Physiological liquid

Sontact solution, that is to say, Contact solution, is very expensive in Lithuania, the cheapest I can find is 114 lits/liter ($154/gallon). However, my mother once told me she was able to find reasonably priced contact solution by visiting every pharmacy in Kaunas. I thought I better try it myself in Klaipeda, because walking around is better than working. This little hole in the wall place I went to, when I asked them for contact solution, they offered me "physiological liquid." I was like, "this is for contact lense storage?" "Sure." "It probably doesn't clean them though, right?" "No, but people keep their lenses in it." The price was less than one tenth of contact solution. "Well," I told her, "I've gotta give this a try!"

So anybody that wants me to see her again ever better hurry up and send me some photos, cause tonight my lenses go in the shit, tomorrow they go back on my eyeballs, and God only knows what will happen!

biggest tele2 sąskaita ever

so my cell phone bill for january is 81 lits. they've generally been 40-60. why the jump? partly because of master's classes, which take some organizsation via the phone to get straight what when and where. however, the biggest jump is a 44.8% increase in sms, up to 391. This is intersting. It's due to about ten days of romancing my special lady at the end of January. Is this increase arithmatic or geometric? If it's arithmatic I can look forward to about 670 sms this month. If it's geometric, 822. If it's exponential, God help me...

Volume II of the Cottage Cheese Kick

So just for a little background, I bought some food for breakfast at my special lady's place Sunday, including cottage cheese, which I hadn't had in probably like a year. Maybe more. It's kind of expensive, actually, 2.29 per serving. Unless I'm eating five servings at a time...

Anyway, I fell in love with it instantly, and then, when I mixed in my special lady's home made strawberry preserves, I thought I would die from ecstacy! Possibly, I did, and after you die you just keep living the same life, like in that movie, I See Dead People, except that nobody is ignoring me (no more than usual, anyway).

Also when I told my students about this, and explained what a "kick" is, one girl was like, "why do you care so much about food?!" besides being an avid food eater, i'm always overly dramatic with my students about everything, because otherwise they fall asleep.

So I have indeed taken up my own suggestion of skipping a hot breakfast in favor of cottage cheese. Luckily, my special lady gave me the preserves, since she doesn't eat them herself (she's crazy, they're like jarred orgasms!). Delicious as my breakfast was, it's only 10:30 and I'm already wondering what's for lunch (which is especially pathetic, because I know what's for lunch: shit.). Either that's because I ran out of apples for breakfast in bed so I just drank all my juice (boy did that make a mess; drinking juice in bed is not as easy to do while you're sleeping as eating an apple), or my stomach has some adjusting to do.

Does this fall under Murphy's Law?

After a week of phone torture, I found my guarantee. Two nights ago I was ridiculously stupid enough to think "eh, I'll find it in the morning." BZZZZZZZZZZ!!! But last night I found it!
Today after work I was planning to take it to be fixed...but now the fucking thing works like a charm! No problem all day long! For a week it didn't work longer than fifteen minutes, including having to call a rather upper level person 11 times for a 20 minute conversation, and now that I'm able to get it fixed--poof! Problem gone! WTF I says!

the tip of my nose

jesus christ, the tip of my nose is so ichy, i been scratching it hard for like 20 minutes and it still itches, what the hell???

The most boringest post ever, I strongly advise you not to read it!

This morning I started breakfast in bed, to which I've grown accustomed: an apple between snooze alarms. What, you don't eat in your sleep? It's totally the efficient way to be.

Then I had this big dilemmal. I only wake up at 7, and for the last week and a half I have to be at the post office every morning at 8ish every morning to send snail mail to somebody special (not Grampa, his letters are monthly, not daily). This means I have to skip something to not be late for life--either shower or breakfast, actually both. I always skip the shower now, since the only person I need to smell good for is in Vilnius.

I go to the kitchen and eat cottage cheese mixed with black current jelly (I'm on a very serious cottage cheese kick). I'm debating making hot sandwiches, which has become my staple breakfast. Man, they're so good, holy shit! But I don't need to be late for work, especially since I may or may not ahave class beginning at 8:30, I can't remember (it turned out that I did). While I ate the cottage cheese I changed my mind like ten times, going over plans including eating the sandwiches on the bus or at work (which I've done before) to save time. In the end I decided "Fuck it, I'm not even hungry."

Now...here's another boring idea...if I got used to this...an apple and cottage cheese for breakfast...then I could just eat hot sandwiches for dinner and not get too bored...I'd save money and only have to go to the store twice a week, maybe less...

I JUST REMEMBERED! Last night I dreamt that I left raw ground beef out and it went bad but I starting eating it anyway, raw, because I felt bad throwing it away...but then it was so rancid that I did throw it away.

p.s. if it seems like I'm droning it's because I'm in a meeting where I have to be but it isn't important, and thank God I have a lap top!

the friendly neighborhood cobberlers from armenia

so i heard about these two guys, from one of the receptionists at my college, who work at the market (the new one). she told me cause i was like ei kur man galėtu super pigiai ir maksimum kokybiškai batus sutaityti? and she was like ai žinai kur yra prie naujo turgaus tokie du gruzai...

so she thought they were georgian but they turned out to be armenian. what's the difference, though, right? so i go there with these black boots i baught wicked recently, november, but i destoryed them in less than two months. see, one was too small, so everytime i took it off i used the other boot to push down on the sole, i think that part's called the sole, no it's the heel. so the heel tore right off :(

i took the black boots (which are goofy anyway, they got these silver things that make them look like cowboy boots). anyway, i took the back boot there with my red sneakers which were also falling apart.

these guys are very friendly. they work in this tiny little gray hut. if i had to work in there with another person all day everyday, i don't think we would last through the first day. they're like two men trapped in a one man cubicle with hundres of shoes. after some friendly chit chat they're like "well, we could just glue the soles and heels back on, or we could hand sew them back on and glue them too."
"uh, is that better?"
"oh yeah, it's better. but hey, it's up to you."
"well, how much does that cost?"
"ten lits."
(i'm thinking ten lits? like, per stitch? i was expecting to pay at least 20 per shoe, probably 30, willingly 40 just for the gluing)
"ten lits...per shoe?"
"per pair!"
"okey dokey artichokey!"

i came back to get them a few days later, at the agreed upon time. one armenian is too ashamed to look me in the face. the other, shaking his head, looks at me and says "oi aras, oi aras, ątsįprąšau, ątsįprąšau, šenden ątėjo daug darbo..." the first armenian chimes in "DAUG DARBO!" i assured them i know exactly how that goes, it happens to all of us, i'll come back in a couple more days.

it felt good to forgive someone. maybe because they were so sincerely sorry. for once it wasn't a fuck-all pissant making excuses and me accepting them because i still want my shoes eventually.

Lucidly talking in my sleep

My special lady comes back to bed and I vaguely wake up:

I: Kas ten?
She: Kas?
I: Kas ten per sarasas?
She: Koks sarasas?
I: mmmmm
She: .....
I: Ten mano visi darbai...vienas kur Tu man padedi...
She: Ka Tu kalbi??
I: Kitas...mm...Tempus...vakar pateikiau paraiska...buvo gerai...susisiekiau su kolega...
She: KA?!
I: ...mmm...

Some people say you attain fluency in a language when you begin dreaming in it. I dream in whatever language I normally use to talk to the person I'm dreaming about. I guess I talk in my sleep with whatever language I normally use to talk to the person I'm sleeping with :p

They learn English so quickly

I got this one colleague, boy is she picking up the lingo (I don't know from where). Recently she learned a little English she loves to use. Every time she sees me, like five times a day, she says "Hi guys!"

I support all mockery, especially mockery of myself, but especially of differnt people

this is a good example of mocking people who are not like me, and i find it humorlicious, sort of.

if it turns out not to be funny, that's because i woke up at 3a.m. to get back to work on my paper. i'm not actually that far behind! :D

I'm a workaholic, but you wouldn't know it from looking at me or my work

So yesterday I handed in my Education Law paper, half document comparison and half pokyčių/kaitos analizė. I had to write it in Lithuanian so now I'm in Lithuanian mode and can't remember what that means in English. something about the particulars of change and development.

Also yesterday I started reading Capitalism and Freedom : Fortieth Anniversary Edition by Milton Friedman, which I have to write a judgement free 10 page book report on by Monday. Also in Lithuanian, which as most of you can probably imagine, is slightly more time consuming for me, and by slightly, I mean at least double.

The plan is (was) 40 pages per day of reading and two pages per day of writing. The reading is no problem. Reading in English and simultaneously summarizing without paraphrasing in Lithuanian takes slightly longer than I expected, and this time by slightly, I mean quadruple.

So I work late and wake up at five and take a full dose of my meds, which I haven't done in at least two years, and I'm almost on schedule, actually, though now I can't tell the difference between the onion and the new york times anymore, but I don't have time for them anyway! :D

Also I'm drinking more coffee than usual (usual is 4-6 cups per day):D:D:D

In other news I'm going to a conference in Sweden!

SMS Inbox

Gedas: You know what extreme? To fart immediately after the shower without underwear

Lokys: You can never be too drunk to dance. Go Now.

Kristina: Aciu uz kvietima. Nezinau dar, ar galesiu dalyvaut toj romenu orgijoj :-)

Sarunas: Good Times?! As myliu “good times”! Men jag kan inte åka till litauen…hard et så bra.

Gedas: Are you coming got a lust for life

Lokys: Im Lokys and I have a huge butt hole with lots of feces

Sarunas: “giant sausage sandwich with mayo” is more than one word, but anyways, ewwwwwwwwww!

Gedas: I m drinking brandy, I think I’ll drink a gallon and see what develops

Lokys: Maybe it’s the beer talking but you got a butt that wont quit. They got these big chewy pretzels here apjgtmtdjwamjgtamjtgdgegkhmpx8majgjagdjamgajdgmgjpm 5 dollars? Get outta here!

Gedas: I say lets party Monday—2006, like it’s 2031.

Gedas: As jau tuoj busiu vilniuje, ka veiki big party time whale?

Aras: I was sleeping in my big whale sea cave.

