filled in as "Tokio"

Sometimes I think to myself, wait, am I training these students to be class teachers or court jesters? Searching for the answer I found this page of funny town names in America. The winners are:

Monkey's Eyebrow, AZ
Why, AZ
Hygiene, CO
Two Egg, FL
Experiment, GA
Santa Claus, IN
Beebeetown, IA (that's even funnier in Lithuanian)
Krypton, KY
Mummie, KY
Mud Lick, KY
Petroleum, KY
Plain Dealing, LA
Waterproof, LA
Boring, MD
California, MD
Crappo, MD
Hell, MI
Hot Coffee, MS
Horseheads, NY(also even funnier in Lithuanian, that's a derogotive for Latvians)
Boston, TX
Old Boston, TX
New Boston, TX

Too much X-Files?

Last night I was deserted in my aunt's house in New Haven, which was currently on a desserted island. I knew I would be able to forage for food for a while until I was discovered, but first I would have to survive an attack by the worst student I ever had. I was looking frantically for a good weapon in the kitchen, but all the knives were too flimsy. I chose something like a scepter, but long, like a broomstick. Then I heard her coming. I ran out to the stairway, and saw her and her boyfriend coming up the stairs. I lunged at them in slow motion, still deciding how best to attack. He retreated a bid down the stairs, moving back under me, while she was frozen in place. I smashed the scepter into her face as I moved out of slow motion, and then smashed him and her again, and so forth in a croutching tiger fashion, until they were incapacitated and I made sure they were dead by smashing them further, conncurent with an episode of the X-Files I watched yesterday. And then I woke up.

April Fools Day Pranks

Both my pranks succeeded, one was stupid and the other one was good enough to merit a phone call.

Stupid: I went to meet my special lady after work, and I called her to come down way too early, obviously, since she knew I'd left work only two minutes ago. So she had to wait for me outside instead of in her office.

Good: I made up an email address with my special lady's boss's name and from it sent my special lady this joke of new office rules which was a pretty funny April fool's day joke in itself. So she and her colleague who share the work email address thought it was their boss writing and so wrote back very politely about how funny it was, and told all their friends at work about how funny it was that their boss sent them this thing. I wrote back inviting them for a drink towards the end of the work day. They then gossiped to all those friends about what a goof their boss must be, to not know that the school's emails are public, visible on all school computers!

Last night I left the cat out of the bag, but she still didn't get it when I said, "So why didn't you go for that drink with your boss?" She only got it when I yelled "APRIL FOOLS!!!" Then she immediately had to go call her colleague and laugh hysterically.

McCain is Ha Ha Funny

This was quite a good bit on the late show! I'm pretty sure McCain wrote the jokes himself.

New Job

Yesterday I spend the day in Vilnius because in the evening I had to attend an anniversary birthday party for my master's paper sponsor. I could only stay shortly, because I had to get back to my job that I hate in the city I'm tired of in the country that has an endless overabundance of laws the same night. But the great thing that happened was earlier...

During the day I met with my colleague Leif (pronounced "Life") from Denmark. I visited him and gave guest lectures a year and a half ago. We were talking about a project we've been working on, and I told him the person he wanted to coordinate the foreign language part of it is out on maternity leave. He told us that he also has an English teacher who will be on leave next year and that they've been having a very hard time finding a replacement, since according to their curriculum they need a native speaker. Jokingly I asked if my master's degree would qualify me for the job...he called his headmaster, who remembered me from last year, and, pending receipt of my CV, hired me! They've got a partner school where their students do practice where he said my special lady can probably get a job and my special baby can definitely go to kindergarten. And if she can't get a job there, I met somebody from the Language Center in Stockholm where they have Lithuanian language programs, so, I'm confident anybody fluent in Lithuanian/Russian/French/English will be able to get herself some income. And, he said I could pursue my doctoral studies there for free since I'll be working there, nice! I'm gonna try to do a degree in international education management, which will be a bit of a custom course, I hope I can pull it together.

Excellent pizza, here I come!


UPDATE: It took 19 days, but I finally fooled someone!
Rachel wrote me in an email, "that Denmark opportunity sounds amazing, I hope it works out for you guys :-)"
Well Rachel, April Fools!

UPDATE: I've added photos to the last three blog entries. I'll give a fiver to the first person who can guess which four of the Easter Eggs were made by me.

ANOTHER UPDATE: I posed this same question to my students, with the prize as getting to skip the next quiz. The chance of winning with random guessing is 1 in 5,040. I only have fifteen students, so I guess the chance of one of them winning is 1 in 336 (I can't remember if that's how the calculation goes). One did win and got to walk out on the quiz that day.

Easter Feaster Day 2

On the second day of Easter we made these fabulous recipes:

scotch eggs

carrot raisin cake with irish cream frosting

The Scotch Eggs I first tasted at Dubliner, a Vilnius pub Gedas took me to, so I made them because of all the left over eggs and because Gedas was coming over that day. And the carrot cake I made because Juste was obv coming over too, and she loves that. I brought half the carrot cake over to gims, they all loved it, it was the only dish out of over a dozen to get big compliments. The Eggs were not nerely as much work as I though they would be, I'll definately add them to my menu bimonthly or trimonthly. Next time I'll make the spicy mustard sauce some of the reviews recommend. This time I'd already made a honey mustard sauce for the scones, so I just used that, and it was very good.

