XMAS Plans

Yeah Kids! Monday and Tuesday are holidays, and I've got a business meeting Thursday, so I get to telecommunte the other days and spend the whole week next week in Vilnius! Yeah! Get ready Vilnius, here I come!

Fuck Hats...I Mean, Yeah Hats!

A few weeks ago I lost my yellow hat from H&M on the micro bus. I bought a new identical one (but black and white and grey) and matching scarf at H&M in Austria (the chain hasn't hit LT yet) two weeks ago. I was very pleased, cause they were cheap, and I knew they would be awesome, cause the old one was awesome.

And five days after returning to Lithuania I lost it on the micro bus again. I was so pissed I decided never to buy a hat again. Fuck hats, I decided. Who needs 'em? Fuck 'em.

This morning I came to work hatless, planning this angry post, and when I walked into my office I noticed that I hadn't left in on the micro, I left it in my office! Yeah! My beloved hat! I love hats! Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh!

UPDATE
I finally did lose it, and another one...I'm not on my last hat :(

New York Strike

I spent enough time posting a comment on this subject on dario blog on this subject that i've gotta get to work now. Read about it there, though.

The Real Austria Highlight

The best thing I'm willing to write about Austria that I didn't mention in the first volume is the cheese burger I ate on the way there. I made it before leaving, with blue cheese inside and green pepper instead of lettuce, cause lettuce would have wilted. Smothered in Hellman's mayo and Heinz bbq (not the best bbq but it is the best in Lithuania and perfectly cromulent). Oh man, it was so good...maybe I'll make another one tonight...

austria I

i been inaustria for two weeks almost. i came down with mz colleagues (30 of us) ona bus. the point of this trip was to raise our qualifications. we didnät attend anz training programs, which is what i suspect was our ostensible purpose. we went around seeing schoolsand talking to people who run them and teachers and headmasters and peoplein charge of adult education, which weäll give a stab upon our return.the real achievement for me was making friends with mz counterpart here. sheäs been doing this ten zears, and is verzimpresive (she managed to counter a tremendous amount of incompetence onour part and still put together a good program at the last minute). weäregoing to work together on at least two projects this zear alreadz. she isthe most compentent person i know in this field after mama.

i onlz intended to staz a week, but the person in charge of this project,one of mz bosses, didnät realiye apparentlz that austrians donät speaklithuanian, so she didnät hire a translator for the second week, whenonlz five of us remained Itworked out prettz well, I think, because it turned out that the secondweek would be cancelled if there was no translator, which would have beencatostrophic, and at that point i agreed.

the fortress here is one of the oldest and biggest in europe, itäs toobad i didnät have a camera with me. the mountains here are ginourmousalso. we visisted this one little town on a river that is between twomountains, huge ones, so zou canät look around without having 360 degreesof mountains surrounding zou. it was neat, but after walking around for ahalf hour i said to the austrian tour guide who brought us to see thistown "are thez crayz?! how can thez live here??" and he stares at me andzells "ZES ZES!! THEZ ARE CRAYZ!!!" thez have to live there though if thezwork the salt mines, which is salyburgäs claim to fame, it made thisplace verz wealthz long ago. and moyart was born here. all these localshave the biggest hard on for moyart zou can possiblz imagine, itäs justfreakin sillz. i mean, thez go to see his friggin grandmotheräs housefor christässake. wtf?

The Most Ridiculous One

This is pretty ridiculous. This is a page about a guy with tourette's syndrome. I had to watch these clips with my hand over my face so everyone wouldn't see my dying of laughter (not sure if my ploy worked). After viewing most of them, I gotta say this one is the most amazing, just cause I'm a star wars fan.

The Onion Personals Cupid Report for Viligaila

So, a year ago a signed up with Onion Personals, half out of boredom, half out of support for my favorite mock newspaper. This week, I got two emails from them, each with five women interested in meeting me, but all from the States, even though my profile clearly states that I am in Klaipeda (I'm one of 27 men in Klaipeda, including, coincidentally, one of my students!). What's the deal with this?

Chicken Soup For The Stomach

I made this chicken soup from scratch Monday my mother recommended. It took like an hour, but I spent half the time reading Fail Safe, one of the books Darius lent me. It cost me about 12 lits or so. It'll probably last me four days, and all I have to do each time is heat it up and cook more noodles (10 minutes). Plus, I accidentally used krapai instead of petrazole, cause they were right next to each other in the store, and I didn't notice till afterwards (i never bought either fresh before). Plus, I accidentally added cinnamon, cause there was some spilled in my salt container, and I forgot to avoid it when taking my pinch of salt. Despite these accidental substitutions and additions, it was perfectly cromulent.

Das Rest of Thanksgiving Weekend

Friday was cool man. I went to meet my sister, Liepa, at New York, which neither of us had been to, for an Erasmus days party, which was open bar and buffet. There were performances by each institution, each group of Erasmus (European exchange) students demonstrating somehow their first impression of Lithuania, via artwork or by reenacting their first week at school, or if you're the crappy unprepared students of VU (lokys and liepa) you put the drunk japanese guy who doesn't mind singing on stage, and let 'im rip. Then, at random intervals, the other students standing behind him shout out something about how too drunk they are to perform.

Then I jetted after the funniest and most awkward conversation I ever, ever had (and the open bar became a regular bar). I met Darius and we went to a couple bars and chit chatted, since we haven't seen each other for a year. One place, Amatininkai, had a small pool of water on the floor that kept us waiting 20 minutes for beers. We left after antagonized pleading by the waitress for us to stay and keep waiting. For chirissake, for some reason this puddle closed the freakin bar.

Then we went to SMC (The Contemporary Art Center, a popular bar) and I saw my buddy Arunce, who cut off his hair. I didn't even recognize him, he had like 18 inch long hair at least last time i saw him, now it's almost shaved.

Friday Lokys and I went to a pregamer with Kristina, but then we to different games afterwards. We went to meat up with Agne, Liepa, Darius, Vaiva, and a couple other dudes was with them, we all finally met at Artistai. We had to wait a couple hours for a table, but that was cool cause we spent most of the time dancing and not standing around. Good tunes.

Sunday was Thanksgiving Dinner again at Darius and Vaiva's mother, Rasa's new apartment, which is the second most mansion-like apartment I've ever seen in person. Good food and good peops again, the ones I met anyway, there was like 40 people there. An 11:30 bus (car) ride got me into bed at 2:40 a.m. Then, at 6:55 a.m., "Good morning, time to teach the students!"

First I told them about Thanksgiving, and they told me about themselves just for practice, but then I gave them an interesting assignment which kept my class participation to a minimum: you're all turkey's and I'm the farmer, one of you's getting eaten for thanksgiving dinner, and you don't want it to be you; write and give a speech to convince that you're a poor choice and that I'd be much better off choosing somebody else in particular from the class. It was very funny, the most popular choice for "somebody else" was usually either the student's mate or a "fatter" girl in class! They all took it in good spirits, though, maybe because none of them are actually over weight.

Thanksgiving

Sabastian tells me that when he was in the States a few years ago, his host family asked him if Thanksgiving is celebrated in France.

Hmmm. Just woke up after the big orgy that is thanksgiving. Let's see...hmm...after a few business meetings, I met darius and vaiva, and then we met lokys too at Maxima. We bought the last things for the dinner, which was the vegetables and logs for the sauna stove. The grand total for food was 328.50 lits, which is about what we expected. I don't know what the booze bill came out too, cause it was sort of byob, but we spent 111. We've actually got plenty of leftovers.

The stuffing was wicked hard to make, cause who has a bowl big enough to mix six loaves worth of bread, 14 sausages, five onions, six celery stalks, and five cups of bullion? Not us. We had to use the tub from the sauna.

p.s. the turkey was 22lb. (10kg.)

It was intrestingly hectic, cause there was tons of stuff to do at like four, and after that nothng to do till seven (an hour before dinner), when it became hectic again till eight.

The dinner was awesome and plentiful, I overate enough to become a mess. My brother, Lokys, and Aidas both ate more than I, and at least Lokys and I weren't really hungry again for a couple days.

Then we finished watching The Big Lebowski which Kristina had never seen, and some best of SNLs. Then we played Alias, which is just like Password. Juste and I beat the pants off everybody, until we stopped playing to go to the sauna. It was a life saver, because I thereby got over my overeating grogginess. Afterward, Juste left but Vaiva woke up, so she took Juste's place on my team and we won again...then we watched Simpsons.

My Day

I already made a list of my day's activities for an email, so why don't i post the damn thing?

• i brought all my stuff to work, including two gallons of applesauce i made, because i'm going to vilnius this evening to prep for a business trip tomorrow and thanksgiving dinner tomorrow evening
• i failed a girl for excessive, consistent plagiarism (this will amount to expulsion if she's failled three more subjects)
• i passed a girl (D) i'd never seen before, because she showed up after a year in dublin and spoke acceptable english
• i participated in a lottary to go on a business trip for a week to austria many colleagues are going, the topic is "preparing courses," more or less; i pulled the spare ticket, meaning i'll get to go if anybody opts out
• i've got a make up class today for the class i'm missing tomorrow, in which we'll read and analyze a perfect day for bananafish, by j .d. salanger; it's tough, because i have to keep pausing to keep from crying (good literature, i just shed a tear right now in anticipation)
• after that i'm going to meet some experts that have come to accredit (or not) our college. i should be meeting with them tomorrow, but i won't be here, so i have to make a good impression so that they're not pissed about my absence
• then i'm off on a three hour micro bus trip to vilnius; it's just lokys and liepa and i, and nine friends, for thanksgiving tomorrow, which makes me in charge of everything! liepa'll make the pies and bananabreads today, and i'll make the stuffing tonight.

Yeah Food!

That's so awesome that Lietuva is getting on track with food. All I needed was tortillas, and the past three nights i've had enchiladas, burritos, and smoked chicken wraps...this added to my regular repertoire of American fast food and midwestern food, most of which I've improved by adding copious bbq sauce. Now I just need a wok and a chinese cook book to make my gourmet life complete. First I think the Chinese need to set up a Chinatown in Klaipeda, or at least in Vilnius.

Imagine when they get chicken patties and stop & shop self rising crust pizzas! It'll be like Boston all over again!!! Oh man, let's go blue cheese sauce! And pepperoni, where are you?