Gedas: I was asleep too, in my tiny seashell apartment…

Somebody: Fuck mokykla, dauk geriau sikna!

Gedas: Bezdek ir bek kol niekas nepajuto, tada tikrai viskas ciki bus

Liepa (after I wrote her that sirvydas missed his flight again, just kidding): I totally believed you! I read it out loud to jokyr and dave in riga with my mouth wide open! P.s. riga rocks

Gedas: I do good, like an animal

Gedas: lets make it easier, one point for every punch in your snukis, and 5 points for every broken bone, who gets the most points win. You can do anything to earn points

Gedas: these Russian got me fuckin drunk on this fuckin train, they celebrate Christmas today you know

Lokys: although I am not young Frodo I do know something about the banana in your pants. I let it there in hopes it would soften bu the time you get back here and we could make banana bread

Gedas: pub crawling! You like that?

Bronius: jei reikia savaitgalio, tai pradek gerti siandien, nes kai mokslas pradeda maisyti alkoholiui, reikia mesti moksla!

(If you can’t wait for the weekend, start drinking today, because when you don’t have time for both school and alcohol, you gotta quit school!)

Juste: Fucking with men and sucking dicks made you a gay bastard, Madonna is ok

Name withheld (for my safety): I have a huge zit on my ass!

Gedas: leave donelaitis alone, its between me and you!

Lokys: So this one time at the Durham fair I was walking around with a friend when a stranger came up to us and gave us this flask and then passed out next to up. Anyway, we frank it and somehow got it into our heads that we should go cow tipping, but we failed and then the cows all started chasing us. We ran to the midway to try to get away but the cows kept chasing us. Then we got on the gravitron but he cows came on after us. when it started spinning fast enough the cows started walking towards us along the side but then it slowed down and the cows all fell over. So we figure mission accomplished and hurry on home.

Torture

Ever been head over heels? I am head over heels. And it's only been a week.

Put two and two together? H.O.H. + O.B.1W. = spending every possible minute together, and each impossible minute writing each other sms.

Yesterday she took off back to Vilnius, and yesterday my phone went insane, turning on and off, shooting through the menus of its own accord--it's on the blitz. I wasn't able to use it for several hours.

Those hours were torture.

I saw an sms, ooo I hope it's from her! I was able to open my inbox and see that it was from her--huzzah! "Opening messege..." this always takes forever, but this time it ended not with the opening of the sms but the begining of the crazy cell phone insanity--oh my God!

Oh man, I wish I was reading that sms...dammit...I turn my phone off, take out the battery and sim card, brush them off, and turn it back on again. I did this over and over again, about 35 thousand times, until on the way to the cell phone store I was able to work the phone long enough to read the sms, I was finally able to read it, YEAH! Hoorah! What a sweet sms...let's write a good one back now...oh, no, God NO!

The phone went back on the blitz before I was able to write back, so now I'm considering what would be more torturous: knowing you got an sms you were waiting for but not being able to read it (my former situation), or not getting one you were waiting for at all (her situation).

Not only was I unable to get in touch, not only was I deperately unfulfulling in my wish to make her smile as broadly as I just had, but this was the most crucial moment to be in touch. This is the moment where a clever woman (she is a very clever woman) would say to herself "well, ok, let's see how attentive this bozo is when he can't see/touch me..."

My torture was mitigated by finally getting a call through to explain my perdicament...Thank GOD!

Idiocy

I spilled some bleach on myself today. I went to the bathroom to wash my hands right away because I was about to handle clean laundry, but didn't wash it out of my blue sweatshirt (not the hoodie, the one with the pocket in the back). I went to the gym and noticed a whiteness cascading down the side of my sweatshit and though "Jeez, what is that milk, I'm such a freakin slob." I always dress down for the gym, as is logical, since I'm not going there to pick up women, but being covered in milk is a little over the line. Then I realized what it was...

Ends and Beginnings

Sesija (a semester's worth of master's classes in three weeks) is over. I already have the results of two courses: an 8 and a 9 (out of ten). I'm happy with that, since I don't have the prerequisites for a master's in educational management (a bachelor's in education), and i'm studying everything in a new language and a new atmosphere and a new system, each of which bears heavily on my ability to achieve.

There are still a couple essays and exams over the coming weeks, but now that classes are over i'll have time to prepare for them more realistically. So far half of what I've achieved has been through sheer wit (luck). Especially in education philosophy...Lemme explain, no, there is too much, let me sum up:

Day One. Because I have to do all my regular work anyway, I sit in lecures half listening and half working on my lap top on unrelated work. Add to that, half the time spent writing sms to my special lady. Do that math--something's getting dropped. So after about forty five minutes of not listening I hear "Can we get an American perspective on this, please?" I look around the room for other Americans, but alas, I am alone. I rack my brain (and casually put away my cell phone), and I recall some typically hair brained notion she mentioned about altruism at some point in the distant past. "While I...am not so...experianced in philosophy...as it pertains to education...I can definately say that I'm against altruism." The room is silent. I thought that would be engough to provoke a debate that would distract everybody from the fact that I totally ignored the actual topic, whatever that was. They didn't bite. But, my colleague Asta threw me a lifeline: "Aras is just being shy, or isn't thinking with the same terms you are. He makes philosophical remarks about Lithuania and its education system all the time." I grab on: "Well, I guess maybe what you're talking about as philosophy is just what I consider 'life itself'." Grand slam: everybody loved that comment! Then Asta and I moved on to my explaination of why altruism is practically a sin, or at least stupid. It was odd, they seemed to not grasp some rather rudimentary things about philosophy, even the professor. Maybe it's because I'm an objectivist, but I was beginning to fear that the Lithuanian translations of these terms may not acutally grasp their meaning (which is the case more often than not). Later, though, when I explained the conversation to my special lady (who is very Lithuanian indeed), she was taken aback that I would explain something so simple, which was very reassuring..."Aišku aš žinau, kad motina maitinant vaiką nėra altuizmas!"

Day Two. I came to class late, after the first break (90 minutes late) like every day since Monday, when I wanted to kill myself sitting there for five hours. It appears that each course (besides ed. management there's a few other groups) had been preparing to talk about something. Now it was time for the groups to stand up and present their results. Our group was big, and not everybody wanted to stand up and explain, so I, completely in the dark, stood up first and walked to the front of the room, followed by a few colleagues. On top of this, I spoke first, "Good morning and welcome to my group's presentation (I still didn't know the topic). Arturai, take it away." A few colleagues spoke (the topic was "when does one become an adult?"), and there were some responses from the audience, which I deftly tore to shreds...I felt like my colleagues were the judges and laweyers and I was the executioner. Additionally, the professor was inrigued by my unique (at least in this class) knowledge about America, and how it differs from Lithaunia philosophically, which I based on what my colleagues and the rest of the class said. The best part is afterward, when Asta says "Jesus, Arai, how the hell did you read that whole chapter in five minutes?!"

Super Birthday

Maybe the best ever. Here's what happened:

• I got a birthday sms from my special lady.
• I got card and chocolate bar from Klaipeda Hotel, to the club of which, Honolulu, I have a discount card.
• I got a card, thoughtful wishes, and a bottle of some kind of novelty polish liquor, from my office mates
• I got a plant and map of "the american world," (e.g. south america is "coffee and cocain," canada is "mooseheads," et cetera) from other colleagues, i.e. the young single women
• I got a ocketzides, i mean, pocketsized notebook with pen from my master's classmates (presumably ideal for cheatsheets...this whole nation is jam packeted, i mean, packed with cheaters)
• I got a call from Lokys and Liepa, and took a shot with each of them. Theirs was plain vodka, mine was hot pepper vodka from russia, which was very hot indeed.
• I got a call from Juste, Aurimas, Gedas, and somebody else, possibly Bronius, which was nice.
• I went out to dinner with my special lady. I ate a peppersteak, medium rare, which is what I always eat and always at the same place when I go out to dinner in Klaipeda--The Black Cat's Tavern II. She ate almost half a portion of Kepta Duona (an appetizer); she said she was nervous cause she hadn't been able to find anything to wear, although she looked absolutely stunning, unbelievably so, I couldn't take my eyes off her.
• After this she suggested we walk home. This is an hour walk in ~ -25° C (-13° F) weather, not counting the wind chill factor, right next to the sea! How can I say no to a girl, though? So we start doing this thing, freezing my balls off, pretending I'm not cold at all, until half way home she suggests calling a cab if I want to, and I say we can if she wants to, and we'd both love to call a cab but we can't decide who caved in, so we don't. Finally I decided to just be a man and cave in. I freezed my damn hand off making the phone call (two thumbs up on the gloves, Tete).

My Organizer

It's awesome, a life saver. Last night it reminded me to put my grade book in my lap sack ("laptop case" sounds too hoity-toity for me). If my cell phone hadn't reminded me, I surely would have forgotten. That would have been crappy, because i would have had to admit to not one, but two professors today, that I'm just stupid enough that I'll have to come back another time to have them write my grade in my book.

There was an odd one though. Also today was a reminder for "gift." For the past week I've been thinking wtf does that mean? Gift? I'm supposed to buy a gift for someone? I'd been racking my brain all week, and this morning, when the reminder went off at 7:30 a.m. it struck me. The reason it worked is that it went off exactly thirty seconds after I left home, so I realized it must be something I had at home and couldn't leave home without today: the coffee/choloclate/brandy my class bought for the professor with whom we have an exam today!

Corrospondence School Sucks

It's not actually corrospondence. It's two or three classes of week per semester, all the work done independently, i.e. at the last minute with mediocre results. Maybe this semester will be different now that I'm used to it, but so far I've learned nothing except how to smile and kiss ass, which I already knew, but I guess there's always room for improvement. Everybody tells me hey, don't worry, the only thing that matters is getting the diploma! I'd like to think there's more to it than that...

Ass Landing

I fell on my ass for the first time this year. I was walking down the street. At the edge of each curb there's big patches of ice, and this one street I crossed was slippery enough that I totally slipped and landed square on my ass. It didn't really hurt though, but there was somebody directly behind me. I didn't hear him snicker, but if I were he, I would have :(

I'm so funny it's not even retarded...or is it?