Good Priest

"Yo, God is good, and He wants you to be good too, and if you're not He's gonna come down here and bust your freakin skull!"--New Yorker priest in Family Guy

What my priest at the Holy Stanislaw Church in Riešė said was almost as good as that. We had the little procession around the church, went inside, listened to the hymn while the priest did the incense around the front. Then the priest comes up to the pulpit and says "Nu, viskas." (Well, that's all.) Everybody looks at him and around in disbelief; it's only been 20 minutes. "What, you want more? You want a prayer?" Yes, everybody shouts! "You just want a prayer, or do you want some holy water?!" Yes yes, holy water! "I see, you're not here for the prayers at all, you just want me to bless your food, eh?" (Many people had brought easter eggs to church to be blessed) Yes, bless our food! "Alright, fine, but don't say I didn't warn you!"

The priest then proceeded to walk around literally dousing everybody with holy water. But hey, we were in and out in thirty minutes with no alms-giving. Can't beat that!

Easter Feaster

Here's the delicious menu from the first day of Easter, serving 5 1/2 people, everything was fabulous except for the bulka:

margučiai (waxed and painted hard boiled eggs eaten after the Big Battle of the Eggs ,the official begining of dinner)

roast pork loin and potatoes (mine was 9 1/2 pounds)

savory easter cheese pies from kimolos

cheddar scones with ham and honey-mustard butter

white mišrainė (lithuanian potato salad)

"aš-nežinau-mišrainė" (lithuanian cole slaw like layered vegetable salad minus the cabbage plus herring)

spinach tomato salad

double-peanut double-chocolate chip cookies

bulka

table

Notstalgia

Yesterday evening I followed up Monday's nostalgia with Further Down the Spiral, by Nine Incha Nails. It reminded me of how impressed Rachel was that I had both albums, since most people would only have one or the other. Nice memory, but the music is no longer enjoyable. I can't believe I ever liked it. Several times I had to check to make sure it wasn't stuck on a one second loop.

Nostalgia

Yesterday evening I listened to Pink Floyd live and Nine Inch Nails' Downward Spiral. It was pretty awesome. Floyd came on unexpectedly in my play list, and before realizing that it was Floyd, I thought to myself, man, this CCR really sounds like Pink Floyd! Then I though it would funny if we were in high school again, or just acting like it, and Peanut said that out loud and Sean had said That might be because it is Pink Floyd. Then we'd all chuckle. After that album I skipped down to Nine Inch Nails, because when I saw March of the Pigs I remembered when we translated that song into Lithuanian for our evening Salute to camp Neringa: Darius climbed up on a rock and screeched the lyrics at the counselor, and the rest of us formed a mosh pit. Man, that's gonna be awesome when I transplant my brain into a fifteen year old clone of myself and do that again.

Burton/Deppathon

Saturday afternoon my special lady and I went to see Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street. It was awesome, and all the singing made me feel like we was doing something more sophisticated than going to the movies and eating crab sticks and tartar sauce that I snuck in from the store. All the blood made her feel like we were doing something far less enjoyable than anything she could think of. So if you're not classy, or you don't like blood and guts, then it's not for you.

Then my special lady went out with some non-special ladies to discuss menses, or something, I don't know. I went to pick up my special baby at kindergarten and get some ice cream on the way home. When we got there we watched Corpse Bride, which is one of her favorite movies. Because of the Burton/Deppathon I decided to pay more attention to it than usual. I noticed a bunch of funny little jokes that you miss if you're not paying attention, as I'm most often not to her various entertainment. However, though the story may be better, I do prefer the songs in The Nightmare Before Christmas.

Sunday afternoon before going to church we watched Edward Scissorhands, which I hadn't seen for a decade or more. Interesting juxtaposition between this and the first movie of the weekend: in Sweeney Depp is super vocal, singing or speaking practically constantly; in Scissorhands I don't think he said even 100 words. Very enjoyable: very fairy-tale, but very full of non-fairy-tale elements too. Like the simpsons!

Attention Surplus Advantage

Here's an anti-disorder I seem to have! My special lady remarked last night that she's never seen anybody read five books at once before. She said she'd feel rather scatter-brained if she kept switching back and forth. No problem for me: I usually have two non-fiction going in my Klaipeda bathroom, currently We Are Not Alone (in my sidebar) and God Stories, one or two non-fiction in my Vilnius bathroom, currently Mere Christianity, one or two fiction and one or two non-fiction in my bedroom, and sometimes a biography, one of which I'll take with me most of where I go, currently Stranger in a Strange Lange, The Omnivore's Dilemma, Aristotle for Everybody and Leadership, and two non-fiction in the car for when I have to wait for somebody, currently The Best Travels Writing of 2006 and The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.

So I'm actually in the middle reading nine books right now, though in any given week I probably only pick up four or five of them. However, I picked up Aristotle last night for the first time in about six weeks, and I jumped right in where I'd left off without having to scroll back to get back on the train of though: I simply hadn't lost it. I can do that with all the books I'm reading, as long as there's a book mark in the right place. And this reminded me of another thing.

Six years ago Sarunas and I had a conversation about how annoying it is that women tend to chat through the bathroom door, as if you're not busy reading in there while you're sitting on the toilet. And Sarunas mentioned that he has to plan his time going to the bathroom, because he hates to stop reading in the middle of a chapter, he has to read the whole thing, so it might take a while. I was really surprised by this: "Really? I just stop reading wherever I am, even mid-paragraph. Hell, sometimes I stop reading mid-sentence!" That's true. I guess it's not a problem for me because of my increadible Attention Surplus Advantage!

Where not to buy your gas

I wouldn't normally go to Lukoil, but we were almost out of gas coming back from the countryside and we had to stop. I gave her a twenty and proceeded to fill the tank, but it only filled to 19.99. So I looked at the receipt: sure enough, she rung it up as less than I paid without giving me my penny! Soviet Bitch! Just because I got out of the passenger's side doesn't mean I'm so drunk I'll skip my change! I marched right up there and got my cent.

A loft apartment over a really great party...

Why doesn't Canada change its name to Comeda? Then at least the people would be called Comedians...at least then they'd have something going for them...