Loss of Innocence

Friday I met up with My Friend, Slightly Mentally Retarded, but I'm bored of talking about him. No wait, I gotta mention one thing. At Memelis we were sitting around in a very crowded place, and he's got this look on his face, not just fury, but like disbelief too. I'm genuinly concerned at this point, or would be if I hadn't been sure it was about something retarded. I ask him what's the matter, and he looks at two people having a conversation directly behind him, close enough that if he turned his head fast he might hit them with it. Mind you, this is a bar/club where you can barely get to the bathroom without having intercourse it so crowded. He looks at me, fury and disbelief in his eyes, and snarls "I hate it when people fuck with me like that!"

Several of us went to the boat after that, an odd place. Usually is a normal enough bar, except that it's in a ship. It floats in the Dane River, dead center of old town. The clientele is more, rural, shall we say. Sometimes, though, they have strippers. Sometimes it;s a cross between the two. There's no discernable schedule that I can discern.

Anyway, there was a stripper that night. As we went in the owner greeted us and said "Ah, good evening, good timing! A stripper will dance in ten minutes!" So I placed us at the perfect table with myself on the floor side. Oooohhhh. I quickly established myself as the alpha male (I'm not sure how I do that, but sometimes it happens...well, I've got some idea) and she spent half of her dance time either looking directly at me or lapdancing on my lap (on the house).

Then we're leaving. Everybody is going different places, at lease I am, in a hurry to a club, cause it's already 2:30. Having paid, I stand up and leave, seeing everybody dilly-dallying.

I get almost to the club and My Friend, Slightly Mentally Retarded calls and says the stripper gave him her number to pass on to me. I think he's fucking with me (they all know and can't understand how anti-prostitute I am), but what can I do? I'm just cocky enough to believe she could easilly fallen in love with me.

So I wait. They catch up with me and give me a note. They all swear she caught up with them at the stairs and said "where'd your friend go?! please give this to him, I wanna meet him!" What could I do?

Aras: Hi, this is Aras. Well, you didn't get my name, of course, but my friends gave me you number and said you wanted me to call you.
Stripper: Yeah, Hi.
Aras: So...you really want to meet me?
Stripper: Yeah, where?
Aras: Uh...well...how about the green bridge? (I figure as long as it's outside I won't get trapped into anything, just in case she's a whore)
Stripper: well, I actually have to drive out someplace else first, so not unless later. (this was at 3 a.m.)
Aras: well, maybe tomorrow then.

The next day I realized what might have happened. Either my friends played a joke on me (as I'd suspected) and went to get the number, or else the waiter, having noticed my accent, pointed me out as a good mark. I know this or something like this happened, because I remembered putting on my coating, smiling at her, and her winking good bye. So she was ready for me to leave without her number, then something made her change her mind. Either the waiter or my friends.

The sad part was to find out she was a whore. What--a--buzz kill. I'm not sure why, but the smile of a stipper makes me wanna go dancing, while the smile of a whore makes me wanna go home. Maybe...I don't know. But after I grabbed her attention, been smiled at for a few minutes, I felt like a million bucks (I almost never go to a club so late at night). As soon as I found out she was a whore, I felt like zero bucks. Zero bucks and holes in my pockets, so even if I had a few bucks I'd lose them.

Does this mean I'm bored at work, or just waiting for the afternoon coffee to brew/kick in?

Here's a list of things that happened on my birthday, edited for interest purposes:

Events
1510 - Henry VIII of England, 18, appears incognito in the lists at Richmond, and is applauded for his jousting before he reveals himself.
1556 - The Shaanxi earthquake, the deadliest earthquake in history, occurs with its epicenter in Shaanxi province, China. 830,000 people may have been killed.
1719 - The Principality of Liechtenstein is created within the Holy Roman Empire. (this is only interesting because my german roommate henrick was actually from there, not germany)
1789 - Georgetown College becomes the first Catholic college in the United States (Washington, DC).
(this is only interesting because that's where my buddy daina went)
1855 - The first bridge over the Mississippi River opens in what is now Minneapolis, Minnesota, a crossing made today by the Father Louis Hennepin Bridge.
(this is intersting because i've been to minneapolis about fifteen times without ever realizing that the mississippi river flows through it--wtf tete?)
1943 - World War II: British forces capture Tripoli from the Nazis.
1943 - Duke Ellington plays at New York City's Carnegie Hall for the first time. (i have a cd of his, not sure how i got it)
1964 - The 24th Amendment to the United States Constitution, prohibiting the use of poll taxes in national elections, is ratified.
1968 - North Korea seizes the USS Pueblo, claiming the ship violated their territorial waters while spying.
1978 - Sweden becomes the first nation to ban aerosol sprays that are thought to damage earth's protective ozone layer. (this reminds me of when sarunas says disappointedly "swedes are stupid")
1983 - The A-Team debuts.
1984 - Hulk Hogan wins the World Wrestling Federation Championship from the Iron Sheik, in New York's Madison Square Garden. Hulkamania is born.
2005 - Viktor Yushchenko sworn in as the third President of Ukraine in Kiev, Ukraine.

Births

1950 - Richard Dean Anderson, American actor (i share a birthday with MacGyver!!!)

Deaths
1570 - James Stewart, Earl of Moray, regent of Scotland (assassinated)
2005 - Johnny Carson, American television personality (b. 1925)

Holidays and observances
Roman Catholic Church: Feast of Blessed Marianne of Molokai

Now first I have to shoot off an email to demand of my parents why the hell didn't we ever have the feast of Molokai?!

Second, I invite anybody else who's waiting for the caffeine to kick in to check out all the events i deleted, maybe you'll find something worth berating me about deleting.

O, Canada

If there's one thing you're really good at, it's providing us with excellent practical examples of how terrible socialism is. A few months ago i posted about your public health care system with year long waiting lists, people dying while doctars are unable to be paid for overtime and therefore sit idly by. And of course you ban private healthcare, so there's really no escape. Bravo.

Now I've gotta thank you for another gem, socialist casinos. I used to be repulsed by socialsm on a merely theoritical level, but the more I read about you, Canada, the more economically nauseated I become. Thanks Canada, for consistently reaffirming my staunch believe in freedom.

Thanks Rachel.

New Movies, Old Books

I saw The Legend of Zorro, which was entertaining, despite bold ridiculousness. You know that thing where somebody shows up just in the knick of time to save the day, and you realize, there's no way he could have know to be there at that moment! Well, that happened 129 times. However, I laughed with the movie as well as at it, so it was worth ten lits.

I began rereading Stranger in a Strange Land, by Heinlein, which is one of my other top five books. It's fun to reread, but I've read it enought times that I'd rather reread The Moon Is a Harsh Mistress, which I've only read once. They're especially fun to read because they are, respectivly, my father's and mother's favorite Heinlein book, and I'm not sure which I prefer.

I should note that the reason I keep rereading the same books is that I only have like 10 books with me in Klaipeda, and obviously I brought my best ones (I read The Moon Is a Harsh Mistress from the Boston Public Library, so of course there it remains). So send me books for Chistmas! Get em used, I don't care, I'd just love to read something new!

Rastenis is so gay, I can't even believe it

Alright picture this, you're not going to believe it either. There's this club that's a normal club usually, but they have one gay night. Next to the sign designating Sunday as gay night, there's a robot modeled after Rastenis gyrating his pelvis. There is no doubt at all it's modeled after him, hell, in the dark i might even mistake it for him: same hair, same eyes, and same unmistakable shit eating (literally) grin, standing there gyrating his pelvis in an endless rallying cry to other homosexuals. Jesus.

My Friend, Slightly Mentally Retarded

My buddy comes home back to Klaipeda for a couple weeks for classes. He works in Ireland. I know many really great students who take corrospondence courses abroad, because Universities abroad are often much better. Especially much better than Klaipeda University, which is nothing to be especially proud of. A few other Unis I could understand, but this guy's making a special particular effort, flying back and forth, to attend a sub par university. Nobody in his right mind would put so much effort into this. It would be like somebody flying back and forth from Britain twice a year to take two weeks worth of classes at Middlesex Community College. His family doesn't even live in Klaipeda!

Then there's his grasp of business (it extends to all aspects of life, really). He told me about his plans to bring back cartons of cigarettes and sell them. The plan is to buy them for 16€ here and sell them for 30€ there, making a 14€ profit. The normal price in Dublin is 60€. I asked him why he goes for so little, why he doesn't go for a high profit.

"Everybody charges half on the black market."
"Yeah, but why do you?"
"Everybody charges half on the black market."
"Yeah I heard you the first time, but just cause everyone does it doesn't mean you have to."
"Everybody charges half on the black market."
"Yes, but what would happen if you charged, say, 40?"
"Nobody would buy them."
"Why?"
"Everybody charges half on the black market."
"So you're telling me people would rather pay 60 in a shop than 40 for your imports?!"
"Yes, or they'd wait for somebody charging thirty."
At this point I actually grabbed by the shoulders and shook him like a British nanny, "People who smoke need to smoke today! The black market isn't unlimited! How the fuck can you tell me people who know these are quality imports, used to buying Lithuanian cigarettes, will tell you to piss off and go fay 50% more in a shop?!?!"
"I don't know. Everybody charges half on the black market."

Next instance. We go to buy beer on the way to the movies. He says, "Are you sure about this? Who's gonna let us go into the theater with beer?"
"Nobody, but they're not going to seach my briefcase. I do it every time. I never go to the movies beerless."
"I don't think it's gonna work."
"Why not, if it always works?"
"We'll see."
Of course it worked, as always. Later in the evening we were walking to catch a microbus and got a couple more beer for the road. He says, "Are you sure about this? The driver's gonna let us go into the bus with beer?"
"Sure. I ride the micro with a beer all the time."
"Maybe we should hide it. I'm sure he won't let us on."
"But I'm telling you I do it all the time! Twice a week at least for the past 14 months!"
"I don't think it'll work."
I bet him double or nothing (he owed me 20 lits from earlier), but he refused, hiding his beet in his coat as we boarded the bus, i holding my beer out prouding, demonstrating without a doubt that the driver had seen it clearly.

Third instance. We go to a club. We get drinks and walk across the dance floor to a good point of observation of the dancers. I turn around and see him by the stairs looking like a lost, abandoned puppy. I go back and try to hold his hand so I can lead him over. He withdraws his hand and I ask him if he doesn't wanna go over there where I just was, and he says yes.
"Well, if you can't just follow me, I'll have to hold your hand."
"I can follow you."
He followed me. After five minutes I asked him if that isn't that guy we met last night, and he says yeah, I said oh neat, and walked over to say hi. The guy asks me if I'm here alone and, unsurprised, I look behind me to see him in the spot I'd just left, again looking like a lost, abandoned puppy.