To be honest, I haven't dated any Klaipedians for many months, some number of months approaching double digits I believe, but not quite there yet. And last night was not a date either, but it was a female colleague in my home. As non-romantic as it was, I still did not want to seem like a slob (that is, I wanted to hide what a slob I am).

So since I've only dated Vilnietes for so long I stated keeping a slightly different style of interior decorating. Here's an example: instead of cleaning up used toilet paper rolls, I just leave them hanging around, on the grounds that it's "funny" to have a dozen of them around the bathroom.

Realizing last night that I had 45 minutes to eat, change, and clean up everything, including the toiletpaper rolls, I realized that I'm a retard. Luckily she was late!

The lesson is, do whatever you want, and don't worry about the consequences.

Requiem for a Gym

Last night on my beloved laptop I watched Requiem for a Dream for the first time. Man, that's one brutal movie. I had the lights off. Half way through I started feeling like maybe I'm dreaming, where am I, is this real?

Before I watched it I asked Liepa if she'd like to bring it to Vilnius next time I come, and now I understand her answer: "NO! After I saw it the first time I was depressed for days!" She's just dramatic, though; you should still see it. (shudder)

Oh, and here's a good idea for after the holidays: don't go to the gym. If you do, don't get on the scale! It's been about four five weeks since I've been to the gym and weighed myself, and in that time I've gained seven pounds! Holy shit! If I was five years younger I would find that amusing, but not anymore. And I've got the busiest few weeks of my life coming up, so gym time will be at a minimum for a while yet.

OH MAN MY LIFE IS COMPLETE!!!

Here is my new Laptop!

It's so awesome, I can't even believe it! And it was on sale for Christmas time, so I got it even cheaper than in the states, which is unusual, plus I can get "up to 33%" back from the government somehow...

I got absolutely nothing with it, not even a, what's it called, carrying case? Nor a mouse, nor speakers...Mrs. Claus was late getting me her contribution, and the goddam piece of shit Bank of America, in an effort to protect me, cause me to loose vast amounts of time and money. I couldn't access a big lump of my money that I was counting on. In the end, by dropping all the accesories and borring money from my buddy I was barely able to get the thing. I was withing 7 dollars of not getting it, half way through the payment process (I paid in parts from several cards).

But hey, I can already watch/rip/burn DVDs, and write esseys, and that all I really need, so: my life is complete!

Sandwich Heater

I do not know if that's the propper term from my most useful Christmas present so far. My brother, lokys, and my sister, liepa, got this dealie where you put in two sandwiches or a quesadilla and close it and a few minutes later, voila, hot food with little or no clean up. It's so easy I brought my breakfast to work today. It's convenient esecially because I've recently gotten all egged out: I ate eggs for breakfast almost every day for three years (my colesterol is only 140). Now I'll eat grilled cheeses instead, except I don't have to watch them or flip them, so I can dress or somethign while they cook.

The most entertaining gift was from the Tete, the first season of Deadwood, somewhat confusing to get into, but engaging by the end of the first episode.

The most mind-boggling gift was from Sirvydas, a My Little Pony, along with My Little Pony Story Book. He refused everybody's requests to explain this, claiming that we had to "think about it."

Something even more useful/entertaining/mind-boggling is yet to come, today according to plan, a collaborative effort between me and Mrs. Claus...

Das Holidas

Christmas Eve was a bigger orgy than Thanksgiving. I was destroyed after the thanksgiving meal, I felt like a piece of crap I over ate so much. But this time was so bad Liepa and I both felt like we were going to barf, we were sprawled out in the living room before dessert was even served. The highlights included Christamas Cod, Silvija's Marinatated Mushrooms, and Liepa's Birch Branch.

Christmas Day wasn't quite as orgiful--Orange Glazed Duck and potatos baked in the drippings. Just as delicious, but not as plentiful.

Christmas II was good too, lots of gims came, including some I hadn't seen for ten years or more, who knew me from Soviet times, and reminised about me jumping out of their apartment windows and rolling around on the dirty side walks of Vilnius in 1988.

Several Party Days followed, all the way to New Years Eve, which was totally cool. Party at Aido place first, which was fun as always, lots of fun faces, and a host not neglecting to pour everybody doubles and triples, whether they like it or not! Bravo. The only bummer there is we were late leaving because of a drunk asshole who came with a friend of Liepa's who refused to leave when we were trying to make it to the Katedra for the fireworks. We were therefore a little late, but it was still crowded when we got there, people drinking and singing. Then we went to a club, New Orleans, which was cool, except nobody was impressed with my pants. They're pink. I bought them in Austria ant prikolo. I thought they would attract some glances, draw some attention, but if they did I certainly didn't notice. Possibly in addition to being pink they also make me invisible.

XMAS Plans

Yeah Kids! Monday and Tuesday are holidays, and I've got a business meeting Thursday, so I get to telecommunte the other days and spend the whole week next week in Vilnius! Yeah! Get ready Vilnius, here I come!

Fuck Hats...I Mean, Yeah Hats!

A few weeks ago I lost my yellow hat from H&M on the micro bus. I bought a new identical one (but black and white and grey) and matching scarf at H&M in Austria (the chain hasn't hit LT yet) two weeks ago. I was very pleased, cause they were cheap, and I knew they would be awesome, cause the old one was awesome.

And five days after returning to Lithuania I lost it on the micro bus again. I was so pissed I decided never to buy a hat again. Fuck hats, I decided. Who needs 'em? Fuck 'em.

This morning I came to work hatless, planning this angry post, and when I walked into my office I noticed that I hadn't left in on the micro, I left it in my office! Yeah! My beloved hat! I love hats! Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh!

UPDATE
I finally did lose it, and another one...I'm not on my last hat :(

New York Strike

I spent enough time posting a comment on this subject on dario blog on this subject that i've gotta get to work now. Read about it there, though.

The Real Austria Highlight

The best thing I'm willing to write about Austria that I didn't mention in the first volume is the cheese burger I ate on the way there. I made it before leaving, with blue cheese inside and green pepper instead of lettuce, cause lettuce would have wilted. Smothered in Hellman's mayo and Heinz bbq (not the best bbq but it is the best in Lithuania and perfectly cromulent). Oh man, it was so good...maybe I'll make another one tonight...

austria I

i been inaustria for two weeks almost. i came down with mz colleagues (30 of us) ona bus. the point of this trip was to raise our qualifications. we didnät attend anz training programs, which is what i suspect was our ostensible purpose. we went around seeing schoolsand talking to people who run them and teachers and headmasters and peoplein charge of adult education, which weäll give a stab upon our return.the real achievement for me was making friends with mz counterpart here. sheäs been doing this ten zears, and is verzimpresive (she managed to counter a tremendous amount of incompetence onour part and still put together a good program at the last minute). weäregoing to work together on at least two projects this zear alreadz. she isthe most compentent person i know in this field after mama.

i onlz intended to staz a week, but the person in charge of this project,one of mz bosses, didnät realiye apparentlz that austrians donät speaklithuanian, so she didnät hire a translator for the second week, whenonlz five of us remained Itworked out prettz well, I think, because it turned out that the secondweek would be cancelled if there was no translator, which would have beencatostrophic, and at that point i agreed.

the fortress here is one of the oldest and biggest in europe, itäs toobad i didnät have a camera with me. the mountains here are ginourmousalso. we visisted this one little town on a river that is between twomountains, huge ones, so zou canät look around without having 360 degreesof mountains surrounding zou. it was neat, but after walking around for ahalf hour i said to the austrian tour guide who brought us to see thistown "are thez crayz?! how can thez live here??" and he stares at me andzells "ZES ZES!! THEZ ARE CRAYZ!!!" thez have to live there though if thezwork the salt mines, which is salyburgäs claim to fame, it made thisplace verz wealthz long ago. and moyart was born here. all these localshave the biggest hard on for moyart zou can possiblz imagine, itäs justfreakin sillz. i mean, thez go to see his friggin grandmotheräs housefor christässake. wtf?

The Most Ridiculous One

This is pretty ridiculous. This is a page about a guy with tourette's syndrome. I had to watch these clips with my hand over my face so everyone wouldn't see my dying of laughter (not sure if my ploy worked). After viewing most of them, I gotta say this one is the most amazing, just cause I'm a star wars fan.

The Onion Personals Cupid Report for Viligaila

So, a year ago a signed up with Onion Personals, half out of boredom, half out of support for my favorite mock newspaper. This week, I got two emails from them, each with five women interested in meeting me, but all from the States, even though my profile clearly states that I am in Klaipeda (I'm one of 27 men in Klaipeda, including, coincidentally, one of my students!). What's the deal with this?

Chicken Soup For The Stomach

I made this chicken soup from scratch Monday my mother recommended. It took like an hour, but I spent half the time reading Fail Safe, one of the books Darius lent me. It cost me about 12 lits or so. It'll probably last me four days, and all I have to do each time is heat it up and cook more noodles (10 minutes). Plus, I accidentally used krapai instead of petrazole, cause they were right next to each other in the store, and I didn't notice till afterwards (i never bought either fresh before). Plus, I accidentally added cinnamon, cause there was some spilled in my salt container, and I forgot to avoid it when taking my pinch of salt. Despite these accidental substitutions and additions, it was perfectly cromulent.

Das Rest of Thanksgiving Weekend

Friday was cool man. I went to meet my sister, Liepa, at New York, which neither of us had been to, for an Erasmus days party, which was open bar and buffet. There were performances by each institution, each group of Erasmus (European exchange) students demonstrating somehow their first impression of Lithuania, via artwork or by reenacting their first week at school, or if you're the crappy unprepared students of VU (lokys and liepa) you put the drunk japanese guy who doesn't mind singing on stage, and let 'im rip. Then, at random intervals, the other students standing behind him shout out something about how too drunk they are to perform.

Then I jetted after the funniest and most awkward conversation I ever, ever had (and the open bar became a regular bar). I met Darius and we went to a couple bars and chit chatted, since we haven't seen each other for a year. One place, Amatininkai, had a small pool of water on the floor that kept us waiting 20 minutes for beers. We left after antagonized pleading by the waitress for us to stay and keep waiting. For chirissake, for some reason this puddle closed the freakin bar.

Then we went to SMC (The Contemporary Art Center, a popular bar) and I saw my buddy Arunce, who cut off his hair. I didn't even recognize him, he had like 18 inch long hair at least last time i saw him, now it's almost shaved.

Friday Lokys and I went to a pregamer with Kristina, but then we to different games afterwards. We went to meat up with Agne, Liepa, Darius, Vaiva, and a couple other dudes was with them, we all finally met at Artistai. We had to wait a couple hours for a table, but that was cool cause we spent most of the time dancing and not standing around. Good tunes.

Sunday was Thanksgiving Dinner again at Darius and Vaiva's mother, Rasa's new apartment, which is the second most mansion-like apartment I've ever seen in person. Good food and good peops again, the ones I met anyway, there was like 40 people there. An 11:30 bus (car) ride got me into bed at 2:40 a.m. Then, at 6:55 a.m., "Good morning, time to teach the students!"

First I told them about Thanksgiving, and they told me about themselves just for practice, but then I gave them an interesting assignment which kept my class participation to a minimum: you're all turkey's and I'm the farmer, one of you's getting eaten for thanksgiving dinner, and you don't want it to be you; write and give a speech to convince that you're a poor choice and that I'd be much better off choosing somebody else in particular from the class. It was very funny, the most popular choice for "somebody else" was usually either the student's mate or a "fatter" girl in class! They all took it in good spirits, though, maybe because none of them are actually over weight.

Thanksgiving

Sabastian tells me that when he was in the States a few years ago, his host family asked him if Thanksgiving is celebrated in France.

Hmmm. Just woke up after the big orgy that is thanksgiving. Let's see...hmm...after a few business meetings, I met darius and vaiva, and then we met lokys too at Maxima. We bought the last things for the dinner, which was the vegetables and logs for the sauna stove. The grand total for food was 328.50 lits, which is about what we expected. I don't know what the booze bill came out too, cause it was sort of byob, but we spent 111. We've actually got plenty of leftovers.

The stuffing was wicked hard to make, cause who has a bowl big enough to mix six loaves worth of bread, 14 sausages, five onions, six celery stalks, and five cups of bullion? Not us. We had to use the tub from the sauna.

p.s. the turkey was 22lb. (10kg.)

It was intrestingly hectic, cause there was tons of stuff to do at like four, and after that nothng to do till seven (an hour before dinner), when it became hectic again till eight.

The dinner was awesome and plentiful, I overate enough to become a mess. My brother, Lokys, and Aidas both ate more than I, and at least Lokys and I weren't really hungry again for a couple days.

Then we finished watching The Big Lebowski which Kristina had never seen, and some best of SNLs. Then we played Alias, which is just like Password. Juste and I beat the pants off everybody, until we stopped playing to go to the sauna. It was a life saver, because I thereby got over my overeating grogginess. Afterward, Juste left but Vaiva woke up, so she took Juste's place on my team and we won again...then we watched Simpsons.

My Day

I already made a list of my day's activities for an email, so why don't i post the damn thing?

• i brought all my stuff to work, including two gallons of applesauce i made, because i'm going to vilnius this evening to prep for a business trip tomorrow and thanksgiving dinner tomorrow evening
• i failed a girl for excessive, consistent plagiarism (this will amount to expulsion if she's failled three more subjects)
• i passed a girl (D) i'd never seen before, because she showed up after a year in dublin and spoke acceptable english
• i participated in a lottary to go on a business trip for a week to austria many colleagues are going, the topic is "preparing courses," more or less; i pulled the spare ticket, meaning i'll get to go if anybody opts out
• i've got a make up class today for the class i'm missing tomorrow, in which we'll read and analyze a perfect day for bananafish, by j .d. salanger; it's tough, because i have to keep pausing to keep from crying (good literature, i just shed a tear right now in anticipation)
• after that i'm going to meet some experts that have come to accredit (or not) our college. i should be meeting with them tomorrow, but i won't be here, so i have to make a good impression so that they're not pissed about my absence
• then i'm off on a three hour micro bus trip to vilnius; it's just lokys and liepa and i, and nine friends, for thanksgiving tomorrow, which makes me in charge of everything! liepa'll make the pies and bananabreads today, and i'll make the stuffing tonight.

Yeah Food!

That's so awesome that Lietuva is getting on track with food. All I needed was tortillas, and the past three nights i've had enchiladas, burritos, and smoked chicken wraps...this added to my regular repertoire of American fast food and midwestern food, most of which I've improved by adding copious bbq sauce. Now I just need a wok and a chinese cook book to make my gourmet life complete. First I think the Chinese need to set up a Chinatown in Klaipeda, or at least in Vilnius.

Imagine when they get chicken patties and stop & shop self rising crust pizzas! It'll be like Boston all over again!!! Oh man, let's go blue cheese sauce! And pepperoni, where are you?

Loss of Innocence

Friday I met up with My Friend, Slightly Mentally Retarded, but I'm bored of talking about him. No wait, I gotta mention one thing. At Memelis we were sitting around in a very crowded place, and he's got this look on his face, not just fury, but like disbelief too. I'm genuinly concerned at this point, or would be if I hadn't been sure it was about something retarded. I ask him what's the matter, and he looks at two people having a conversation directly behind him, close enough that if he turned his head fast he might hit them with it. Mind you, this is a bar/club where you can barely get to the bathroom without having intercourse it so crowded. He looks at me, fury and disbelief in his eyes, and snarls "I hate it when people fuck with me like that!"

Several of us went to the boat after that, an odd place. Usually is a normal enough bar, except that it's in a ship. It floats in the Dane River, dead center of old town. The clientele is more, rural, shall we say. Sometimes, though, they have strippers. Sometimes it;s a cross between the two. There's no discernable schedule that I can discern.

Anyway, there was a stripper that night. As we went in the owner greeted us and said "Ah, good evening, good timing! A stripper will dance in ten minutes!" So I placed us at the perfect table with myself on the floor side. Oooohhhh. I quickly established myself as the alpha male (I'm not sure how I do that, but sometimes it happens...well, I've got some idea) and she spent half of her dance time either looking directly at me or lapdancing on my lap (on the house).

Then we're leaving. Everybody is going different places, at lease I am, in a hurry to a club, cause it's already 2:30. Having paid, I stand up and leave, seeing everybody dilly-dallying.

I get almost to the club and My Friend, Slightly Mentally Retarded calls and says the stripper gave him her number to pass on to me. I think he's fucking with me (they all know and can't understand how anti-prostitute I am), but what can I do? I'm just cocky enough to believe she could easilly fallen in love with me.

So I wait. They catch up with me and give me a note. They all swear she caught up with them at the stairs and said "where'd your friend go?! please give this to him, I wanna meet him!" What could I do?

Aras: Hi, this is Aras. Well, you didn't get my name, of course, but my friends gave me you number and said you wanted me to call you.
Stripper: Yeah, Hi.
Aras: So...you really want to meet me?
Stripper: Yeah, where?
Aras: Uh...well...how about the green bridge? (I figure as long as it's outside I won't get trapped into anything, just in case she's a whore)
Stripper: well, I actually have to drive out someplace else first, so not unless later. (this was at 3 a.m.)
Aras: well, maybe tomorrow then.

The next day I realized what might have happened. Either my friends played a joke on me (as I'd suspected) and went to get the number, or else the waiter, having noticed my accent, pointed me out as a good mark. I know this or something like this happened, because I remembered putting on my coating, smiling at her, and her winking good bye. So she was ready for me to leave without her number, then something made her change her mind. Either the waiter or my friends.

The sad part was to find out she was a whore. What--a--buzz kill. I'm not sure why, but the smile of a stipper makes me wanna go dancing, while the smile of a whore makes me wanna go home. Maybe...I don't know. But after I grabbed her attention, been smiled at for a few minutes, I felt like a million bucks (I almost never go to a club so late at night). As soon as I found out she was a whore, I felt like zero bucks. Zero bucks and holes in my pockets, so even if I had a few bucks I'd lose them.

Does this mean I'm bored at work, or just waiting for the afternoon coffee to brew/kick in?

Here's a list of things that happened on my birthday, edited for interest purposes:

Events
1510 - Henry VIII of England, 18, appears incognito in the lists at Richmond, and is applauded for his jousting before he reveals himself.
1556 - The Shaanxi earthquake, the deadliest earthquake in history, occurs with its epicenter in Shaanxi province, China. 830,000 people may have been killed.
1719 - The Principality of Liechtenstein is created within the Holy Roman Empire. (this is only interesting because my german roommate henrick was actually from there, not germany)
1789 - Georgetown College becomes the first Catholic college in the United States (Washington, DC).
(this is only interesting because that's where my buddy daina went)
1855 - The first bridge over the Mississippi River opens in what is now Minneapolis, Minnesota, a crossing made today by the Father Louis Hennepin Bridge.
(this is intersting because i've been to minneapolis about fifteen times without ever realizing that the mississippi river flows through it--wtf tete?)
1943 - World War II: British forces capture Tripoli from the Nazis.
1943 - Duke Ellington plays at New York City's Carnegie Hall for the first time. (i have a cd of his, not sure how i got it)
1964 - The 24th Amendment to the United States Constitution, prohibiting the use of poll taxes in national elections, is ratified.
1968 - North Korea seizes the USS Pueblo, claiming the ship violated their territorial waters while spying.
1978 - Sweden becomes the first nation to ban aerosol sprays that are thought to damage earth's protective ozone layer. (this reminds me of when sarunas says disappointedly "swedes are stupid")
1983 - The A-Team debuts.
1984 - Hulk Hogan wins the World Wrestling Federation Championship from the Iron Sheik, in New York's Madison Square Garden. Hulkamania is born.
2005 - Viktor Yushchenko sworn in as the third President of Ukraine in Kiev, Ukraine.

Births

1950 - Richard Dean Anderson, American actor (i share a birthday with MacGyver!!!)

Deaths
1570 - James Stewart, Earl of Moray, regent of Scotland (assassinated)
2005 - Johnny Carson, American television personality (b. 1925)

Holidays and observances
Roman Catholic Church: Feast of Blessed Marianne of Molokai

Now first I have to shoot off an email to demand of my parents why the hell didn't we ever have the feast of Molokai?!