We had another conversation about a particular sexual inclination of his, which I claimed was just as decided oldfashioned and wrong as racism, not to mention misogynistic. He agreed! But somehow our conversation ended as fruitlessly as did our cigarette market strategy conversation: it may be oldfashioned and misogynistic, but so?, was his position.

Lithuania in the news

Lithuanian economy's looking strong!

WTF?

man, i simply don't get my buddy saidas in a lot of ways. he's got like three jobs coaching basket ball, and he's about to quit the easiest one. he basically has to go to the gym once a week and cancel practice, cause enough kids to play never show up. for doing this once a week they pay him more than minimum wage. here's our conversation:

saidas: fuck it, it's pointless
aras: how's it pointless to get 500 lits a month for doing practically nothing?
s: nobody comes.
a: i get it, that's the beauty: a pay check for no work.
s: so?
a: so you're getting free money!
s: so i get 2,500 lits a semester, big deal, so what?
a: what the fuck, dude, you couldn't use an extra 2,500 lits?!
s: for what?
a: for anything! saving, investing, anything!
s: fuck that, i don't save, and 2,500 isn't enough to invest
a: but in two year's it would make up 12,000, that's enough for an investment
s: i wouldn't save it though, i spend all my excess money, no matter how much it is
a: why?
s: (shrugs)

after this conversation we went to the casino. he bet without looking at some of his cards regularly. when i left he was already down almost 400 lits.

Das Book

Lately I've been reading Tai-Pan, by James Clavell. This is probably the best book ever, at least in the Top Five, which would also have to include Atlas Shrugged and Stranger in a Strange Land. Each of these I consider to be my favorite book ever while I'm reading it (third time for Tai-Pan). I'd also like some Salinger and Hemingway in the Top Five, but their short stories are better than their novels, in my humble experiance.

Anyway, I pretty much skipped my weekend in favor of reading. Friday night I didn't go out. Saturday night I did, but went home so early to read that the coat girl, after I made small talk while putting my sweater on, asked me why I was leaving so early, and I went on to tell her about this great book I'm reading. She asked me questions, so it wasn't like I was just raving by myself, but I still think it was a little much.

I read Tai-Pan instead of The Onion for breakfast, instead of New Sherlock Holmes Stories for dinner, and instead of Capitalism and Freedom, which I'm reading for my Leadership Theories class.

I read like 400 pages this weekend, which is alot for me.

Also this weekend I bought a new boom box, which I was avoiding, cause I'm saving for a lap top. I couldn't live with just my clock radio anymore, though, so insead of killing myself I finally caved in. I bought a German one, Grundig I think it's called, CD (including mp3s) and digital radio. It's awesome! It was so relaxing to finally have music again that I ironed all my shirts. I asked my students if they noticed and they said "Oh yeah, but we didn't want to say anything..."

And I made banana bread, but I accidentally dumped in a ginormous amount of cinnamon...the result was that it was perfectly delicious, but it certainly wouldn't win any beauty pagents. I mean, bake offs.

Fall Vacation

Sort of. I had three days of working in Vilnius, and three days off in Vilnius. Even if half of it is working, a week in Vilnius is a vacation in my book.

The work was unbelievably fruitful: three days in a row of good results, which isn't all my fault; often I can't know enough about a project without attending the seminar to know it's worthless for my college. But this time it was a Tempus Seminar, an International Europass Conference, and a meeting with somebody important about a conference I need help planning, and all were very practiacally applicable to my department, my work.

The partying was awesome too. Saturday was so hysterically funny that my sister, Liepa, said the next day she actually thought she would die because she couldn't stop laughing at my antics, which included playing guitar and singing about what a great guitarist i am, coming in with a stupid, tight, mondo-retardo hat and tiny Europass backpack I'd gotten and stupid beard (I actually shaved secretly in the middle of the party to look retarded) and welcoming everybody to the international conference ad nauseum, and dancing like Daina's father with my eyes closed well after the music had ended. It was so hysterically funny that the next evening most of what we talked about was how funny it had been.

First the next morning, though (Sunday) we went to a restaurant, and after knocking on the door for several minutes and asking why they aren't opening, they reminded us of daylight savings time! :o But they let us in a poured us drinks, so they got a big tip. Rastenis sat next to me, so there was tons of homosexuality, his fag tendencies will never die. Also, in attempt to sober up he ordered a double cider. After drinking it he said he'd gotten drunker instead. Gedas: ka tu manei kad isiblaivysi tuo?! I gave my sister, Liepa, a bight of my soup and started talking about something, and before I realized it she'd eaten the whole thing except one bite after alledgedly having forgotten that it was my soup! Rastenis asked for a bite of my Giant Cepelinas, and I cut him one; he bitched at me to put a bigger meat piece on it, and I denounced him for looking a gift-horse in the mouth. Everybody laughed, and I thought it was with me, but actually it was at me, cause in Lithuanian the figure of speech is for looking a gift-horse in the "teeth" not mouth. I don't know why that's so funny, but it was. In the end I gave both him and Gedas a taste of my meat.

That evening was cool, my brother, Lokys, and I went out with Gedas and Juste, played Buck Euchre, drank some mugs of beer and then some pitchers* of beer.

Monday was a feast with Mommy: roast chicken, gravy (which I made), biscuits, apple sauce, stuffing, and...something else I think...then we went to the cemetary to put candles down for Senelis. I did not want to do this, but did anyway. This post is long enough without adding my feelings on cemetaries, or how tired I become after feasting.

Tuesday was lunch with Dede Valtas, Vilija, and Nephew Vytukas. Also good.

*at first i wrote "bitchers"

Let's get another one of those good old fashioned SMS reviews

Me: this guy just walked by with his hand in his pocket covered by his jacket but his thumb hanging out and for a few seconds i thought it was his penis! wtf?

Gedas: are comeing got a lust for a life

Me: I swear I'm gonna kill Jane Austen! She's such a dumb bitch! I can't even believe it! I look at the pages and wtf i can't believe my eys! She's the dirtiest cunt rag ever!

Lokys: I'm lokys and i have a huge butt hole with lots of feces

Me: How drunk do you have to be to write "I'm lokys and i have a huge butt hole with lots of feces"?

Kristina: Aciu uz kvietima. Nezinau dar, ar galesiu dalyvauti toj romenu orgijoj :-)

Me: You could wear your long underwear with a skirt and pig tails and your bra on the outside of your sweater and go around grabbing people's faces and screaming at their eyes "OINK OINK! OINK OINK OINK!"

Liepa: you are clearly diseased in some way... i do not want to be a crazed pipi long stockings for halloween

Me: that sucks when a button falls on your foot but you thought it was a big bug so you freak out and start yelling and crying and farting and you jump out the window and die!

Gedas: Good luck take sex penis only if you can use it in klaipeda

Me: correcting this student's paper who always wears too much mascara made me remember a dream last night where i was wearing mascara, cause for halloween i was captain jack sparrow!

Me: Me liked the pumpking pie! You'll have to make another pumpking pie for Thanksgiving, I'll make das stuffing!

Liepa: me yo pumpkin me play joke me go pee pee on you FACE

Me: Jimmy Fly Super Snuka

Rastenis favorite song: "My asshole, your penis, everybody move your penis! My asshole, your penis, everybody move your penis, into my asshole, into my asshole! Everybody move your penis into my asshole!"

Sleep Solution

Because my sleep problem seems to me to be a problem of laziness more that an actual sleep disorder, I decided to nip it in the butt. I decided to put a bucket of water next to my alarm clock, and instead of hitting the Snooze Button, to dunk my head into the water. Sabastian bet me I wouldn't do it, and I guaranteed him that I definately would, so then I had to. This morning at 5:55 my secondary alarm clock went off (not the head dunker) which goes off five minutes before my primary alarm clock. For the first time ever, ever, I did not go back to sleep for those five minutes: I laid there staring at the Water Bucket, dreading it. By 6:00 I was so awake with fear that I needed neither the Snooze Button nor the Water Bucket. I went directly to breakfast.

Sleep Problem

I realized today the amount of sleep I get doesn't have an impact on my day's first waking hour. Whether I sleep 6 hours or 10, I'll always be groggy and want more sleep for a while when I wake up. This morning I was like "Meusli? Fuck meusli. I'd rather keep sleeping." So I slept another half hour after I'd already slept nine and a half.

Yesterday I slept six hours, got up, made myself a sandwich (black bread, sliced sausage, and cheese and butter), put it in the oven and, intending to go back to my room and correct papers, went back to bed...after a half hour it was crunchy but perfectly cromulent.

The worst part is I've become to lazy to write in my dream log. Yesterday morning I was remembering this one about how I was the last guiy left at a party where we trashed the place boxing, and I went downstairs to leave and saw that the owners were back waiting for me to try to escape...might have been Mike Powers. This morning it was about a girl who murdered horses to send messeges to people in the afterlife using a weegie board, but she made it look like an acident by getting injured at the same time. This time the horse got hit by a car after jumping over a fense but then jumping back over it to avoid hitting the girl and fell on it's back.

Won't anybody please think of the children?

I will! Did you know they don't even have beirut over here?! Students just like, sit around drinking for no reason! This caused me to thing to myself, "WTF?" But what am I gonna do about it? Well, today I gave them this article to read from the NYT, it was sent to me by a friend and beirut partner, darius "das boot" razgiukas. Hopefully this will give them some ideas without me being directly resposible.

We read part of it in class, which was fun, and funny, because I was getting sort of emotional. I didn't tell them I used to play this game all the time, but they probably guessed after I explained what "World Series" means and then said "so now they're having a World Series of Beer Pong, and here I am all the way over in Lithuania." I didn't cry or anything, because men don't cry from pain or disappointment, but who could miss the vanquishment in my voice?