Second, I invite anybody else who's waiting for the caffeine to kick in to check out all the events i deleted, maybe you'll find something worth berating me about deleting.

O, Canada

If there's one thing you're really good at, it's providing us with excellent practical examples of how terrible socialism is. A few months ago i posted about your public health care system with year long waiting lists, people dying while doctars are unable to be paid for overtime and therefore sit idly by. And of course you ban private healthcare, so there's really no escape. Bravo.

Now I've gotta thank you for another gem, socialist casinos. I used to be repulsed by socialsm on a merely theoritical level, but the more I read about you, Canada, the more economically nauseated I become. Thanks Canada, for consistently reaffirming my staunch believe in freedom.

Thanks Rachel.

New Movies, Old Books

I saw The Legend of Zorro, which was entertaining, despite bold ridiculousness. You know that thing where somebody shows up just in the knick of time to save the day, and you realize, there's no way he could have know to be there at that moment! Well, that happened 129 times. However, I laughed with the movie as well as at it, so it was worth ten lits.

I began rereading Stranger in a Strange Land, by Heinlein, which is one of my other top five books. It's fun to reread, but I've read it enought times that I'd rather reread The Moon Is a Harsh Mistress, which I've only read once. They're especially fun to read because they are, respectivly, my father's and mother's favorite Heinlein book, and I'm not sure which I prefer.

I should note that the reason I keep rereading the same books is that I only have like 10 books with me in Klaipeda, and obviously I brought my best ones (I read The Moon Is a Harsh Mistress from the Boston Public Library, so of course there it remains). So send me books for Chistmas! Get em used, I don't care, I'd just love to read something new!

Rastenis is so gay, I can't even believe it

Alright picture this, you're not going to believe it either. There's this club that's a normal club usually, but they have one gay night. Next to the sign designating Sunday as gay night, there's a robot modeled after Rastenis gyrating his pelvis. There is no doubt at all it's modeled after him, hell, in the dark i might even mistake it for him: same hair, same eyes, and same unmistakable shit eating (literally) grin, standing there gyrating his pelvis in an endless rallying cry to other homosexuals. Jesus.

My Friend, Slightly Mentally Retarded

My buddy comes home back to Klaipeda for a couple weeks for classes. He works in Ireland. I know many really great students who take corrospondence courses abroad, because Universities abroad are often much better. Especially much better than Klaipeda University, which is nothing to be especially proud of. A few other Unis I could understand, but this guy's making a special particular effort, flying back and forth, to attend a sub par university. Nobody in his right mind would put so much effort into this. It would be like somebody flying back and forth from Britain twice a year to take two weeks worth of classes at Middlesex Community College. His family doesn't even live in Klaipeda!

Then there's his grasp of business (it extends to all aspects of life, really). He told me about his plans to bring back cartons of cigarettes and sell them. The plan is to buy them for 16€ here and sell them for 30€ there, making a 14€ profit. The normal price in Dublin is 60€. I asked him why he goes for so little, why he doesn't go for a high profit.

"Everybody charges half on the black market."
"Yeah, but why do you?"
"Everybody charges half on the black market."
"Yeah I heard you the first time, but just cause everyone does it doesn't mean you have to."
"Everybody charges half on the black market."
"Yes, but what would happen if you charged, say, 40?"
"Nobody would buy them."
"Why?"
"Everybody charges half on the black market."
"So you're telling me people would rather pay 60 in a shop than 40 for your imports?!"
"Yes, or they'd wait for somebody charging thirty."
At this point I actually grabbed by the shoulders and shook him like a British nanny, "People who smoke need to smoke today! The black market isn't unlimited! How the fuck can you tell me people who know these are quality imports, used to buying Lithuanian cigarettes, will tell you to piss off and go fay 50% more in a shop?!?!"
"I don't know. Everybody charges half on the black market."

Next instance. We go to buy beer on the way to the movies. He says, "Are you sure about this? Who's gonna let us go into the theater with beer?"
"Nobody, but they're not going to seach my briefcase. I do it every time. I never go to the movies beerless."
"I don't think it's gonna work."
"Why not, if it always works?"
"We'll see."
Of course it worked, as always. Later in the evening we were walking to catch a microbus and got a couple more beer for the road. He says, "Are you sure about this? The driver's gonna let us go into the bus with beer?"
"Sure. I ride the micro with a beer all the time."
"Maybe we should hide it. I'm sure he won't let us on."
"But I'm telling you I do it all the time! Twice a week at least for the past 14 months!"
"I don't think it'll work."
I bet him double or nothing (he owed me 20 lits from earlier), but he refused, hiding his beet in his coat as we boarded the bus, i holding my beer out prouding, demonstrating without a doubt that the driver had seen it clearly.

Third instance. We go to a club. We get drinks and walk across the dance floor to a good point of observation of the dancers. I turn around and see him by the stairs looking like a lost, abandoned puppy. I go back and try to hold his hand so I can lead him over. He withdraws his hand and I ask him if he doesn't wanna go over there where I just was, and he says yes.
"Well, if you can't just follow me, I'll have to hold your hand."
"I can follow you."
He followed me. After five minutes I asked him if that isn't that guy we met last night, and he says yeah, I said oh neat, and walked over to say hi. The guy asks me if I'm here alone and, unsurprised, I look behind me to see him in the spot I'd just left, again looking like a lost, abandoned puppy.

We had another conversation about a particular sexual inclination of his, which I claimed was just as decided oldfashioned and wrong as racism, not to mention misogynistic. He agreed! But somehow our conversation ended as fruitlessly as did our cigarette market strategy conversation: it may be oldfashioned and misogynistic, but so?, was his position.

Lithuania in the news

Lithuanian economy's looking strong!

WTF?

man, i simply don't get my buddy saidas in a lot of ways. he's got like three jobs coaching basket ball, and he's about to quit the easiest one. he basically has to go to the gym once a week and cancel practice, cause enough kids to play never show up. for doing this once a week they pay him more than minimum wage. here's our conversation:

saidas: fuck it, it's pointless
aras: how's it pointless to get 500 lits a month for doing practically nothing?
s: nobody comes.
a: i get it, that's the beauty: a pay check for no work.
s: so?
a: so you're getting free money!
s: so i get 2,500 lits a semester, big deal, so what?
a: what the fuck, dude, you couldn't use an extra 2,500 lits?!
s: for what?
a: for anything! saving, investing, anything!
s: fuck that, i don't save, and 2,500 isn't enough to invest
a: but in two year's it would make up 12,000, that's enough for an investment
s: i wouldn't save it though, i spend all my excess money, no matter how much it is
a: why?
s: (shrugs)

after this conversation we went to the casino. he bet without looking at some of his cards regularly. when i left he was already down almost 400 lits.

Das Book

Lately I've been reading Tai-Pan, by James Clavell. This is probably the best book ever, at least in the Top Five, which would also have to include Atlas Shrugged and Stranger in a Strange Land. Each of these I consider to be my favorite book ever while I'm reading it (third time for Tai-Pan). I'd also like some Salinger and Hemingway in the Top Five, but their short stories are better than their novels, in my humble experiance.

Anyway, I pretty much skipped my weekend in favor of reading. Friday night I didn't go out. Saturday night I did, but went home so early to read that the coat girl, after I made small talk while putting my sweater on, asked me why I was leaving so early, and I went on to tell her about this great book I'm reading. She asked me questions, so it wasn't like I was just raving by myself, but I still think it was a little much.

I read Tai-Pan instead of The Onion for breakfast, instead of New Sherlock Holmes Stories for dinner, and instead of Capitalism and Freedom, which I'm reading for my Leadership Theories class.

I read like 400 pages this weekend, which is alot for me.

Also this weekend I bought a new boom box, which I was avoiding, cause I'm saving for a lap top. I couldn't live with just my clock radio anymore, though, so insead of killing myself I finally caved in. I bought a German one, Grundig I think it's called, CD (including mp3s) and digital radio. It's awesome! It was so relaxing to finally have music again that I ironed all my shirts. I asked my students if they noticed and they said "Oh yeah, but we didn't want to say anything..."

And I made banana bread, but I accidentally dumped in a ginormous amount of cinnamon...the result was that it was perfectly delicious, but it certainly wouldn't win any beauty pagents. I mean, bake offs.

Fall Vacation

Sort of. I had three days of working in Vilnius, and three days off in Vilnius. Even if half of it is working, a week in Vilnius is a vacation in my book.

The work was unbelievably fruitful: three days in a row of good results, which isn't all my fault; often I can't know enough about a project without attending the seminar to know it's worthless for my college. But this time it was a Tempus Seminar, an International Europass Conference, and a meeting with somebody important about a conference I need help planning, and all were very practiacally applicable to my department, my work.

The partying was awesome too. Saturday was so hysterically funny that my sister, Liepa, said the next day she actually thought she would die because she couldn't stop laughing at my antics, which included playing guitar and singing about what a great guitarist i am, coming in with a stupid, tight, mondo-retardo hat and tiny Europass backpack I'd gotten and stupid beard (I actually shaved secretly in the middle of the party to look retarded) and welcoming everybody to the international conference ad nauseum, and dancing like Daina's father with my eyes closed well after the music had ended. It was so hysterically funny that the next evening most of what we talked about was how funny it had been.

First the next morning, though (Sunday) we went to a restaurant, and after knocking on the door for several minutes and asking why they aren't opening, they reminded us of daylight savings time! :o But they let us in a poured us drinks, so they got a big tip. Rastenis sat next to me, so there was tons of homosexuality, his fag tendencies will never die. Also, in attempt to sober up he ordered a double cider. After drinking it he said he'd gotten drunker instead. Gedas: ka tu manei kad isiblaivysi tuo?! I gave my sister, Liepa, a bight of my soup and started talking about something, and before I realized it she'd eaten the whole thing except one bite after alledgedly having forgotten that it was my soup! Rastenis asked for a bite of my Giant Cepelinas, and I cut him one; he bitched at me to put a bigger meat piece on it, and I denounced him for looking a gift-horse in the mouth. Everybody laughed, and I thought it was with me, but actually it was at me, cause in Lithuanian the figure of speech is for looking a gift-horse in the "teeth" not mouth. I don't know why that's so funny, but it was. In the end I gave both him and Gedas a taste of my meat.

That evening was cool, my brother, Lokys, and I went out with Gedas and Juste, played Buck Euchre, drank some mugs of beer and then some pitchers* of beer.

Monday was a feast with Mommy: roast chicken, gravy (which I made), biscuits, apple sauce, stuffing, and...something else I think...then we went to the cemetary to put candles down for Senelis. I did not want to do this, but did anyway. This post is long enough without adding my feelings on cemetaries, or how tired I become after feasting.

Tuesday was lunch with Dede Valtas, Vilija, and Nephew Vytukas. Also good.

*at first i wrote "bitchers"

Let's get another one of those good old fashioned SMS reviews

Me: this guy just walked by with his hand in his pocket covered by his jacket but his thumb hanging out and for a few seconds i thought it was his penis! wtf?

Gedas: are comeing got a lust for a life

Me: I swear I'm gonna kill Jane Austen! She's such a dumb bitch! I can't even believe it! I look at the pages and wtf i can't believe my eys! She's the dirtiest cunt rag ever!

Lokys: I'm lokys and i have a huge butt hole with lots of feces

Me: How drunk do you have to be to write "I'm lokys and i have a huge butt hole with lots of feces"?

Kristina: Aciu uz kvietima. Nezinau dar, ar galesiu dalyvauti toj romenu orgijoj :-)

Me: You could wear your long underwear with a skirt and pig tails and your bra on the outside of your sweater and go around grabbing people's faces and screaming at their eyes "OINK OINK! OINK OINK OINK!"

Liepa: you are clearly diseased in some way... i do not want to be a crazed pipi long stockings for halloween

Me: that sucks when a button falls on your foot but you thought it was a big bug so you freak out and start yelling and crying and farting and you jump out the window and die!

Gedas: Good luck take sex penis only if you can use it in klaipeda

Me: correcting this student's paper who always wears too much mascara made me remember a dream last night where i was wearing mascara, cause for halloween i was captain jack sparrow!

Me: Me liked the pumpking pie! You'll have to make another pumpking pie for Thanksgiving, I'll make das stuffing!

Liepa: me yo pumpkin me play joke me go pee pee on you FACE

Me: Jimmy Fly Super Snuka

Rastenis favorite song: "My asshole, your penis, everybody move your penis! My asshole, your penis, everybody move your penis, into my asshole, into my asshole! Everybody move your penis into my asshole!"

Sleep Solution

Because my sleep problem seems to me to be a problem of laziness more that an actual sleep disorder, I decided to nip it in the butt. I decided to put a bucket of water next to my alarm clock, and instead of hitting the Snooze Button, to dunk my head into the water. Sabastian bet me I wouldn't do it, and I guaranteed him that I definately would, so then I had to. This morning at 5:55 my secondary alarm clock went off (not the head dunker) which goes off five minutes before my primary alarm clock. For the first time ever, ever, I did not go back to sleep for those five minutes: I laid there staring at the Water Bucket, dreading it. By 6:00 I was so awake with fear that I needed neither the Snooze Button nor the Water Bucket. I went directly to breakfast.

Sleep Problem

I realized today the amount of sleep I get doesn't have an impact on my day's first waking hour. Whether I sleep 6 hours or 10, I'll always be groggy and want more sleep for a while when I wake up. This morning I was like "Meusli? Fuck meusli. I'd rather keep sleeping." So I slept another half hour after I'd already slept nine and a half.

Yesterday I slept six hours, got up, made myself a sandwich (black bread, sliced sausage, and cheese and butter), put it in the oven and, intending to go back to my room and correct papers, went back to bed...after a half hour it was crunchy but perfectly cromulent.

The worst part is I've become to lazy to write in my dream log. Yesterday morning I was remembering this one about how I was the last guiy left at a party where we trashed the place boxing, and I went downstairs to leave and saw that the owners were back waiting for me to try to escape...might have been Mike Powers. This morning it was about a girl who murdered horses to send messeges to people in the afterlife using a weegie board, but she made it look like an acident by getting injured at the same time. This time the horse got hit by a car after jumping over a fense but then jumping back over it to avoid hitting the girl and fell on it's back.

Won't anybody please think of the children?

I will! Did you know they don't even have beirut over here?! Students just like, sit around drinking for no reason! This caused me to thing to myself, "WTF?" But what am I gonna do about it? Well, today I gave them this article to read from the NYT, it was sent to me by a friend and beirut partner, darius "das boot" razgiukas. Hopefully this will give them some ideas without me being directly resposible.

We read part of it in class, which was fun, and funny, because I was getting sort of emotional. I didn't tell them I used to play this game all the time, but they probably guessed after I explained what "World Series" means and then said "so now they're having a World Series of Beer Pong, and here I am all the way over in Lithuania." I didn't cry or anything, because men don't cry from pain or disappointment, but who could miss the vanquishment in my voice?

Racism

darius told me about this from the new yorker:

sarah silverman got in trouble with asian americans a couple years ago for telling a joke on conan o'brien about how she was trying to get out of jury duty. a friend suggested she write "I hate Chinks," but she was worried that that would be racist, so she wrote "I love Chinks." She got a lot of shit for that, and now in her new DVD she says the following:

"I got in trouble for saying the work "Chink" on a talk show, a network talk show. It was in the context of a joke. Obviously. That'd be weird. That's be a really bad career choice if it wasn't. But, nevertheless, the president of an Asian-American watchdog group out here in Los Angeles, his name is Guy Aoki, and he was up in arms about it and he put my name in the papers calling me a racist, and it hurt. As a Jew - as a member of the Jewish community - I was really concerned that we were losing control of the media. Right? What kind of a world do we live in where a totally cure white girl can't say "Chink" on network television? It's like the fifties. It's scary. There are only two Asian people that I know I have any problem with, at all. One is, uh, Guy Aoki. The other is my friend Steve, who actually went pee-pee in my Coke. He's all, 'Me Chinese, me play joke.' Uh, if you have to explain it, Steve, it's not funny."

How stupid can you be?

Man, this Beer Pong article reminds me of yesterday with my students. They had to debate certain things for which they had prepared, and expecting several to skip class and avoid the debate (and get zeros) I had to prepare for each position myself. I should have done that before I assigned topics, because it made me realize some of the topics were preposterous, like environmentalism is stupid, and i had to argue that we don't need trees, look, this building's made of concrete, see, wood's just a luxury...

Anyway, for the sake of practice I argued the ridiculous points and they had to argue back, as if they took me seriously. How TF can these people quoted as saying stuff like "Why would alcohol companies promote games that involve drinking water? It's preposterous." make serious arguments against? Budweiser's position is obviously laughable, it's not even worth taking seriously!

Anyway, read this from the NYT, it was sent to me by a friend and drinking buddy, darius.

Aido Citizenship Party, and delicious food

Friday I was frazzeled. Up until ten minutes before I got on a bus I didn't know if I was getting on. There's this woman with whom I've become infatuated, and I wasn't sure if I'd get a chance to see her over the weekend, and I didn't want to call her at like 11 in the morning to find out...it turned out she was leaving town for the kaimas.

Aido party was very fun. There were lots of people there, some of whom knew me. There were plenty of hotties, but I was too lazy to really go for any. But chatting was fun anyway, especially because Lokys and Liepa were there too. After a few beers I could make Lokys bust out laughing hysterically at will just by communicating to him via facial expression, something nobody else noticed or understood.

When we got home we ate left over soup that was amazing, and made a Giant Sandwhich with half a loaf of bread, Spam style turkey, and cheese, and some kind of marinated mushrooms...

Saturday: porkroast, gravy, potatos, and some kind of chopped beans, and a few hours later, cinnimon raisin rolls. A few more hours later, we went out to an indian place, and ate indian food while listening to indian music. It was yummy, but I wouldn't actually go there of my own accord unless I was trying to impress someone with by how exotic I am willing to be.

Then Lokys and I and Gedas and Juste went up to Gedimino Pilis and made some vodka tonics/gin and tonics...how come you need the "and" for gin but not for vodka? is it cause of the syllible count?

Then a cocktail at Ibish, where Aidas and Co. were watching the Notre Dame vs. USC game on his lap top. Then one at Tamsta, which sucked...five of us went it for 15 lits each and left after 20 minutes. I thought I liked hip hop, but if that crap was hip hop, then I guess not. Kemo, who told us to come, said it became awesome after we left. Ten Lokys and I went to Pub for like 45 minutes without getting served, which was actually fine, cause we weren't really thirsty anymore.

Sunday Zuppa Tuscana, which was amazing! And my mommy helped me freeze some kale from the garden so I'll be able to make it myself. Maybe I'll get a chance this week to make if the that girl with whom I'm infatuated...

Can Emoticons Be Professional?

Sometimes I feel the need to be somewhat playful corosponding with female colleagues, especially when I'm handing in work that I fear may contain mistakes, despite my high confidence level. Can I use this ":)"?

How you can sleep till 8

I figured out this week that if I only have a bowl of gross meusli for breakfast (instead of fruit, juice, eggs, toast, and coffees) and only wash half my body in the shower (i usually shower in the evening after the gym too, anyway), and don't shave (i'm growing a beard for halloween anyway) i can sleep till 8 in the morning and still be at work by 9.

Tattoos

Tattoos are a way to express your beliefs when you are too lazy to express them by actions. We have/had a good buddy, American Lithuanian, who is "proud" of his heritage, but not enough to do anything besides party with Lithuanians sometimes (sometimes being rarely in the distant past) and get a tattoo. He's got a big gorgeous Vytis on his shoulder, proclaiming a very real devotion to something that's actually very superficial for him. I don't hold it against him, but it doesn't mean any more to him than does his tongue ring.

If you're proud to be Lithuanian, it shows: the three of us, though we don't have tattoos, have gone to the trouble of spending considerable time here and getting our citizenship.

If you're a Neo Nazi, it shows: you beat people up, you yell stuff about jews and black, and you shave your head: you don't need to tattoo a swastika on your chest.