Racism

darius told me about this from the new yorker:

sarah silverman got in trouble with asian americans a couple years ago for telling a joke on conan o'brien about how she was trying to get out of jury duty. a friend suggested she write "I hate Chinks," but she was worried that that would be racist, so she wrote "I love Chinks." She got a lot of shit for that, and now in her new DVD she says the following:

"I got in trouble for saying the work "Chink" on a talk show, a network talk show. It was in the context of a joke. Obviously. That'd be weird. That's be a really bad career choice if it wasn't. But, nevertheless, the president of an Asian-American watchdog group out here in Los Angeles, his name is Guy Aoki, and he was up in arms about it and he put my name in the papers calling me a racist, and it hurt. As a Jew - as a member of the Jewish community - I was really concerned that we were losing control of the media. Right? What kind of a world do we live in where a totally cure white girl can't say "Chink" on network television? It's like the fifties. It's scary. There are only two Asian people that I know I have any problem with, at all. One is, uh, Guy Aoki. The other is my friend Steve, who actually went pee-pee in my Coke. He's all, 'Me Chinese, me play joke.' Uh, if you have to explain it, Steve, it's not funny."

How stupid can you be?

Man, this Beer Pong article reminds me of yesterday with my students. They had to debate certain things for which they had prepared, and expecting several to skip class and avoid the debate (and get zeros) I had to prepare for each position myself. I should have done that before I assigned topics, because it made me realize some of the topics were preposterous, like environmentalism is stupid, and i had to argue that we don't need trees, look, this building's made of concrete, see, wood's just a luxury...

Anyway, for the sake of practice I argued the ridiculous points and they had to argue back, as if they took me seriously. How TF can these people quoted as saying stuff like "Why would alcohol companies promote games that involve drinking water? It's preposterous." make serious arguments against? Budweiser's position is obviously laughable, it's not even worth taking seriously!

Anyway, read this from the NYT, it was sent to me by a friend and drinking buddy, darius.

Aido Citizenship Party, and delicious food

Friday I was frazzeled. Up until ten minutes before I got on a bus I didn't know if I was getting on. There's this woman with whom I've become infatuated, and I wasn't sure if I'd get a chance to see her over the weekend, and I didn't want to call her at like 11 in the morning to find out...it turned out she was leaving town for the kaimas.

Aido party was very fun. There were lots of people there, some of whom knew me. There were plenty of hotties, but I was too lazy to really go for any. But chatting was fun anyway, especially because Lokys and Liepa were there too. After a few beers I could make Lokys bust out laughing hysterically at will just by communicating to him via facial expression, something nobody else noticed or understood.

When we got home we ate left over soup that was amazing, and made a Giant Sandwhich with half a loaf of bread, Spam style turkey, and cheese, and some kind of marinated mushrooms...

Saturday: porkroast, gravy, potatos, and some kind of chopped beans, and a few hours later, cinnimon raisin rolls. A few more hours later, we went out to an indian place, and ate indian food while listening to indian music. It was yummy, but I wouldn't actually go there of my own accord unless I was trying to impress someone with by how exotic I am willing to be.

Then Lokys and I and Gedas and Juste went up to Gedimino Pilis and made some vodka tonics/gin and tonics...how come you need the "and" for gin but not for vodka? is it cause of the syllible count?

Then a cocktail at Ibish, where Aidas and Co. were watching the Notre Dame vs. USC game on his lap top. Then one at Tamsta, which sucked...five of us went it for 15 lits each and left after 20 minutes. I thought I liked hip hop, but if that crap was hip hop, then I guess not. Kemo, who told us to come, said it became awesome after we left. Ten Lokys and I went to Pub for like 45 minutes without getting served, which was actually fine, cause we weren't really thirsty anymore.

Sunday Zuppa Tuscana, which was amazing! And my mommy helped me freeze some kale from the garden so I'll be able to make it myself. Maybe I'll get a chance this week to make if the that girl with whom I'm infatuated...

Can Emoticons Be Professional?

Sometimes I feel the need to be somewhat playful corosponding with female colleagues, especially when I'm handing in work that I fear may contain mistakes, despite my high confidence level. Can I use this ":)"?

How you can sleep till 8

I figured out this week that if I only have a bowl of gross meusli for breakfast (instead of fruit, juice, eggs, toast, and coffees) and only wash half my body in the shower (i usually shower in the evening after the gym too, anyway), and don't shave (i'm growing a beard for halloween anyway) i can sleep till 8 in the morning and still be at work by 9.

Tattoos

Tattoos are a way to express your beliefs when you are too lazy to express them by actions. We have/had a good buddy, American Lithuanian, who is "proud" of his heritage, but not enough to do anything besides party with Lithuanians sometimes (sometimes being rarely in the distant past) and get a tattoo. He's got a big gorgeous Vytis on his shoulder, proclaiming a very real devotion to something that's actually very superficial for him. I don't hold it against him, but it doesn't mean any more to him than does his tongue ring.

If you're proud to be Lithuanian, it shows: the three of us, though we don't have tattoos, have gone to the trouble of spending considerable time here and getting our citizenship.

If you're a Neo Nazi, it shows: you beat people up, you yell stuff about jews and black, and you shave your head: you don't need to tattoo a swastika on your chest.

If you love your wife, it shows: you talk about her, you take her out, you spend time learning about things that obviously only she (not you) is interested in: you don't need a tattoo on your ass proclaiming your love.

If you love to smoke weed, it shows: you're stoned, you dress and groom youself as a hippie, you go to the grocery store in a bathrobe in the middle of a weekday; you don't need a tattoo of 420 or a marajuana leaf.

Or, perhaps you've got a tatoo simply for a decoration. A barbed wire fence around your arm. A tweetie bird. An asian pictogram. An "insert penis here" sign pointing to your vagina (or mouth, or ass, to each her own) or an "insert this into your vagina" sign pointing to your penis.

In the case of decorations, I don't think tattoos are wrong, I just think they're equally stupid to lip plates and neck extending rings.

Case in point: a friend of mine is soon to get a tattoo on his leg that says "Life's a bitch and then you die, so fuck it all and let's get high!" I asked him how he'll explain it to his children (in the future, if he has any), if he'll be proud to tell them that he's a proponent of narcotics. He gave me a very weak explaination that this tattoo doesn't necesarily have anything to do with drugs...you can get high on life, or "in" life, or whatever...wouldn't it be much more meaningful (read: it might actually mean something) and clear if people drew conclusions about you from your life's work rather than from something written your body? This blog's title is a conclusion I have come to about myself, but I'd like the rest of the world to draw its own; I won't get an "Undisclosed is the Best" tattoo.

The Phone Bill

I got my first phone bill since finally sibscribing to Tele2 after a year of just filling up from scratch off cards. The Result (drum roll): 58.62

That's double what I expected :( but I hadn't included PVM, which is bull shit. Luxury taxes on something everyone has? That doesn't make sense. Without the PVM (18%) it would only be 49.68.

That's still actually more than double my exact calculation, which was about 22 lits. Apparently, I write twice as many SMS as a thought (I feared as much): 282 in one month, about ten per day. Most of them are from being bored on a bus and writing thirty in three hours.

That makes up 28.88, leaving 11 calls to Tele2 (4.25), 12 calls outside Tele2 (11.85), and one call to Darius in NY (4.70).

So I've got to see if I can stop calling people. I have to call cabs and people that I've got to meet right away, but that's 25% of my calls. What I've determined to do is to never ever use my phone for business. I've never done that much, but I have done it more than I ought to.

I wonder if this is more expensive than filling up from scratch off cards...I did get a four hundred lit phone for 19 lits, so I guess I gotta keep that in mind.

Note on the phone: it has a build in calandar which is useful for reminding myself of meetings and phonecalls and birthdays...however, i may have been more comfotable not knowing/caring about birthdays...i don't care about my own, so hey, whatever! Tomorrow is my friend's birthday, of which I've been reminded weveral times by my phone, but this morning when I woke up and was groggy I thought it was yesterday, and I was lying in bed debating whether or not it was too late to call and say happy birthday!

Things I Like/Don't Like and Something Women Don't Like

I like hurrying to get naked and taking my time to dress when the cute cleaning lady is cleaning the gym locker room.

I don't like when I pour dripping wet dunes into a pot of boiling oil and the oil explodes from the pot onto my hand.

Women, at least the one from the bank, don't seem to like when you wait ten weeks to call them.

Also, I like that everytime I try to type the work six I accidentally type sex.

And lemme mention one about Blogger itself while I'm on topic: I don't like that I have to type in a word to post a comment on my own blog! I'm signed in as the author of this thing, so what do they think, I'm going to spam myself?

p.s. you're still cool though, Blogger

this bumbling idiot i know

this guy i know, he put a bucket of water by his bed the other night so he could rewet the rag on his radiator if he got up. the bucket had a hole in it and after cleaning up all the water his glass of water that he meant to take adrink from slipped from his slippery hand and spilled all over his cell phone and boom box.

then at maxama he bought olive oil. there were two equally cheap ones, but one was glass so he bought that one, you know, to feel cool or something. the bottom broke when he put his back pack down at home, but he didn't notice that the glass had shattered until the entire bag and its contents were covered in oil. after two mega washes in the washing machine, it's still a little oily.

and then this idiot apparently mixed up october 6th in klaipeda with october 6th in boston: he went out last night with no jacket and flip flops! everybody whom he talked to at the bar, and even randon stranger, were like, "aren't you freezing?!"

what an ass!

Yesterday's Email to Liepa

i was considereing reading pride and prejudice, so i sent this email to my sister, liepa, cause i know she's a jane austen fan:

i heard jane austen's some weirdo bitch. i heard she was some kind of sexuality deviant. like she likes to swallow live grenades and have them explode in her stomach and it makes her have a gay orgasm. i also heard from another source that she used to always go to town wearing a red sweater with bummbles on it but no pants and she used to bend over in front of everybody and tell him to look up her butthole and see if they can see her friend who is stuck in there, his name is mortimer, and then if anybody dared to look close enough, she would sit down on him quickly and envelop him in her butthole and then he was doomed to join mortimer for eternity...is that true?

A Proud Gay Icon

For those of you living abroad, you're missing out on a very good show put on by a proud gay icon: Rastenis. Gay porn star, head of the gay mafia (the mauve hand), and gay rights activist, gay prostitute and pimp, Rastenis is heard on the radio, seen on TV and in the streets. This guy wears the most flamboyantest clothes you can imagine, if he's wearing anything at all. He performs gay stunts with gay stars from around the world. He sings and dances like it's his job, which it sort of is since it gets him alot of gay customers for his prostitution business...

Whatever your views on homosexuality, you gotta admit Rastenis is a hell of a showman.

Goofy Ties

This morning I put on a goofy tie. It's a blue tie with light blue and yellow letters scattered on it: the letters of the acronym for some institute for which I did some volunteer work last spring. When I got the tie I thought "Well, if I ever go to an event at this institute in Finland, then I can wear the tie." I thought today I might wear it for larfs, because I'm wearing black and dark grey, so I thought it might make my appearance more cheerful. However, it clashed with my face: my face is youthful and vibrant, even when I'm exhausted and still half asleep at 7:35 in the morning. This tie, as I suspect all goofy ties to be, revealed itself after I tied it around my neck to be indicitive of giving up on life and never wanting to get laid again. Goofy ties are for withered old men only. Despite my current problem I have not given up on life, and you'd better hope I never not want to get laid again (ever), because that just might make suicide bombing seem worth giving a shot, and if that's how I'm gonna go down, I'm going down nuclear.

So I took the tie off. I hung it back up with my other ties; I don't know why I did that instead of throwing it away. Maybe I'll get a dog someday and use it as a leash. On the "bright" side, the whiteness on my shirt makes an even better brightness effect conrasted to the darkness of the rest of my garb.

You'd better sit down for this one...

Seriously, cause Liepa fainted when I told her this, and it was lucky i was right next to her to catch her, because we were in the glass museum, and her head was about to collide with a ginormous amount of jagged glass.

I'm all sexed out. It's not that it's too much or too little, certainly moderation is not the problem, it's just that I've become increasingly bored with it over the past eight months, and it's gotten to the point where I don't even try anymore. Saturday night at Honolulu after less than an hour I just got bored and left. I thought "what's the point?"

I've tried a few things to spice things up, things which are far too obscene to mention here... well, we can try to play hangman with one if anyone wants to lay down a guess...only three guesses total though: _ _ _ _ _ - _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Also, anybody got any advise?

In other, non devestating news, before Honolulu, I was getting ready and I had this towel tied around me after the shower cause it was cold. The towel was a few inches too short so i actually had to tie the fringes' stings together loosely so it would hold. After shaving I'd forgotten about it being tied in that manner, and I tried to whip it off to dry off my face, which cause the knot to tighten, and I was like "Oh shit, it's stuck; I can't go out dressed like this!!!" And then I was like "Wait, maybe I can untie it!" I untied it.

Also, I danced with this girl, Daniele, who was not exceedingly attractive, so I did the "this land is my land" dance from jibjab.com...if you don't know what i'm talking about, go to the site and watch the movie, and picture me at a club doing that dance with a reasonable but not exceedingly attractive woman :D

the numerable things i drank yesterday

two cups of coffee before leaving home, another at the 10am break, another at the 11:30 break, two more at 2pm when i ducked into work for a while (master's classes). so that's six cups of coffee: i was wired.

the last class (3:30-6:30) was canceled cause the room they put us in wasn't big enough, so everybody goes for a drink. three beers for me. then another on my way back to town after changing clothes and eating a left over chicken breast with delicious kc masterpiece bbq sauce (thanks lisa!). a beer with sabastian at onyx. then three at his place while we played quarters and saw plikusas on tv. then one on the way to memelis, one at memelis, and one on the kalnapislis boat. so that makes...11 beers. that doesn't seem like it justifies how bad i feel, but rest assured: i feel quite bad!

p.s. i had a plan worked out in case anybody noticed me coming in to work 20 minutes late. i was gonna make up a story off the top of my head about how i was buying milk and this crazy woman in front of me took forever cause she got into an argument with her husband and then her cild joined in.....the point is the story goes on forever until my superiors tire of it and have more important things to do. i know it would work too, cause the only woman who might say anything to me is one who doesn't even have time to listen to me when i'm being serious.

Mr. Fancy Pants

Toga Party was perfectly cromulent, but nothing particularly special. It was pretty much totally average. Fun but nothing worth writing about.

The next day I was getting dressed for the journy back to KL, and I had to wear the suit I wore to a conference on the way to Vilnius, cause obviously I can't pack it, or it will be so wrinckled I'll have to kill myself, cause dry cleaning is expensive, plus my dry cleaner closed, and I never want to find another one. Liepa saw me and said "Hey...I didn't know your name was Mr. Fancy Pants!"

Good Conversation

After a couple beers I walked into a pay toilet without paying, and then I tried to walk out too, but the lady started yelling at me in some language.

Me: What? (In Lithuanian)
Her: Wait, you speak Lithuanian?
Me: Sure!
Her: I thought you didn't understand Lithuanian cause you walked in without paying, despite all the signs.
Me: No, I uderstood the signs.
Her: Or I thought maybe you were in a big rush, or something.
Me: No, no rush. I was just, like, "whatever."
Her: Oh, well, if it was just, like, "whatever," okay then.

After a couple more beers on the bus going to Vilnius a Russian man at the bus station offered to sell me a trinket. Here's the converstation we had in Russian:

Me: How muchc does it cost?
Russian: Fifty Lits.
Me: How about five lits.
Russian: No, I said fifty!
Me: I understand. Five.
Russian: What?!
Me: Five: you want it or not?
Russian: How about you want me to fucks you up???

Then I walked away.

You've gotta sign this!

This is the most important petition ever! You'd have to be completely inhuman or a masochist plus totally, totally sober not to sign it.

Have a heart, sign up to get a hot hottie back in the main stream.

I'm Famous! (In my dreams...)

Last Friday I was mentioned in a local newspaper (in real life). Last night I dreamt that I was filling out some forms and I entered my qualification as "fame."

The Diminutive

A colleague just asked me what the diminutive form of my name is. I told her, and told her I've been wondering why everybody uses diminutives around here. At exactly that moment another colleague came in a called her by her diminutive, we burst out laughing, and the new colleague explained why: when we come to ask you for something and see you're wicked busy, we try to make it seem like we love you a lot so that you'll do us the favor right away; we don't love you anymore as soon as we walk out the door, of course, but we really want this favor.

My Dream

Man, I had these weird dreams again...it sucks that i've become too lazy to write them in my dream log, cause i'd remember so much more details that way...anyway, i remember me and peanut go to chris archer's house, and peanut had a knife iwth the tip broken off like the one i read about in this sherlock holmes adventure before going to sleep, and he was planning on killing grant, chris' brother, for something grant had done to christ, and i was just like whatever, i don't care, and then we got there and grant was very apologetic and shit, and chris seemed like he didn't want peanut to kill him.

and what was the other part? damn it, i remembered it over breakfast, and now i don't even remeber that...it was about..oh yeah! mike notorangelo broke up with liz white, whom he's been dating for like seven years (in real life), they might even be married now, i don't know. anyway, i dated her before that(in real life), and now mike dumped her for kristen golub, whom i never dated, but on whom i've always had a crush(in real life). and i was giving her advise. apparently, mike had dumped liz for never standing up to him, for always pretending she was happy with whatever he did even if it really bothered her. i'd noticed kristen doing the same thing, and i secretely advised her to cut it out, cause i knew mike would never confront her about it till it was too late.

A Non-Eventful Week-End

This weekend was typical and not exciting with the following exceptions: I made pizza on saturday. It was with chicken and jalapenos, and to make it extra spicy, since I still have some blue cheese from lisa to temper the spiciness, I mixed choriso in with the sauce, which is like hot pepper paste, that comes in very small packages. I mixed in maybe a tablespoon, and this thing was suicidal. Oh, and I through in some hot pepper powder for good measure. I ate it (I'll finish it for dinner) but with plenty of water and/or beer.

Then I made Banana Bread. I make it whenever I have blackened bananas, blackened from sitting around for too long. It was okay but a little dry. So, today was Cake Day at KLK, cause I don't have a girlfriend, and what am I gonna do, eat it by myself? Saidas shocked me when he asked how soon I'd be in town saturday, how long I was going to eat cake for, and I was like "Eat cake?! WTF dude! I said I'm making cake, not eating cake!" Dry as it was, I impressed my colleagues heartily, because, as they said, "Dry? Who cares if it's dry! You're a man...and you cook food!"

Sunday I actually did something interesting, I went to this Lithuanian film festical thing, which was just playing at the regular theater. Here's how it works: wake up sunday feeling like craptacularity; go to the theater to see what's playing when (instead of checking a paper); buy a book (dr. jeckel and mr. hyde, by robert luis stevenson) to help bide your time (2 hours) with a beer (carlsburg); go to the movie (AXX).

It was 12 short movies, 9 or 10 of which were perfectly cromulent, and about three of which were fucking fantastic, two highlarious and one sad/touching. I highly recommend it.

Here's the worst part: only one out of my 34 students has seen it! WTF is their problem (besides being rather limited in their English skills)???

Students are such goofs

One papers about looting during Hurricane Katrina started off with:

"In days of yore..."

Let's get un-retarded

Why is Islam the only violent religion in the 21st century? I can understand crusades and other religious initiatives in a time as superstitious as the Dark Ages, but come now, haven't we progressed beyond that? Don't you think that if the Pope declared a holy war even the most devout Catholics would say "wtf old man? go suck a shaved one!"

I don't think it's because Christians are less religious or lesser zealots (Jews certainly aren't, and I think their response would be the same), it's just that they've become peaceful religions somehow. How?

It's because Muslims are the only ones threatened at this time? The holocaust wasn't that long ago, and I never read about any Hebrew suicide bombers.

The oven disaster

The other night when I was feverish i thought it would be wise to make meatloaf and fries and pickle soup. It was sort of wise, cause in my delerium I made some changes that turned out to be delicious, even in my non-delirious state (the left overs).

Anyway, the disasterous part is that I bought this new oil that was vegetable oil mixed with sunflower oil. When I put the potato slices in it quickly boiled over, and i took the pot off the stove. I took the metal dealie that holds the pots and pans over the fire off, and there's like a pool of oil all over the whole stove. What do I do? it's too much to wipe up with anything less than fifty square meters of wash cloths, so i decide to tip the oven over and pour it into a bowl. As i begin to do this, I very luckily remeber that the meatloaf is in the over, so I save that, no problem. As i tip it more the cover falls down on me and the oven door falls open, the oil goes half into the bowl and half on the floor, and the tops of the gas dispensers fall on the floor, and i happen to try to pick up with my fingers the one that had been under the boiling potato oil, so it was still very hot. ouch.

also, the oven door becamse dislocated, and that took a while to fix. anyway, why was this damn seseme sead oil so bubbly?

that’s awesome when babies smoke

i saw this baby light up on a bus the other day, and when his mommy took away the ciggy, and said "how many times do i have to tell you, no smoking on the bus!" he started bawling like a fucking baby, and then i remembered: he is a fucking baby!