If you love your wife, it shows: you talk about her, you take her out, you spend time learning about things that obviously only she (not you) is interested in: you don't need a tattoo on your ass proclaiming your love.

If you love to smoke weed, it shows: you're stoned, you dress and groom youself as a hippie, you go to the grocery store in a bathrobe in the middle of a weekday; you don't need a tattoo of 420 or a marajuana leaf.

Or, perhaps you've got a tatoo simply for a decoration. A barbed wire fence around your arm. A tweetie bird. An asian pictogram. An "insert penis here" sign pointing to your vagina (or mouth, or ass, to each her own) or an "insert this into your vagina" sign pointing to your penis.

In the case of decorations, I don't think tattoos are wrong, I just think they're equally stupid to lip plates and neck extending rings.

Case in point: a friend of mine is soon to get a tattoo on his leg that says "Life's a bitch and then you die, so fuck it all and let's get high!" I asked him how he'll explain it to his children (in the future, if he has any), if he'll be proud to tell them that he's a proponent of narcotics. He gave me a very weak explaination that this tattoo doesn't necesarily have anything to do with drugs...you can get high on life, or "in" life, or whatever...wouldn't it be much more meaningful (read: it might actually mean something) and clear if people drew conclusions about you from your life's work rather than from something written your body? This blog's title is a conclusion I have come to about myself, but I'd like the rest of the world to draw its own; I won't get an "Undisclosed is the Best" tattoo.

The Phone Bill

I got my first phone bill since finally sibscribing to Tele2 after a year of just filling up from scratch off cards. The Result (drum roll): 58.62

That's double what I expected :( but I hadn't included PVM, which is bull shit. Luxury taxes on something everyone has? That doesn't make sense. Without the PVM (18%) it would only be 49.68.

That's still actually more than double my exact calculation, which was about 22 lits. Apparently, I write twice as many SMS as a thought (I feared as much): 282 in one month, about ten per day. Most of them are from being bored on a bus and writing thirty in three hours.

That makes up 28.88, leaving 11 calls to Tele2 (4.25), 12 calls outside Tele2 (11.85), and one call to Darius in NY (4.70).

So I've got to see if I can stop calling people. I have to call cabs and people that I've got to meet right away, but that's 25% of my calls. What I've determined to do is to never ever use my phone for business. I've never done that much, but I have done it more than I ought to.

I wonder if this is more expensive than filling up from scratch off cards...I did get a four hundred lit phone for 19 lits, so I guess I gotta keep that in mind.

Note on the phone: it has a build in calandar which is useful for reminding myself of meetings and phonecalls and birthdays...however, i may have been more comfotable not knowing/caring about birthdays...i don't care about my own, so hey, whatever! Tomorrow is my friend's birthday, of which I've been reminded weveral times by my phone, but this morning when I woke up and was groggy I thought it was yesterday, and I was lying in bed debating whether or not it was too late to call and say happy birthday!

Things I Like/Don't Like and Something Women Don't Like

I like hurrying to get naked and taking my time to dress when the cute cleaning lady is cleaning the gym locker room.

I don't like when I pour dripping wet dunes into a pot of boiling oil and the oil explodes from the pot onto my hand.

Women, at least the one from the bank, don't seem to like when you wait ten weeks to call them.

Also, I like that everytime I try to type the work six I accidentally type sex.

And lemme mention one about Blogger itself while I'm on topic: I don't like that I have to type in a word to post a comment on my own blog! I'm signed in as the author of this thing, so what do they think, I'm going to spam myself?

p.s. you're still cool though, Blogger

this bumbling idiot i know

this guy i know, he put a bucket of water by his bed the other night so he could rewet the rag on his radiator if he got up. the bucket had a hole in it and after cleaning up all the water his glass of water that he meant to take adrink from slipped from his slippery hand and spilled all over his cell phone and boom box.

then at maxama he bought olive oil. there were two equally cheap ones, but one was glass so he bought that one, you know, to feel cool or something. the bottom broke when he put his back pack down at home, but he didn't notice that the glass had shattered until the entire bag and its contents were covered in oil. after two mega washes in the washing machine, it's still a little oily.

and then this idiot apparently mixed up october 6th in klaipeda with october 6th in boston: he went out last night with no jacket and flip flops! everybody whom he talked to at the bar, and even randon stranger, were like, "aren't you freezing?!"

what an ass!

Yesterday's Email to Liepa

i was considereing reading pride and prejudice, so i sent this email to my sister, liepa, cause i know she's a jane austen fan:

i heard jane austen's some weirdo bitch. i heard she was some kind of sexuality deviant. like she likes to swallow live grenades and have them explode in her stomach and it makes her have a gay orgasm. i also heard from another source that she used to always go to town wearing a red sweater with bummbles on it but no pants and she used to bend over in front of everybody and tell him to look up her butthole and see if they can see her friend who is stuck in there, his name is mortimer, and then if anybody dared to look close enough, she would sit down on him quickly and envelop him in her butthole and then he was doomed to join mortimer for eternity...is that true?

A Proud Gay Icon

For those of you living abroad, you're missing out on a very good show put on by a proud gay icon: Rastenis. Gay porn star, head of the gay mafia (the mauve hand), and gay rights activist, gay prostitute and pimp, Rastenis is heard on the radio, seen on TV and in the streets. This guy wears the most flamboyantest clothes you can imagine, if he's wearing anything at all. He performs gay stunts with gay stars from around the world. He sings and dances like it's his job, which it sort of is since it gets him alot of gay customers for his prostitution business...

Whatever your views on homosexuality, you gotta admit Rastenis is a hell of a showman.

Goofy Ties

This morning I put on a goofy tie. It's a blue tie with light blue and yellow letters scattered on it: the letters of the acronym for some institute for which I did some volunteer work last spring. When I got the tie I thought "Well, if I ever go to an event at this institute in Finland, then I can wear the tie." I thought today I might wear it for larfs, because I'm wearing black and dark grey, so I thought it might make my appearance more cheerful. However, it clashed with my face: my face is youthful and vibrant, even when I'm exhausted and still half asleep at 7:35 in the morning. This tie, as I suspect all goofy ties to be, revealed itself after I tied it around my neck to be indicitive of giving up on life and never wanting to get laid again. Goofy ties are for withered old men only. Despite my current problem I have not given up on life, and you'd better hope I never not want to get laid again (ever), because that just might make suicide bombing seem worth giving a shot, and if that's how I'm gonna go down, I'm going down nuclear.

So I took the tie off. I hung it back up with my other ties; I don't know why I did that instead of throwing it away. Maybe I'll get a dog someday and use it as a leash. On the "bright" side, the whiteness on my shirt makes an even better brightness effect conrasted to the darkness of the rest of my garb.

You'd better sit down for this one...

Seriously, cause Liepa fainted when I told her this, and it was lucky i was right next to her to catch her, because we were in the glass museum, and her head was about to collide with a ginormous amount of jagged glass.

I'm all sexed out. It's not that it's too much or too little, certainly moderation is not the problem, it's just that I've become increasingly bored with it over the past eight months, and it's gotten to the point where I don't even try anymore. Saturday night at Honolulu after less than an hour I just got bored and left. I thought "what's the point?"

I've tried a few things to spice things up, things which are far too obscene to mention here... well, we can try to play hangman with one if anyone wants to lay down a guess...only three guesses total though: _ _ _ _ _ - _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Also, anybody got any advise?

In other, non devestating news, before Honolulu, I was getting ready and I had this towel tied around me after the shower cause it was cold. The towel was a few inches too short so i actually had to tie the fringes' stings together loosely so it would hold. After shaving I'd forgotten about it being tied in that manner, and I tried to whip it off to dry off my face, which cause the knot to tighten, and I was like "Oh shit, it's stuck; I can't go out dressed like this!!!" And then I was like "Wait, maybe I can untie it!" I untied it.

Also, I danced with this girl, Daniele, who was not exceedingly attractive, so I did the "this land is my land" dance from jibjab.com...if you don't know what i'm talking about, go to the site and watch the movie, and picture me at a club doing that dance with a reasonable but not exceedingly attractive woman :D

the numerable things i drank yesterday

two cups of coffee before leaving home, another at the 10am break, another at the 11:30 break, two more at 2pm when i ducked into work for a while (master's classes). so that's six cups of coffee: i was wired.

the last class (3:30-6:30) was canceled cause the room they put us in wasn't big enough, so everybody goes for a drink. three beers for me. then another on my way back to town after changing clothes and eating a left over chicken breast with delicious kc masterpiece bbq sauce (thanks lisa!). a beer with sabastian at onyx. then three at his place while we played quarters and saw plikusas on tv. then one on the way to memelis, one at memelis, and one on the kalnapislis boat. so that makes...11 beers. that doesn't seem like it justifies how bad i feel, but rest assured: i feel quite bad!

p.s. i had a plan worked out in case anybody noticed me coming in to work 20 minutes late. i was gonna make up a story off the top of my head about how i was buying milk and this crazy woman in front of me took forever cause she got into an argument with her husband and then her cild joined in.....the point is the story goes on forever until my superiors tire of it and have more important things to do. i know it would work too, cause the only woman who might say anything to me is one who doesn't even have time to listen to me when i'm being serious.

Mr. Fancy Pants

Toga Party was perfectly cromulent, but nothing particularly special. It was pretty much totally average. Fun but nothing worth writing about.

The next day I was getting dressed for the journy back to KL, and I had to wear the suit I wore to a conference on the way to Vilnius, cause obviously I can't pack it, or it will be so wrinckled I'll have to kill myself, cause dry cleaning is expensive, plus my dry cleaner closed, and I never want to find another one. Liepa saw me and said "Hey...I didn't know your name was Mr. Fancy Pants!"

Good Conversation

After a couple beers I walked into a pay toilet without paying, and then I tried to walk out too, but the lady started yelling at me in some language.

Me: What? (In Lithuanian)
Her: Wait, you speak Lithuanian?
Me: Sure!
Her: I thought you didn't understand Lithuanian cause you walked in without paying, despite all the signs.
Me: No, I uderstood the signs.
Her: Or I thought maybe you were in a big rush, or something.
Me: No, no rush. I was just, like, "whatever."
Her: Oh, well, if it was just, like, "whatever," okay then.