It's like switching places, or something

So here's I, Cedric (last year's frenchman), and Sabastian (this year's frenchman) on some kind of scale:

Cedric used to eat more than I, now I eat more than Sabastian;
Cedric used to drink more than I, now I drink more than Sabastian;
Cedric used to go out more than I (just a little), now I go out more than Sabastian (quite a lot);
Cedric used to be thinner than I, now I am thinner than Sabastian;
Cedric used to have more CDs than I, now I eat more CDs than Sabastian;
Cedric used to be less dissappointed in the dorms than I, now I am less dissappointed than Sabastian;
Cedric used to less technologically advanced than I, now I am less technologically advanced than Sabastian;

Anyway, enough of this. I've got a bit of a fever, so this post is probably nonsensicle, so why don't I stop now?

New Frenchman

The new French intern arrived yesterday. Sabastian, like the crab from the Little Mermaid. We haven't really gotten to know each other yet, but he seems like a stand up fellow. I'll show him around the bars tonight.

I know, I'll go for a walk

Last night I ate a big ass cheese burger and freedom fries; it was alot of food. I felt too full, so I thought, I'll go for a walk. I walked to the new mall, BIG, and thought I might buy some tea and walk home. When I got almost there I saw Saido apartment building, so without thinking I called him up for a beer. After a couple beers with him at BIG, I didn't feel any better than after the burger. However, the beers did, as always, make laundry much more enjoyable.

First Pop Quiz

I know new first years heard about me from the second years, cause they knew I speak Lithuanian (which I staunchly denied). I guess they didn't take seriously the part about what a hard ass I am, because 93.4 of them failed the first pop quiz. The average was a 28.636. It was on the second day of class. They'd read the first chapter of English Grammar for Dummies for homework. They'd been given as much time as they wanted for questions and discussion in the following class. When they had no more questions I said "Nothing else? Really? You understand everything? No more questions? Well, okay then, take out a clean piece of paper."

The thing is I was much stricter with grades second semester last year, and I noticed students putting alot more effort into learning. So I figure I won't skip first semester this year, I won't even skip the first week. If anything, I'll skip going to the bathroom and just pee out the window; how's that for dedication?

Bullshit?

Me and a couple buddies went to Palanga for an afternoon over the weekend.

At the beach Andrius went swimming with this 18 year old girl he'd started talking to about a half hour ago. Apparently, they started having sex in the water, and went to finish up in a cafe toilet. If it's bullshit, it's very consistent, cause such stories make up 90% of what comes out of his mouth.

Half of it's gotta be true, cause he showed me the videos on his cellphone:)

Making a First Impression

One of my new students asked about behavior in class on the first day.

Me: What do you mean?
He: I mean, what do you allow us to do in class?
Me screaming: I ALLOWS NOTHING!!! (Slamming my fist on my desk)

And I busted out laughing, because of the big lebowski, which they didn't realize, but they all busted out laughing anyway, because i'm such an ass.

Shock after Shock

I came back to Klaipeda last night and went out to celebrate Saido birthday. I was shocked at how terrible the music was at one of my favortie places. Maybe it was just an off night. Or maybe I was spoiled by my last couple weeks in vilnius, where they're still playing the same music they were playing four years ago, so I got, like, nostalgic or something.

Then Buddy's lover (Buddy is my age) and I started talking, and I asked her where she's studying, and says "I'm in 12th grade." Ever the diplomat, I immediately dive into asking questions about highschool in Klaipeda, as if her answer didn't shock the pants off me. Until she went to the bathroom, and I slammed my hand down on the table and said to Buddy "WHAT?! SHE'S IN HIGHSCHOOL?! WHAT?!" On top of that, she's also engaged to be married to somebody else.

Also Saidas is "dating" someone who may or may not be ugly. His theory is, "I was really drunk and don't remember her face, but as long as I'm that drunk again next time I meet her, there's no problem!"

Not too shocking, but a funny line of my sister's the other night. I told her to leave behind everything she'd stashed in her purse at a bar, cause we were going to a club where they check purses. Vilma, a cutie I just got reaquainted with from four years ago, told her she can buy all that stuff at the store for chump change. Liepa said: "I don't want to buy it, I just want to have it!"

Departures and Arrivals

Sirvydas slept through his first flight, and had to buy another for the first leg (to london). It left the next day at the same time, so this time Gedas and I stayed up watching SNL and Robin Williams Live on Broadway until 3:30 a.m. to make sure Sirvydas woke up.

That same day Lokys and Liepa arrived. Very casual vacation time with them, cause they don't really know anybody, so we don't have to make any plans, we just stick together (unless I have a date).

Highlights were a Bites concert at Artistai, cocktails on the Old Defensive Wall, several games of Kings at Seth with the Peg and these Brits who sat down with us, me having to expend a regretable amount of energy keeping an eye on Liepa and some sum bag at Prospecto on Gedemino Prospect, and playing Frazzle last night wasn't bad either.

Toight is my going away party, which isn't planned or anything beyond: go out and party, then come home and party. I always have trouble with long guest lists, because I want to make sure I don't have to end up choosing one girl at the expense of another. And since I'm sure all girls want to jump my bones like it's their job...

You're gonna call me gay, but you'll be way off

Sirvydas and I went to dinner (a very spicy pizza "rodeo" at pizza jazz) and a movie for his last night in vilnius, cause he his flight is at 6 a.m., so no partying. The movie was supposed to be Star Wars episode 3, but it wasn't playing anymore. The only movies playing at the appropriate time were romantic comedies.

After bashing the shit out of such action movies as War of the Worlds and Sahara, I must admit that A Lot like Love, with Ashton Kutcher and Amanda Peet, was a perfectly cromulent movie. I enjoyed it. By the end I felt like Fred Savage in The Princess Bride: "They've gotta get married, they just have to! It wouldn't be fair if they didn't!!!"

For Christ's sake, was I ever so retarded?

Last night my youngest brother, Sirvydas, came back from Kaimas with this girl. They've got wine and stuff, looks like a romantic evening. They put on a cd, and they both start singing. I don't know if they were drunk already or something, but they only drank the one bottle of wine and they were both singing loud, especially the girl, and especially Sirvydas. This is the only person I know who sings worse than I do.

I'm tone deaf. I sing anyway for fun, and to make fun of my own terrible singing. I sometimes will even do it in a romantic setting, but just to get a laugh, 20 seconds are more than enough. They just kept singing and singing and singing. She was normal. He wasn't. I...I just couldn't believe it...I have to embrace the conclusion that he's very lucky they already knew each other, because if that wouldn't be first date suicide...I must be playing by the wrong rules...

I had to go upstairs before I was tired just cause I couldn't take it anymore, even though we were three rooms apart!

Buy Buy Buy!

Yesterday I bought my mother (me) a DVD player. 319 lits, plus 30 to have its region restrictions lifted (after a 10 lit "pedagogue discount" i managed). i had to drive back to the fuckin store cause the cords weren't included. WTF?

and today i bought me a new cell phone! YEAH! i'm happy, cause it's nokia. now lokys or liepa gets to use my crappy siemens piece of, i mean, perfectly cromulent phone. it's got a camera, which is neat, but it's low quality, the higher quality phone looked somehow childish, which made me afraid i would forget it's mine and leave it somewhere. the phone is actually the same one they gave my mother to use at work, which means i'm as prestigious as she is :D

The train to Vilnius

I was traveling alone and had a cold, so I didn't take any booze, just planned on sleeping. I sat with three young ladies and an even younger boy. One had quite a rack (one of the girls), but they were too young for me to talk to, 17 probably. Next stop two guys join us, and offer us cider, so the party's on. One of the girls drinks cider, and I do, and she talks a bit. It turns out the girls are incoming freshmen to Klaipeda University, so I'll see them around next year. It turns out the talkative girl is a singer and they don't like group sex (one of the cider boys asked). The girls got off the train and we burned one and went to sleep.

This fatty old bitch comes in and asks if she can sit down, and I move my legs so she can, and even after sitting down she's muttering about how this isn't a sleeping car, and as a, um, steward (word choice?) walks by she yells to him to make our friend sit up. What a bitch, huh? No wait: another steward asks me to help him with a big bag, and I do, and when we've put it up this other even bigger bitch starts complaining that we've done a terrible job and she would have done better herself. I thought of this a moment too late, dammit, but I should have hauled it back to the floor and said "let's see you do a better job then, Bitch, please."

Long Nida Weekend

Well, this was fun, but not really especially eventful, let's see:

Thursday Sirvydas, Gedas, Juste, and Dorota, from Poland, took the train to Klaipeda, went out for Kebabs and Clubs, and went to bed. Gedas came into mine and Sirvydo room after about five minutes, cause he still felt like talking about something or other, and the three of us chatted till about six in the morning. The only thing I remember is explaining of egoism/individuality is a good thing.

Friday Sirvydas rented a bike and he, Gedas, and I trekked out to Nida, 56km/35 miles. That was fun, even though the weather was overcast and drizzled a couple times for a little while. Then out to dinner (Turkey fingers for me, yum) and then off to the light house to drink and tell dirty jokes. Funnier than any of them was when Juste accidentally said "perlupsiu" instead of "pertauksiu." She meant to say "excuse me, i'm going to interupt you," but said instead "excuse me, i'm going to whip the shit out of you."

Saturday Sirvydas and I woke up early and went to the nude beach. We played Naked Frisbie and jumped into the water and came back, cause it was cold and windy. Breakfast and a nap, the best nap ever, incidentally, and then...dinner, I guess (the best Saltibarsciai and Potato Pancakes with Meat and Mushroom sauce ever), and then more of the same as last night, with Aurimas, Laura, and Egle, except with Sirvydas and me leading the conversation for a great chunk of time, because Laura is a camp counceller here, and she was curious about Neringa, and once we got started, forget about it.

Sunday off to the dunes and the home of Thomas Mann, where we remenisced for an hour about the Simpsons. Then off to dinner again (chicken salad) and then back home for some wine. There was a concert/party going on but we were beat. The highlight of that was when Juste asked Aurimas if his twin siblings are the same age.