After a couple more beers on the bus going to Vilnius a Russian man at the bus station offered to sell me a trinket. Here's the converstation we had in Russian:

Me: How muchc does it cost?
Russian: Fifty Lits.
Me: How about five lits.
Russian: No, I said fifty!
Me: I understand. Five.
Russian: What?!
Me: Five: you want it or not?
Russian: How about you want me to fucks you up???

Then I walked away.

You've gotta sign this!

This is the most important petition ever! You'd have to be completely inhuman or a masochist plus totally, totally sober not to sign it.

Have a heart, sign up to get a hot hottie back in the main stream.

I'm Famous! (In my dreams...)

Last Friday I was mentioned in a local newspaper (in real life). Last night I dreamt that I was filling out some forms and I entered my qualification as "fame."

The Diminutive

A colleague just asked me what the diminutive form of my name is. I told her, and told her I've been wondering why everybody uses diminutives around here. At exactly that moment another colleague came in a called her by her diminutive, we burst out laughing, and the new colleague explained why: when we come to ask you for something and see you're wicked busy, we try to make it seem like we love you a lot so that you'll do us the favor right away; we don't love you anymore as soon as we walk out the door, of course, but we really want this favor.

My Dream

Man, I had these weird dreams again...it sucks that i've become too lazy to write them in my dream log, cause i'd remember so much more details that way...anyway, i remember me and peanut go to chris archer's house, and peanut had a knife iwth the tip broken off like the one i read about in this sherlock holmes adventure before going to sleep, and he was planning on killing grant, chris' brother, for something grant had done to christ, and i was just like whatever, i don't care, and then we got there and grant was very apologetic and shit, and chris seemed like he didn't want peanut to kill him.

and what was the other part? damn it, i remembered it over breakfast, and now i don't even remeber that...it was about..oh yeah! mike notorangelo broke up with liz white, whom he's been dating for like seven years (in real life), they might even be married now, i don't know. anyway, i dated her before that(in real life), and now mike dumped her for kristen golub, whom i never dated, but on whom i've always had a crush(in real life). and i was giving her advise. apparently, mike had dumped liz for never standing up to him, for always pretending she was happy with whatever he did even if it really bothered her. i'd noticed kristen doing the same thing, and i secretely advised her to cut it out, cause i knew mike would never confront her about it till it was too late.

A Non-Eventful Week-End

This weekend was typical and not exciting with the following exceptions: I made pizza on saturday. It was with chicken and jalapenos, and to make it extra spicy, since I still have some blue cheese from lisa to temper the spiciness, I mixed choriso in with the sauce, which is like hot pepper paste, that comes in very small packages. I mixed in maybe a tablespoon, and this thing was suicidal. Oh, and I through in some hot pepper powder for good measure. I ate it (I'll finish it for dinner) but with plenty of water and/or beer.

Then I made Banana Bread. I make it whenever I have blackened bananas, blackened from sitting around for too long. It was okay but a little dry. So, today was Cake Day at KLK, cause I don't have a girlfriend, and what am I gonna do, eat it by myself? Saidas shocked me when he asked how soon I'd be in town saturday, how long I was going to eat cake for, and I was like "Eat cake?! WTF dude! I said I'm making cake, not eating cake!" Dry as it was, I impressed my colleagues heartily, because, as they said, "Dry? Who cares if it's dry! You're a man...and you cook food!"

Sunday I actually did something interesting, I went to this Lithuanian film festical thing, which was just playing at the regular theater. Here's how it works: wake up sunday feeling like craptacularity; go to the theater to see what's playing when (instead of checking a paper); buy a book (dr. jeckel and mr. hyde, by robert luis stevenson) to help bide your time (2 hours) with a beer (carlsburg); go to the movie (AXX).

It was 12 short movies, 9 or 10 of which were perfectly cromulent, and about three of which were fucking fantastic, two highlarious and one sad/touching. I highly recommend it.

Here's the worst part: only one out of my 34 students has seen it! WTF is their problem (besides being rather limited in their English skills)???

Students are such goofs

One papers about looting during Hurricane Katrina started off with:

"In days of yore..."

Let's get un-retarded

Why is Islam the only violent religion in the 21st century? I can understand crusades and other religious initiatives in a time as superstitious as the Dark Ages, but come now, haven't we progressed beyond that? Don't you think that if the Pope declared a holy war even the most devout Catholics would say "wtf old man? go suck a shaved one!"

I don't think it's because Christians are less religious or lesser zealots (Jews certainly aren't, and I think their response would be the same), it's just that they've become peaceful religions somehow. How?

It's because Muslims are the only ones threatened at this time? The holocaust wasn't that long ago, and I never read about any Hebrew suicide bombers.

The oven disaster

The other night when I was feverish i thought it would be wise to make meatloaf and fries and pickle soup. It was sort of wise, cause in my delerium I made some changes that turned out to be delicious, even in my non-delirious state (the left overs).

Anyway, the disasterous part is that I bought this new oil that was vegetable oil mixed with sunflower oil. When I put the potato slices in it quickly boiled over, and i took the pot off the stove. I took the metal dealie that holds the pots and pans over the fire off, and there's like a pool of oil all over the whole stove. What do I do? it's too much to wipe up with anything less than fifty square meters of wash cloths, so i decide to tip the oven over and pour it into a bowl. As i begin to do this, I very luckily remeber that the meatloaf is in the over, so I save that, no problem. As i tip it more the cover falls down on me and the oven door falls open, the oil goes half into the bowl and half on the floor, and the tops of the gas dispensers fall on the floor, and i happen to try to pick up with my fingers the one that had been under the boiling potato oil, so it was still very hot. ouch.

also, the oven door becamse dislocated, and that took a while to fix. anyway, why was this damn seseme sead oil so bubbly?

that’s awesome when babies smoke

i saw this baby light up on a bus the other day, and when his mommy took away the ciggy, and said "how many times do i have to tell you, no smoking on the bus!" he started bawling like a fucking baby, and then i remembered: he is a fucking baby!

It's like switching places, or something

So here's I, Cedric (last year's frenchman), and Sabastian (this year's frenchman) on some kind of scale:

Cedric used to eat more than I, now I eat more than Sabastian;
Cedric used to drink more than I, now I drink more than Sabastian;
Cedric used to go out more than I (just a little), now I go out more than Sabastian (quite a lot);
Cedric used to be thinner than I, now I am thinner than Sabastian;
Cedric used to have more CDs than I, now I eat more CDs than Sabastian;
Cedric used to be less dissappointed in the dorms than I, now I am less dissappointed than Sabastian;
Cedric used to less technologically advanced than I, now I am less technologically advanced than Sabastian;

Anyway, enough of this. I've got a bit of a fever, so this post is probably nonsensicle, so why don't I stop now?

New Frenchman

The new French intern arrived yesterday. Sabastian, like the crab from the Little Mermaid. We haven't really gotten to know each other yet, but he seems like a stand up fellow. I'll show him around the bars tonight.

I know, I'll go for a walk

Last night I ate a big ass cheese burger and freedom fries; it was alot of food. I felt too full, so I thought, I'll go for a walk. I walked to the new mall, BIG, and thought I might buy some tea and walk home. When I got almost there I saw Saido apartment building, so without thinking I called him up for a beer. After a couple beers with him at BIG, I didn't feel any better than after the burger. However, the beers did, as always, make laundry much more enjoyable.

First Pop Quiz

I know new first years heard about me from the second years, cause they knew I speak Lithuanian (which I staunchly denied). I guess they didn't take seriously the part about what a hard ass I am, because 93.4 of them failed the first pop quiz. The average was a 28.636. It was on the second day of class. They'd read the first chapter of English Grammar for Dummies for homework. They'd been given as much time as they wanted for questions and discussion in the following class. When they had no more questions I said "Nothing else? Really? You understand everything? No more questions? Well, okay then, take out a clean piece of paper."

The thing is I was much stricter with grades second semester last year, and I noticed students putting alot more effort into learning. So I figure I won't skip first semester this year, I won't even skip the first week. If anything, I'll skip going to the bathroom and just pee out the window; how's that for dedication?

Bullshit?

Me and a couple buddies went to Palanga for an afternoon over the weekend.

At the beach Andrius went swimming with this 18 year old girl he'd started talking to about a half hour ago. Apparently, they started having sex in the water, and went to finish up in a cafe toilet. If it's bullshit, it's very consistent, cause such stories make up 90% of what comes out of his mouth.

Half of it's gotta be true, cause he showed me the videos on his cellphone:)

Making a First Impression

One of my new students asked about behavior in class on the first day.

Me: What do you mean?
He: I mean, what do you allow us to do in class?
Me screaming: I ALLOWS NOTHING!!! (Slamming my fist on my desk)

And I busted out laughing, because of the big lebowski, which they didn't realize, but they all busted out laughing anyway, because i'm such an ass.

Shock after Shock

I came back to Klaipeda last night and went out to celebrate Saido birthday. I was shocked at how terrible the music was at one of my favortie places. Maybe it was just an off night. Or maybe I was spoiled by my last couple weeks in vilnius, where they're still playing the same music they were playing four years ago, so I got, like, nostalgic or something.

Then Buddy's lover (Buddy is my age) and I started talking, and I asked her where she's studying, and says "I'm in 12th grade." Ever the diplomat, I immediately dive into asking questions about highschool in Klaipeda, as if her answer didn't shock the pants off me. Until she went to the bathroom, and I slammed my hand down on the table and said to Buddy "WHAT?! SHE'S IN HIGHSCHOOL?! WHAT?!" On top of that, she's also engaged to be married to somebody else.

Also Saidas is "dating" someone who may or may not be ugly. His theory is, "I was really drunk and don't remember her face, but as long as I'm that drunk again next time I meet her, there's no problem!"

Not too shocking, but a funny line of my sister's the other night. I told her to leave behind everything she'd stashed in her purse at a bar, cause we were going to a club where they check purses. Vilma, a cutie I just got reaquainted with from four years ago, told her she can buy all that stuff at the store for chump change. Liepa said: "I don't want to buy it, I just want to have it!"