Monday Sirvydas had a cold, so he gave his rented bike to Aurimas to bring back, so he and Gedas and I rode home, this time in amazing, perfect weather. In the end we went to seperate ports, Gedas and I both claim that the other caused the misunderstanding, the result being that Aurimas didn't have time to ride the bike to my place, so we both had to ride to the station. So they all leave on the train, and I'm stuck with two bikes. I tried riding one and holding the other, no go. So I left one with a cop at his post, which made me nervous, but I had little choice; there was no place around with cameras. So with my two trips home with the bikes I ended up riding about 70+ km yesterday/45 miles.

at work.....

...for no reason. they got this funny way of counting vacation days in lithuania: they include weekends. so by coming into work for a couple hours friday and monday i save four vacation days.

My First Date with a Mommy

Well, there's not really many highlights here, except for my suggestion we back to her place:

Mommy: And what about my child?!?!
Aras: So? I'll be Uncle Aras!

She wasn't very amused.

Mommy: I don't bring "Uncles" home in front of my daughter.

Well, I thought it was funny.

And then there was another incident in something that's becoming an epidemic. There's this odd habit Lithuanian girls have to never (usually not) go home the first night, and they always say the same thing, the exact same words: "next time." This happens about half the time, which is often enough that I suspect them of being part of a secret society that lays down rules for how to trick men into thinking they're virtuous or something. I probably get this especially often since I'm such a great guy, and they don't want me to think they're nonvirtuous, cause they want to marry me. What are they thinking? If they wait till the second date that's like the same as waiting till after marriage?

I'm in favor of this practice on priciple, since I'd never consider marriage with a, uh, floozy, but its practicle application is no fun.

Only in Vilnius...

Once again, an accidental meeting. Last night at Bix Sirvydas and I bumped into our nephew, Mindaugas Vebra, and our step cousin, Evaldas Bucka. We played Circle of Death and Asshole with some dark beers.

Also, this song is very funny!

What could be more appropriate for his 18th birthday?

Last night Sirvydas and I went to town in Vilnius. We met Gedas and Juste, and after a beer at Seth we went up to Gedimino Pilis (Castle) with some cocktails. That was fun. Then we went to meet Aidas and Kristina and these two brits, Alex and Smoggy, at Aido place. After a few drinks we took off. The brits had been in Lithuania for a week without seeing any naked Lithuanians, so Kristina suggested we go to a nudy bar.

None of us had been to one (one currently open in Vilnius) but Aidas knew of one for some reason...and somehow it was only 20 lits to get in. The ones you get flyers about on the street are all 80.

We went in and got a table kinda far from stage. The dancers walked all around, though, doing lap dances. Kristina, clever as always, suggested we start yelling in English. Aidas starts yelling "We Love Lithuania!" and I joined in. This one comes over and gives me a lap dance, and I slipped her ten lits, but only after a good long time ;)

Then I was out of money, but Aidas reminded me that I had 1000 Byelorussian Rubels on me, about 30 cents US. Note: in the US people use dollars, but in Europe the smallest denominations are usually 10-notes (ten litas = about 3.50USD), so this grand I have in my pocket is almost worthless.

But I agreed to use it on one, which is funny enough that Aidas and Kristina start shouting for a dancer to come over (I think they might be my Guardian Angels, or maybe just Kristina is and Aidas is my Guardian Devil, but they've teamed up for some reason). I'm waving the bill around folded up and sure enough one comes over, and dances even longer than the first one, and I make sure to slip the bill in the back where she won't see it until she goes to the locker room or whatever.

Aidas: Let's get your brother a dance!
Me: He's got no money left, and neither do I now!
Aidas: it doesn't matter!
Me: Oh yeah, right!

There's no set cost here, getting a lap dance is like sittine next to the stage, you just give 'em money as long as you want to. So Aidas, Kristina and I start yelling for one to come over and pointing at Sirvydas and within a minute the boy, whose 18th birthday was last week, was getting his first lap dance. It was quite a sight: he was the most attentive I've ever seen him in my life, no blinking!

A Good One

Londone i ta pati bara vis megdavo uzeiti vienas lietuvis ir du estai po darbo alaus pasiurbti.

Taip ir murksodavo trijule vos ne kiekviena vakara su alaus kausu.

Po kurio laiko lietuvis isvyko gimtinen. Estai, like vieni, atejo i ta pati bara liudesio del draugo isvykimo aplaistyti.

Staiga vienas ju sako kitam:

-Klausyk, o ar tu zinojai, kad pas ta lietuvi shiknoje dvi skyles?

-Ne! Kaip taip, negali buti!? - pradejo stebetis antrasis.

-Taip taip, tikrai! Zinok, kiekviena karta, kai mes visi trys ateidavom i sita bara, barmenas mus vis pasveikindavo tardamas "And here comes the Lithuanian with two assholes!"

Complaining always works, and WOW sucked

Another complaint I made last week:

I went to one of my favorite clubs, Memelis, and there's tables on the dance floor (there's a real lack of competence in the management here). I went to the bar and asked G. (cute but a little mean looking) why it's so empty:

G.: It's early yet.
Me: You think so? Where are they going to dance?
G.: There's still room for dancing.
Me: Where?
G.: There!
(The room she's talking about is so small between tables it's really just a walkway)
Me: Nobody understand that area's for dancing, and nobody will, G.
G.: I know...I've already complained.
Me: Pass on my complaint too please, would you G.?
G.: (Smiles and nods)

Last night I went back to check and the tables are gone! Unfortunately, I think everybody else who went last week figured Memelis is beat for the summer, so it was still only half full last night, mostely tourists.

And War of the Worlds, the film, sucked. Besides not making any sense (e.g. the martians came here to bury the tripods a million years ago, and are only coming to use them now? why didn't they take over the planet then?), the film also skipped the entire moral of the story, which was the reason Wells wrote the book, which you can get by reading the last chapter of War of the Worlds, by H. G. Wells

Complaints

I have food poisoning. My next and back hurt. I have a head ache and a stomach ache. I'm tired. I feel week. It hurts when I cough. My eyes are sore. There's no toilet paper. Everybody is slow. I don't know the numbers. I haven't had coffee in two weeks. I'm hungry but I can't eat. I'm tired of the same tea all the time. My bed is uncomfortable. The water in my toilet has been running for two weeks. The dishes are dirty. I don't have room for all my shoes/shirts/sweaters. I hate ironing. My Brita filter is expired. I'm sun burned. I'm out of eggs. I'm thirsty. The lights in my office are too bright. I'm out of staples. My scotch tape doesn't have a dispenser. My headphones are broken, they're all taped up.

Sahara--Great Movie!

I especially loved how realistic it was, like the scene where they're handcuffed to a truck bed and then all of a sudden they're not, and how they always figure everything out right away, like where in the building the bombs are, or where in the desert penelope cruz is.

So it was modesty, and then a weird, weird night

Went back to the nude beach with much finer weather. There were more people, including some young couples, many swimming. This one girl was cute, except I had to do a double take to decide weather she was naked or just topless...yuck.

However, they were still all stationed in the bushes. I was the only person out smack in the middle of the beach.

Then (clothed) I went for a few beers with Saidas, and I ate Lasagna at Onyx, which was good, except I think they used ketchup for tomato sauce...yuck. We watched Lithuania lose to Liverpool again.

I went to bed, and I had no water by my bedside, but, genius that I am, I though "fuck it," even though I was dehydrated from the beach and beer. While I was getting ready for bed I was thinking about traveling through Neringa with a woman, hurrying because there was a storm following us. So I dreamt that we, a bunch of people, were biking to Nida and there was a storm following us. We all got under the shelter of some restaurant without getting wet, except for Saidas who was drenched. He came up to me and said Dude, I need to take a piss. Then I woke up and realized I needed to take a piss, but I didn't want to get out of bed because it was freezing cold! I was shivering like an epileptic or something. It was so cold after I took a piss and filled up my water bottle I put on another blanket. Back to the dream: now we were all Cepelinai lying side by side in an oven, and then I woke up again and it was hot! I threw off the extra blanket. Back to the oven for an hour, and I woke up again and had to turn the fuckin fan on it was so hot. Back to sleep, and an new dream begins: some kind of bad guys catch me and my buddy and they think we know something we don't. They're grilling us, and I know they're probably going to kill us, so I'm being super suave and friendly and helpful to try to get on their good side. Then I woke up again, and it was back to the Cepelinai dream. And every time it was hard to fall back asleep because I'm a little sunburned everywhere.

Looking for some privacy? Go to the Nude beach!

Yesterday afternoon I finally dared to hike out to the nude beach. I say hike because it's a hike! Immediately when you get to Smiltyne, across the Curonian Lagoon, the women's beach is to the right, general beach to the left. The general beach goes on for a few miles. Then there's the men's beach. And only after that is the coed nude beach.

There was almost nobody there. And the few people that were there were hiding behind bushes. I'm not sure if it was because of modesty or the cold; the wind was blowing so hard and the sun was behind clouds, mostely, so much that even I planted myself behind some bushes, ate some salad and hunter's sausage, read some Solzhenitsyn, took a nap wearing my sweatshirt but no pants, and took off at 5:30. The weather looks better today, though, hopefully I can get a little color on my cheeks.

Thigs I am/am not afraid of

Things I AM afraid of:

Guys with brain surgery scars pounding vodka (grow some hair you fuckin hooligan)

Bees

Stairs/ladders (only coming down when it's steep)


Things I AM NOT afraid of:

Guys who swear too much and/or don't button up their shirts

Children

Gin

Being the only guy on the dancefloor

SMS from Rastenis

"I have just bought a new car... I will be getting busy with the mechanics this weekend."

I would do anything for love, but I won't do that...and I won't be on grenade duty

Last night me and Saidas went down to Global, cause everyplace else is closed or beat on Thursdays over the summertime. I barely had energy for this, but I went cause Saidas hadn't been there for over a year.

I'm ready to bounce after an hour, but Saidas is drunk, and he doesn't want to leave just the two of us. There's these two girls dancing near us, and he tells me "nueik is pabazarink, sakyk 'what's up' ir viskas joms pochui bus!" He wanted me to pretend I'm a tourist. I don't do that, though; that's like taking advantage, or something, and anyway, if I can't pick up a girl on my own merit, I don't deserve to, and even if I did, who wants some bitch that's only interested in rich tourists? And I didn't have the strength to go though it in lugan, like I said I was tired.

So Saidas starts talking to one, and they start dancing, and the other one comes back to the dance floor, so now it's the four of us, and Saidas is trying to talk to the Cute one, leaving me the Less Cute one. She not bad, but not my style, sort of Goth but not on purpose. What I was supposed to do was jump on grenade duty, but I didn't. I would like to think that I could someday for a better cause, but this wasn't it.

It's the summer of Love!

Tuesday I go to the bank. Lovely teller. I flirt profusely (remember the waitresses in Vilnius, Rachel?).

Wednesday I have to go back, and I know I'll deal with the same teller, because I arranged it thusly. I came with a grand master plan prepared to get her phone number (I actually did plan things out, involving props, and ran it by a cute colleague who approved very enthusiastically).

She wrote down her number, all smiles, asked why, and I told her because she's beautiful and smiles so much. And then:

Aras: So, when are you free?
R.: You know what? I'm already busy this weekend. Why don't I give you my friend's number?
Aras: Um...what?
R.: She works here too. She saw us talking yesterday and mentioned that she'd love to meet you!
Aras: WHAT?!
R.: Sure! You've got a gorgeous smile yourself, you know.
Aras: Looks like things are going my way...
R.: She'll be excited to hear from you...

So I walked out of the bank with two phone numbers (oh, and i'll hear about my credit card application soon, too). And then, as if my day couldn't get any better, I found bread at Maxima made of 14% bacon! It wasn't as good as I'd hoped; I hope the same doesn't go for the tellers!

The year's first real bike ride

Yesterday i went on a a bike ride to Juodkrantis (Black Coast), on Neringa (Curonian Spit). I didn't know exactly how far it would be. It turned out to be 40km from the ferry and back, plus about 8km from my place to the ferry and back: 48km (30 miles). I took almost five hours. At least two hours were spend waiting for the ferries and eating some tuna noodle salad i brought with me, and reading some esseys, leaving me at a pace of 16+ km/h (10+ mph). i know that's not very fast. i used to ride more faster in boston, but this was my first time this route, so i was enjoying the scenery and being observant for the sake of caution. i was hoping to do this run often this summer, then the thing with I. happened, busy, then the Sea Festival; hopefully now I'll get going a few times a week.

There's nothing great in Juodkrantis. What I really wanna do this summer is bike to Nida (58km one way) and camp for a couple days and come back. Sirvydai, Loky, Gedai, Homo, Robi, Saidai, Jurgi, Tadai, Marijonai, Karoli, Aidai, Merginos (abejoju!) or anybody else inetersted let me know! I got a fat tent, and I've only used it twice, both times indoors!

Klaipeda Sea Festival

Friday afternoon Aidas Peg and Kristina Stick showed up to party for the Festival. On the way to meet them and on the way back was a stop over at Malunininkai. It's a bar that has special prices for take out with are less than shop prices: 3.20/liter of Baltijos, which is usually about double that at bars and a little less than double that in shops. Unfortunately the barmaid didn't close one of my bottles properly and now i have to wash my backpack and everything that was in it :(

We walked around and saw plenty of boats and drunks, but I'm afraid the events aspect of this festival didn't make a great impression on me. There were tons all over, and we saw alot of them, but they were much less impressive than the Durham Fair.

What we actually did for fun is what we would have done everyweekend. Friday, after a concert featuring some kind of music, we went to Honolulu. I was already a bit too tired to dance much, so no biggie there.

Saturday walked around the docks, where we saw a ton of graffiti, including "Rastenis gives the best free BJs!" Back to my place for Spaghetti and Meatballs and to change clothes for clubbing. First off to drink a bunch of dark HBH Beer at a tent, which tired out Aidas and Kristina, so I suggested stopping at a shope to make Redbull Vodkas. And we're off!

At the shop after walking Egle to her car, Saidas takes off for Honolulu again by himself, so now it's just the three of us. We get the cocktails and blah blah blah...

We hit this new spanish club, La Clalplolca or something, which is neat. I try dancing, it is good music to dance to, but only if you've got someone to dance with or get picked up within a few songs. I didn't (yet)! So I went back to the bar. This bartender was Good, with a capital G. I ordered a vodka with ice and lemon, and in about point two seconds he convinced me to get a double.

I lost Aidas and Kristina, who turned out to be resting an a tied off dark room. So I tried Memelis, which has better music to dance to if you're a loner! They're closed, so I hit Prieplauka, a bit seedy, but okay as a last resort or a change of pace. Within five mintues a girl falls into my lap, literally. I'm stading next to the bar with my vodka on the rocks (they were out of lemons!) and she stumbles right into me, and I help her onto a bar stool.

Aras: "Labas!"

She takes my cigarette, takes a puff, puts it out in the ash tray, and say: "Let's dance?" So we're dancing, somewhat sloppily, and blah blah blah, and we go upstairs to sit down with her cousins. Two of these heafty guys start givin me lip about how they'll find me and make me pay if I hurt they're little cousin (who turned out to be three years older than I). I almost left because of that, but I'm not in charge, so...

Aidas and Kristina show up, see this girln on my lap, and start cheering me on. I go back downstairs to dance with her, and I know they're watching me, so I glance up: very reminicent of American Pie, they're right behind her waving thumbs up in the air to me with devilish looks on their faces.

Her friends were leaving, and I (and A. and K.) was like "oh crap," but then I saw Jovita's cousin writing down her address for Jovita, and I (and A. and K.) was like "oh baby!" However, what Jovita had in mind was simply more dancing. But Prieplauka was closing, so we had to go to the only place left open, Kalifornia...

I'd never been there because of it's terrible reputation, plus Saidas got his nose broken there, plus Tadas stepped out of a cab into a pool of blood there. But, I'm not in charge, so...

VERY SHADY, I'll never go there again. Kids walk around in packs dropping roofies and picking fights. While I'm dancing with Jovita two kids come up, one tries to get between us (but he's not used to people not being intimidated of him, so it didn't really work) while the other offers to buy her a drink (with a roofie; he didn't say that, but...)

So we get the fuck out of that place.

Sunday morning (3p.m.) Kristina makes scrambled eggs. Quite a catch, that girl--the only person I know who makes eggs better than I do, plus she doesn't put sugar in her coffee, and she's acing med school. Lucky Aidas! And then we go to Pas Juozapa (Hash B Hash) for Cepelinai and Beer and Dirty Sanchez type jokes. And then to the Final Concert and Fireworks, for which all three of us were so tired I'm really glad it ended at 11 instead of 12.

So all in all the weekend was a blast more because of the company than because of the Sea Fesival. You're all invited to come make it enjoyable again or for the first time next year!

An AWESOME Dream

last night in my dream it was the matrix. i could dodge bullets. it was a ridiculously amazing dream. just to show off, i let jon norton, who is a soldier, shoot bullets at me, and i dodged them. i saw them all coming in bullet time, super slow, and dodged them easily, but not so easily that it didn't feel dangerous and filled me with adrenalin. it was like sky diving.

norton was all pissed off, especially after it turned out mat soule could dodge bullets too.

cleaning out the sms outbox

here's a couple smses i wrote the week sarunas was here:

1. koon's on a nippon to get

2. write about the ass hold gedas

That's the best when The Onion directly corrosponds to my job, since I read it every day at work anyway...

I can't wait to give this to students. Next year the British and American Course isn't being held, but it will be in 06/07, and I'll probably be the one teaching it. One of the authors I cover is Herman Melville. This is going on the exam as extra credit: identification of all the symbol rip offs!

MAN WHO LOST LEG TO WHALE DECIDES TO LET IT GO

NEW BEDFORD, MA—Sources close to 58-year-old Samuel Rahal, a commercial fishing-boat captain who lost his right leg in a great-white-whale attack last March, announced Monday that he has put the incident behind him and is getting on with his life. "The first to guess the score of next Tuesday's Red Sox game gets this golden coin!" Rahal told his crew as he nailed a Sacagawea dollar to the cabin of his trawler. "Now, let's get this boat full of haddock so we can call it an early day." Rahal said he plans to replace his custom-made whalebone prosthesis with an OrthoPro with flex-foot and hydraulic knee.

Chocolate Truffles

Yesterday I made chocolate truffles, because in How To Be a Man, Burmingham and Flinthart said something like "the effect they have on a normal woman is unbelievable."

Yup!

One: face lights up like Christmas morning and she just got everything she wanted.

Two: she's licking cocoa off my lips.

Two and a half: passionate kissing.

Three: we put the plate aside.

This is more or less the recipe I used; I didn't use salt or vanilla beans, and to chill I just left it till it hit room temperature. Since that didn't quite thicken it enough, I added powdered sugar till I could get gobs of it. Serve cold. I'm gonna leave the leftovers in the freezer for up to a month. Well, hopefully another opportunity to serve them comes up before then.

One Hell of a Weekend

Friday night Saidas and I pregamed at my place, then Robis joined us and we pregamed in a park, finally making it to Honolulu by 2. I didn't even get a drink at Honolulu for two hours, just dancing.

This girl comes up to me and says "do you speak English?" I'm not gonna lie to her, so I say "sure, why not?"

Then she says, and this is the fifth girl in a month to say this, "are you Italian?" I've gotten so bored of this compliment (apparently Lithuanian women think Italians are the hottest men in the world) I decide to play along, "Yup, I'm Italian!"

Now she says of Saidas, "why isn't your buddy dancing?" I look over and he's wearing a pink sweater, so I say, "because he's gay, why do you think he's wearing a pink sweater?!" She doesn't believe me, so I add "go try to kiss him and see what happens: he won't let you." "I have a husband and child!" "So? He won't let you anyway!" She went over and asked him, without trying to kiss him, dammit, and he revealed that I don't only speak English.

Saidas took off because he had to work in the morning, so Robis and I are left dancing with V. (the married one) and I. (the one I believe isn't married). Luckily we move around so that I'm dancing with I. She's not only unmarried (I think...marriage is a don't ask don't tell thing, right?) but also more goodlooking. Then we go sit around upstairs, where I continue to dance on and off I., who's drinking tequila with V. 5am closing, maybe 6, it must have been 6, cause I didn't get home till like eight. The girls didn't wanna come back to my place, where I had champagne, but they didn't wanna go home either, so we sat around the park making out till V.'s husband called at 7 to say "Where-TF are you, Wife?!"

LOL!